“Isn’t that Yongsun?” 

The mere mention of her name made my heart beat fast. Ma already had her back turned towards me in favor of looking over the church doors.

“Ma!” A high-pitched voice greeted. Her voice. 

When I faced mom, she was already hugging Yong. She had her eyes closed and her smile wide. 

I haven’t seen her this way since we broke up months ago. I still feel that slight twinge in my heart with the way she calls her, ‘Ma’ as well. 

Ma insisted after I brought her home when we started dating. At first, I thought it was because Yong told her all about how she didn’t have her parents growing up and how she stayed with her grandma. Eventually, I found out it was because she was so charming that Ma already knew I’d fall in love with her and she’d be happy to have her as a daughter when we get married.

I did fall in love with her. She never became her daughter officially.

“Whee..” Yong whispered, finally facing me. I knew her well enough to see how sad her smile is. She let go of Ma to wrap her arms around me, squeezing me tightly.

I’m still in love with her, my mind repeated. I tried to not bury my face against her neck like I always did when we hugged then. 

A few seconds felt too soon when started pulling away. I didn’t expect her to cup my cheeks and lay her thumb on my dimple before she completely pulled back. 

Suddenly it feels like there was not enough air and I had to force a smile in case what I’m feeling is very evident on my face. 

“Where’s mom?” I asked her, knowing the reason she was here is her accompanying her grandma.

She pointed toward where her grandma was stuck talking to what looked like an acquaintance before we saw her say goodbye and walk to where we were.

Instantly, her grandma gave her a little slap on her arm. It must have hurt because Yong yelped a bit and rubbed it with a frown. “You left me to finish the conversation with that lady and I don’t even remember her name!” 

We couldn’t help but laugh, breaking the tension. It gave me an opportunity to greet her grandma properly with a hug.

“Wheein, my dear, I haven’t seen you in a while. Haven’t you been going to the market anymore?” 

Oh no. It’s not that I was avoiding anyone. Yong already stayed in a different province after we broke up so it wasn’t a problem. It’s just that—

“How can she when you couldn’t even get her out of her room! I don’t even feel like she’s still living with me anymore.”

And just like that, all eyes were on me. I couldn’t brush off the way Yong’s eyes carried guilt. She didn’t have to know that I couldn’t force myself to do anything most of the time. She can’t know that I cry myself to sleep because of how much I miss her.

The church bells rang suddenly, saving me from their gazes and stopping whatever ma was about to say next. I thought it was time for farewell greetings and goodbyes but as usual, she told me to just sit next to Yong and she’ll be the one to accompany her grandma so we can ‘catch up’ before I could protest.

I couldn’t say no anyway. As awkward as it seems, Yong was already pulling me towards one of the pews in the back row. I would’ve thought that she was going to lead me outside if it weren’t for her stopping at the very last one.  

No one was occupying it and yet she sat closely. We kept our eyes in front, roaming everywhere like the altar and the walls are the most interesting things. 

My heart hasn’t returned to beating normally and if this continues I swear I might combust on the spot.

“Why are we so far? Wouldn’t mom look for you?” 

Yong shook her head, staring at the back of both our moms who were very focused on the ongoing mass. “I’m pretty sure Ma can handle it. Besides, I don’t want to disturb Father if I need to take a call.”

Just like clockwork her phone lit up with a call, sighing she answered, “Yes? I know…I’ve already talked to them about it…A few hours then I’ll be able to discuss with them.” 

I tuned out the call when my focus was caught by her fingers pulling on her pants and twisting. The anxiety radiating from her actions.

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