“No way!” Minah was in a state of drunken disbelief when she finally came home and sat down on the opposite couch. I knew she tended to forget what happened when she was drunk so it was safe to say that someone famous dropped me home, “someone from Infinite?”

“Yeah,” I said smugly, “he and one of their managers actually.”

“Wow, which one?” She asked, this could be fun.

“Woohyun,” ha he was her favourite.

“F%^& my life,” she was now hysterical. “I can’t believe it! HE dropped you home?! Why didn’t you bloody tell me?!”

“Hey what can I say he was tired, I was sore so we compromised.”

“What did you do?”

“Gave him your number,” as expected she fell on the floor, screaming with delight. I wasn’t going to tell her that it had been Hoya and that I hadn’t done the slightest thing. She would forget it by tomorrow anyway. “Oh my gosh,” she sat up, her breathing going back to normal, “I think I’m going to die of happiness.” Her face was all grins, “now. Let’s get you to the guest room before I pass out.” I agreed and she led me to their room. It was small, simple blue walls, plain white curtains with a lace trim. The furniture was white too. I put my bags beside the wardrobe and took out my toiletries.

“Now if you don’t mind. I’m going to bed.” I said as my goodnight. I got ready and fell under the covers. My whole body was exhausted but my mind was excited. I’d gotten an autograph from a star. And I would never ever say anything to anyone about it as long as I lived.

***

I woke up feeling more drained than I had been before. Negative thinking really did take a toll on ones health. The clock was incredibly noisy this morning. I my side to glance at the digits. It was only six thirty am? This was weird for me, normally I slept in. I lay back trying to shut my body down to get some more shut eye. I was disappointed to find that despite my late last night I was not even tired.

So I got up and went to grab some clothes to change into. I spotted my little notebook peaking out of my backpack. I must have been paranoid that what happened was a dream because I cannot explain why else I would stop what I was doing to go get it. I sat cross-legged on the bed and opened the pages. My heart was beating a little faster than normal. Yep I must have really been worried that it was all a dream… I could breathe in relief when I saw that it was true. I saw his handwriting and I managed to smile. For a shy guy he was rather friendly and sweet. I envy the girl who marries him one day.

The question now remained was what do I do? Minah wouldn’t be awake yet, the alcohol would have made her slightly hung over. I had a shower and got changed, going to a window to check the weather. It was clear so this was a good thing, I hoped. In my head it was currently raining bucket loads.

When was I ever going to be truly happy? For now it was nothing major, but there were times when everything was just pure and utter s*^%. Like it would be when I got home again. As long as I was away from everyone then I would be happy; happier than I ever was surrounded by them.

 I decided that I would go for a walk. The morning air couldn’t hurt and I wanted to have a look around the place even if it was a small perimeter. I grabbed my shoes, turned my phone on and then was on my way into the cool air. How was it spring? May as well have been freaking autumn.

The streets were starting to get busy as I walked through the area. I wasn’t sure of which stars lived close by but I wasn’t about to go and ask someone. Coffee did smell good, made me wish I’d bought more money with me. I needed to get cash out but I wasn’t going to get paid for another two days.

***

I had forgotten how dangerous it was for me to be alone with my thoughts. The negative thinking came back. How this was not going to last, that as soon as I got home again hell would begin again; life was never fair. It has never been it seemed. If it was then the musicians my country loves would have better lives. They would date in public, marry sooner and have less hate for what they do. What right do I have to complain about the little non-existent life I have?

The frustration was slowly beginning to take over again. I didn’t know what to do. It was usual for me to bottle things up and never say anything. Though I cannot count how many times I felt like ripping out my own heart and then squeezing it in my hand. Watching with shallow breathing and dimming vision as my blood scatter painted the area around me. Even thinking about it doesn’t make me feel sick. It almost seems… Normal. Like I could do it right here and there.

In my emotions I’m slowly becoming sadistic. Maybe I’m depressed. Maybe that’s why I’m like this. Now they would have proof and would not bug me about me being melodramatic. They would have to take me, hear the hard truth that I was bipolar, suffering from whatever sort of depression this is and then either start drugs or counselling. The thought of it all was starting to drive my gears the wrong way. I almost didn’t want to go home or even go to Minah’s again. Sooner or later her parents would be home and they wouldn’t want me to stay. They would find me a bother, just like my family. ..

I stopped my thinking just to glimpse some people at a crossing in front of me. One of them was listening to music with chunky headphones. She had long brown hair and was tall, skinny, yeah typical dream girl. If she had a face like Yoona or the face from another group then I had no reason to live. However I would have to get rid of my jealously because she was going to cross when the light didn’t say to walk. No one else was going to give a crap it seemed.

