Sanha sits on his bed with his back on the headrest, legs sprawled, playing games on his handphone. He was done with schedule for the day. The elder members are still working on their individual gig and while waiting time for dinner, what’s better thing to do rather than enjoying the hobby he likes the most? Video game.

 

“I really can’t understand games,”

 

“That’s because you at playing games, hyung,”

 

“I don’t like playing games. Yah! Yah! There’s someone there. Shot him,”

 

“Where?”

 

“Over there. Huh? Is it a man or a trunk?”

 

“Arh, Rocky hyung. There’s no one there,”

 

“Really? But…”

 

Boom!

 

You lose.

 

“So…was it a man or a trunk?”

 

“Don’t know!” Sanha whine but there’s fire in his eyes to take revenge.

 

“Continue? But you already die,”

 

“I still want to play. I will kill him next time,”

 

“Aw…Sanha-ya, let’s do something else,”

 

“No, I still want to play.”

 

Minhyuk lean his chin on Sanha’s shoulder, watching the youngest play with his mobile game even though he didn’t understand a thing. His arm wrap around Sanha’s belly, running his hand up and down the other’s waist.

 

“Sanha-ya…” he calls.

 

“Hurm?”

 

“You shouldn’t play games so much. You will hurt your eyes,”

 

“Aish, Rocky hyung,” Sanha whines, knowing fully well Minhyuk would say whatever to make him stop playing with his handphone.

 

“Really, you’re still young. You should lower the access of light from the screen,”

 

“I’m just a year younger than you, hyung. Take that. How dare you kill me?”

 

Minhyuk’s hand stop moving, he let them rest on top of Sanha’s belly. He positioned his head to leaned on Sanha’s upper arm. He closed his eyes when the small screen keeps showing red and yellow colours from the shots and bombs.

 

“Sleep in your room, hyung,”

 

“I want to be here with you,”

 

“I won’t stop playing soon. You will get bored waiting for me,”

 

“Aw…just stop playing then, let’s do something else.” Minhyuk open one eye to look at the game, only to shut them back when the colours too painful for his eyes.

 

“No. I still want to play,”

 

“Sanha-ya…let’s do something else. Are you hungry? I will make fried potato for you.”

 

A lone tear falls to his cheek without he realizes it. He can feel Minhyuk’s warmth hugging him. He can feel Minhyuk’s breath brushing his cheek. He can feel Minhyuk’s calm annoying voice bugging him.

 

They had their own room but Minhyuk likes to come and play in the youngest’s room. Sometimes Minhyuk will just sit and lie beside Sanha to pester him to play with him even though Sanha was in the middle of his battle. Sometimes Sanha will ignore him and continue playing. Sometimes Sanha will stop gaming and entertained him, but it was as low as one per five times. Sometimes Minhyuk will come barging into his room, smiling cheekily at him and leave soon after.

 

Sometimes…

 

He remembers the last time Minhyuk come into his room, and being the annoying unsupportive dongsaeng, he push Minhyuk away and lied he want to sleep. He still remembers the dejected tone Minhyuk gave him.

 

It was too late to say how Sanha regret pushing his beloved hyung away. Was it also too late to say Sanha really miss Minhyuk’s presence beside him?

 

Sanha exits his game and throw his handphone to the side. He scoots over the edge, climb down the bed and walk out of his room. He paddles to Minhyuk’s room, open the door without knocking.

 

There’s no use, no one will be there to answer him.

 

Except, there is someone in there, lying down on Minhyuk’s now done bed, with his arm over his eyes.

 

“Eunwoo hyung?” he calls, not surprise Eunwoo was in the room, but surprise Eunwoo was free from schedule.  

 

Eunwoo move his hand and lift his head, smiling shortly. “Hey, Sanha. Come in.”

 

The youngest walking closer, sits on the bed and lying down beside the visual.

 

“When did you arrived?” Sanha asks.

 

“Not long after you. You must be playing games and didn’t hear me I guess,”

 

“Are you sleeping here?”

 

Eunwoo nods and hum as a reply. Sanha positioned his body to throw his arm around Eunwoo, in return, the elder sneak an arm under Sanha’s shoulder to secure him.

 

“There’s still no news?” Sanha asks.

 

“No. Donghwi can’t get in contact with him either.”

 

Sanha sighs. “I miss Rocky hyung,”

 

“We all are, Sanha. We all are.”

