Question:(noun) a sentence in an interrogative form, addressed to someone in order to get information in reply.

It sometimes crosses my mind, this moment more than ever, that life in a nutshell, is just one long series of choices: decisions, questions, selections. We can’t go a second without making a decision. We must choose to move our muscles, choose to blink, choose to breathe, choose to look at something. Although most decisions go completely unnoticed by most people because they are so natural to the human body, there are choices in life which are thrown at you from every unimaginable angle, aimed at you with a pin sharp sting.

For some people it is entirely impossible to make a choice. My education of Psychology taught me that when there is a fault in the frontal lobes of their brain, even something as simple and obvious as whether to set their clock at the correct time, or at a time which isn’t the correct time becomes utterly unmanageable. Things that average people take for advantage.

An ultimatum in which a person faces a literal life or death situation is rarer than even movies and books lead you to believe. In most, the ‘death’ particle isn’t a genuine threat because let’s face it, how many people are sincerely brave and affectless enough to take a human life away from earth. The hyperbole of ‘its life or death’ causes an immediate overuse in society until it because something which isn’t unheard of.

That’s why the ultimatum I was stuck in the middle of was nothing like any of those occasional life or death situations. It was life or death, indeed, but unlike anything anyone could ever have imagined, it was not another human person who was putting this decision in front of me. It was something stronger and more powerful than the human race put together. It was something that I couldn’t explain even if I had the right words to do so.

Love was the cause.

But isn’t love always the cause? Isn’t love why people choose to live their lives? To find their one; their soul mate; their other half? Some people are lucky enough to find them whilst they’re young – like I did – and they are able to keep them for the rest of their life because the final missing piece of the puzzle is filled. The difference with me is I wasn’t able to keep my soul mate. To do that, I would have to give up more than I thought I could even think about giving up.

Is love really worth it?

Is it worth searching your whole life for?

It is. That much I knew.

But what I didn’t know was whether it was worth giving up life to have.

***

My name is Yong Junhyung.

I’m 22 years old and I live in a small apartment with my older sister, Hyunah. We’re not very well off, but we have enough to happily get by our day to day lives - anything beyond that means saving for several months. Hyunah is the most important girl in my life. Since our parents’ restaurant business took off and became a chain around Korea, practically abandoning us to our own devices at the young age of 16 and 18 to move to Busan and travel round South Korea advancing their business. She cared for me throughout my whole life and when mum was too preoccupied with work, Hyunah took the role of mother instead. Everyday I’d come home from school to freshly cooked Kimchi steaming on the table, and her warm face never failed to perk me up after a miserable day at school. As siblings, we were closer than most as before our parents left, our family was very close. We went everywhere together, spent evenings talking and playing games together and I suppose we were exactly how one would picture a ‘perfect family’. But that was broken as soon as they got a call from a CEO of some company proposing an expansion on their small restaurant called ‘Keuriyong’.

Now, I worked as a part time dancer at CUBE Entertainment. I loved dancing a lot. It was a way to release the negative energy that built up within my body every so often. I’d danced for several big names in the company, but mostly I helped train the new trainees. There were two types of trainee: 1) the arrogant that thinks they have some kind of superiority over the others, and puts little effort into their training 2) the shy one who doesn’t say a word to anyone until a few months in but works their off. Type 1 are usually kicked out within the first four weeks. It’s the type 2s who are the real stars in the making. Although my job title was ‘Part time dancer’, that really just meant I worked normal hours during the day. My day was usually 10 – 4 which was pretty lucky. The ‘full time dancers’ hours were on average 6 in the morning until sometimes as late as 2 in the morning. I really didn’t envy them. I had a steady income and good hours, I wasn’t about to ask for a promotion (although I could probably have gotten one if I did as I’d been there since I was 17) and lose such an easy going and enjoyable job.

My biggest dream is one that often strikes confusion in the one who hears it. My biggest dream is to climb the Eiffel Tower in Paris at night. I don’t really know when or why my heart became set on the ambition, but it’s something which has stuck with me as something to aim for in my life. To be able to afford to go to Paris regardless, I’d have to save for the best part of a year which I didn’t fancy doing when there was so much other stuff I needed in my life more. Plus, if I did it so soon, what would I have to look to as an ambition still to complete in my life?

In terms of love, my life could be compared to the empty, dusty, longing large house of a long deceased grandmother. I had never had a steady girlfriend or boyfriend (I neither knew, nor cared, what uality I was) and although I’d had my fair share of drunk one night stands, I had never even thought about an emotional connection between two people. Sure, I felt lonely a lot of the time and I often wondered what it would be like to fall asleep holding someone I cared for as their soft breath was heard in the silence of the darkness; but I just couldn’t find the right type of person.  When I eventually do fall in love, I want it to be with my soul mate – my destiny. I want it to last forever. It’s a high expectation, I know, but I believe in true love and I believe that there is someone for everybody in this huge world. A lot of people just aren’t looking in the right direction at the right time.

It’s sad, but there you have it. I will wait until I find the other half of my life, and it will be worth all the time I’d spent waiting.

How do I know it? I just do. 

Ta da! :) 

I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of Love is Blind. I wanted it to be a little introductory chapter to Junhyung so you can get a hold of what his life is like and some of his thought processes about the features of his life. 

Most (if not all) of the narrative of this story will be from Junhyung so I hope I'm writing it in a way that you can understand well and are happy to read - please let me know if not! =]

If any of you read my story 'For Your Foolish Love', you'll know that I always do a 'nowplaying' at the end of a chapter, and I will continue with this story too :3

#nowplaying: RISE UP - F.CUZ definitely give a listen, they're a very talented group!