Taeyang is not quite sure how long he had been walking, but the aches in his feet indicated that it may have been several hours now. Pulling his jacket's hood back a little, Taeyang looked around to make sure that there is nobody around to recognise him. Satisfied with his little security check, he sat down on the pavement at the side of the road.

Leaning slightly to the side, Taeyang fished his mobile phone from his pocket and switched it on. The loud startup sound of his phone seemed to break the silence of the quiet neighbourhood around him.

2.47am.

A few seconds later, the beeps to alert him of his missed calls started coming.

5 missed calls from TOP...
...12 from Daesung...
...3 from Seungri and a text message from the maknae asking "Where are you, hyung?!"....
.........
.........

So thats it, huh? Nothing from you, Jiyong....?

A part of him felt disappointed in the leader. Even after all that had happened, he wanted to see at least one missed call from GD, perhaps to ask him to return back to the group...or even to ask why Taeyang has yet to be back at their dorm even at this hour. But there was none.

Was he really hurt...?

The telltale signs of regret seem to creep up on him, but Taeyang quickly brushed it away with his ego.

Wanting to divert his thoughts away, Taeyang leaned back and stared at the river of the night sky banked by the outlines of the buildings. He is sure that the sky is embedded with stars, but it seems that the bright street lights are preventing them from being visible. Taeyang smiled sadly to himself.

Those stars are just like me, aren't they? Twinkling in their own right, but made invisible by those street light...

His deep thoughts were broken off by the sudden vibration of his phone. Taeyang glanced down. He really does not want to talk to anyone right now, but the call was from YG himself. And a call from YG is not something that his artists should ignore.

Could it be that he already knew...?

"Hyung..."

"Youngbae. Where are you?"

Taeyang winced. He recognised that tone. 

"I'm....walking around..."

Silence over on the other line. Taeyang got more than just a little nervous.

"Hyung, I just want to tell you that..."

"Where are you sleeping tonight?" YG cut him off.

Taeyang blinked his eyes. He didn't give sleep much of a thought since he is pretty sure the day's events wouldn't let him sleep anyway. However, since the boss is asking, Taeyang felt that he should give a reasonable answer to assure the boss that he'll be somewhere safe.

But it definitely won't be the dorm...I don't think I can face TOP and Daesung right now....

Taeyang stared up at the invisible stars again when he finally spoke.

"I think I'll be bunking in the office tonight, hyung..."

"Good. I want you to come into my office first thing in the morning."

He knew....

"I will..."

YG hung up before Taeyang could even finished his sentence. For a moment, he felt uncertainty claw at his heart.

What if I AM making a mistake....?

Taeyang shook his head and slapped himself a few times. After all that had happened, his heart should not be wavering at this moment.

You'll be fine, Youngbae...you'll be fine alone....

And as he turned towards the direction of the YG building, Taeyang held on to that confidence desperately, promising himself to never turn back on his choice again.

...because there is truly no way back for you, Youngbae...

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YG pressed the end button even before Taeyang could end his conversation. He then leaned forward to reach for the piece of paper with a scribbled phone number. He glanced at the wall clock.

2.59am. A little rude to be disturbing someone's sleep, but the situation calls for urgency. Stifling a short yawn, he dialled the number. 

Nobody picked up the call. YG sighed and stifled another yawn as he pressed the call button again.

After 3 attempts, finally a sleepy voice answered on the other side.

"Hong-ssi?" YG asked, his tone quickly erasing all traces of the sleepiness in it.

"Who the hell is this? Don't you know how rude it is to call at this hour?!"

YG smiled.

"This is Hyun Suk, Hong-ssi. So sorry to wake you up at this hour."

The voice on the other line fell silent. When he spoke again, it was much more subdued.

"Ah...Hyun Suk sunbaenim...what matter is at hand for you to call at this hour?"

"Hong-ssi...I hate to make you recall my little favour to you not so long ago in the wee hours of the morn, but I'm hoping to gain back your return of a favour."

Another silence from the other end.

