I got home to find Minah waiting for me on the couch. I didn’t bother explaining to her what just happened. I only told her that I needed a walk. So I was just omitting some of the truth, dishonesty in other words. She didn’t need my childish concerns bothering her happy go-lucky party life.

But thanks to that I began to see what it was that I needed to do. These feelings, all the hurts they were all temporary. In my past weeks of moping and complaining I had failed to see what was so dead-straight obvious. I had been a fool in denial.

***

“So what does this mean?” Minah asked as we ate dinner on the Friday night. “Are you going to go home?”

“I’m not sure,” I put my chop sticks down. “Having this time away has helped me feel more like myself… But I think there’s still something else I need to do.”

“Like…. Call Woohyun?” I almost choked on the mouthful of rice.

“Oh right I’d better come clean… It wasn’t Woohyun there. It was Hoya.”

“Y-Your favourite was there?!” She spat out her food to emphasize her shock. “The heck?! Why did you say it was Woohyun then?!”

“I just wanted to screw with you.”

“Why you,” she went at me but I got out of my seat and darted away from her. We circled around the couch with her nearly having steam come from her nose.

“I CAN”T BELIEVE YOU! YOU KNOW I WOULD HAVE GIVEN MYSELF TO HIM IF I’D MET HIM BEFORE MY EX! So why did you--?!

“—I would like to know the same thing.” Her angry face faltered.

“W-what are you talking about EunIn?”

“You know what I mean,” I turned to her book shelf. “Three years ago you were leading a Bible study at your church, you had a great social group and that head was tightly screwed in to your body.” I then gestured to the row of Soju bottles on top of the fridge. “But now all you do is get drunk, sleep around and party like there’s no tomorrow. You’re not Christian! You’re as Christian as a is faithful.” Her face remained unchanged, I could see that I’d hurt her and that she was angry.

“It always was about you,” I sighed bitterly. “If it hadn’t been for Hoya… Some sleaze would have picked me up instead.” With that I turned and went to my room. I’d better pack my things; I don’t think I was going to be able to stay much longer.

***

For a while nothing happened. I just sat in my room designing a weird object that looked like it would be a chair. Deep down I knew I had been stupid. I had no right to judge her for her life. Just because I’d had some dark times didn’t mean that I had to remind her of her past. Wasn’t I like her too; a hypocrite at heart? Eventually I couldn’t take the tension and left to find out what had become of her. To my astonishment she was sitting at the table, head down and shoulders shaking.

“Minah,” guilt was strong in my gut. I walked over to the table, hesitating as to whether or not I show her I was there.

“Y-you were right,” she raised her tear stained head. “You said it like a but you were right.”

“I guess I should apologise about that…”

“But you’re right.” She shook her head, “if I hadn’t strayed. Gotten carried away or God-knows whatever it is then maybe I would be in a different place. Maybe I would have a life of some sorts.”

“Minah,” I sat down opposite her, “you can still go back. From what I’ve seen they won’t care.”

“But what if they will?”

“Well… Stuff those who do,” I joked making her smile. “I am sorry too. I was meant to be helping you house sit but all I’ve done is be miserable. Can you ever forgive me?” She wiped her eyes and nodded.

“I guess, but on one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“You buy me a drink.” My face fell.

“Hey I’m not going to get drunk.”

“But how do I—“

“—You’ll get to do whatever you want in return.” Hmm a bargain; sounded too good to miss.

“Is this a legitimate promise?”

“Yes but it would have to be in the morning, I have work from twelve to six tomorrow.” I understood, suddenly missing the faces of the regular customers I served at my own job.

“Deal,” we shook hands.

“Alright let’s get ready.”

“But you have to behave,” I added firmly as we went to get changed. The calendar on the wall caught my eye. Something about the date for tomorrow was peculiar. I didn’t know why that was so.

“Of course,” I started to believe that this had been a bad idea.

***

In the end I knew she wanted to dance. If she couldn’t drink then she wanted to at least rock it out on the dance floor. I almost did a double take as I recognised the club we were in. At least my shoes were flat. I’d convinced her that I would be better in my black ankle boots than heels. I’d borrowed one of her dresses but she had chosen it for me. Pleats were not something I was too comfortable with as well as the design. It was cream at the top and then came in at the waist. The skirt was black with polka dots. Dots were another thing I wasn’t fond of either.

“Will you stop dawdling?” Minah called to me, she looked nice in her black backless dress while I was awkward. She was able to walk in the purple killer heels. It was like an unnie was taking her dongsaeng clubbing. Guess who was who.

“Can’t help it,” my hair fell in front of my face. “I’m not exactly a party animal.”

“But this is my last time so I’m going to enjoy it… Sober of course,” she winked as she went to dance not as sensually in front of the sound system. At least her hair was half up while mine was completely down.

“I need a drink,” I went to the bar almost bumping into someone.

“Excuse me.”

“It’s alright…” He stopped. I saw his face and took a step back.

“It’s you Hoya.”

“I didn’t expect you here,” he said quietly. “What was your name again?”

“EunIn,” Trust me to build up false expectation. It was the doorway to the disappointment that came soon after. “And aren’t you meant to be in Japan?”

