It’s been a few days since Zoa has returned back to campus and today classes have officially started. She’s still a little disoriented and distracted from the whole relaxing and chilling feeling she’s got from Christmas holidays and it’s still a little too hard to focus back to class and study hard but Zoa is a good student that likes studying a lot and very hard so she’s trying hard to cope with all the new homework the professors are giving them. Going back to the fast and stressful rhythm and routine of classes and studying isn’t easy, but she’s trying her best. Going back to college also means meeting up with the basketball team’s members and hanging out with her classmates too so Zoa has been pretty busy the whole morning trying to catch up with everyone and everything. 

To the point that she hasn’t even realized Jiwoo hasn't attended the first few classes. After all, even if the seat next to her hasn’t been occupied by her friend for the first couple of minutes which has made Zoa wonder what has happened to her friend, Siyoon has occupied that seat and Zoa has been busy all morning catching up with her friend and classmate. 

The two have been walking down the hallway, holding their books as they are heading towards their lockers to leave their books there when Zoa’s eyes land on a familiar brunette walking across from them, heading to a different direction. 

“Hey! Jiwoo! Where have you been? I missed you!” Zoa immediately greets her friend as she walks towards her and embraces her friend in a tight hug. Jiwoo giggles softly, patting Zoa’s shoulders and letting go of the hug as soon as Zoa has hugged her.

“Hey. I overslept. Damn I’ve gotten so used to sleeping a lot during holidays that it’s pretty hard waking up early now.” Jiwoo says. 

“I agree. Can’t they change the classes and schedule them to start two hours later?” Siyoon butts in their conversation. 

“I guess they really love torturing us.” Zoa agrees. 

“Would you like to hang out? I missed you, and I would also like to get today’s homework too.” Jiwoo suggest to Zoa as she looks back at the tall girl whose eyes light up upon hearing about hanging out with her best friend but immediately frowns once she remembers something. 

“I would love that, Jiwoo, but I promised to catch up for lunch with Jihan unnie. Maybe in the afternoon?” Jiwoo smiles bitterly before she shakes her head slowly. 

“I have dance classes. It’s fine. We can arrange that another time.” Jiwoo says. Zoa parts her lips about to protest but Jiwoo cuts her off by adding,

“I’m kind of in a rush now. I’ll see you around, ok cypress?” Jiwoo says, forming a playful smile, literaly forcing it before she waves goodbye and walks away. 

“She seems a little moody today or is it just me?” Siyoon asks Zoa a little unsure who wonders for a few seconds before she shakes her head. 

“Nah, it’s just Jiwoo and she’s just sulky that college has started again.” 

[...]

Soojin sighs a little tiredly. Returning back to college isn’t easy at all. She’s tried relaxing a little during Christmas holidays and stress out about college and essays a little less but now it all comes back like a boomerang making Soojin extremely anxious, which ends up with her studying hard and nonstop all day and night. She’s studying so much that she’s not even sure what time it is right now, or what her friends are up to. She’s put her phone on silent and away from her in order to focus on studying, studying and well… studying again. 

She’s focusing so hard that she doesn’t notice or hear the sound of her door being knocked at first until the knocking is repeated for a second time and longer this time. She frowns a little as she stands up from her seating calling aloud,

“Coming!” before she walks up to the door wondering who it might be. Her mind thinks of Soeun immediately because she’s her lover and Soojin’s mind easily thinks of Soeun first before everything else. After all, it would make sense for the girl to show up after Soojin having ditched her for so many hours and days… actually. 

“Soeun, haven’t I told you I’m busy studyin-” Soojin says as she opens the door only to stop mid sentence once she’s faced with Jiwoo’s frame instead. She pauses, surprised and Jiwoo smiles a little awkwardly. 

“Hi.” She lets out shortly. 

