TW for even more terrible, self-indulgent fluff than normal

Byulyi has been having trouble sleeping recently, Yongsun knows that much.

The younger has always been a light sleeper, her rest being too easily interrupted by things like car alarms, stray cats meowing or just Yongsun rolling over in their bed.

Yongsun, who is out like a light as soon as her face touches the pillow and needs at least three alarms to wake up in the morning, can’t really relate.

Normally, she thinks this is just the way Byulyi’s wired – this must work for her, it doesn’t seem to affect her energy levels, she thinks. And normally, she’s right.

But the deep dark circles under her girlfriend’s eyes these days are not normal. Nor is her new sluggish demeanor, nor that she hasn’t trolled or annoyed Yongsun in more than a week.

“Babe, are you ok? You look terrible,” Yongsun asks one morning, seeing her girlfriend just sitting catatonically in one of the kitchen chairs, motionless, instead of helping with breakfast as usual. She looks at the younger with a concerned expression and moves behind her to kiss the top of her head.

The older expects Byulyi to joke around, to make a big deal out of feeling insulted by Yongsun’s words.

But it doesn’t happen. Byulyi barely manages to give her a weak smile. “I just can’t seem to be able to fall asleep, stay asleep or go back to sleep these days,” she replies. “But I’m okay. Really.”

“If you say so,” Yongsun is not convinced, but doesn’t want to argue. She leans forward and gives her girlfriend a back hug. “How come, though? It’s not always that bad, right?”

“Dunno,” Byulyi sighs as she sips her coffee, holding on to the mug like it’s her lifeline. “I’m, like, having lots of nightmares whenever I sleep for some reason. And between our preparations and my solo comeback… the more tired I am, the harder it is to get a good night’s sleep. I keep getting more tired, so I’m sleeping less and less. Does that make sense to you?”

“Absolutely not. Can’t relate, sorry, baby,” Yongsun straightens up and moves her hands to the younger’s shoulders. She starts a gentle massage. “You can take a day off, you know? This is me officially allowing it as your leader – you look like you could use one.”

“Not today,” Byulyi says feebly, leaning into her girlfriend’s touch. “The producer is mentoring me later, and that photoshoot has been scheduled for months. I can’t cancel last minute. I’ve got Mamamoo’s reputation to think about.”

“I don’t care about Mamamoo’s reputation,” Yongsun whispers as she keeps working on the knots between Byulyi’s shoulder blades. “I care about you. Since when do you have nightmares, anyway?”

“I’m okay, Yong.” Byulyi reassures her girlfriend without answering her question. “Plus, I’m not gonna be able to sleep even if I stay home, might as well just go to work,” She stands up and gives the older a kiss on the cheek as she puts her empty mug in the sink. “I have to go now, but I’m okay, really, I promise,” she adds.

Yongsun hopes she’s right.

Yongsun sinks on the couch, satisfied after a productive day’s work. She yawns and glances at the clock. 10pm. Byulyi should be on her way home from the photoshoot right now.

Yongsun texted her an How are you doing, babe? earlier, to which Byulyi uncharacteristically replied with a single thumbs up emoji. After so many years together, Yongsun can see right through Byulyi and can spot an emoji lie as easily as as a lie made up of words.

Byulyi’s not ok, even though she says she is. Please let her sleep tonight, I hate seeing her so exhausted, she thinks to herself, feeling frustrated because she doesn’t know how to help. And she needs to tell me about those nightmares she mentioned this morning. What is she dreaming about?

Yongsun wonders if she should sleep on the couch for the next few days, just to be extra sure that Byulyi’s rest doesn’t get disturbed by her accidentally kicking her in her sleep or something. At least until Byulyi’s sufficiently caught up on missed sleep. It’s a good idea, she decides.

You know what else could be a good idea? Talking to a sleep therapist. Maybe there are, like, techniques that she could learn, stuff like that. Yongsun grabs her phone and starts looking for “sleep therapists near me”, when suddenly a call flashes on her screen.

It’s their manager-unnie. Why is she calling at this hour?

“Hello?” Yongsun picks up.

“Yongsun-ah, I’m sorry for disturbing you so late – I’m sorry to ask, but… can you come here? We’re at the company - we’re kind of having a situation with Byulyi – I’m so sorry, I’m trying to calm her down on my own, but she’s not – it’s nothing to worry too much about, but could you come?”

Yongsun starts putting her shoes on and looking for her keys as soon as she hears the words “a situation with Byulyi”.