"....wh..what kind of return of favour...would you like, Sunbaenim?"

YG smiled again.

"Hong-ssi...can I borrow him to do something for me?"

Mr Hong seemed to fully understand what YG was implicating.

"It'll be hard on him right now...but I'll give it a try..."

YG nodded, more to himself than to Mr Hong, who couldn't see the wide grin on his face.

"I'll give you all the help needed to convince him to come."

There was a short pause followed by a curt-sounding "Alright" from the other end before they ended the call.

YG put the phone down and switched off the lights of his office. In the darkened room, he then went to stand at his office's window.

The view of the stars above him seemed beautiful tonight. Unaffected by the street lights below him, YG can see the twinkle of each and every star that is studding the velvet night sky. He smiled to himself.

I guess, sometimes it requires the darkness in order for each star to shine afterall...

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G Dragon woke up to a slightly numbing feeling in his right foot. He tried to shake it off, but then he realised that he couldn't move it. Confused, he lifted his head to look at his foot and raised an eyebrow.

TOP was curled up at his foot. GD smiled. Apparently, his tall frame was too big for the bed, hence his feet were hanging off the sides. 

How long have you been sleeping in this uncomfortable position, my friend?

Propping himself up to a sitting position, GD leaned in to look at the sleeping face of his friend. It's not the first time that he is scrutinizing TOP's face, but there is always something new each time he looks a little closer.

The handsome features don't seem so fierce when he is sleeping, eh?

GD pulled back, his face feeling the heat of a burning blush spreading from his neck. It'll be embarrassing if TOP suddenly wakes up to see his friend's face at an almost kissable proximity.

Especially after Youngbae had so clearly pointed out yesterday...

GD shook his head. It wasn't the first time that his favoritism towards TOP was mentioned. The boys, and even Yang Hyun Suk himself, frequently teased the Big Bang leader about it, but he will simply laugh it off as a joke.

However, the truth is, he never knew what to make of his own behaviour towards TOP. While he always tried to put it across as brotherly love, it is equally hard to ignore the sudden fluttering in his stomach, the warm blush in his cheeks and the quickening pace of his heartbeat whenever he lets himself be drawn into TOP's piercing stare. For a guy who is damn sure that he is straight as a ruler, finding himself attracted to his friend's masculinity is truly a confusing and frustrating experience indeed.

....or could it be that I am not as straight as I thought...?

GD sighed. He hates questioning himself.

Hoping to divert his thoughts from such depressing issues, Jiyong focused on trying to ease his right foot from underneath TOP without waking his friend up, but the latter must have felt it since his eyes opened immediately.

"Sorry to wake you up, hyung....was just trying to move my foot away....it's feeling a little numb."

TOP didn't say anything as he continue lying in that same curled-up position with his sharp eyes staring up at his leader's face. GD smiled.

"Why are you staring at me like that, hyung?"

It was TOP's turn to smile.

"You look so pretty, Jiyong, that it's easy for me to imagine waking up to a wife looking down on me so lovingly like this."

GD's initial smile disappeared and was instantly replaced by a stiff expression.

"Hyung....I think we should stop joking around like that..."

TOP watched silently as he looked at his leader struggling to get out of bed in what seem to be caused by his discomfort towards TOP's little comment.

"Jiyong ah, are you okay? You know you don't have to mind what Youngbae said last night, right?"

GD stopped himself. TOP was right. There was no reason for him to be affected by Youngbae's comment.

Afterall, it's not refelecting the reality, isn't it...?

Slightly ashamed of himself for being carelessly defensive towards such baseless accusation, GD tried to brush off his previous discomfort with a smile. Not wanting to pursue the issue any further, he tried to change the topic instead.

"Anyway, why are you sleeping here, hyung?"

TOP knew that GD was purposely avoiding the topic and so he decided to not bring it up any further. Stretching his entire length, the tall guy gave a big yawn before explaining.