 

It has been four months since Park Minhyuk, the strong dependable rock of Astro leaving the entertainment industry. No one knows where he went, except maybe Manager Noh Taeyoon and Fantagio CEO, and his family. But no one of his family admit they know his whereabout. His parents said after Minhyuk told them he will quit, he moves somewhere and not in Jinju. He never visits since but they do talk on the phone sometimes. They said only Jeonggeun know his exact location but the younger Park swore he won’t tell a soul, not even their own parents and grandmother.

 

Astro members concluded, Jeonggeun know the reason behind Minhyuk’s departure.

 

Eunwoo was the last person Minhyuk talk to before the news broke, and Eunwoo was the first person to send a video message, exactly on Saturday after two in the evening, a week after their phone call, at the same time he swipe the green call button.

 

Eunwoo tell him how sorry they were for their ignorance of not seeing how broken he was all promotion. He apologizes for leaving on Sunday before they went on their own way for the break. He said it’s not the same after Minhyuk left. They might have Moonbin to filled in the dance, they might have Jinwoo to rap all the lines, they might have Myungjun to be the energizer for the group, they might have Sanha to cheer his hyungs good work, they might have Eunwoo to take care of everyone when they were down. But it was not the same without Minhyuk there. Aroha feels when Rocky’s name was not in the fan chant anymore. Astro was broken without the rock pillar. They, as individual human being and not as Astro, feels how empty they were when Minhyuk was no longer there beside them.

 

Eunwoo said he understand if Minhyuk refused to talk to them. Judging of how they treat him before, it was only right for Minhyuk to be upset. They understand if Minhyuk takes longer time to forgive them. But Eunwoo beg Minhyuk to response to them. Because it kills them, kills him, that they didn’t know if Minhyuk is save and alive. He ends his video with telling him that they miss him, Eunwoo especially miss him a lot.

 

Eunwoo didn’t bother to edit or make a new video. He let the video filled with his sorrowness and tears, and maybe his ugly crying face, and hit send. Hoping Minhyuk will see it and not leaving it unread like their normal text messages.

 

True to Manager Noh’s word, Minhyuk did see the message. Eunwoo jump in surprise when he saw the seen on the video message not long after he sent it. He waits in anticipation for Minhyuk to reply, only to be frustrated when he didn’t receive any.

 

Minhyuk needs time.

 

He will give him time.

 

But it didn’t mean he won’t send video messages again.

 

Astro members take turn on sending video messages. They sent at least one video in three days. And never two videos on the same day. They didn’t want to bug Minhyuk too much. At the start, each member sent an apology video and telling Minhyuk they respect his decision, but they still want to be friends. Because they are family, Minhyuk is their family, their brother. They said they will wait for him to finally reply to them. Whatever Minhyuk want, Minhyuk get.

 

Then the video messages turn to like normal text messages. They ask what he was doing, they tell him what they were doing and what their future activities are.

 

Moobin was cheeky sometimes. He records a video of him dancing, or a funny failed dancing by Sanha or Eunwoo, and ask for advice.

 

But no reply. Only seen. 

 

It has been four months but Astro not giving up.

 

Never.

 

------------

 

“Hyung, you want to go to the toilet?”

 

Myungjun was browsing the Internet on his handphone when Minhyuk asks him. They were in the waiting room at the broadcast station, waiting for their time to go on stage. “No, I don’t,” he replies without looking at him.

 

“Are you sure you don’t need to?”

 

“Yah. What’s wrong with you? I don’t want to go. Go bother Eunwoo over there,” Myungjun says with that high pitch tone of his.

 

“Aww…but I don’t want to leave your side,” Minhyuk says, sneaking his hand around the eldest’s arm and had his cheek on Myungjun’s shoulder.

 

“Yah. Yah. Yah. Your makeup will ruin my costume,”

 

“It won’t.”

 

Silence.

 

Myungjun continue browsing SNS with Minhyuk watching, or was the rapper using his shoulder as a pillow to catch some nap? The waiting room was busy with staff going here and there but Astro members were quiet. Sanha and Jinwoo doing makeup at the side, Moonbin were napping by his own, a stylist helping Eunwoo with his own costume.

 

“Waa…Eunwoo hyung, you look handsome,” Minhyuk praised him.

 

“He is always handsome. What are you saying?” Myungjun laugh.

 

Eunwoo giggles as well. “What do you think?” He opens his arms wide to shows the other two after the stylist done dolling him.

 

Minhyuk lift his head from the comfort of Myungjun’s shoulder. “Handsome,”

 

“Don’t you think I look weird?” Eunwoo checking his own costume.