“We leave tomorrow morning at eight thirty. Which is why I’m here with Woohyun; aren’t you meant to be staying away from here?”

“It’s a long story,” I admitted quickly checking on my friend who was doing body rolls.

He nodded. “You didn’t call me… Well you know since…” I raised my eyebrows not sure if I’d heard him right over the dub step.

“Umm… That’s a long story too.”

“Maybe we should talk there?” I saw where his gaze was directed to. It looked like there was a small deck for outdoors dining. I shrugged, not sure like he was.

“I guess,” I followed him there; the walk seeming to go quicker than my body was registering it. When we got up the stairs I was hit with the cool air. He was at a small table built for two. He pulled out a seat, his gaze looking down just as I turned to him. I’d forgotten he was still somewhat awkward around girls.

“Won’t someone recognise you?” I asked trying not to focus on his outfit; a black wife beater, dark jeans and a denim jacket as well as shoes in his favourite colour.

“They probably already have,” he said sounding like he already accepted that.

“Care for a menu?” Hoya shook his head and the waiter left. I breathed out, my nerves were becoming alive.

“So I guess the reason is…” I didn’t have a valid excuse. “I’m not sure… I guess I may have considered it but never really put much thought into it.” He nodded, satisfied with my answer.

“But…” My hand began to rise to my head. Since I was in high school I’d developed the habit of smoothing the crown of my hair when I was nervous. Trying to not show I was struggling I lowered my hand down to the side and held my bag in my lap with both of them. “You don’t normally give phone numbers in autographs so why…?”

“I’m not sure,” he admitted still looking out at the view. “Maybe it’s because you seem different from them… The fans I mean.” Now I was confused.

“Umm,” I glanced at myself, “I don’t think I’m really that different.”

“But the way you talk to me,” he’d turned back facing me when I hadn’t been watching. “You aren’t ‘oh I love you oppa,’ and calling me by my nicknames. You talk to me like I’m a person.”

“Is that a rhetorical question?” I shut my mouth when I realised I could have offended him. “Sorry.”

“I don’t know why,” Hoya was looking at the table. “I had that feeling… The kind of feeling you get when you’re treated as a person and not an object… It felt kind of good.” What was he trying to do? Wait better yet wasn’t this part of his image?

“Who am I speaking to? The real Hoya or the one who rips their shirt on stage?”

“Ah you saw that…” His ears started to redden. “Not sure if I worked out en--?”

“I don’t care about that,” I cut him off. “It’s not about the image on camera. For me it’s who they are as a person…” I remembered our conversation last time. Something bought up a memory that I’d never shared with anyone. He waited for me to gather my thoughts; I wished I was more outgoing.

“I know how it feels…” I began, “to have your father disapprove of what you do.” I tucked the hair behind my ears. “I want to be a teacher, but he doesn’t think I would be good at it.” I didn’t like reminding myself of this. “So I didn’t go to university, but I wish I had…” I breathed out. “My sister is the one who gets his approval all the time… But I have to work for it.” He nodded, deep in thought.

“Hold on,” I pointed at him, “last time you were happy to talk! What’s changed?”

“I’m not sure…” This troubled him. “Maybe it’s because I thought you would be like the fans at the signings so I treated you like that. I’m not normally very confident around girls unless I’m on stage or with the others.”

“Fine,” not the answer I may have wanted but it will do.

“I hoped you will call. So the members knew I wasn’t joking.” Once again I was disappointed. I should have known better so I just forced myself to smile.

“Hmm, well I think we’re done.” I pushed my chair out to stand. It didn’t seem right, for me to just walk off like that. He was still there sitting, head resting on his chin. “Well,” that reminded me. I went to my wallet and took out about two thousand won. “Here,” I put it on the table before him. “It isn’t quite enough to pay for the fuel but… Have a drink on me or something.” He didn’t move, the money just sat there, a breeze began to pick up.

“Hey the money,” I pressed down on it, “it’ll blow away by the time you take it.” He leaned forward; I lifted some of my weight off the notes so he could just pull it out from underneath. His hand suddenly went on top of mine. He pushed it away with the heel of his palm. “Keep it,” My hands felt sweaty as I lifted it up again; I’d accidentally grabbed one of the notes back.

“Hey Howon-ah,” that sounded like Woohyun. Hoya looked behind and then turned to me. “You should go.”

“Fine,” I said walking briskly to the stairs. I heard the two converse and the sound of glasses chinking. I stopped, remembering something. Taking out the notebook which he signed I also got out my phone. I entered the number in the phone and pressed call as I began to walk down the stairs. After three rings he picked up.

“Hello?”

“You wanted me to call you?” There was a pause as Woohyun said in the background, “Is that Sunggyu hyung?”

“What is the plan for tomorrow?” I arrived at the last step. I was barely able to hear him.

“Tomorrow I will…?” That was when it hit me. Why the date was so familiar. How could I have forgotten? “Tomorrow I will be visiting my mum’s grave.”

*********************************************************************

Cliff-hanger, I’m almost done with this story. Just another few chapters to go and then my entry is complete. It was hard trying not to make this unrealistic but I succeeded (I think)