"I came in after the boss left, but you were already sleeping. And your feet felt so cold, but I thought I can warm them up with my body...." TOP trailed off without completing his sentence. He realised that it is not a good time to be showing his affection for his leader in the current sensitive atmosphere within the dorm, but thankfully, GD seemed to take it all in just fine.

"Thank you, hyung...it was kind of you..." was all he said, before the 2 friends exchange grins. But right before GD leave the room, TOP called out to him once again.

"Jiyong....are you truly okay about our group breaking up?"

GD froze in mid-stride, not wanting his friend to see the shadow of sadness settling on his face again. He stood there in silence for a long while before softly answering.

"I lost 2 brothers yesterday, hyung. But I stilll have 2 more, don't I? It'll take time, but this heartbreak will be over soon....everything's gonna be alright....isn't it...?"

...so....damn...why am I crying...?

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Daesung sat, still as stone on his bed. The silence of the empty house seems to echo with loneliness.

There is no way that Bigbang can survive with just me, Seunghyun hyung and Jiyong hyung...We are not like DBSK. We cannot be like them.

Flashbacks of the members helping him to come out to the public once again during his hardest moments reeled themselves in his mind. Daesung knew that it is now his turn to return that favour to s. Since TOP has taken it upon himself to look after GD, Daesung knew his role is to bring back Taeyang and Seungri. Knowing how stubborn Taeyang is, Daesung felt that it will be much easier to tackle their maknae first.

At that point, Daesung reached his first obstacle.

How do I speak to someone whom I feel awkward with...?

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Seungri stepped out of the CEO's office feeling more confused than ever. Whatever confidence that he had built up the night before had dissipated in an instant.

What did Hyun Suk-hyung meant by "I agree that you should be out of Bigbang"...?

While any other person might have simply perceived it as the boss being supportive of Seungri's decision to go solo, the sharp mind of the maknae was quick to pick up the underlying meaning of his boss's words. The frown that was already creasing his forehead deepened as he analysed YG's words further. Given the nature of their boss, Seungri knew that Yang Hyun Suk is capable of delivering the harshest comments in the nicest way possible.

So....he wasn't saying that I was too good for Bigbang....He was actually saying that I am still not good enough for them!!

Seungri's body stiffened as YG's true meaning hit home. In an instant, he felt hurled back to the 2 weeks after the first 4 were chosen. 

Seungri...what have you done...?

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"Are you sure you want this, Youngbae?"

Taeyang gave a slight nod.

"I need to find my own light, Hyun Suk-hyung."

YG snorted.

"Find your own light? No, Youngbae. You've found your own light. And that is why you wanted to continue shining in that light only. You have become greedy for that light."

Youngbae looked down. The harsh choice of words that the boss has chosen seemed a little unfair in Taeyang's point of view.

He wouldn't be calling Jiyong "greedy" if that guy were the one to choose to go solo.

Taeyang continued to keep his silence as the growing resentment towards Jiyong squeezed into his heart.

"Isn't it enough that I let each of you do your solo projects?"

Again Taeyang kept his silence.

YG sighed. He knew that when Taeyang doesn't answer his questions, it means that the youngster is being stubborn with his choice.

"Fine. It seems that you've already made up your mind. But I will give you 1 more week to give it a thorough thought. After that 1 week, you will come back to me with your decision. And then, if you really want to go solo, I will let you leave Bigbang. Understand?"

Taeyang nodded wordlessly. Seeing that the boss has nothing else to add, he mumbled his excuse to leave. But just as he was about to leave the room, the flat voice of YG spoke once again.

"Remember, Youngbae. A flower will always seek the attention of the sun. But too much sunlight, and the flower will wilt. And by then, it'll be too late."

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Seungri ordered one glass of the cocktail he just had even though he is starting to feel a little tipsy. But he didn't care. 

What I need right now is a shot of confidence to go through with my plan, and if that confidence comes from a shot of alcohol, so be it...

"Seungri."

The Bigbang maknae stiffened and turned around, bewildered.

"Hyung? What are you doing here?"

Seungri knew full well how much Daesung hates the clubbing scene. "Can't stand the stink of alcohol." Daesung would say everytime any of the members ask him along.