 

“No.” Minhyuk shakes his head. “Not weird at all. You look cool.”

 

Myungjun shut his handphone, stands up and put the device in his pocket. “I want to go to the toilet,”

 

“I’m coming with you.” Minhyuk quickly stands up.

 

The eldest look at him. “I thought you want to nap?”

 

He shakes his head. “I’m just closing my eyes,”

 

“Don’t you want to ogling Eunwoo more?”

 

“Ah…hyung…” the visual whine.

 

Minhyuk smiles cheekily. “I will continue later. But now I want to go with you.”

 

Minhyuk link his arm with Myungjun as they walk in the sea of staff toward the toilet. Astro’s waiting room was at the centre of the hall, they need to cross a few waiting rooms to get to the gents. The hall was not empty obviously. It’s not packed either but other idols, their staff or the station’s staff was filling the hallway making it a bit hard to go to the toilet without bumping shoulders.

 

“M-hyung, wait for me, okay?” Minhyuk asks before they both get inside the cubicles.

 

“Yeah. Yeah,” Myungjun replies idly.

 

The eldest finish first. He went to wash his hands and casually walk out of the toilet. He came back to Astro’s waiting room, alone. He sits on his previous spot, with Eunwoo beside him sitting on Minhyuk’s seat. He fish out his handphone and continue browsing the net. Eunwoo was on his handphone as well. Both in their own world, until Jinwoo come to their faces.

 

“Where’s Rocky?” Jinwoo asks.

 

Eunwoo lift his head before he looks around the room. “Rocky not back yet?”

 

“Back from where?” the leader asks.

 

Eunwoo nudge his son. “MJ hyung and Rocky went to the toilet just now,”

 

“Huh?” Myungjun lift his head, looking into Jinwoo’s questioning eyes. “Ah, yeah. Rocky went to the toilet with me,”

 

“Why he is not here yet?” Jinwoo knit his eyebrow.

 

“How should I know? Maybe he did number two.” Myungjun shrugged as he lowered his eyes back on the screen in hands.

 

“Is he okay? It’s been long even though it’s number two,” Eunwoo says worriedly.

 

Jinwoo sighs. He looks behind his shoulder. Moonbin was still in his dreamland. Sanha was still on finishing touch. He turns back to the father and son duo.

 

“Eunwoo, can you go looking for him?”

 

“Ah…can I not?”

 

Myungjun laughs. “What, are you scared Rocky will jump on you in the toilet?”

 

“What, no! Hyung…” Eunwoo whine.

 

“You go then, M-hyung,” Jinwoo uses his authority to order the eldest.

 

“Aww…can I not?” Myungjun pouts.

 

“Since you left him there, it’s only right if you go see if he is alright.”

 

Still with the pouts on his lips, Myungjun stands up, pocketing his handphone and walk out of the waiting room. He might be the eldest but Jinwoo is still the leader. There are times he uses his status as the oldest in the group but he can’t easily deny Jinwoo’s demand. When Jinwoo was in his leader mode, it’s better not to test his patient.

 

There are still people at the hallway but not as busy as before. Myungjun can walk easily without bumping shoulder with anyone. And he can clearly see Minhyuk coming from the other side. The rapper walks slowly, as if he was following after Jinwoo’s slow steps. His hand on the wall for support.

 

Myungjun tilted his head. “Is he sick?” Worried, he quickly runs after the younger. “Rock…” he calls when they were just a metre apart. But the rapper just walks pass him, as if he didn’t see him.

 

“Or he was upset I left him behind?” Myungjun whispers.

 

“Huh? You left who behind?” Sanha asks, looking from his rice bowl.

 

“Rocky…”

 

Silence.

 

Myungjun whine to Jinwoo as soon as they came back to the waiting room, about how Minhyuk ignores him and he had run after the other to nag at him. Minhyuk apologize because he didn’t see him coming. Eunwoo if Minhyuk deliberately ignores Myungjun because he left him alone at the toilet. They had a fun laugh teasing the rapper but Minhyuk just smile and keep repeating he really didn’t see Myungjun there, not until the older had his hand around his arm so they can go back together.  

 

This story was repeated to the members after Minhyuk’s departure. It keeps replaying in Myungjun’s mind like a rewind tape. Out of his moment with Minhyuk, the story of him leaving the younger at the toilet of the broadcast station keep haunting him.

 

Why?

 

Myungjun had to questions himself.

 

Was there any hint from that incident?

