“And here I was worried you would start avoiding me after you banished my abs to the less friendzone,” Seulgi said with a smirk when Irene opened her apartment door to let her neighbour in. 

“Shut up, don't be dramatic, and don’t be a skeeze. I have people over,” Irene hissed, pulling the bear inside. “Not exactly people, just a bunch of goons, but I’m not in the mood to deal with ribbing.”

“I’m fighting the urge to make a joke.”

“God, please-“

“Ribbed condoms heighten pleasure. Ribbing. . l penetration.”

“I’m fighting the urge to throw you out.”

“You know how I am! Why’d you even invite me if you’re gonna censor me?” 

“Well, I mean… do you not want to meet my people?” There was a glimmer of hurt in Irene’s voice. 

“What a flimsy excuse just to see me!” Seulgi teased. “You’re so clingy, Baechu. Just can’t get enough of this, huh?” Seulgi continued greasily, motioning to her body.

Irene glared, grabbed a nice, fleshy part of the bear’s arm, and pinched like she was battling the world’s strongest insect. “Owwww! ! Mercy! Let go, Joohyun! You’re gonna rip my arm off!”

“Who’s clingy?” Irene demanded with dead eyes.

“Me! It’s me! I’m so clingy! I miss you every second we’re apart! I’m gonna go challenge Wendy to a duel for your hand in marriage! Have mercy, juseyo, por favor!!!” Seulgi shrieked. 

Irene finally relented and let go, looking extremely pleased with herself. Seulgi had tears in her eyes. The bear rubbed the red spot on her arm where the older had attempted homicide, and whimpered. 

“Aww, Seul, you missed me? That’s so sweet,” Irene gushed, voice dripping saccharine, sidehugging the bear. 

“ing psycho,” Seulgi sobbed. ing cute, I could smooch your face off, she thought, and immediately mentally shook herself. What the , what?? “Where’s Wendy at? I’m gonna go smooch her face off!” Seulgi asked, trying to regain composure.

Irene rolled her eyes. “She’s hiding in my bedroom after the interrogation she just got, but you can go bother her. She’ll be happy to see someone who’s not on her case.” 

“Wendy has a case? But she’s so cool!”

“They were messing with her,” Irene looked pointedly over to a listless trio, who had taken over her couch like a parasitic species. 

“I’m gonna go seduce Wendy,” Seulgi declared in jest.

“Yeah, okay, good luck with that,” Irene scoffed, ruffling the bear’s hair, making Seulgi swat her hand away. 

“Don’t uglify me!” Seulgi shrieked. 

“Anyway, guys, this is Seulgi, my super annoying neighbour,” Irene announced to the room, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling. “That’s Joy and Yeri, they crawled out of the bowels of hell. And this cretin, whom I unfortunately share DNA with, is ruler of the underworld and lord of the flies,” Irene gestured towards someone, who indeed bore a striking, gorgeous resemblance to her. 

The bear gave an awkward wave to the bored and disdainful-looking group, lounging in the living room like buzzards waiting for something to drop dead. 

“Wow, that was quite the introduction, I’m touched. In some cultures, they just say sister, but unnie’s too threatened by my beauty, I suppose. Hi, Seulgi, I’m Jisoo,” she said, and got up to shake the bear’s hand. “Don’t worry, I’m the superior sibling so you’ve already survived dealing with the worst of the family.”

“Everyone knows younger siblings are conceived in case the firstborn ever needs an organ donor,” Irene shot. 

“Everyone knows firstborns are accidents!” Jisoo cackled back.

“They’re gonna be bickering for a while. You should sit,” Yeri advised Seulgi. 

“Seulgi, you’re hot, come sit on my lap,” Joy offered loudly.

Seulgi looked questioningly over at Irene, who now had Jisoo in a chokehold, and was giving her dongsaeng noogies. 

The bear shrugged. “Yeah, okay,” she said, starting to make her way to Joy, before Irene yanked her by her shirt collar and smacked her head. 

“Yeah, no, you’re right, my body belongs to Wendy,” the bear amended. “Sorry, Joy.”

Yeri and Joy smirked knowingly at each other. 

“That’s okay, Seulgi, the night is young, and ahjumma has a bedtime,” Joy winked.

“Are you all from Daegu?” Seulgi asked, sitting across from Yeri and Joy.

“Just the Tragi-twins. I’m from Jeju. Yeri’s a Seoulite through and through,” Joy answered.

“Omg, is that actually what you call someone from Seoul? How would you say it for Jeju?” Yeri asked. “Jejuite?”

“Jejunian?” Joy offered.

Seulgi pulled out her phone and Googled. “Jejuan, apparently,” she corrected. 

“Jejuan, Jejuuuuan,” Joy exaggeratedly enunciated. “Sounds like some type of spicy chicken.” 

“Everything sounds like spicy chicken to you. Geez, those all sound bad though. Seoulite, what the ?” Yeri complained. “It’s like regular Seoul, but with twenty percent less fat.” 

“They always say less fat, but they get you with more sodium,” Jisoo said, untangling herself from her unnie’s strangle, and then shoving Irene. 

“So how do you all know each other?” Seulgi asked after laughing politely. 

“Yeri and Joy are Chu’s friends, they met in uni, and they all like to hit me up when they’re hungry and broke,” Irene explained.

“Damn, that’s cold, unnie,” Joy commented.

“Yeah, you say that like we’re just using you,” Yeri agreed.

“Which reminds me, are we having dinner before or after the amusement park?” Jisoo demanded.

"I mean, we're definitely using you, but that's not all. We like you sometimes," Yeri added as a sheepish afterthought. 

“We’re going to Everland?” the bear asked excitedly.

“Oof, calm down, teddy, no. We’re going to Yongma Land,” Joy answered.

“Yongma Land?” Seulgi repeated confusedly. 

“Yongma Land,” Jisoo confirmed with a crazed look in her eyes.

“ing Yongma Land,” Yeri grumbled.

“The dilapidated theme park?” Seulgi asked, still confused. 

“It’s not just dilapidated, it’s completely abandoned,” Yeri complained. 

“Well, not completely if people are still going to see the ruins,” Joy mused.

“It’s where dreams go to die,” Jisoo declared excitedly.

“Your pants are where dreams go to die,” Yeri deadpanned.

“Your face is where dreams go to die,” Jisoo shot back. 

“Isn’t it haunted?” Seulgi asked with slight concern. 

“Your pants are haunted,” Yeri joked. 

“Your face is haunted,” Jisoo retorted. 

Seulgi got up and headed to the bedroom. “I uh… I’m gonna go talk to someone sane.”

*

“That was quite the flirting you and the human teddy bear were doing earlier,” Jisoo said once Seulgi was out of earshot, pulling her sister out of the apartment and into the hall for even more privacy.

“That was not flirting, Jisoo, that was friendly banter,” Irene said, pursing her lips.

“Friendly banter, my ! I practically needed a salad so you could make little baby teddy bears in front of it,” Jisoo snorted. “Why aren’t you dating, freals? Don’t get me wrong, I like Wendy, but it’s too calculated with her- accounting pun! But seriously, there’s something going on with you and Seulgi. I can smell it.”

“Does it smell like delusion? Seulgi and I are just friends.”

“Oh sure, like you and Jennie Kim were just friends.”

“She was straight! And literally was my best friend til she left for New Zealand!”

“Joohyun, everyone in school knew to stay away from Jennie’s car whenever she would blast Bone Thugs ‘cause it meant you guys were recreating that scene from Titanic where they fog up the car window. And you think Jennie Kim is straight? Are you actually s