The days passed by really slow after the press conference and my relationship with Jung ah was getting even worse. We were distancing from each other, our relationship was breaking into pieces; it was like an eternal torture for my heart since everything we had was slowly falling apart.

I was so depress about what was going on that every single day I locked myself in my room and cried until tears could no longer be produced. I was so sad because even when I wanted some distance between us in order to move on, I wasn’t ready to let her go, and the fact that I couldn’t embrace her like before was slowly destroying my heart.

I even tried for everything to go back to where it was, but every single time I wanted to talk to her, hug her, or even smile at her there was something or someone that stopped me. It was like the world didn’t allow us to be together, like it was telling me to move on, to forget about her and what we were; it was like the world was telling me that there was no hope for us.

Therefore in order to diminish some of the pain and distract myself from thinking about her, I decided to just focus on my career and look forward to what was ahead me.

So, after a week from the awful interview, the manager finally called me; he wanted to arrange a meeting in order for him to explain us about our future performance at SBS Gayo Daejun music program. I was really excited about it since it was the perfect opportunity to leave all my problems aside and clear my mind.

As soon as I hung up the phone, I gathered all the members and told them to sleep early that day since the next day we had to get up really early for the meeting with our manager. Everyone just nod their heads excitedly, they started smiling and laughing because of the expectations they had of the event and to see them like that drew a huge smile on my face that quickly vanish when I remember that I had to call Jung ah to inform her about the meeting.

Since Jung ah started living with her parents, I had to call her every single day to inform her about our schedules and update her about the girl’s issues. It was sad that we weren’t as close as before when she lived at the dorms but the fact that I could talk to her privately every day made me really happy since I used those opportunities to get closer to her and just keep her for myself. We could talk for hours about everything, we never run out of topics and the fact that I was the only one who could make her talk no stop, made me really happy.

However, lately our conversations became awkward and cold, since I had to almost beg her to say a word. Our conversations became shorter and shorter to the extent that one minute was more than enough to inform her about the girl’s activities and the schedules we had for the day. It was becoming really painful to call her every time since her voice was starting to break me down.

Therefore I decided to call her from my room in order the get more privacy and stop the girls from noticing the awkwardness of our relationship. So I walked away and locked myself in my room. I sat down in the bed and grabbed my phone, but the moment I did this I couldn’t help to notice that I was shaking pretty badly. It seemed like I was scared of her but in reality I was scared to hear once again that cold tone in her voice, the same tone that I have been hearing the past week, the same tone that indicated me how bad our relationship was.

The phone started ringing and then, after a few seconds, I heard it. “Annyeonghaseyo”, her sweet voice ran through my ears and images of her and what we were invade my head really quickly. “What’s the matter, are you there Kahi Unnie?” She asked, her angry tone startled me and snapped me out of my thoughts immediately.

“Sorry I just was into my thoughts, I didn’t intend to disturb you” I answer, with a hint of sadness in my voice.  I could feel how my tears were forming again until I heard her say: “It is ok Unnie don’t worry you didn’t disturb me, I was just wondering why you called me?” her voice became softer, like it was used to be and I couldn’t help to smile widely because of that.

“Well” I started saying before I lost my courage, “I just wanted to inform you about a meeting we have tomorrow morning with our manager. The meeting will take place at the conference room in the main building of the company and we have to be there at 7 am, ok?” I could notice how there was an obvious excitement in my voice. I guess I was happy to being able to talk to her even when it was just a business matter.

After a few seconds of awkward silence, she finally answered: “I understand Unnie, I will be there punctually don’t worry you know that I’m never late”

 “Arasso, well I see you there then” I said once again with that stupidly happy tone. “Mmmm….Ok then is that all you wanted to say to me?” She asked me, but I could sense how her voice seemed quite distant. It was like something really important was invading her mind but I just couldn’t grab the courage to ask her about it, I just didn’t have the same confidence like before when I could talk to her for hours about whatever came to our minds.

“Yeah, that’s all unless…… you want to talk to me about something?” I was dying for her to say something, for her to open up with me and trust me but once again she just blow me off saying: “No, I don’t have anything to say, thanks for telling me about the meeting see you guys tomorrow, bye”. And then she hung up, she didn’t even allow me to say good bye; she just left me there once again with my smile fading away. I heard the ring tone of the phone for a few more minutes before I hung up and broke in tears once again.

I couldn’t stand it anymore; it was so unfair and so frustrating. I really wanted for us to go back to what we were. I was even willing to stay as her friend as long as I could be next to her. I was so in love with her to the point that I only wanted to be part of her life, to be able to make her smile once in a while, to hear her thoughts, to calm her down, to wipe her tears, to make her mine. But when she acted so cold towards me, when she called me with such a cold tone, when she looked at me with such empty eyes, my soul began to destroy.

Why did I fall in love with her? Why couldn’t she love me back? Why the world was so cruel? Why…? I couldn’t understand how could I be so close and not been able to actually be with her. As I was falling sleep those thoughts stocked in my head; hoping that the next day everything could go back to normal and the smile that I lost a week ago could finally be recovered.