 

“Rocky was upset, indeed. We were being unfair to him,” Eunwoo says, remembering the sad tone from the last call he had with the rapper.

 

Sanha lowered his bowl, eyes downcast. A wave of sadness surge in him, making him loss his appetite. Eunwoo pick up a chicken with his chopstick and put them on the youngest’s bowl.

 

“Eat, Sanha-ya. You have an early schedule tomorrow,” he says.

 

“If I fall sick, will Rocky hyung reply to our video messages?”

 

“Don’t.” Both elders warn.

 

“Don’t force him, Sanha-ya,” Myungjun says.

 

Eunwoo sighs. “We promise to give him time. If you fall sick, you will make it harder for Rocky, and for all of us,”

 

“But whenever I was sick, Rocky hyung would be worried. He takes care of me the most,”

 

“Do you think Rocky will run back here to nurse you if you really fall sick?” Myungjun asks.

 

Sanha looks at the eldest. “Won’t he?”

 

Eunwoo put his bowl and utensil down. He wraps an arm around Sanha’s shoulder and pats him. “Sanha-ya, I believe Rocky would be worried if he knows you fall sick. He will take care of you, he will be beside you, nurse you to health. But we can’t force him, Sanha-ya. Taeyoon hyung said we should live like normal. If we try to do anything deliberately, it will push Rocky further.”

 

Sanha lowered his eyes. “What should we do…to make Rocky hyung to reply?”

 

“Nothing,” Myungjun says, making the youngest look up at him. “There’s nothing we can do, except wait. It has been four months, it will be a year next, two years, three years, I don’t care. I can wait even ten years for Rocky to finally send a reply. It’s frustrating, didn’t know where he is or what happen to him. But what option do we have? This is our punishment.”

 

Sanha eyed the eldest, Eunwoo’s hand still rubs on his shoulder to comfort him. Myungjun think it was a punishment because the guilt was eating him. Myungjun was one of the two who left the dorm the first on that Sunday. If he waits, Moonbin won’t left, and Sanha won’t be stubborn to go as well and forced Eunwoo to drive him. What’s more, Myungjun was Minhyuk’s favourite hyung. Myungjun cherishes Minhyuk the most and the younger had a special spot in his heart. But he dare to hurt him just because he wants to reach his hometown earlier. What’s the different if he reach there in the morning or in the evening?

 

The result of Minhyuk’s departure without them knowing from his own mouth.

 

“I will wait,” Myungjun says. “I will wait for how long Rocky needs. If he wants to wait until all of us enlist and coming back, so be it. I will wait. And so does you, Sanha-ya.”

 

------------

 

“Sanha and I are preparing for our unit comeback. We’re practising our dance. You want to see it? It’s hilarious. You could give some advice to Sanha, or me.” Moonbin laugh at the end. “Sanha falls when doing a turn. I mean, he had turn a lot in our dances but he still falls.” He got closer to the screen to whisper. “And he tear his trouser.” He laughs again, leaning back from the screen. “I will send you the video next, okay? I think we could do better. There’s something lacking in our choreography, but I can’t fathom what.” His eyes change from mischievous to warm. “How are you doing, Rocky? Are you doing okay? I miss you. I miss our night talks and dances practise and sneaking out to eat. Reply me, okay?”

 

Moonbin reach for his handphone and watch what was recorded. The sounds of his video resonated in the living room that he can’t even hear the door was open from outside. Satisfied, he sends the video message to Minhyuk.

 

“You sent a message to Rocky?” Jinwoo asks, surprising the still lead dancer in the group.

 

“Hyung, you’re back,” he greets, looking at the voice. He tilted his head when Eunwoo standing behind him. “Eunwoo, you’re here too?”

 

“Yeah.” Eunwoo shrugged. “I’m beat and I don’t have schedule in the morning, so I want to sleep here,”

 

“Go wash up and go sleep,” Jinwoo says, patting his arm.

 

Eunwoo nods before he bid goodnight to both of them and walking to the way of his bedroom. Jinwoo sighs as he paddled to the couch and sits beside Moonbin.

 

“Shouldn’t today Sanha’s turn to send a video message?”

 

“Sanha had sent his two days ago. He had a bad day and he ask me to swap,” Moonbin replies. “I guess he was crying again.”

 

Jinwoo just ahh as a response. He leaned his head on the headrest, closed his eyes, and wait for his turn to hit the shower.

 

“Did Eunwoo had a bad day too?”