For him to come all the way here....

"I need to....talk...to you..." Daesung started awkwardly.

Seungri stared at him to continue, but the older guy simply stood there, not knowing quite what to say. Seeing the uneasy attitude of Daesung, Seungri got irritated. The both of the aren't exactly the best of friends, so Seungri reckoned that whatever conversations they will have most likely will be very awkward.

And tonight, the maknae isn't in the mood for awkward conversations.

Ignoring his hyung who is just standing there uneasily, Seungri turned back to his new glass of cocktail and downed it in one shot before asking for yet another glass.
 
"Should you be drinking so much?" Daesung asked,  his tone disapproving.

"Aish!! Hyung, whatever it is that you wish to talk about, I'm not interested, okay? Now just leave me alone." Seungri rebutted.

"Watch your tone, Seungri." Daesung said dangerously.

The younger guy turned to look at Daesung in the face.

"Hyung, I am no longer Bigbang's maknae. So can you please stop reprimanding me already?"

Daesung gawked at Seungri's audacity. "You are drunk, aren't you?"

Seungri threw up his hands in the air, exasperated by Daesung's continuous reproachful attitude.

"You know what, hyung? THIS is why I left the group. All you people treating me like I'm some kind of rebellious teen. I'm sick and tired of your bossy attitudes, hyung. So why don't you just get this in your head, Daesung-hyung. I. AM. NO. LONGER. YOUR. MAKNAE."

The next thing Seungri knew, he was falling off his highstool. The sound of the chairs being dragged caught the attention of a few of the other clubbers, but they couldn't pinpoint the source of the sound as Seungri was behind a wall of frosted glass in the VIP section. Worried that he might get beaten up without anyone knowing, Seungri tried to stand up, but Daesung's strong grip had already grabbed the maknae's shirt by the collar. It was the first time that the younger guy had seen his hyung looking so mad, and as the hot breathe of Daesung came down on his neck, the maknae felt fear dawn in his heart.

"You like being your own man so much, huh, Seungri? You like it so much? Then don't you dare visit your beloved Jiyong-hyung. Even if he were to collapse again like yesterday, don't you dare come and visit him!!"

Daesung's words shocked Seungri.

"Jiyong-hyung collapsed?!"

"Yes, he did." Daesung spat out the words, disgusted. "He collapsed after hearing 2 of s demanding out of the group. But you wouldn't know that, would you, Seungri? Because you walked away without even looking back at the mess that you've created."

Daesung pushed the maknae away before straightening up to leave, his face looking down on Seungri with contempt. "I came here to bring you back for Jiyong-hyung's sake. For that man who had only us as his best of friends for his whole life. I thought you'd be able to sympathize with him at the very least. But it seems that I was wrong, wasn't I? You are very proud that you are no longer Bigbang's maknae, aren't you, Seungri? If that's the case, then remember my warning, Lee Seung-hyun. Be your own man and don't come looking for us ever again."

With those words, Daesung left the scene, leaving Seungri who was still reeling from the shock. For the second time, he found himself asking the same question again.

What have you done, Seungri?

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Taeyang tossed and the studio's sofa. It was Bigbang's studio and practically their home during their one year hiatus a few years back.

Taeyang the worn leather of the sofa. It bore witness to the countless hours that Bigbang had put in while churning hit after hit. Everything that Bigbang has spurned had turned to gold.

Well, it's everything that Jiyong spurned, of course...

Taeyang took his hand off the leather and smiled to himself.

Tagging emotions to a mere worn out leather sofa like a heartbroken man...You can't be thinking twice about your decision again, can't you, Youngbae?

Having never been in a relationship before, Taeyang wondered if this is how it feels to be breaking up with someone. Ego aside, Taeyang had to admit that the acute sense of loss would be much more bearable if he isn't strong with his resolve. Once again, he   the sofa.

