***

3 am.

“Ready Wan?” Seulgi asked as she buckled her seatbelt.

They are inside Seulgi’s car in the basement parking lot of the hospital. The young novelist finally has been allowed to leave the hospital for three weeks of resting period.

While her body still feels a little bit weak and she still feels a little bit nauseous, the young novelist is happy, to say the least.

“Let’s go Sseul”

Seulgi nods and starts the car.

*

“So where do you want to go first?” Seulgi asked, eyes fixed on the road as traffic moved slowly.

The traffic is quite packed today so they have to drive slowly because of the amount of cars on the road. And also, because Seulgi is a cautious driver.

“I want to go home first,” Seungwan said, gazing out the window.

Seulgi nodded and they came into a comfortable silence for a moment.

“Wan” Seulgi called her softly.

“Hmm?”

“You deserve to be happy you know?”

Seungwan looked at her best friend, trying to read the bear's expression before answering, “I am happy”.

Seulgi shook her head and said “You deserve to love someone too”

And again, Seungwan tried to read her best friend's expression but she still doesn’t understand what Seulgi trying to achieve.

“I do love someone” Seungwan answers.

Seulgi faces the young novelists for a moment before turning back her attention to the street, “You do?” she asks.

“I do, I love you, you know that”

Seulgi chuckled, “Not me you dumb puppy, I mean someone else”

“When was the last time you go on a date?” Seulgi continues.

Seungwan racked her brain, trying to remember when was the last time she got on a date. “I think almost 3 years ago? Isn’t it when we are still in college?”

“Exactly” Seulgi exclaimed.

“But why? I’m leaving anyway, I’m just going to make them sad and be a burden to them”

“Wan” Seulgi reminded her.

Seungwan faces the windows again, looking at the sky “Sseul, we’ve been through this, I want to live you know? I’m not giving up, but we must accept that sooner or later my body will give up on me”.

Seulgi sighs dejectedly, “I’m not telling you to go on a date, but I do hope that you can accept all of the good things that coming your way”.

Perplexed, Seungwan asked, “What do you mean?”

“Just as it sounds, Wan. Accept whatever good things may come to you, embrace your feelings, cry if you want to, laugh if you want to,” Seulgi explained tenderly.

With a deep breath, Seulgi continued, “If someone wants to do something for you, accept it, if you feel like doing something for someone, do it. As long as it's a good thing, of course.”

“Live a little, you deserve it. Don’t let your cancer dictate your life. You are a wonderful human being and deserve to receive love as much as you give it. That way, you won’t regret your life.”

Seungwan closed her eyes, taking in Seulgi's words. “I won’t promise you anything, but I’ll try”

“That’s more than enough for me Wan-ah, thank you”

***

6 pm

“You sure you’re going to be fine alone tonight?” Seulgi asked, placing the groceries on the kitchen counter.

On the way to the young novelist's house, the two take a slight detour to the nearest groceries store because Seungwan wanted to cook and eat homemade food.

“Yeah, I’m going to be fine Sseul, how many times do I have to tell you?”

Seulgi scrutinized Seungwan’s face before finally saying “Okay”

She’s really really overprotective, sometimes I’m confused why she’s like that to me. Seungwan can’t help but think to herself.

Seulgi then proceeds to help unpack the groceries and put them in the refrigerator.

 “Alright I’m done here, I’ll pick you up tomorrow okay?” Seulgi said as she pick up her car key and headed to the front door.

Seungwan follows her to the front door, “Okay, take care on the road, bear! See you tomorrow.”

Seulgi gives the young novelist her signature smile before closing the front door.

***

8 pm

The young novelist ended up cooking Sundubu-jjigae for herself.

Spending a month of her time inside the hospital makes her realize that something simple like cooking for herself, being able to eat actual warm and tasty food, or simply just being able to walk around the room freely really makes her happy.

I can't believe I actually missed this little apartment, Seungwan chuckled.

She finished her food and quickly washed the dishes. Yes, as funny as it sounds, she missed washing the dishes.

After making sure the dishes were clean and dry, Seungwan took her laptop and headed to the rooftop.

Luckily, the sky is clear today, So Seungwan can see her best friend clearly in the sky. It’s been quite some time since they talked in their favorite space and so Seungwan quickly sit in her usual place and start gazing at the celestial body above her.

Hey, it’s been some time since we properly talk, isn’t it?

The night is calm, the wind is calm, but her heart?

I… Lately, I become hopeful you know? Seungwan starts her monologue with the moon.

 I wanted to live just a little bit longer, I wanted to survive just a bit more, I wanted to write a bit more, is it wrong for me to be wanting that?

Seulgi’s words from the car also kept replaying inside her head.

Seulgi said this to me, “You deserve to be happy, you deserve to love”, but do I? When I have this invisible countdown above my head?

I’m afraid, not because of death itself, but because I’m afraid of hurting people around me when this countdown above my head ended, that’s why I don’t want people to know.

But the weird thing is, I started to believe, to trust, and Irene Unnie is the first person that I started to trust. Her eyes, they looked at me as if they were speaking to me, telling me that it is okay to trust her, that it is okay to be hopeful

The wind softly blows, passing the young novelist so gently and Seungwan smiled.

What are you trying to say? Are you saying that it is okay for me to feel that? Well, I guess Seulgi also told me to accept all the good things that may come to me.

Seungwan took a deep breath,

Thank you, for always listening to me, and also, please take care of Seulgi when it’s time for me to go, she has been an amazing best friend and a sister to me.

And with that, Seungwan ended her monologue with a serene smile, finding solace In the quiet stillness of the night and the moon's radiant presence.

***

10 am.

Seungwan just finished eating her breakfast. A plate of soft pancakes with maple syrup drizzle, well she is still a Canadian girl after all.

Seungwan check herself in the mirror, she’s wearing Black Flare Pants paired with a white turtleneck and her round glasses which complete the look.

Usually, Seungwan hated dressing up, she’ll just wear an oversized flannel and jeans everywhere she go. But because it’s been a month since she wear proper clothing other than Hospital patient pajamas so the young novelist is happily putting an actual effort into her looks today.

Aside from that, Seungwan also put on makeup today. It’s not that she likes doing makeup, but her complexion is still very pale because of the Chemotherapy and she doesn’t want to look like she’s sick.

I hope I look fine today

After making sure her looks for today, Seungwan picks up her phone and calls her best friend.

A moment later, the call is connected. “Hi Sseul, where are you?”.

“In front of your apartment,” Seulgi answered, deadpan.

“Open the door you dummy, I’ve been knocking on the door a few times now”

Seungwan chuckled and quickly end the phone call and opened the front door, revealing a pouting Seulgi.

“I almost thought you fainted again you know,” Seulgi said.

“Do you forget that I installed a soundproof wall last year?” Seungwan asks her best friend amusedly.

“And also, did you know that there is a technology called doorbell that I conveniently install at the same time last year Sseul?” The young novelist continues teasing the pouting bear.

Seulgi touches the back of her neck embarrassedly, and her face starts to become red “I... I Forget”.

Looking at her best friend, Seungwan cooed and laughed at the same time, “Oh bear, I guess I’ve spent too much time at your place, isn’t it?”

“Wait, no, I think it’s because you never actually knocked on my door or use the doorbell before because you always just barge in unannounced like this is your house too” Seungwan teased the bear further and Seulgi pouted more and more each second.

“Because it is my house too” Seulgi mumbled softly, her voice barely audible. But the young novelist hears it loud and clear.

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