before you say good bye,

please hesitate for a while.

whisper to me that it was

just a wrong feeling.

—

Fate was one funny thing. When he had been adamant on trying to avoid her at all costs, fate had been adamant on doing the complete opposite. When he had tried to pretend that he didn’t see her calls, or he had been too busy to check her messages, fate had made her called when he was in the middle of a deep sleep, startling him awake enough for him to aimlessly grab his phone and answered the call on a whim.

Fate was funny that way, because the moment he had heard her voice directly from the other line once again, all the resolves he had built over the years came tumbling down like a domino effect. 

Which was how he had ended up right here at this very moment, feeling ridiculously more courageous than ever in the comfort land of his own hometown, wearing a cap as his only disguise from the world as he stood awkwardly somewhere in the backstage of Mamamoo’s concert. 

This wasn’t Korea, this was Atlanta, of course he could feel slightly more courageous. In retrospect, he also felt like he deserved the rights to feel slightly more courageous than ever at this moment: he had, miraculously, sat through the entirety of Mamamoo’s concert, amongst an arena filled with Mamamoo’s fans with only a cap as his disguise and with nobody actually cursing him out for being there… at least not yet. In his defence, it felt like an achievement to be able to breath the same air without being called out by anyone at all for that. He hoped they had all been too focused on the spectacular show the girls had put to even noticed that he was there; the last thing he’d wanted was someone uploading snapshots of him being there and initiated another hell breaking loose. 

However funny fate really was though, a human’s nature was an equally ridiculous thing. The newfound courage he had found that night seemed to have evolved into something akin a bold audacity, and before Eric even knew it, he found himself driving along the familiar streets of Atlanta in the middle of the night with her, going for late supper together like it was the most normal thing to do.

What the hell was he even thinking?

The girls had, peculiarly, turned down the invitation when he had asked them to join as well earlier. He chose to ignore the rather obvious looks Yongsun had given them prior to their refusal and instead, he offered Brian as their tour guide of the night if they needed one because Eddie and his wife were out of options, being occupied with an adorable mini human being of their own back at home.

“What do they usually have here around this time of the night? Do Americans do late-night snacks too?” Yongsun’s voice snapped him out of his reverie, the familiar yet strange Hangul speaking to him in the middle of an Atlanta street was a nice change to his ears. 

She had her cardigan wrapped around her small frame. Her hair was no longer in the fancy hairdo she was wearing earlier at the concert, but instead swapped for a much more comfortable messy knot that sat just at the nape of her neck, and a cap as her only choice of disguise for the night as well — his cap, to be very exact. She hadn’t brought one with her, and he always had a few spares in his car so he had offered her one. After all, even when they were faraway in America where paparazzis would probably cared more about Hollywood A-listers than about them, they still couldn’t afford to be so openly indiscreet. 

“There’s a lot of options around here,” he started, trying in earnest to keep his eyes on the road rather than on the bizarrely attractive sight of Yongsun in comfortable outfits and his cap. “What do you want to eat?”

“I want to try your usual favourite spot,” she said and turned to face him with an excited grin that could almost broke his resolves all over again. When Eric appeared to be too stunned to answer back just yet, she rushed to add, “After all you’re a local here, you’ll probably have better recommendations than the Internet.”

“Personally, I prefer Waffle House, especially at this hours.” If driving around with her along the streets of Atlanta where he normally only ever drove by himself or with his group of friends were strange, sharing and bringing her to his usual spot was definitely even more bizarre. In a way, Eric felt like he was introducing her to a part of his lifestyle that she had never gotten to know before.

She looked, understandably, surprised and slightly confused at his response.

“You prefer having waffles at 1am in the morning?”

Eric chuckled, “It’s not really the waffles, it’s more of the experiences that keep us going back there.”

The confused scowl that persisted on Yongsun’s face only made him smiled, and before either of them could even registered it, the bold audacity Eric had found that night made him grabbed onto her hand tightly once they’ve parked, and eagerly pulled her towards the entrance of Waffle House, the one spot that had witnessed almost all sorts of events that had happened in his life. 

