Changes and new beginnings are always hard. Sometimes they’re interesting. Some other times they’re scary. Some other times they’re just new situations that you just have to get used to and adapt to. You’ll eventually find your routine and get used to this. But at first, it surely is hard. It’s hard because things change, because what you used to know and felt safe with before is altering and you’re forced to get out of your comfort zone and enter a new one, that looks more like a warzone to you. And stepping out of a comfort zone is always hard for any kind of person out there… 

Zoa’s first official meet up with the team finally comes on a busy Tuesday afternoon already in the middle of October. The weather has already started to get just a little colder, to the point that you surely have to carry around a jacket and wear long pants. So when Zoa and a couple of the new additional members show up wearing their casual long sports pants and hoodies, Younghoon could only laugh at them. 

“Welcome to the team, once again. From now on you’ll have to attend every meeting we have on Tuesdays and Fridays from 7:00 pm to 8:30 pm. You’re allowed not to attend for a maximum of three times because it’s understandable that you might catch a cold once or get sick. But if it keeps happening then unfortunately you’ll have to be kicked out of the team and replaced by someone else. We take this team seriously and weekly practices matter a lot.” Yunho explains as he stands in the middle of the basketball court inside the gym and the rest of the team stands around him in a circle, hearing him out carefully. 

“Hyunsuk will give you your new basketball uniform and you’re always going to wear that during practice because it’s more convenient. Meaning that you’ll have to get changed in a while because yes this starts from today onwards. Always remember to report any kind of difficulty or problems you have to me or one of the team members that you trust. Tournaments officially start from February meaning that we have to practice really hard until then. Are there any questions?” 

And so, Hyunsuk hands them their new uniforms and shortly after Zoa finds herself dressed in the college’s official basketball uniform that’s in a light blue color with white lines here and there and has the official logo of their college at the front while it has Zoa’s name at the back. She quickly ties her shoes by the bench before a few of her new teammates that she’s also met the other day at the party walk towards her. 

“Hey kid. Welcome to the team.” Doyeon greets her and Zoa quickly stands up to shake hands with her. 

“Yunho is a good leader and he’s good with speeches and encouraging words but he’s surely not better than us when it comes to friendliness.” Yunjin jokes as she shakes her head, her black curly hair that is tied in a high ponytail shaking left and right. 

“There aren’t that many girls on the team and surely there aren’t many who entered the team this year as well, so we’re actually glad you’re one among the newcomers. You also have skills which are a bonus.” Aisha comments.

“Yay! Now we’ll have a new shopping buddy!” Yunjin exclaims excitedly while the other two shake their heads. 

“Don’t mind her. She’s just excited we finally got a new girl in the team. It’s been a while.” Doyeon says and Zoa smiles. 

“So you’re a freshman.” Aisha points out. Zoa nods her head before Yunjin claps her hands together, her face lighting up as she remembers something important. 

“You’re friends with Monday, Soeun and Soojin! Right?” Zoa's eyes widen a little as she parts her lips, surprised. 

“Uh, yeah. How do you know?” 

“We're classmates with Soojin but also because she's the students council’s president. Monday and Soeun are just the popular troublemakers duo. You can't just not know them if you're attending this college.” 

“Oh. I haven't realized my friends are that well known.” 

“Trust me, they are.” 

“Where are your goons today, log?” Younghoon jokes as he walks towards them. 

“Back off, airhead.” Doyeon says immediately. 

“Yeah, just let her be. What's your problem even, dude?” Aisha asks him, shaking her head in disapprovement. He laughs. 

“It's just fun teasing her.” He admits. 

“You're weird.” Yunjin comments before they all gather around Yunho who guides them on how to practice before practice starts. 

Zoa doesn't find anything out of the ordinary so far. If anything, her own practices with her coach used to be way more complicated and harder but she surely hadn't been practicing for two years in a row because she was studying so getting back on track is just a little harder than she would like to admit to herself. She's surely doing better than expected or better than most newcomers but Younghoon would always find anything to just pick on her and make her one and a half hours of practicing with him way too hard. He would pass the ball too harshly on her and use all of his strength to push her and basically almost throw her out of the court. Fortunately she's strong enough to keep the balance on her feet and not fly off but that can't last for long before she finds herself landing on her but, elbows sliding on the court and skin getting so scratched that it basically burns at this point. She hisses in pain and bites her lips, trying hard not to show pain in her face or else he would humiliate her even more and the last thing she wants right now is get way too humiliated on her very first practice with the team. 