“Hey!” I called having to push through the crowd. Half of them were several inches taller than me. God knows what would happen if I met my favourite member from DBSK or even Shinee. Those guys are giants! “Excuse me,” I tried to say to a person without much patience. I finally reached the idiot and grabbed the back of her jacket. If this had been the filming for JYJ’s music video the directors would have fired me on the spot. “It hasn’t changed!” I said with my voice raised in case she couldn’t hear. She turned her head to me, I just had to freeze.

Oh

Eff

My

Life

“Thanks,” she said not aware I was staring at her like an idiot. “Is there something on my face?”

“Umm,” now what do I do? “Aren’t you…?” She finally understood and dragged me to the side but with care. “Do you want a photo? Or what about a signature then, who do I make it out too?”

“You’re Kahi,” I breathed at last when she needed to take one herself. “as in from After School.” She gave a sheepish nod.

“You caught me,” she said, “just before breakfast too.”

“Oh, haven’t you--?” My stomach suddenly growled. Shame faced I turned away to try and settle it. I heard her chuckle. “Sounds like you haven’t either.” I nodded, wondering what now. “How about we both have breakfast then?” Was she being serious? Was she inviting me to breakfast?

“Uhh…. Is that safe?”

“Well, you’re a girl. So I shouldn’t see how it would be bad,” she did have a point. If I had been a guy close to her age however…

“Alright,” I said as we quickly walked in a different direction. I was still thinking of how to make it up to her. Even if she didn’t keep tabs on these things, my conscience would and I wouldn’t be able to afford such a debt.

***

“I didn’t get your name before,” Kahi added as we sat at a table waiting for our food.

“Lee EunIn,” my name sounded so foreign when I spoke it.

“EunIn,” she smiled, “it’s a good name.”

“Thanks,” I had to sip my mocha. This was getting too weird.

“So, EunIn,” Kahi began as she stirred her skinny latte. Shall I emphasize skinny again?! “What do you do for a living?” I nearly burnt my tongue on my drink. How do I explain to a top star that is not only famous in Korea but also Japan and pretty much the rest of the world my average job? It would be like getting her to buy a pair of heels from a flea market.

“Well….” I had to think of what to say, “I guess I just work as a simple waitress.”

“Do you enjoy it there?” She’d caught me off guard.

“Well… Most of the time,” I said pleased with my thinking.

“Did you want to work as a waitress before?” I shook my head.

“Actually, that isn’t my dream.” I began with my careless thinking, “I always wanted to be a….” I stopped, wondering how much more she would take of this. “… I wanted to be a teacher.” She nodded as she finished her sip.

“That’s a good job, have you thought of pursuing it?”

“I did terrible in school….” I didn’t want to get into detail about how I failed three of my subjects and had torn my hair out during the whole time trying to understand the jargon. “I’m afraid that I wouldn’t be good enough to go to college or even be able to complete a course.”

“Why not, how are you different from others?” She suddenly looked ashamed. I guess she didn’t mean to be harsh in her tone. “What I meant to say is… I think that you have a good chance like everyone else. You’re what… Nineteen?”

“Twenty,” people always got my age wrong.

“Oh sorry,” she made an apologetic smile, “but you’re at that age where you are still able to find your dream and accomplish it. If you want to teach then teach. Don’t be afraid because you think you aren’t good enough.” Kahi pointed at herself, “I ran away from home at a young age to pursue my dream. I gave up university, my family just for that dream.” It was a touchy subject for her because I saw her take a breath. “If it hadn’t been for my friend who got me to audition then I would have been in a very different place,” she then continued to put her hand on my shoulder. “I think you have what it takes. But you just need a push in the right direction.” Her words, they got to me. I think I understood, what my mum and dad had been telling me all alone. I’d gotten so fed up with searching for jobs and finding nothing that I’d almost given up hope that I would be a waitress forever. But if she could reach her dream, with little to no support then does that mean I can too?

“I think,” I began, “I see now.” She smiled.

“Good,” her phone began to ring. “Oh no it’s my manager. I think I have to get back to the practice room. We are going to Japan soon.” She took out her bag and placed some money on the table. “Here, I only ordered just a Danish but I did say I was going to pay for it.” I nodded.

“Can I quickly…?” I felt back for asking now, “a signature please?” I handed her my book which she wrote in.

“Bye,” she waved in which I returned. I then spent the next fifteen minutes or so reading the message she had written:

Your dream is worth pursuing! Don’t give up,

God bless

Kahi

So…. I don’t know how well this story will go. I don’t think it’s that good considering how unrealistic it is. But still, I will finish this so that it is a valid entry at least. Now I have to think of who else will appear in this fanfic…. Hmmm