They had settled into one of the most seclusive seats in the corner of the store that would shielded them from too much attention, but also granting them access to literally witness whatever that could happened within the store. He couldn’t helped but to smile habitually at the way she was looking around with childlike wonder in her eyes. 

“Whoa, I can’t believe it’s still packed even at this hour,” Yongsun exclaimed in pure wonder at the buzzing conversation from each table within the store.

“What do you want to have?” Eric asked as he held out a menu for her to see.

Yongsun instead folded her arms over the table and beamed up at him, “You choose, you know this place better than I do.”

“Something light then? Since you’ve already had dinner earlier,” he said, more to himself than to her but Yongsun nodded anyway.

She watched him fluently placed an order for two plates of Pecan Waffles for the both of them, and abstractedly found herself smiling at the way his Southern accent seemed to slip through when he’s at home. There was something about the South that made Eric seemed almost more confident, more laidback, more… attractive. 

“So, what do you think of this place?” Eric asked once they had finished ordering and Yongsun had finally stopped herself from staring almost gape-mouthed, at everything within the restaurant or at him, she didn’t know. 

“Feels like a dream comes true,” she answered almost absentmindedly, eliciting a smile so wide on Eric’s face that she unfortunately missed. “I’ve only seen things like this in movie, who would have thought this is actually real?”

Eric laughed at the delight in her voice, a stark contrast from the alluring Solar on stage just moments earlier. Moments like this always seemed to stirred the fond memories he had of her, and now he was reminded of that one time when her members would asked him if he preferred Solar better or Yongsun better.

Eric remembered complimenting both, but ultimately he had chosen Yongsun back then because she felt closer as a person to him. If anyone would ever asked him the same question again right in this moment, he would still stood by his answer from seven years ago. Solar could mesmerised him with her performances all nights long, but the moment those persona slipped away and her childlike wonder and vibrant laughter emerged through, he was genuinely captivated by the real Yongsun once again, deep into this trance that was impossible for him to resurface from. 

The only problem was now he wasn’t sure if he even still had the rights to feel closer to Yongsun as he once had. The memories might be evident in their minds, but the distance that had accumulated between them over the years since then were too prominent for them to pretend like nothing had changed. 

It was moment like this though when he let his conscience slipped away for once, and Eric hoped for one night, he wouldn’t have to care so much about the rights or wrongs, or the dos and don’ts.

“Thank you for coming tonight,” Yongsun said, breaking the silence between them that had been looming for longer than they both had intended. “And for the catering you had sent us before the concert. You didn’t need to do that, you know…”

Eric only smiled, “I wanted to,” he contemplated adding for old time’s sake in sudden flashback to the last time he could openly showed his support for her concert, but eventually decided against it. “You guys did amazing tonight, I really enjoyed the show.”

Yongsun fiddled with her fingers, the silence on her part dragged on for a few short seconds before she asked tentatively, “Did… uh, did your family enjoy the show as well? I hope it was worth their times.”

“I’m sure they did,” Eric reassured her, aching to grab onto her hands again and held onto those fingers tightly. But he ignored the temptation and averted his gaze elsewhere instead. There were so much more he wanted to say, to admit his hidden confessions towards her: I miss you so bad, or What if things had turned out differently for us, but instead he settled on a, “When are you guys going back to Korea?”

Maybe he still wasn’t that courageous yet after all. 

“The day after tomorrow,” Yongsun said, and on her parts, she did well enough to hide the dejection on her face that slipped and disappeared again almost as quick as it had came. They both leaned back slightly when a waitress came over to serve their plates of pecan waffles. 

Yongsun attempted a shy thank you in English once she was done serving, and was surprised to find the waitress returning back a friendly smile. She had been to many places in America in the past, needless to say, not every place was… friendly. Eric, however, only smiled at the sight in front of him. 

“So, how do you eat this? Do I need to pour syrup over this?” She asked, looking up at him confusedly.

He nodded, pointing to the bottle of dark-coloured liquid to her left side. Yongsun followed where he was pointing and blinked in surprise, “Oh, this is maple syrup? I thought it was coffee.”

Eric laughed, taking the syrup bottle from her and started pouring an adequate amount onto her plate first. “No, this here is pure diabetes, darling.”