Byunchan who has been the closest to her rushes towards her to check up on her but she quickly shakes her head saying,

“I'm fine.” Standing back up on her feet quickly, not wanting to show any pain. Yunho tilts his head to the side, observing her a little, knowing well enough that she's not fine at all.

“It's not my fault she's weak and falls this easily. Our competitors are surely not going to be soft with her.” Younghoon defends himself as soon as Yunho gives him a glance before the leader sighs. 

“I think that's enough for today. You guys did great. I'll see you all on Friday.” He dismisses the practice in a hurry though it's already time for them to be dismissed anyway before he walks towards Zoa to check up on her. She just keeps saying that she's fine, refusing to get to the infirmary room even though all of her teammates have been kind and caring towards her. She quickly gets changed back to her loose sports pants and hoodie that she's shown up to and walks back to the dorms, knowing well enough that she's promised not to be late for the rearrangement of their hideout tonight. 

“Hey! How has practice been?” Soojin asks Zoa once the girl unlocks their room. For a split second Zoa's eyes land on Soojin and her instinct to tell her everything comes so fast and hard within her that she almost parts her lips, the truth about to be spelled, hanging in the tip of her tongue, on her lips. 

It didn't go well. 

But something within her, a new darker feeling that she doesn't know what it is but definitely feels as bad as when she gets sick somehow tells her not to. It's the guilt and the humiliation from earlier and Zoa suddenly prefers not to say a word about it. She's going to be fine, her elbows are going to be fine soon and practice will surely get better with time and lots of, well practice. There's no point talking about it. So she quickly averts her eyes mumbling a low, forced, and short, 

“Good.” and with that she quickly adds,

“I gotta shower. I won't take long.” And with that she rushes to the bathroom. 

Maybe she's good at lying, but Soojin knows her ever since they've been babies and knows when the girl is lying or hiding things. What makes her surprised is that the girl has never tried hiding anything from her before. She has always been an open book to her, trusted her a lot and always sought advice from her. Soojin has been more than an older sister could ever be to Zoa and seeing her hiding something from her now makes the older feel sick to her stomach and get worried immediately. 

“Actually Monday said we could meet in an hour. She's still out on a date with Jaehee so you don't need to rush.” She says before she adds,

“Sit with me. Tell me about the practice. I want to hear more about it. And then you can go shower.” Zoa sighs a little saying,

“There's nothing interesting to talk about. We just practiced, played a few matches like how I used to do with my coach. All good.” She says in a hurry as she arranges her sports backpack, taking out the new uniform in order to get it to the laundry later because it surely smells right now. 

“Oh hey! You even got the new uniform today! Can't wait to see you in matches actually, and cheer on you.” That manages to bring a smile on Zoa's lips before she raises an eyebrow upon hearing a soft knock on their door. 

“Oh it must be Jihan. I told her to pass by as soon as she was done studying so she wouldn't feel lonely because Jaehee isn't in the room. I hope you don't mind.” Soojin says, making sure to stress the girl's name in order to make Zoa a little happier upon hearing that her favorite friend is coming over. 

Zoa shakes her head before she heads towards the door and opens it. 

“Hi! You're back from practice already?” Jihan asks and Zoa nods her head slowly, forming a small but surely brighter smile to her. 

“How did that go?” Jihan asks softly and Zoa suddenly feels guilty for lying earlier to Soojin. She surely can't bring herself to lie to Jihan too. Especially to Jihan who has never lied to her and has always been there for her, has always been real to her. That would surely ruin their friendship and break their trust. 

She scratches the back of her head awkwardly before she says,

“Well, as good as a first practice can go.” And walks back towards her side of the room, allowing Jihan to enter their room. Soojin gives her a look, a look of approval to keep trying to talk to Zoa in order to get out the truth from her which surely works because Jihan's next question surely brings more answers from Zoa. 

“And how is the first practice supposed to go?”

“Well surely it's bad because it's the very first practice and usually players aren't in shape.” Zoa says as she shrugs her shoulders and lets out a bitter laugh as she arranges her basket that she will need for her shower. 

“But you're not out of shape.” Jihan points out. 

“Then you should have been here today, unnie. I was bad.” Zoa replies honestly, hanging her head low and avoiding to look towards them. 