He could almost imagine TOP being his silly self, pointing out that Taeyang is actually touching the dried up remains of Daesung's drools. Across him, GD would be scribbling furiously on his notebook whenever he tried to capture yet another moment of his ingenuity. Daesung would be practising his gags by trying to make TOP laugh, while Seungri would be just sitting quietly, watching his silly hyungs make a fool out of themselves while the maknae himself would be brainstorming what he termed as "a grand plan" for the members.

At that moment, Taeyang finally realised what Teddy hyung meant when he said that this studio is "so alive with Bigbang's essence".

Its not just this sofa...Its this whole room that bore witness to our moments of friendship, tears, arguments, laughters, disappointments....and that promise to make it to the top of the world.

Taeyang brushed away the tear that is threatening to spill. He could feel his resolve starting to weaken again with these thoughts haunting him. Unable to stand being in the room for a minute longer, Taeyang reached for his phone and got up to leave.

"Going somewhere?"

Taeyang looked up from his phone.

"Hyung..."

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Se7en looked carefully at his dongsaeng's face. Huge dark circles and puffy eyes from the lack of sleep made the younger guy's eyes smaller than it already is. Signs of a growing stubble cast a grey shade to his normally clean-shaven jawline.

"If you walk out in the streets right now, nobody would have thought that you are Bigbang's  Taeyang, you know that?"

Taeyang avoided his hyung's gaze. The man knew his dongsaeng well enough to capture Taeyang's true feelings from a single eye contact alone. To fully meet Se7en's gaze right now might destroy whatever front that Taeyang had been trying to bravely put up.

"I am no longer Bigbang's Taeyang, hyung..." Taeyang said softly. Silence settled in the room following his statement.

"I heard." 

Taeyang glanced up. "Did you hear it from Hyunsuk hyung?"

To Taeyang's surprise, Se7en shook his head.

"It was Daesung."

Taeyang felt surprised. Even if it was one of the members who told Se7en, Daesung would have been the last person whom Taeyang would have guessed.

As if understanding his dongsaeng's shock, Se7en nodded his head. "I understand your shock Youngbae. Daesung? Reallly? I was surprised when he called me too. But he sounded pretty desperate when he asked for my help, saying he blew it with Seungri and all. So since..."

"Wait a minute. What do you mean by he blew it with Seungri?"

Se7en shrugged. "Apparently he punched Seungri in the face at our club while trying to get him to come back. Hyunsuk hyung went pretty ballistic when he heard the news, but considering the messy situation that Bigbang is in right now, he simply ordered a round of checks of the clubbers who might have witnessed the scene."

Taeyang frowned. He felt as if he was missing some information from Se7en's story somehow.

"Hyung....I don't understand. Why would mild Daesung even step into a club just to drag Seungri back to dorm?"

It was Se7en's turn to frown in disbelief.

"Youngbae....are you saying you don't know the kind of mess that Bigbang is in right now?"

Taeyang's frown deepened.

"Hyung, I understand what you mean by mess of course. But Hyunsuk hyung said that he will help settle everything after I leave the...."

"Its not just you, Youngbae." Se7en interrupted his dongsaeng, his dark gaze boring down on Taeyang's. "It's Seungri as well. The maknae is also leaving the group. And for your info, since you seem to be absolutely clueless about everything except for your decision, Jiyong collapsed right after the both of you left the dorm."

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Daesung sat in the chair beside GD's bed. He looked at the pale face of his sleeping leader and sighed.

Jiyong hyung ah...even if 2 of our members left, how could you let it affect your health to such extent....?

Just hours earlier, Daesung had received a call from a frantic TOP, who was screaming for him to come over immediately. Shocked by the sudden call, Daesung rushed over to the other apartment, only to find TOP flinging a pair of scissors away from GD who was shaking and crying uncontrollably. Frozen and unable to comprehend the situation, Daesung scanned the rest of the room.

Pieces of broken glasses littered the floor along with strewn jewelleries and shredded pieces of clothing. Lying among the pile, Daesung recognised GD's favourite red leather jacket, shredded and torn all over.

Seeing the dazed dongsaeng rooted to his spot, TOP let out an expletive while trying to pin down the struggling leader.