“Hey. Are you looking for Zoa? Because if you are, she’s not here and honestly I’m not sure when it was the last time I saw he-”

“No. Actually, I am looking for you.” Soojin frowns, looking at Jiwoo puzzled, confused and a little surprised too. 

“Me?” Jiwoo nods her head before she adds slowly,

“Only if you are available though. If you’re busy studying then I will pass by another time.” Soojin observes Jiwoo’s frame a little, seeing the girl’s nervous posture, analyzing the girl’s tone in her voice and the girl’s gloomy expressions and she immediately realizes something is up. Jiwoo isn’t originally like that. She’s usually happy, cheerful and very teasing. This Jiwoo however looks very different and Soojin can’t even explain how or why. All that she knows is that Jiwoo looks different and if she wanted to see Soojin it probably means that she’s looking for advice. 

“Actually, I would like to have a small break right now. I think I need it. Do you wanna go to the cafeteria to grab something together?” Soojin suggests softly as she smiles at the girl, feeling like the girl badly needs a smile but Jiwoo shakes her head immediately.   

“No. I would like some privacy so your room is fine. Of course only if you want to.” Soojin nods her head slowly in understanding before she opens her door wider, letting Jiwoo in. The girl walks inside slowly as she looks around the dorm room, observing every little detail about it. She smiles bitterly upon looking at Zoa’s side of the room, holding onto a deer plushie the girl has on her bed along with many other plushies. Soojin closes the door behind them before she walks back into the room. 

“You would prefer it if it was Soeun unnie at the door, wouldn’t you?” Jiwoo asks Soojin as she lets down the plushie back to its previous spot and turns to look at Soojin. Soojin shakes her head immediately. 

“No. I just thought it was her because she tends to get worried whenever I don’t respond to her texts and get too busy with studying.” Soojin explains and Jiwoo nods her head. Soojin points at Zoa’s bed before she says,

“Let’s have a seat.” but Jiwoo shakes her head again, surprising Soojin once again before she heads towards Soojin’s bed and sits there instead. Soojin thinks it’s a little odd but doesn’t comment on it now. She sits next to Jiwoo on her bed before she asks the girl who hasn’t stopped fiddling with her fingers nervously,

“How can I help you?” Jiwoo fiddles with her fingers a little more before she mumbles to herself,

“I think this is a mistake.” and she’s about to stand up but Soojin is fast enough to ask her first,

“Why do you think that?”

“Because you’re directly related to my problem.” Jiwoo says though she doesn’t stand up from the bed like how she’s thought of doing seconds ago. 

“Do you have someone else to talk about it with? I just want you to let it out because keeping it in makes people struggle a lot, usually. So if you have somebody to talk to that’s all that matters to me. Even if it’s not me, I won’t mind. As long as you let it out.” Jiwoo thinks about it for a few long seconds before she shakes her head. 

“Well then… that’s a problem.” Soojin says slowly. Jiwoo slowly nods her head before she lets out a heavy, long sigh. She seems to be troubled, thinking about it for a couple of minutes before she turns to face Soojin saying,

“Can you promise you won’t tell anyone about my problem?” Soojin slowly nods her head. Jiwoo nods her own shortly as well, as in to give some strength to herself. She takes a breath before she clenches her fists, knitting her eyebrows, determined before she parts her lips,blurting out loud,

“It’s about Zoa.” And immediately gulps, her eyes widening, surprised at herself for finally letting a part of her problem out loud. 

“Are you sure you won’t tell anyone anything now? Especially to her? When the problem is related to her?” Soojin purses her lips before she slowly nods her head. 

“I won’t tell her. I won’t tell anyone else as well.” She promises. Jiwoo gulps hard.  

“I…” She parts her lips but her voice ends up coming out weaker and weaker, having totally lost all her strength and confidence by now, sounding broken and vulnerable. 

“I like her. Romantically.” Jiwoo says in almost a whisper, looking towards Zoa’s polaroids hanging over her desk, on her wall as she smiles bitterly. Her hands hold onto Soojin’s sheets tightly, as if she’s holding onto them for dear life, her eyes getting watery before she continues.