“I don't believe that. You're just not used to hard practice and practicing with a team rather than alone.” Jihan tries to be encouraging but Zoa isn't having any of it. It was a bad practice and no one will change her mind. She shakes her head. 

“I was terrible! How else do you explain these? I've never fallen for the past five years! I used to be strong in the field! Not flying like a piece of paper!” Zoa lets out as she slides upwards her sleeves showing the two her injuries from earlier. Jihan gasps, shocked at the sight and immediately getting worried while Soojin just sighs, having seen that sight a lot in the past. She just wished she wouldn't see it again any time soon but it seems like her wishes aren't about to come true from now on. 

“Who did this to you!? How!? Why!?” Jihan asks, not understanding while Soojin walks towards the talk girl and takes her to her bed. 

“Stay here. I'm going to bring the first aid kit.” Zoa lowers her head saying,

“I'm sorry you have to go through that again.”

“Hey. Never apologize for that. You're my friend, of course I would take care of you. It's not like you do this to yourself on purpose!” Soojin says as she sits down and holds Zoa's cheeks in order for the girl to face her, wanting Zoa to truly hear her out and believe her words. Zoa nods her head weakly before Soojin walks back to the bathroom, gets the first aid kit and returns back in the room, starting to clean up Zoa's wounds. The girl's elbows are bloody and it will surely take awhile for the wounds to fully heal as the wounds will surely string for a couple of days. 

“Younghoon sunbaenim did this.” Zoa confesses. Soojin pauses as she looks at Zoa worriedly. 

“He surely hates you.” Soojin points out. 

“Obviously. He surely is making my practice hard.”

“You know I would advise you to leave the team if he keeps this up besides the environment isn't civil anymore but I know you're strong and stubborn and won't like leaving the team like that. It would be like chickening out and he will surely humiliate you even more if you do that. So I'll advise you to take the best out of this. Maybe practice is gonna be hard from now on, but maybe this will help you become a stronger player and bring your team a victory.” 

“You really believe that? Because Yunho sunbaenim literally dismissed the practice because of me. He never said so but he was worried and didn't want to make a big deal out of it for my sake. But I still felt humiliated in a way.” Zoa confesses as her eyes land on Jihan who's still in the room, standing by her side and observing Soojin treating her wounds. 

“At least he's caring. He could keep on practicing without a single break.” Zoa sighs heavily. 

“I don't know. Today's practice was bad, you can't convince me otherwise.” Soojin purses her lips. 

“Hey. You surely had bad practices before. That's ok. There are always good and bad days. It's how it is. Maybe next time it will be a better practice. For now, just focus on the good parts from the practice and the fact that we're going to our new hideout, ok?” Zoa slowly nods her head before her face indeed lights up as she starts telling the two about her new girl friends that she's made in the team. 

Jihan couldn't help but notice how the girl didn't flinch not even once when Soojin took care of her wounds even if it would obviously sting while she also noticed how much more beautiful the girl looked once she would be talking about the happy things in her life, her face getting as bright as the sun. She notes to herself to try her hardest to always get that face instead of the gloomy one she's faced once she entered the two’s room. 

[...]

“So how did the date go?” Soeun teases Monday as soon as they all meet up, heading towards their hideout. She smirks from ear to ear, totally enjoying teasing Monday who gasps before she smiles happily saying,

“It was perfect. I'm finally dating the woman of my dreams!” 

“I thought that was Shakira?” Soojin asks before Soeun continues the teasing. 

“It was totally Beyonce, unnie.” Monday smiles shyly before Jaehee says,

“Oh so that's the bar of the competition now? That high? I don't think I can beat them though.” 

“Hey! Are you all teasing me!? Me!?” Monday exclaims and the rest laugh as they finally reach their hideout. Soojin explains to Zoa how they've worked really hard on cleaning up the classroom and getting rid of all the unwanted stuff kept in there and Zoa realizes their hard work as soon as she enters the big classroom, being met with a very clean and way emptier classroom than the last time she's entered it. It also has a few stuff of Monday's, some from Soeun, a small couch that they've managed to bring which Zoa isn't even sure how they did and she's not sure if she should even question it. There's a radio and lot's of CDs as well as comics and other stuff that they could use to entertain themselves anytime they're in this room. 

“Wow I feel glad I took a few posters with me. This place looks much better than the previous time but still less girly.” Soojin points out and Jihan hums in agreement. Monday throws her backpack somewhere on the couch while Soeun lays there and the taller among the two immediately hits her. 

