We were at a press conference, talking about our new album and the plans we had for the future. When suddenly a reported changed the topic and asked us about the type of person we were interested in. So then the interview turned into a conversation about our love life.

I, without noticing it, look immediately to the person that had stolen my heart from the beginning, my best friend, my other half, the love of my life, Jung ah.

At the moment I just thought that it was an innocent question, mainly asked out of curiosity. However I would have never imagined that the answer to this question could flip over my world upside down.

After a few minutes of awkward silence, Jung ah finally spoke and said: I just want someone that treats me good, with a great sense of humor and a sweet side.

When I heard her answer a huge smile appeared in my face, I just couldn’t stop smiling because maybe I could be that person, the person that could make Jung ah happy for the rest of her life. However for my misfortune the reporter brought me back to reality asking: “So Jung ah, when you said you wanted “someone” with those qualities you were referring to only boys, right?”

At that instant my heart stopped waiting for the answer. Just a second later, that for me looked like an eternity, she just smiled and said: “Even though I respect people’s preferences, for me…. I just cannot see myself with someone of the same , I’m only attracted to men so I hope that sooner or later I find a guy that makes my heart beat really fast and that tries to make me happy no matter what”.

As soon as she gave her answer I could clearly feel how my heart was slowly breaking. All my hopes and dreams were shattered in just a second because even when I knew that our relationship could be hard I never thought that it was impossible.

And without noticing it, small tears started falling from my cheeks.  I quickly tried to dry my tears, hopping that nobody had notice my sadness. More questions were made but I couldn’t focus in any of them it was like my soul had left my body.

After the press conference finished, a van picked us up and took us back to our dorms so we could rest and eat something. However on the way back I couldn’t help to avoid my teammates, especially Jung ah, I was hurt and angry at myself for allowing me to think that our relationship could happen.

Suddenly Jooyeon broke the silence making a joke about how close she was to become a cannibal since she was starving. Everyone started laughing and the mood became a little better. But I just could only fake a smile, I was holding my tears, I wanted to cry so badly but I couldn’t let my members to worry about me.

After a while all the members felt asleep, including Jung ah that used my shoulder as her pillow. But the moment she touched my shoulder tears started falling, I couldn’t take it anymore I was so in love with her and was so desperate to hold her and tell her my feelings, she was so close but yet so far.

As soon as we arrived at the dorm I quickly locked myself in my room and started crying. Everyone was shocked by my attitude but at the same time they assumed that I was tired and stress because of the press conference.

Alone in my room I had enough time to think on what to do… I kept thinking on start avoiding Jung ah so the pain of seeing her will diminish. I was so angry at myself that I start throwing whatever I could find towards the wall. And then I saw it, a photo of the two of us in my night stand. I then realized by the way I was smiling in the photo that even when my heart would suffer I couldn’t just leave her; I couldn’t give up our friendship she was just really important for me.

So I decided that I would try my best to move on, I would stop loving her but I would never stop caring about her, because seeing her happy was the only thing I wanted. As I was thinking about how to act in front of her, the tiredness mixed with the exhaustion of crying made my fall into a deep dream, a dream were everything that had occur was just a nightmare and the love I had for her could prevail.

The next morning, as soon as I woke up, I went to check my face; I couldn’t let the members see my swollen eyes. After I did my makeup I went to wake up everyone. After a while we were gathered to eat breakfast, everyone was so loud as usual but I was just eating silently. Because of my rare attitude the members started asking me if I was ok and she… well she was just staring at me with those beautiful eyes. So I just smiled and told them that I was really tired.

Then, the moment we finish our breakfast I told the members that I had to leave and since it was our day off I could probably come back late. I took my motorbike and traveled without a specific destiny, I just wanted to be alone, I just wanted time to think and clear my mind. Hours passed by and without noticing it, the day turn into night. I came back at the dorms around 9 o’clock and as soon as I walked in the apartment I could see everyone gathered around the TV.

All the girls just looked at me and smiled, but they immediately went back to watch the TV. But her, she didn’t even dare to look at me… it was really painful so I went straight to my room. But before I could open the door someone hug me really thigh and said: “Unnie, why you left all of the sudden and didn’t tell us where you were going, I was really worried”.

I turned around and saw Nana’s worried eyes. I felt like my heart sank … If only those words were said by her. I path her head and answered: “I’m sorry Nana I just needed to be alone I didn’t mean to worry you. And then I kissed her forehead”.

After this I could see how Jung ah was standing up, then she said that she had to leave since it was getting late. She moved back to her parents’ house 5 months ago but watching her leave every time, especially now, broke my heart into pieces.

All the members said goodbye at her, but before I could say anything she just walked away leaving me even more heart broken.