“It’s just so easy to fall for her. It’s easy because she’s so different. She’s the only light in this cruel world. She’s full of happiness and joy, and it just feels so euphoric and safe being around her. Her laughter makes me so happy and her smile… when she smiles it feels like she can cure all the world’s problems and illnesses. I…” Jiwoo can’t continue talking as a sharp and weak sob hits her, cutting her off guard from talking. 

“I didn’t mean to fall for her, unnie. I really didn’t mean to!” Jiwoo cries out and Soojin side hugs her immediately. Jiwoo buries her head on Soojin’s shoulder and the older lets her cry for a few long minutes. They don’t talk for a while. It’s only Jiwoo crying and Soojin caressing her back soothingly, trying to comfort her as much as possible. 

“At first I thought I could handle it. At first I thought I could ignore it. I thought I could overcome it and move on. But it started to get hard and I lost control over it. Then I thought it would be enough to just be her friend and like her until my feelings would fade away on their own. But it started to hurt too much…” Jiwoo says weakly, wiping her tears with the back of her palm as she moves her head away from Soojin’s shoulder, finally finding the strength to talk again. 

“It hurts because she doesn’t like me back that way. And don’t tell me that I don’t know because she hasn’t said anything. I don’t need her to say anything. It’s obvious. I can read her like an open book sometimes. It’s obvious on her face. It’s pretty clear to see the friendly way she’s treating me. But that’s not even the only part that hurts me. What hurts the most is how I witness her falling for Jihan unnie every single day. And she’s not even aware of her feelings!” Jiwoo lets out, the last part louder now. Soojin frowns a little but Jiwoo nods her head again and again. 

“I’m sure you’ve noticed it too. But even if you haven’t, I’m here to announce it to you. She likes Jihan unnie. They text all the time, they hang out all the time, she talks about Jihan unnie all the time and she’s always the happiest when she’s with her. I’ve seen the smiles she gives Jihan unnie. She’s never smiled to me that way. She doesn’t even hold my hand when we hang out! She’s treating Jihan unnie differently. But she’s not aware of it and I don’t want to be the one making her see that because it just hurts too much!” Jiwoo lets out, wiping her newly shed tears furiously. She takes a long breath in, trying to calm herself down. 

“I don’t know why I’m telling you all these. I’m just in so much pain and I badly needed to let it out. I wanted to confess before the Christmas holidays but when I looked at her I only saw her friendly smile. She was oblivious. She was so oblivious of my feelings and pain that it just hurt even more. And when she was with Jihan unnie during that party… it was just too clear that she was looking at her as if she’s her whole world. I’m not saying I hate Jihan unnie. But it just hurt too much… I tried hard to forget about it during the holidays but now that I got back to college it feels too hard breathing the same air as her. I couldn’t even sit at the same desk with her today so I had to skip class!” Jiwoo lets out before she takes another long breath. 

“I give up on loving her. I want to move on. I can’t hold onto these feelings any longer, it does no good to me. But I can’t avoid her either. Gosh, I don’t know what to do unnie…” Jiwoo mumbles sadly. Soojin hugs her head, rubbing her back soothingly. She’s shocked upon hearing all that though she can’t exactly say she hasn’t noticed a few things. 

“I’ll help you. If you need time alone and away from her I’ll help you. I’ll keep her distracted so she won’t realize you’re avoiding her. I promise I will help you. Just take your time, ok?” Jiwoo nods her head before she looks at her phone and stands up in a rush. 

“She will be back here soon. She said she would go for lunch with Jihan unnie. She can’t see me here. Especially when I look like this. She will get worried and ask questions. But please, please don’t tell her anything.”

“Of course I won’t.” Soojin promises again. Jiwoo hugs her tightly. 