“Hey, stand up! We're not here to lay down and chill. Not yet at least. We have to decorate!” Soeun groans.

“Do we really have to do this?” 

“Yes.” 

“Hm, I think I know a way to make it more fun.” Soojin says as she connects her phone with a Bluetooth speaker Soeun has brought with her earlier this afternoon and soon hyper and cheerful songs start playing. 

“Come on! Let's decorate this place while we have some fun!” Soojin says in a bright tone as she takes her posters and starts hopping around excitedly as she sticks them around the walls. Monday laughs as she dances along to the song, actually thinking that Soojin's idea isn't that bad. She tosses a few of the sprays she's taken with her to Soeun and soon the two are busy painting around the walls and lockers in the room, making the place just a little more their style. 

“Uhm, what should we do?” Jaehee asks, looking around the place, not really knowing where to start. 

“I’ve brought a few board games. Do you think we could ever play with these?” Jihan asks. Jaehee shrugs her shoulders before Zoa hops towards them excitedly, getting the board games from Jihan’s hands to check out each one of them. 

“Hey, these seem fun! We should play some time.” She points out before she scans the QR code from one of the games to see a related video of how to properly play the game and shows it to Jihan. Jaehee sighs a little before she decides to join Soojin in sticking the posters on the wall. 

“I brought a polaroid.” Zoa says to Jihan at some point before she looks out for it in her backpack and the two plop themselves on the couch and start taking a few photos, giggling happily at the silly poses and facial expressions they’re making. 

“Hey what are you two laughing at?” Soojin asks them at some point before Zoa mentions for her to join them and shortly after everyone does, one by one.

“Ready?” 

Click. 

A group photo. One with them laughing, one with Monday trying to push off Soeun from the couch, one with Soeun falling off the couch, one with Soeun trying to hit Monday but accidentally hitting Soojin, one with Soojin yelling at her. Zoa looks at them in her hands and laughs hard at the story unfolding slowly in every each one of them. 

“Jaehee unnie you look like an unbothered superstar in all of them no matter the chaos I swear!” She exclaims and laughs while Jaehee smiles proudly. 

“Of course I would. I’m the group’s visual I always have to look pretty.”

“Visual my !” Soeun teases her and sticks out her tongue to her. 

“Hey don’t insult my girlfriend!” Monday bickers. 

Meanwhile Zoa’s eyes land on her and Jihan, being stuck in the middle of their chaotic friend group, sitting in the middle of the couch, knees, thighs and shoulders touching as they side hug each other and smile brightly and happily in each one of the photos. Jihan pecks Zoa’s cheek in one of the photos and Zoa can feel the girl’s soft lips lingering on her cheek still, making her skin burn up at the spot she’s kissed it as well as shiver. 

“Let’s decorate them unnie!” She says happily as she drags Jihan back to the couch by holding her hand. The two plop themselves back down as they place the polaroids on the desks in front of the couch along with all the needed stickers and markers to decorate the polaroids while the rest return back to their previous spots. 

“Hey idiot. You have a red dot on your nose. You look like Rhudolf.” Monday jokes, teasing Soeun who tries to see the dot on her nose by crossing her eyes in the middle and making them both erupt into loud laughter. 

“Hey liar! There’s no dot!”

“There is one now.” Monday says before she paints the girl’s nose with her fingers on purpose. 

“Hey! Come back here! This means revenge!” Soeun exclaims as she chases Monday who has of course started running away. 

Meanwhile Zoa and Jihan are busy decorating the polaroids together, their fingers getting tangled together a lot of times as they end up sticking their bodies closer to each other and decorating the same polaroids together. Zoa has to admit that she would be nothing without her precious eonnideul. Letting it out about how bad her practice was earlier truly helped but hanging out with them helps her even more to get her mind off of practice and enjoy her precious time with them as well as have fun. Only them can make her feel this light and she loves feeling this light and having this innocent kind of fun. 

“I want to use this sticker.” Zoa says before Jihan shakes her head and takes it in her fingers first. 

“That one has another spot.”

