I cooled myself down since I needed to control my emotions for the sake of the girls. But as soon as I entered the room, all the girls started immediately bombarding me with questions about their Omma. However, I just smiled at them and told them that she wasn’t feeling well, I told them that maybe because of the intense practice all her energy went down. Therefore I had decided that maybe it was the best for all of us to stop the practice and continue tomorrow since I could see the tiredness on their faces, but to be honest it was I who couldn’t continue after the way Jung ah treated me.

While the girls went to gathered all their things, I apologized to Kim Hyun for ending the practice all of the sudden. However he only told me that it had been an honor to work with us and that he couldn’t wait to practice again with us. I just smiled at his statement and complimented his hard work. Then I asked him to rest well since the other practices were going to be even more tiring and, instead of panicking, he only smiled and told me and the rest of the girls to rest well and take care, and then he left.

After a few minutes the van picked us up and took us to the dorm. And as soon as we arrived I headed to my room and laid in my bed thinking about Jung ah’s attitude towards me. I couldn’t understand why I could have possible made to make her act like that, it should be me the one acting cold, after all I was the one with the broken heart not her. But before I could immersed myself in my thoughts I decided to just sleep and forget about everything, after all I needed all my concentration in the upcoming performance and I could afford to lose my energy in a problem that maybe didn’t have a solution.

The next morning we arrived earlier to the practice room and while all the girls were getting ready I started to warm up so the dance could wash away all the bad feelings and sadness that had invaded me lately. While I was dancing I could feel how all those emotions were being expressed through my dancing. I had never felt more powerful while dancing; I guessed that if you know how to use your emotions properly, they can become a really powerful tool.

Then, as soon as I finished up, I started hearing the girls clapping and shooting because of my dance, even the choreographer was impressed for the emotions I put into the steps which made me feel really proud. And then I saw her, standing next to the door, I hadn’t realized when she arrived but I could see that she was smiling at me. That smile that I was so desperate to see, that smile that I hadn’t seen in more than a week, which actually seemed like an eternity, was once again in her face. She was giving me her warm smile, the same smile that had managed to melt my heart from the beginning. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and as a reflex I started walking towards her, I didn’t want to waste this valuable opportunity, after all it had been so long since I saw the Jung ah I fall in love with.

But as I was walking towards her, I felt someone’s arms grab my waist and stop my tracks. “Wow Unnie, you were really impressive and cool. I’ve forgotten how amazing you can be” the person said. I smiled at her statement and turned around, seeing Nana smiling brightly at me. “Well dancing is my life after all, don’t forget about that” I said while poking her cheeks. Then she put her hands around my neck and pulled herself closer to me. She was really close, to the point where I could feel her breath in my face.

“I wish I could be like you Unnie, you are so beautiful and talented… you are simply perfect” Nana whispered to my ears, blushing a little bit. And then I saw it, that look in her eyes, a look that made a shiver run through all my body. “You shouldn’t get this close I’m sweeting a lot” I said to her stuttering a little bit. “Don’t worry Unni I don’t care, I like being this close to you” she bluntly said.

To be honest I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, “was Nana flirting with me? But she is way younger than me… and hot, she couldn’t possibly be flirting with an old lady like me...maybe I’m just imagining things” I told myself.

But before I could say anything to Nana I saw how Jung ah just left the room and just like last time my body started chasing after her, leaving Nana behind. It was like the events from the day before were repeating again just that this situation was really different and that scared me a lot, somehow I could sense that something was seriously wrong. Then I saw her enter the bathroom so I just followed her but before I could enter I heard how she started crying, it was like she had been holding those tears for so long and she just reached her breaking point. Therefore I immediately went closer to her to try to comfort her; I just couldn’t stand to watch her like that, despite all the pain that she had caused me I couldn’t leave her like that after all… I was in love with her; she was the love of my life.

But as soon as she saw me she just stood up and tried to leave, leaving me with no choice but to grab her arm and push her against the wall, stopping her from leaving. “What is going on…” I asked, almost yelling at her. “… Why are you crying?” I said with a shaking tone, it was obvious that my voice started to crack because of all the emotions that I felt at that moment “What is happening? Why are you pushing me away from your life?” I said while tears started forming in my eyes. She was looking to the floor and before I could ask her once again what was going on, she pushed my away and broke the grip I had on her wrist.

“Why do you care?” she said looking at me with such hateful eyes “it is none of your business... why don’t you just leave me the hell alone!” she said while walking towards the door. At that moment I wanted to run after her, stop her from leaving but I just couldn’t do anything, her actions just paralyzed me, I was in a shock and she just walked away and left me there with tears running through my cheeks.

At that moment I finally broke, I didn’t care if anyone found me, I didn’t care if I looked weak; the only thing I could think of at that moment was that this was really the end, there was no turning back and everything I built had finally torn apart.

After all, the look on her face showed me how much she hated me, maybe she sensed from the begging my feelings towards her and that disgusted her, maybe I pushed my feelings for her a little bit too far, maybe I was shellfish for hoping she could return my feelings, maybe loving her was always being a mistake.

But at the end none of those things matter because now there was no way we could recover what we had. I would have given up anything for her, for us to be together, for us to heal the wounds, for us to recover what we had. But reality was really different from what I wanted since everything that we once had was lost, it was lost forever and the only thing I could do now was to cry my heart out, cry until tears could no longer fall from my eyes, cry until tiredness could drive me to sleep, cry until pain could be washed away, cry until I woke up of from this awful dream.

If only I had never fall for you, if only I could move on, if only we could go back to what we had, if only …