The Southern side in him came out strong, especially through his accent and the way he phrased his words, and Yongsun knew she should be expecting this but she couldn’t help the way her heart skipped slightly at the slip of endearing term he had just used.  

Instead she tried to keep cool and initiated a conversation as naturally as she possibly could, “Do you normally come here for party and drinks?”

“No,” Eric said as he sliced through his waffle. “It’s the opposite, actually. We come here after having a little too much to drink.”

“So, it’s an American’s hangover place then?” Yongsun asked, something akin to a teasing smile etched on her face.

He did laughed out loud at the way she phrased it, “Well, I guess you could say that. It’s… technically, where a lot of things happened… things that I absolutely can’t share with the public, things that nobody probably would believed me even if I share about it in the public.”

This time he was the one with a mischievous smile etched across his face, staring at her with twinkles in his eyes that spoke volume of the memories that had already replayed themselves inside his head of said events that he was teasing her with. 

Yongsun raised her brows slightly, then she leaned forward towards him. In a quiet whisper, she said, “Try me.”

He did not know then how it had all came down to this: how easy it felt right in that moment to spill even his most ridiculous stories with her, or how strangely mesmerised he was when she responded with vibrant laughter that blended so well with the lively buzzing of conversations in the background. Eric thought he couldn’t be deeper in love with her than he already was, but boy was he wrong. 

Every times she leaned slightly forward when she laughed, the back of her hand pressed to as her head tilted slightly to the side from the laughter that was dominating over her own self-control, Eric was another depth deeper in love with her. 

“There goes your Nation’s Boyfriend title,” Yongsun teased, a radiant teasing grin remained on her face as she cut through her waffle and brought a small piece to . 

Eric rolled his eyes, “Well, if it means I can get rid of this ridiculous label by telling this story in public, I’d do so in a heartbeat.” 

“Yeah?” Yongsun hummed, the big grin on her face had reduced to a small smile that was still hovering right where it had. “You wouldn’t regret it? No longer being known as the perfect gentleman, sweet man that is every women’s dream?” 

He folded his hands over the table, and leaned in closer towards her. His eyes remained fixed on her as he spoke, “Would you?” 

Yongsun paused in her place then. She gently placed her utensils down and pushed her plate away, before she returned his unwavering gaze. They weren’t sure how long it had been since they had last shared an eye contact this way, or how long had it really been since the last time they ever had the chance to stare at each other like this at all, taking the sight of one another in without a fear in the world. 

“We both knew I took a while to get genuinely comfortable with you in the past,” Yongsun started. “And, I only ever get comfortable with people whom I’ve really gotten to know, not just who they are on the surface. I trust the Eric Nam I know seven years ago, I don’t need these public persona nonsenses to convince me any other way.”

The last modicum of whatever resolves Eric had left within himself that night came tumbling down like a storm of heavy rainfalls right at that moment, and before either of them could entirely grasped what was going on, Eric had leaned over across the table and captured her lips, kissing her like they were the only two people sitting inside Waffle House at 1am in the morning.

To the hell with self-restraint and useless resolves that only seemed to faltered and broke.

They kissed like there was no tomorrow; like it was a typical sight for two people who were in love to be kissing somewhere in the corner booth of a restaurant at literally 1am in the morning. The buzzing atmosphere in the restaurant did nothing to the courage they suddenly had at that moment. In a way, it felt almost normal to be kissing over the table, over their plates of waffles, all other people be damned, because why should they be bothered? 

All public figures’ complication asides, they were just two ordinary people who have been longing for one another for way too long, wanting to love one another like any other ordinary people would, so why should they be bothered?

As a matter of fact, he knew he should be bothered. He was literally kissing her in the middle of a restaurant, right after attending her concert, doing the one thing that would make all existing hells broke loose at once. He should be bothered that shall this gotten out to the public, he’d have to helplessly watched those terrible words being thrown at her all over again when it was never her faults to begin with. 

But for one night, especially this one night, Eric would very much liked to pretend that maybe it was alright to not be bothered for one short moment. 

If impossible was destined to be their fate for the future, then let it be this moment that would be possible for him to at least be genuine with her for once.