“Unnie, calm down – tell me what’s happening, exactly? I’ll be there in ten, but can you explain in the meanwhile?”

“I don’t know what’s happening, Yongsun-ah,” their manager replied, her voice frazzled. “There was a technical issue, like half an hour ago, a brief power outage – nothing was damaged, but somehow they lost all the photos from the shoot. It’s still early for our standards, and the photographer’s quite busy so I told Byulyi it’s better if we just power through for today, re-shoot everything from the beginning and get it over with…”

“Oh.” Yongsun finally understands what their manager-unnie’s getting at as she speeds out of the building.

“And she just lost it, Yongsun-ah. She’s been sitting on the floor for the past 5 minutes, she’s not speaking to anyone, just sitting on the floor and not looking quite like herself, and I can’t get through to her. I don’t understand, she never had a problem with working late before, I wasn’t expecting… I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s not your fault, unnie, you’re just doing your job,” Yongsun reassures their manager as she walks as fast as she possibly can. “I think she’s just exhausted. She’s been having trouble sleeping recently, the stress of it all must have caught up with her.”

I guess I underestimated the gravity of the situation, Yongsun thinks to herself. “Just tell her I’m on my way, ok? And tell the photographer and the staff it’s not happening tonight, they can all leave. I’m coming.”

“Thank you, Yongsun-ah,” the manager replies before hanging up.

When Yongsun finally reaches the RBW building, only the night security guard is in the hall. They exchange a quick smile, the young man accustomed to Mamamoo’s members going in and out at odd hours. Yongsun runs to the wing where photoshoots usually happen. She finds it quiet and empty, the only sounds coming from one of the dressing rooms. Yongsun opens the door.

Her girlfriend is sitting on the floor, hugging her knees, her face hidden in her arms. Yongsun’s heart breaks at the sight. Their manager is squatting beside Byulyi, patting her shoulder awkwardly. She clearly doesn’t know how to handle the rapper’s catatonic state, and she stands as soon as she sees Yongsun, relief immediately forming in her eyes.

“I better leave you to it,“ she says, at the same time as Yongsun thanks her for sticking with Byulyi and tells her she can go home now and then thanks her again.

“I hope you feel better soon, Byul-ah,” the manager says as she leaves the room. The rapper doesn't move.

Yongsun quickly takes the manager’s place beside her girlfriend on the floor. Except she doesn’t squat - she sits as well, and immediately wraps her arms around Byulyi. “I’m here,” she whispers in her ear. Byulyi finally lifts her head and looks at her girlfriend, tears forming in her eyes as soon as she meets Yongsun's.

Yongsun feels like crying herself as the tears come out of the rapper's bloodshot eyes and land on her blotched red face. But she doesn’t – she needs to take care of Byulyi now, she needs to make the desperation and exhaustion in her eyes disappear right now. 

“We’re going to get you sorted out.” Yongsun soothingly her girlfriend’s hair as she peppers Byulyi’s cheek with gentle kisses. She can taste the saltiness of her tears.

In a quiet whisper, Byulyi finally manages to speak. “I didn't mean to be y to the staff,” she says, her voice hoarse as she leans in Yongsun’s embrace. “I just - I don’t know how I managed to last the whole day, I can't go back to work, I'm going to pass out if I have to - ” Byulyi starts really bawling her heart out.

“Babe, babe,” Yongsun says, realizing Byulyi just got overwhelmed again by the thought of having to go back to the photoshoot. “We sent everyone home, you don’t have to keep working today. It’s over.” The leader keeps the rapper’s hair and massaging her back. “You can rest, now,” Yongsun says softly. The gentle caresses and these words seem to finally ease Byulyi’s violent heaving.

“I’m sorry,” Byulyi mutters weakly against Yongsun’s shirt, after a couple of minutes. “I’m so tired, Yong. I haven’t had a good night's sleep in a month.” She sniffles, her voice raspy and low from all the crying.

A month, for ’s sake?! How is she even coherent now? She should’ve said something sooner, Yongsun thinks. But she knows now is not the time to reprimand Byulyi, so she stays silent. For now, at least. The younger’s voice brings her back to reality.

“Yong, I… I feel too… I need…” Ok, so she’s not that coherent after all. Tears are still running down Byulyi’s face – quiet ones, but it’s like she hasn’t got the energy or the will to stop them. Yongsun takes charge.

“I know you’re too tired to make it home now,” she says, reading Byulyi’s mind. She strains as she picks the younger one up and carries her to the small couch in a corner of the room. “You can lie down and get some sleep right here. There’s no one around. It’s just you and me.”