“Thank you unnie.” She thanks Soojin before she quickly leaves the room in a rush. As Soojin is about to close the door behind her once Jiwoo leaves she’s met with Zoa and Jihan returning back to their dorm rooms from the other end of the hallway. 

“Hey! Was that Jiwoo just now?” Zoa asks as her giggles with Jihan fade away and faces Soojin. Soojin looks at Zoa, then back at Jihan, at their goofy smiles before her eyes land on their hands. She realizes that Jiwoo is right. No matter the signs and thoughts she, herself had before, now that Jiwoo also confirmed it she’s sure the girl is right. She’s sure she was also right when she first got that idea, those thoughts, those signs… 

Zoa truly likes Jihan. 

More than anyone else. 

“Yeah, she just passed by to get one of your notebooks since she missed today’s classes.” Soojin says and Zoa slowly nods her head. Soojin scratches the back of her head as she realizes she truly has to talk to Zoa about her feelings, but in order to do that, she really needs to clear up her mind and think of ways to tell her that. And she knows she needs her friends’ help for that. 

“Actually, can you two go buy me lunch too? I haven’t realized how fast time flies and I’m really hungry now.” She thinks of a way to get herself some extra time and she can’t help but smile once both Zoa and Jihan agree enthusiastically. They bid Soojin goodbye and once they’re out of sight Soojin immediately calls the other two saying,

“COME TO MY DORM ROOM IMMEDIATELY! IT’S AN EMERGENCY!”

[...]

Soojin tries to collect her thoughts one by one in order to talk to Zoa about this whole ordeal. She tries to start thinking of when it has actually started, or how, or when the lines got blurred, how she could explain how romantic feelings are different from the friendly feelings anyone could feel towards a friend and a lover. And then her mind goes to Jihan. If Zoa wouldn’t get any of all that Soojin would have to hint to the girl that Jihan likes her in order to make her think of this situation seriously and stop hurting Jihan with her obliviousness. At least, she should be aware of that. 

Jihan confessed her feelings to the girls a few days earlier. In fact, right before Zoa arrived at the dorms. The girls have met up earlier, when Zoa has stopped by the campus’ gym for an emergency meeting with the team and later on called her mother too. The girls had plenty of time to meet up at Soojin and Zoa’s dorm room as Jihan had called them over to borrow Soojin’s key in order to surprise the girl. And… that’s when they started questioning her, finally wanting a proper confession from the girl herself. They already had hints and about it but never had a proper, clear answer from her.  

They've sat down on Zoa's bed, everyone surrounding Jihan as the girl has explained to them her plan and also showed them the gifts she's got them all. Her plan at first was to surprise Zoa and for all the girls to remain in the room and have a group hang out, but the more she kept talking about it the more the girls started smirking knowingly, as if they knew something more, something that she didn't, it wasn't aware of. 

“So Zoa missed you a lot, and you want us now to have a surprise group hang out?” Soojin announces, wanting to make sure she's understood this right. Jihan nods her head. 

“We didn't get the chance to meet at all during the Christmas holidays.” Jihan confirms. 

“Maybe we should give you two some privacy then.” Soeun says softly, trying to sound sympathetic but her mischievous smirk betrays her, making Jihan frown confused. 

“She wanted a group hang out though.”

“No Jihan. She only texted you that she missed you. Not Jaehee. And she kept bugging us about how much she missed you, not how much she missed Jaehee or our group hang outs as a whole group. She agreed to the idea of a group hang out because that was the only way she could see you again.” Monday explains. Jihan frowns even more. 

“No. No you got it wrong.” She tries to correct them but they refuse to hear her as Soeun speaks up again. 

“Just say it. It's just us. And we won't tell her.”

“You like her, don't you?” Monday asks, a knowing smirk on her lips. 

“I don't know what you're talking about.” Jihan immediately denies it and shakes her head, folding her arms over her chest in a protective motion. She truly feels embarrassed and outed by her very own friends. 

