III. Ramyeon and Rap Sheets

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The next night, Seulgi showed up at Irene’s front door with soju, tteokbokki, and smiling half moon eyes that masked her usual annoying-if-she-wasn't-so-y bravado. 


“Wanna make us some ramyeon to go with these?” Seulgi asked Irene, waving her offerings in the older's face like an obnoxious little kid would.


Irene smacked Seulgi's hands out of her face, but laughed good-naturedly. “Come in, ya pain in the ."


"What was that, an invitation to probing?"


Irene scoffed. "Psssh, it's gonna take much more than just soju and tteokbokki for that to happen."


"Ouch, babies, the mean ahjumma called us cheap," Seulgi bemoaned exaggeratedly. "Don't worry, mommy still loves you," she said, before planting kisses on the green bottle and the brown paper bag that held the spicy rice cakes.


Irene rolled her eyes in amusement and headed to the kitchen, as Seulgi made herself comfy on the couch, setting the food on the coffee table and idly flipping through Netflix. 


“So,” Seulgi said, switching off the TV once Irene returned minutes later with a pot of boiling ramyeon and some chopsticks. 




“I’m here to find out everything there is to know about Bae Joohyun,” the teddy bear declared, expertly giving the soju bottle a few flips to create an impressive (Irene was impressed) tornado, and then did a fancy bartender trick to uncap the alcohol. She ended with a flourish and a hilarious attempt at a wink, and then dutifully poured a shot of soju for her unnie. 


Irene raised an eyebrow. “You trying to ply me with drinks and work your smooth moves? What about Kang Seulgi's incriminating details?"


“Oh, Kang Seulgi is right here. She’s an open book. She doesn't back down from a challenge. You can ask me anything," the bear boasted, pouring herself a shot, downing it, and then making a face.


Cute, Irene thought before throwing back her own shot of soju. “I thought you weren't interested in this stuff. Talking, I mean. I feel like we're getting to know each other backwards, y'know? First, we had , then we went to a party and bickered, now we are just meeting."


"You're right. We should've started with child support and alimony payments," Seulgi joked.


"Are you saying this is ending in divorce?"


"Oh no, we're much too special for that. This is ending in a high speed police chase on the evening news."


"Probably because I murdered you," Irene laughed. "Okay, let’s see… tell me about your family.”


“Mom, dad, older brother, who looks freakishly like me," Seulgi replied without hesitation.


“Sounds y.” 


“I’m the y one," the bear corrected.


“And the modest one too?”


“Oh no, I’m conceited as heck.”


They both laughed. 


“What about you?” 


“Dad, mom, younger sister. Younger sisters are a pain in the ,” Irene said pointedly. 


Seulgi stuck out her tongue at the older. 


“What do you do for a living?” Irene asked.


“I take pictures.”


“Like… for events and stuff?”


“No, for adult entertainment.”




Seulgi started laughing. “I'm kidding, I freelance for magazines.”


"Um... dirty magazines?”


Seulgi was doubled over with laughter. “No! Mostly for those in-flight things that you find in airplanes that nobody reads. But other stuff too."


“Ohhh,” Irene said, blushing. “Do you get to travel a lot? That sounds fun.”


“Uh... yeah, I get to travel some. It gets exhausting, and it's basically glorified gig work, but yeah, I like it.”


They paused to slurp noodles. Irene wordlessly handed Seulgi a paper napkin, which the younger accepted but didn't use, continuing to eat. 


“Did you always want to be an accountant?” Seulgi asked, chewing.


“Right, I was six years old and thought ‘I wanna do payroll when I grow up," Irene said with a sneer.


Seulgi shrugged. “You seem like you were a weird kid.” 


" you, I wanted to be an astronaut!" Irene retorted, using her own napkin to wipe gochujang from the corner of Seulgi's mouth. 


“Space invader!” Seulgi exclaimed, wriggling away from Irene's reach like a stubborn child. 


“Yeah, yeah. But anyway, I eventually grew up and developed this crazy interest in making rent and paying bills and stuff."




