“Good evening Mr. Kim.”The concierge at the front desk of Yunho’s apartment building had smiled at Jaejoong as he walked by the desk with a bag of food in his hand.

Jaejoong bowed slightly as he walked by and smiled as well.

“Good evening, he’s not answering his phone, do you know if he’s here?”

“Yeah he’s here, I think with a friend though…”  The concierge trailed off. “It’s either the girl with the formal dressing or the guy in the rain coat..  I honestly don’t remember.”

“Ah, that’s alright.  I can wait.”  Jaejoong smiled and walked on to the elevator.

When he reached to Yunho’s door he rang his buzzer.  Jaejoong could hear the faint sound of music playing and thought that Yunho was working on some new music. He took out the card Yunho had given him for his door and swiped it.  The music became louder as he stepped in the house.

Yunho’s kitty walked over to Jae’s feet and rubbed itself in between his legs.  The cat had stepped away slightly and charged at Jaejoong’s feet; bashing his little head into Jae’s right leg.

“Aw, what’s the matter sweetie? Is your daddy being mean again? Is he not giving you enough attention?” Jaejoong picked up the cat and it softly as he walked toward the sound of the music. 

The music was coming from Yunho’s room.  Jaejoong’s heart dropped and he put the feline down.  He was afraid that something was going on with Yunho.  The music was slow and low, and there was a slight crack coming from the door. There was a faint murmur of a woman’s low voice.

He looked into the room quietly; he saw Yunho’s back standing tall, moving very slowly through the black short sleeved shirt he was wearing.  Jaejoong’s heart was racing as his forehead began to get slightly moist.  Jaejoong opened the door slightly; there he could see the woman’s face and her eyes closed as her face moved in sync with Yunho’s lips.

Jaejoong covered his mouth when he went to gasp.  Tears began to swell in his eyes and a ball formed in the back of his throat.  His stomach churned and churned as his heart broke in millions of pieces that should have never have been there. The cat tried to warn Jaejoong from going any further into the house but it was too late.

The cat went into the room causing the door to be opened wider.  The movement of the opening door startled the woman as she looked at the cat walk in. The woman’s chest was now very open and bare, her collar bone and lots of her chest visible, but not her . She spotted Jaejoong and gasped.

Before Yunho could turn around to look at the door, Jaejoong had already ran for the door.  Yunho saw Jae’s body leaving his house and he panicked.  Yunho stared at the woman in from of him and crease his brows.  He knew he made a mistake.

“You aren’t going to go after him.. Are you..?”  The woman asked.

“You need to leave.”Yunho quickly replied and ran out the door after Jaejoong.

Jaejoong was already half way down the elevator when Yunho left his home.

Jaejoong covered his mouth to keep his hyperventilation from being too loud as he cried.  As soon as the elevator door opened, Jae ran for the front door of the apartment building.  Yunho was still making his way down the elevator when Jaejoong left the building and ran for his motor cycle.  Yunho covered his face with his hands and slid them down the sides of his face in worry.  He knew it was wrong to bring that woman to his home, he knew very well it was Jaejoong that ranked the highest in his heart.

Jaejoong reached his bike, attached the grocery bag and put his helmet on.  Yunho was just around the corner.  Jaejoong, speeding, began his leave. Yunho caught up to Jaejoong and stepped out into the street to stop Jaejoong.  Jae avoided him, but Yunho had reached his arm out to grab Jaejoong. Surprisingly, his arm reached and was able to yank slightly at Jae’s arm. However, it threw Jaejoong off balance on his bike. Jaejoong swerved on the road as he tried to leave.  Yunho’s heart did one of those little heart-attacks because he thought Jaejoong would crash. Yunho fell to the ground on his knees while he watched Jaejoong gain control again.  He was relieved that Jae didn’t crash, but he didn’t want Jae to leave.  Yunho put his hands on the ground and screamed in anger at himself. 

After a couple a minutes of Yunho trying to recollect himself he got up and walked back to his apartment.  The woman was still there.

“I thought I told you to leave.”Yunho was now a bit violent.

“I didn’t think you meant it.  Come on, we were in the middle of adult things. Something a man and woman do. Not two men.”  The woman got closer to Yunho.  Yunho was firm and hadn’t been swayed.

“Please, leave.” The woman frowned, grabbed her belongings and left.  When she left, Yunho ran to his phone.  He saw the messages that Jaejoong had left just before:

“Hey! The boys and I are done for the night, meaning I’m coming over with food.” “It’s your house tonight.”

Five minutes later:

“I’ve got everything. You better reply or I’m going over whether you like it or not!”

 Ten minutes later, Jaejoong was in the area, then five minutes after that he’s in Yunho’s house.

Yunho felt stupid.  While Jaejoong was texting him, he was busy being depressed over Jaejoong and got hit on by some woman he used date before. It had been a couple months since the friends had last hung out properly together.  JYJ and HoMin were as busy as usual and hardly found time to hang out. 

Because of their schedules and the split, the boys would meet with each other at places in private to keep in touch.  Often Yunho and Jaejoong would bring food over each others houses and they’d drink. That’s all they would do. They were good friends after all.

Yunho needed to talk to someone.  So, he texted Changmin.

“Are you home?”

“Yes, I’m home.”

“Good, I’m coming over.”

“Oh… Okay…”

Jaejoong safely made his way home; his eyes red and swollen from crying the entire way. When he entered, Jiji was there to greet him.  He petted her and lovingly kissed her head.  He placed the grocery bag on his kitchen table and removed the home made food. Jae opened the lid and smelled the aroma.  He could only just think about the smile that would stretch across Yunho’s face if he smelled this.  Jaejoong frowned; he knew that that’s all he could think of Yunho.  They could never be more.

Jaejoong smiled at himself and started to cry again.

“Ahhhh.. This is pathetic of me…”  He said to himself.  Jaejoong grabbed for a spoon and began to dig into the food.  He shoved it into his mouth and chewed away.  After three spoons full, he cried even harder.  He swallowed hard and crouched in front of his table. His hand still rested on the edges of the table as he crouched. 

“I love you.. Goddamn it I love you! I love you!”  Jaejoong said the words violently as he cried to himself.  He calmed down for a second, and let the words slowly slip out his mouth:

“I love you… I love you… I love you…”