“I don't know what you're talking about!” Monday mimics her voice before she adds,

“My Han Jihyo! You know very well what we're talking about!”

Soojin glares at her friends before she holds Jihan's hands, who look like she's about to have a mental break down any moment now and comforts her by saying,

“It's fine if you like her. They sound scary right now but they're just excited about you. We won't scold you or anything just because we've been best friends with Zoa since babies and because we raised her basically and want to protect her at all costs. We know you won't hurt her. If anything you're doing the exact opposite honestly and we trust you. You're our friend and hers too.” Jihan sighs heavily before she shakes her head. 

“It's not you whom I'm troubled about. I know you guys don't mind if I like her… I just… She's very oblivious. And innocent. And so not in love with me. This all… it's just pointless isn't it? I'm putting so much effort into nothing…” Jihan confesses, finally letting out her thoughts and feelings and overall her more depressing and darker side out which isn't a side to easily see at Jihan. If anything, people most probably usually think that it doesn't even exist! 

“Hey, it's not pointless! You're being an amazing friend to her and she truly appreciates it, trust me. She always talks about you to us so she really likes your company and appreciates your efforts.” Soojin tries to comfort Jihan who pouts sadly.

“That's making the whole issue way harder then. She's truly an amazing person so having one sided feelings for her feels hard. And depressing.” 

“Maybe we should keep the good stuff about this situation. You don't even know how she feels. The good point here is that you like her and finally admitted it. Now the next steps are easier. Whether it's for you to confess or move on, it will be way easier, trust us.” Soeun says and they all hug Jihan, encouraging her once again and just comforting her by telling her that liking Zoa is a good thing because the girl is a really nice person and would never break her heart no matter her own feelings towards Jihan. 

Soojin wasn’t even aware of Zoa’s feelings when Jihan has confessed a few days ago. She hasn’t even realized. 

She paces back and forth on her room for a long time, keeping shut as she tries hard of think of what to do. 

“Gosh, unnie it’s getting tiring seeing you walking back and forth. Just tell her that she likes Jihan and so be it!” Monday groans. 

“It’s not that easy, Monday. She will freak out! Imagine if we showed up at your apartment one morning and told you you like Jaehee without you having realized that yet! It’s like as if we’re forcing out a situation!”

“But that’s not the case. Because we aren’t. This is just how it is, and we’re just here to help. We’re only going to talk to her and make her realize. If she doesn’t accept it that’s her own problem and overall acceptance is a step she has to go through by herself. We can’t do anything about that, babe. She’s free to reject it, to deny it, to simply not accept it as well as try to move on too. It’s her own choice. We’re not forcing her to do anything. And we surely aren’t forcing her to like Jihan because that’s what’s already happening and we didn’t make that happen. We’re just here to tell her that it’s happening.” Soeun tries to calm down Soojin’s nerves who looks at her for a few long seconds before she sighs heavily and nods her head, realizing that these are the exact words she badly wanted to hear and those are the exact words she’s going to tell Zoa when she freaks out ⏤because she’s sure the girl will freak out, there’s just no way for them to prevent it, it’s either she freaks out completely, or freaks out just a little bit. 

Just when they’ve finally made up their mind and calmed down Soojin the door is unlocked and the familiar tall brunette that they’ve been talking about shows up, wearing her thick coat, gloves, scarf and beanie over her head while her hands are occupied with a plastic bag of Soojin’s lunch. Soojin smiles softly upon seeing the long forgotten lunch she’s sent the girl to buy her, feeling touched by the girl’s action of never forgetting about her and caring about her so much. 

“Oh! I didn’t know Soeun unnie and Monday unnie would join us. I didn’t buy you guys lunch. Are you hungry? I can still go.” Zoa suggests, not taking off her boots yet and not moving away from the door just in case she would have to leave again. The two look at Soojin, wondering if she needs more time to collect her thoughts so they would send Zoa to get them lunch too but she shakes her head, deciding that she’s made up her mind and is ready to talk to the younger one. She will never be completely fully ready to face this situation, she realizes. But she has to do it one way or another, whether she’s ready or not. 