"Right? So number crunching is the closest to astrophysics I can get.”


"You regret it?" Seulgi asked with a quiet earnestness that inexplicably made Irene want to spread her legs and take whatever Seulgi was giving. 


"My only regret in life is finding out that the moon isn't made of tofu," Irene joked, trying to remain nonchalant. 


Seulgi gasped dramatically. "Next you're gonna tell me that Santa isn't real!"


"Oh no, he's real. He watches you sleep, Seul," Irene said with a psychotic smile. 

The younger scowled. "Ew, you know, for someone who's a wimp with scary movies, you're creepy."


"Awww, no voyeur Santa for wittle Seulgibear, okie?" Irene teased, pinching the younger's cheek.


“ual orientation?” Seulgi asked after pouting up a storm.


“Um… bi I guess? But I’ve only had boyfriends,” Irene answered. 


“Ohhh, I wanna hear about these boyfriends!” the bear said, clapping excitedly.


Irene grimaced, and then took a deep breath. “Okay, well, there was Sehun, my high school boyfriend. We did long distance for a bit in college, and then he broke up with me ‘cause he got someone pregnant.“


“Oh dayumn!”


“Nono, it wasn't as traumatic as it sounds. We weren’t really handling long distance very well. I mean, we were kids. Like, it getting cheated on, but I always knew he wasn’t the love of my life or anything.” 


“Of course not, I'm the love of your life,” Seulgi said, grinning.


Irene ignored her greasiness. "Next boyfriend was Chanyeol in col

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Blue_is #1
Chapter 14: You know that 3x3 tiles where one categorizes good, neutral, evil x lawful, neutral, chaotic, this fic is the top tier example of chaotic good. Thank you author!
devilsdetails #2
Chapter 14: the way everyone can see that they're in love with each other except for them and their partners omg they're such an entertaining dumpster fire 😭 i know you said no angst but the lowkey yearning in this that they keep trying to downplay is so good 🙈 i usually dislike a miscommunication trope that should be easy to resolve if they just talked but the way it's written here is actually refreshing and fun!
AnneTokki #3
Chapter 14: Seulgi saying, JooHyun feels like home aww. Hope they realize that they live each other. Maybe Rosie and Wendy.
eunxiaoxlove #4
So is joohyun jealous of wense or seulse or both? Haha
regurgitate #5
Chapter 14: Seems Joohyun was jealous of Wendy fawning over Rosé and not because Seulgi is dating Rosé . Joohyun just gives me the protective best friend vibes here. Which is cool, actually. Dunno how it happened, but I actually like the couples we have now to just stay together. I mean, it was serious enough for Seulgi that she accepted and respected Rosé's terms. Can't just have things unravel between them when what they have now sparked such a major shift. Or to put it simply: if that person made me consider changing my ways (not that they're fundamentally good or bad, but just that changing in itself is already significant) I think she's worth staying with.
Oct_13_wen_03 #6
Chapter 14: They like married couples , make up with fav things after a fight 😭🤍🤍 so cute 🤍
Chapter 13: So Rosé was the first girl to reject from Seulgi? 😭
249 streak #8
Chapter 13: OMG! They're so in love with each other! I'm really enjoying this building tension between them. It's going to be so good, I can feel it. Great job author. You're the best 🧡
Blue_is #9
Chapter 13: Most of the times I just have to re-read (how the hell is peanut hamburger connected to rejection????) I realized I am very simple minded I have to reach your level of intelligence to understand, you know those kinds of stuffs are like physics to me, Albert Einstein level, right you are Einstein author, I don't know if I understand nevertheless I am clapping my hands here, this makes me high and I don't even know what it feels to be high. I don't know anymore, I don't....
regurgitate #10
Chapter 13: Glazed doughnuts are the only doughnuts that matter. Everything else is a gastronomical aberration and abomination. Hmmm. So Rosie wants to take things slow, huh? Wonder if Seulgi can take that.