“Really?” Zoa asks Jihan confused as she turns to look at Jihan and gets a little off guard by how close they are. Jihan turns to look at her as well and now that they’re almost a breath away Zoa can say that she has a very close and perfect view of Jihan’s prettiness. And Zoa has always thought that Jihan is very pretty but now she’s very sure that Jihan is drop dead gorgeous, flawlessly pretty, not just simply pretty. The girl’s dark brown hair falls on her sides and framing her cheeks along with her bangs that make her facial expressions look even warmer. The girl’s round chubby cheeks, cute buttoned up nose and full soft pink lips along with her adorable bunny teeth and smile as well as her dimples make the girl look even more adorable, cute and pretty but what Zoa can’t stop herself from staring is the girl’s eyes. They’re dark brown, but look so warm and filled with so much emotion, it’s just so easy to read Jihan’s feelings through her eyes, her warm eyes that shine underneath the room’s lights. 

Jihan is caught off guard by how close Zoa is as well and the girl’s intense stare on her face makes Jihan’s cheeks burn up as she swears she suddenly feels too nervous underneath the girl’s poor but intense stare. She can’t read through Zoa’s dark brown ⏤almost black at this point⏤ eyes that stare at her very carefully, totally seeing right through her. Jihan feels weak, exposed and stripped off her facade and protective walls that she’s built like every other ordinary person out there and feels completely in front of Zoa’s deep stare as she knows Zoa can see her feelings way too easily. She wonders if Zoa knows but tries to ignore in order not to ruin their friendship but by the girl’s clueless and pure expressions she can tell the girl is totally unaware of how much she’s making Jihan’s heart flutter by just a simple stare. 

“Yeah.” She hums softly, avoiding to look at Zoa’s eyes anymore before she takes the deer sticker in her fingers and sticks it on Zoa’s cheek. Zoa lets out a soft “Oh.” before she lets out an airy, soft laugh. 

“You’re a very cute unnie. Do you know that?” She asks Jihan as she holds the girl’s hand on her cheek, not wanting Jihan’s hand to leave her cheek just yet, loving the girl’s warmth radiating from her hand to Zoa’s body as well as the feeling of Jihan’s skin on her own. 

“I… uh… I’ve been told I’m cute, yeah.” Jihan replies, a little shyly and nervously too as she feels way too fluttered by Zoa’s motions, avoiding to look into Zoa’s eyes again. 

“It’s good that you’re aware of it because you’re really really cute, unnie.” Zoa says, smiling and nodding her head in confirmation while Jihan giggles and tries to pull herself a little further and focus back on decorating the polaroids.

Meanwhile a few pairs of eyes are settled on the two, but the two of them are totally unaware of the crowd and the attention they have on them. 

“I should find a bunny for you too then. Wait up.” Zoa says as she looks out for a bunny sticker before she sticks it on Jihan’s dimple. Jihan laughs. 

“You have really cute dimples, unnie.” Zoa adds and Jihan smiles shyly. 

“I, uh… thank you.” Zoa parts her lips about to say more but Jihan isn’t sure if she can handle it so she quickly says,

“Come on. There’s one more left. Then we can hang them up on the cork board.” Jihan says before her eyes light up as she stands up from her spot and heads back to her backpack saying,

“I have brought a few lights too that we can add around the polaroids and the board to make it look more beautiful.” She quickly places the lights around the board before she returns on her spot next to Zoa and the two get back to decorating the polaroids. As soon as they’re done they hang them on the board before they start hopping and dancing around to random songs playing from the bluetooth speaker. And soon, the random dancing turns out to be dance battles and crazy karaoke competitions. Zoa plops herself down on the couch, getting knocked out of the game at some point but she doesn’t mind. She laughs hard as she hides her happy expressions behind a pillow from the couch, not being able to stop herself from giggling as she looks at her crazy unniesmaking a fool of themselves. She’s having so much fun now and she really doesn’t want this to end any time soon. No matter what life brings them later on she wants to keep this moment forever, keep her unniesand the fun they have forever. Because she feels herself, she feels free and she feels so happy around them and she knows they feel the same way. It feels like a family. And Zoa hasn’t felt that with anyone ever before no matter how many people she had by her side over the years. 

She then hides her head on Jihan’s neck as Soeun announces that she’s dedicating a random rap song to her and starts trying out rapping and failing miserably. It’s fun seeing her trying though and Zoa can’t stop laughing on Jihan’s neck, unaware of how that sends shivers down Jihan’s spine. 

She’s happy. Right now she’s happy.  

======================================================

She’s so unhappy right now though. Having to work hard on an upcoming essay she has to hand by the end of the follo