“We’re fine.” Soeun replies before Monday nods her head adding,

“We had lunch a while ago.” Which wasn’t a lie. 

“Ok then. There you go unnie~” Zoa says softly, taking off her boots and handing Soojin the plastic bag of lunch before she takes off her coat, gloves and beanie and settles them on the hanger. Soeun and Monday don’t say anything at first, leaving it all up to Soojin to start off the conversation who first thanks Zoa for the lunch before she leaves the plastic bag on her desk. Zoa looks at it before she looks back at Soojin a little confused. Then she asks,

“You won’t eat?”

“Later. I was actually thinking of talking to you about something first.” Soojin says softly before her eyes land on Soeun and Monday for help. 

“Oh! What is it about?” Zoa asks, tilting her head to the side, her big, round, dark brown eyes looking at Soojin curiously and cluelessly. Soeun quickly stands up from her spot on Soojin’s bed and walks up to Zoa, holding her by her shoulder as she says,

“Uhm, why don’t we take a seat first, Hyewon ah? Mmm? This talk is gonna take a while.” and leads the tall girl towards her bed, placing her down as she sits next to her. Soojin sits down on the chair of her desk while Monday still sits on Soojin’s bed. 

“Why? Is it serious? Something bad happened?” Zoa asks, a little confused and a little worried too before Soojin quickly shakes her head and Monday assures her that everything is fine. 

“I just wanted to catch up with you a little. It’s been months since you firstly started college and I wanted to make sure everything is alright.” Zoa smiles slowly before she nods her head. 

“Everything is going fine but I’m sure you already know that unnie. I always tell you about my day.” Soojin nods her head in confirmation. 

“That’s true. You do. And you really talk a lot about your day, which I like. You especially talk a lot about the things you’re excited about and the things you like the most in your day.” Zoa nods her head with a shy smile. 

“It’s because I am really happy and want to share my enthusiasm. You said before that it’s not a bad thing so I keep doing it. If you ever get tired though you should tell me so I will stop doing it or do it less.” Soojin shakes her head. 

“I’m not tired. I just wanted to point out something. Except for the things you like the most in your day or how much you enjoy playing basketball again, you really talk a lot about Jihan, Zoa. Have you realized?” Soojin says slowly and softly, wanting to sound like a caring friend and not scare out the poor girl. Zoa tilts her head to the side, staring at Soojin deeply and the girl feels almost bad for saying even just that to her. Zoa looks at Soojin a little confused, as if she hasn’t realized she’s been talking nonstop about Jihan to Soojin before her eyes get distant and she looks at her shaky hands, a pout visible on her lips. Soojin would do anything to know what’s on the girl’s mind right now. 

“She is my best friend, that’s why. Is it bad?” Zoa asks quickly at the end of her slow sentence, looking at Soojin almost scared to know the answer. For some reason she feels very insecure and unsettled being questioned about her enthusiasm towards Jihan. It suddenly feels like a very sensitive topic, one she has to protect and keep safe to herself and only. She must keep it safe. 

“No. No it’s not.” Soojin says immediately, shaking her head in the process in order to make Zoa feel better immediately. 

“Have you wondered why you talk a lot about her?” Zoa furrows her eyebrows, not really understanding this kind of question, having never questioned this to herself at all before. 

“Because she’s my best friend.” She replies, sounding a little unsure of the answer though. 

“Ey! I’m your best friend too. Does that mean you talk nonstop about me too?” Monday asks Zoa who’s eyes land on her now before she slowly shakes her head, not really understanding why she doesn’t talk as much about Monday. 

“Jihan unnie is fun. And she makes me really happy. Is it bad that I’m excited about my new best friend?” She