"Stop staring and call the doctor, Daesung!!"

TOP's loud bellow jerked the dongsaeng into action as he rushed over to the phone.

By the time the doctor came, GD was already seated on the sofa, silent and unmoving. Although TOP suffered a deep cut on his left palm while trying to snatch away the scissors from Jiyong, he still helped the doctor and Daesung bring their leader to his bed. After the doctor administered yet another calming shot to their leader, he beckoned both TOP and Daesung out of the room.

"Don't worry, the worst is over. I had previously warned your CEO that this type of reaction is common among patients who are under tremendous amount of stress and that it might occur to Jiyong one of these days. Looks like it did...poor thing. But still, it'll be good to have someone keep an eye on him for these couple of days."

Looking at TOP's hand, the doctor shook his head. "I think I will need to treat that cut quickly. Can you follow me to the clinic? We might need to stitch it up."

TOP winced at the word "stitch", but he bit his lips and nodded bravely. Turning to Daesung, he instructed for the young man to look after their leader while he is gone.

....And now, here we are...

Daesung got up from the chair that he was sitting on and paced the room. Part of him wanted to update Se7en about what happened, but Daesung didn't want Se7en to feel more burdened than he already is.

And its all because of my rash action. Fool.

Eversince he punched Seungri last night, Daesung had been in doubt with himself. Never did he expect himself to throw that punch, nor did he imagine that he'd get so worked up.

Which was why I called Se7en hyung to help me with Youngbae hyung...I can't trust myself to not punch Youngbae hyung in the face too...

Daesung sighed.

Everyone is changing....even me...

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Taeyang stared, unable to comprehend any of the details of the 2 maknae's fight that Se7en hyung was telling him.

Jiyong collapsed....Jiyong collapsed.....

"Jiyong...." he started absent-mindedly, cutting Se7en off. "...Jiyong....is he alright?"

Se7en's expression was grim although he nodded.

"The doctor told Hyunsuk hyung he is fine for now, but the worse is not over yet. With the amount of shock and stress that he is experiencing, it may be possible that Jiyong will display a sudden burst of irrational actions. Which is why big Seunghyun is keeping an eye on him right now."

Se7en could see the dilemma in Taeyang's eyes although his dongsaeng seem to be fighting hard to put up a show of indifference to the piece of news.

"Youngbae, I heard about your desire to go solo. Let me tell you as a senior who had spent years being a solo artist. There's never been a day that I did not envy my dongsaengs who had their group mates to rely on in times of hardship and group mates to celebrate with in times of happiness and success."

Taeyang's face hardened.

"I've been a solo artist before, hyung, and it wasn't the least hard."

"You were a solo artist for only a few months. And even then, you were still part of this group. Even then, all you had was success. You had never been in a scandal like Jiyong and Daesung, so you'll never understand the importance of having your group members around for support during those times."

Se7en paused as he stared hard at his unmoving dongsaeng.

"Don't tell me, Youngbae, that you were so drunk on success that you stopped understanding and cherishing your group mates. That you stopped understanding why Bigbang is still alive after all these years."

For the first time through out the entire conversation, Taeyang raised his face and looked at Se7en straight in the eyes.

"No hyung, you don't understand. Even if I want to come back, there is absolutely no room left for me to do so."

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Daesung woke up with a start and immediately noticed that Gdragon was no longer in his bed. Panic shot through him as he rushed out to the living room to look for his missing leader.

"Jiyong hyung...What are you doing?"

GD did not turn back to look at his worried dongsaeng. Instead, he raised his hands and placed them on the keys of the keyboard.
 
In an instant, Daesung recognised the heartbreaking repetitive melody that his leader was playing.

As his tears landed one by one across the keys, Gdragon began singing softly to himself.

"Don't look back, just leave
Don't look for me again, just move on
I don't regret loving you, 
So just go, taking the good memories with you

I'll try to be patient somehow...
I'll just manage to stand it somehow....
The more I do that, you should be happy
Day by day....
I'm going....numb..."


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