Chapter III - Self-Help Books and Kim Kardashian's Eyebrows

A/N: small warning for language.

Wufan’s sole purpose in life was to thoroughly ravish each and every baozi Xiumin brought home for dinner. However, it was becoming increasingly impossible with a certain bug-eyed rapper shamelessly staring at him and eventually he was reduced to painstakingly taking tiny bites from the steamed bun.

Starved but fed up, Wufan slammed his hands on the table and shot out of his seat, Chanyeol mutely trailing his jagged movements with his eyes. Wufan glared.

“We’ll be back in a minute,” he said nonchalantly to the gawking members as he snatched a fistful of Chanyeol’s shirt and hauled the boy into the bathroom and promptly fastened the lock.

He closed the toilet lid, placed Chanyeol on said lid, and glowered at him menacingly.

 No wait, that won’t do.

Wufan squatted down to meet Chanyeol eye-to-eye to establish a better emotional connection, a tip he’d once read in one of his many beloved self-help books, How to Cope With Chronic face.

 “Yah,” he quipped. “Why are you always watching me?”

Chanyeol stared at him, remaining silent. So much for seeing eye-to-eye.

Wufan gritted his teeth in frustration. Well, he’ll just have to make Chanyeol talk, that’s all.

“Look, I’m sorry that my eyebrows scare the out of you.”

Chanyeol gaped at him. It was a good start, wasn’t it?

“I mean, I’m not actively trying to terrify you. I swear. My eyebrows just add a pinch of spice into all of my facial expressions. Well, not a pinch; more like three cups’ worth of face, but still. I actually get a weekly trim to maintain the shape! The results are a bit too sharp for my taste, but it’s better than what I used to do: never trim them at all. Scary, right? Plus, it comes in really handy when I need to emphasis my incredulity of a situation by delicately raising my eyebrow, although I’m not sure if it would work with a Kim Kardashian—“

“Wufan hyung,” Chanyeol pleaded. “Please shut up.”

“No,” Wufan retorted, “I won’t shut up, you deranged maniac. For whatever reason, you’re hell-bent on ignoring me, even though all you’ve been doing lately is watching me like a hawk with those huge eyes of yours, and you still haven’t explained why.”

There was no reply.

“See? You’re doing it again!”

Still, there was no reply.

Wufan sighed. Whatever.

His steamed buns were begging for his attention, and if Jongdae or Luhan got to them before he did, he swore he would throw a tantrum bigger than the Great Wall of China.

Before he could get up, the immovable force otherwise known as Chanyeol pounced on Wufan and knocked him over, landing them in a mess of tangled arms and legs on the cold tile floor.