Yongsun thanks their lucky stars that the photoshoot was for an athleisure clothing company. That means she’s wearing a hoodie and sweats, and even though she’s in full makeup, it could all be much worse in terms of sleeping comfort.

Byulyi curls up on the couch. Even though the exhaustion in her eyes is reaching new heights, she doesn’t close them. Instead, she watches Yongsun settling down on the floor in front of her, and immediately starts protesting with what’s left of her energy. “No, no, not there, the couch is big enough for t-“

“No it’s not, Byul-ah, don’t argue. You need to be comfortable. As comfortable as possible under the circumstances, at least.”

“But –“

“Don’t.” Yongsun says in a stern voice, but her eyes are kind as she brushes her thumb on the younger’s cheek to dry her tears. “Sleep, Byul-ah. I’ll be here.”

“I don’t think I can,” Byulyi whines. “I want to, but I…” the rapper starts growing agitated again, frustrated at her own inability to give her body what it needs.

“I’ll tell you what,” Yongsun interrupts her softly, still caressing her face. “I’ll sing to you. That has helped before, right?”

“It has,” Byulyi admits quietly. “But what… what if I have another nightmare? I won’t be able to go back to sleep and it’ll be even worse.” Yongsun’s stomach shrinks at the rising anxiety in her girlfriend’s voice, but she can at least try and come up with a solution.

“Maybe it won’t happen if I keep your hair. It’s a repetitive movement, it makes you relax… and your mind will be aware of me touching you, so maybe you’ll dream of me instead?", she smiles. "It’ll ground you, I think.”

“Dunno, Yong.”

“Let’s try it? Please? For me? If it doesn’t work and you wake up… I’ll be here. I’ll hold you and sing to you ‘till you’re out again. I promise.” Yongsun plants a kiss on the younger’s forehead. “Don’t be scared. Try to sleep now. You need it so bad, baby.”

Byulyi doesn’t say anything, so Yongsun starts humming and the rapper’s hair. Byulyi doesn’t stop her, and finally, finally closes her eyes. After a little while, her breathing becomes more regular, and soft snores start coming out of her half-open mouth.

When she notices, Yongsun sighs with relief. She stops humming, but continues rhythmically running her fingers through Byulyi’s hair, just as she promised.

She keeps at it for the entire night, shifting uncomfortably on the floor from time to time, but never stopping her ministrations. It seems to work, because Byulyi has her first six hours of uninterrupted sleep in a month. It’s not much, but it’ll do, for now.

When Byulyi wakes up at 5am, Yongsun is awake if a bit sleepy, watching her girlfriend with loving eyes and still her hair. She wants the rapper to try and get a couple more hours of sleep on the couch, but Byulyi convinces her to just walk home, where they can both be comfortable.

They walk the short distance separating the company from their apartment hand in hand, in the early morning light. “I got more sleep last night than the past seven nights combined,” Byulyi says. “And it’s all thanks to you, Yong. Do you wanna hear about the nightmares?” Yongsun nods as she prepares to listen. She is the exhausted one now, and she’s hurting everywhere after six uncomfortable hours on the floor. But Byulyi feels better, so she doesn’t care.

It becomes their afternoon routine. Yongsun knows it’s not sustainable, but Byulyi’s working with a sleep therapist now, and hopefully she’ll make some progress sooner rather than later. The therapist seems very confident. He says Byulyi’s just stressed, and this is causing her insomnia, but he’s seen worse cases.

Until Byulyi’s able to peacefully sleep at night again, though, Yongsun has mercilessly cleared their afternoons for the next month. It’s the only way of making sure she and Byulyi both get some much needed shut-eye: Yongsun at night, and Byulyi when the leader can be there to help her relax. Their CEO raises his eyebrows at the unreasonable request, but manager-unnie was there for Byulyi’s breakdown, so she understands, and helps Yongsun talk him into it.

It’s just five or six hours per day – less than Byulyi needs, really, but enough to keep her functioning. Yongsun spends those hours just sitting there, with Byulyi’s head in her lap, her hair. The leader would be usually horrified at the thought of wasting her afternoon every day, but she knows this isn’t forever, and, after some adjustment, she finds herself quite enjoying the stillness. It’s a striking change of pace in her life, too. She now has time to do a lot of thinking, a lot of planning, a lot of song-writing in her head.

And Byulyi’s happier, and more energetic, and hasn’t cried in exhaustion again.

Nothing else matters.