Lumina__guguvixx

First of all, lumina is a beautiful
stage name I love it :)
I see a lot of potential in her as a
self-sacrificing leader type.

Could you please add a backup
plotline? Since Joker is meant to
be an  “open” plotline that would probably be the simplest.
Back-ups are important
because I might end up picking 6 characters meaning potentially two characters with the same plotline.

I really like how you put info of
how she would see the plotlines/members, as it will be
very helpful when putting together the group. I think the trivia was
great, her being a bookworm is
cute, and I love the sketchbook
she carries around & her morning routine.

When it comes to her personality,
I see her traits, but I don’t fully understand how they impact her
day to day.
For example, with her flaws, I feel they’re only lightly touched on in a
short paragraph.
How would she act on a bad day
or when clashing with others?

You mention that she dislikes judgmental people but how does
she respond when she
encounters people like that?

You mention her being blunt but
the only example given is her
bantering with groupmates, does
this bluntness come out in other ways, like could this come across
as a negative trait in some circumstances?

Going a bit into her backstory
I don’t fully understand why she
would be expelled from
multiple schools, it sounds like she slacked off but nothing to quite
warrant that extreme.
Did she talk back at her teachers?

I also can’t help but feel most of
her development happens before
the story starts, the idea of an introverted underachiever
becoming an idol and improving
on herself is interesting but the
app kind of indicates she's fully
grown from that side of her
personality.
What arc could I give
her in the story moving forward?

You mention her fully standing up
to the company, and in all
honesty, after a certain point of
doing that she’d likely be removed
from the leader position
(this happened with 9muses for example) this could be
a really interesting plot point,
I would love to write. How do you
think she’d feel if the leader
position was given to someone
else after standing up to
the company?

Why did she want to be an idol? I
know you said it’s because of the
idea of inspiring people,
but to be frank
some other aspirations/careers also
do that that aren’t as fake.

A major thing expressed is her
dislike for fakeness and her
valuing of authenticity. I do think
that’s very possible for an idol
(Ophelia is a bit like that too) but I
feel there’d have to be a very big motivation to become an idol
despite it going against most of
her core values, or at least more consequences to it. Because the
app doesn't really go into how
she would act under all that pressure, hyper-empathy and anxiety are
talked about but what are the
actions that come from that?
I would love that push and pull
with her values of authenticity
clashing with the fakeness of the industry devolved into a bit more.

I feel that maybe her being
scouted would make more sense
than her going out of her way to audition?

I also would like to see more weaknesses when it comes to
being an idol, the only thing that's
a real weakness is her not being
the strongest dancer, but with Wonyoung's face,Tayeon’s vocals, a stan attractor, good stage presence a great leader,

I just feel there need to be some
more flaws to balance out those strengths.

I want Reel Girls to be an
exploration of flawed teenage girls
going through a ruthless industry 
& how that shapes them.
But I don’t fully grasp how Lumina
would react to all of this and how it would affect her-.
All that's really said is she's a
fighter who’ll put other people's
needs above her own, but I
don’t fully get what that means in practice, how I should write her navigating all of this.

I did enjoy reading elements of your writing, especially in the relationship section and romance which I think
are the strongest parts of the app.

I love detailed apps with a high word count,
but I couldn’t help but find elements
that are a bit repetitive and
sometimes big words put in places
they didn’t really need to be.
Some of the additional words made
me feel more distant from her
rather than helping me understand
her more. It felt a bit like telling
instead of showing.

For full transparency, I found this
review hard to write, because my nitpicks  are hard for me to explain,
& I never want to come across
as harsh, but I really want to give constructive criticism.
I feel a bit bad for how long
 this review is, I really appreciate
the large amount of effort went into Lumina’s app and I feel there is a lot
of potential there,
but Reel Girls is meant to be a
character study at this point in 
time I don’t think I’d feel confident
writing from her POV.

Since a lot of these are questions,
you can answer in comments rather
than edit her app if you’d rather.