 

“He just exhausted, I guess. He had a full schedule since yesterday and didn’t have that much break.”

 

Moonbin hummed, looking at the direction of Minhyuk’s old room. The vacant room was not empty for so long. As soon as Minhyuk’s departure, Eunwoo claimed the room. But he didn’t make it as his. He was, in fact, had his own room in Astro dorm. Even though he had move to his own house, his room in Astro dorm still had a few of his belongings and basic furniture like bed, dresser and wardrobe. He would come and sleep in the dorm from time to time. But since the departure, Eunwoo would sleep in Minhyuk’s room only. He would put his bag in his own room, get cleaned up, change and do whatever he needed to do in his room, and went to sleep in Minhyuk’s bed. He put a clean sheet on the bed, it was Minhyuk’s sheet they found stacked in Sanha’s pile. They silently thanked the cleaning lady for doing that mistake. Because that sheet still had Minhyuk’s smell, and Eunwoo feels calm to sleep in it, as if Minhyuk’s warmth hugging him.

 

Aside from Eunwoo, the other four members would sleep in the room sometimes as well. When they had a bad day or missing Minhyuk like crazy. Eunwoo and Sanha were the two members frequent the room more often than the others. But Sanha won’t sleep in that room if he knows Eunwoo was at the dorm. Being a good dongsaeng, he let Eunwoo had his chance and he will sleep in it next time. There were times when Sanha wake up in the middle of the night, going to the toilet or hungry for some snack or having a nightmare, he would sneak in Minhyuk’s room, and Eunwoo will hug him to sleep if he was there.

 

But Eunwoo was not Minhyuk.

 

It’s not the same.

 

Eunwoo was tired so Sanha didn’t have the heart to ask for more. Before when Sanha sneaked in Minhyuk’s bed, being a light sleeper, the elder woke up and will ask if he needs anything. If he wants snacks, Minhyuk will go to the kitchen with him and together they will find something to eat, or Minhyuk will make him some fried potato. If he said he just want to sleep, or he had a nightmare and it was hard to fall back to sleep, Minhyuk will throw his arms around him. Sanha never did mind if Minhyuk want to hug him in his sleep. Because Minhyuk’s arms were warm and comfy, and he feels secure and save, and not be afraid of nightmares anymore.

 

But when they were awake, Sanha was annoyed with Minhyuk’s clinginess that he push the other away sometimes.

 

“Did he?” Jinwoo asks.

 

Moonbin nods his head. “Yeah. Rocky was extra clingy this comeback. He was mostly quiet and keep it to himself but if we’re going somewhere, or just walking, he likes to hold our hand or put his hand on our shoulder,”

 

“I didn’t realize. I thought it’s all the same. Rocky always do that, didn’t he?”

 

“Well, yeah. He did. But it’s extra, hyung. I mean, he won’t go anywhere without anyone. Always want to follow wherever we go. You remember that one time after practise? Everyone had gone except Rocky, you and I. Rocky said he wants to go to his studio to finish with his song but he waits for me to finish even though I said I will be done in an hour,” Moonbin says.

 

“Uh…but then he goes with me, right?” Jinwoo tries to remember.

 

“Yeah, he left with you when you said you want to go.”

 

Jinwoo rubs his head. “I didn’t think it was weird at that time. Rocky was always clingy anyway.”

 

Moonbin repositioned to face the leader properly. “I didn’t realize it as well. Sanha told me Rocky was being extra, just like a kid, always following someone and holding onto them. That’s how I see it too.”

 

Jinwoo hum again, trying to search in his memory if Minhyuk did being extra attached with him this past comeback.

 

“Hyung…” Moonbin calls. “Do you think that’s why Rocky was extra clingy? He wants to always be with us because he will leave? He wants to make use with every time he had before he quit?”

 

Jinwoo gulps his saliva. “I…that might be it.”

 

Moonbin’s head fall on the headrest. “Why can’t I realize something was eating him? I saw he was different but I never think anything wrong with it. I am his best friend but I failed him.”

 

Jinwoo rubs Moonbin’s lap. “Bin-ah, stop blaming yourself. We need to stop blaming ourselves. It was in the past, there’s nothing we could do now. We just need to focus for the future.”

 

Moonbin lift his head. “I feel terrible, hyung,”

 

“So do I, Bin-ah. I am the leader. I know something was wrong with Rocky. I keep asking him if he is okay, if he need anything, he can come to me. But Rocky say nothing. He assure me he was okay.” Jinwoo’s voice vibrate with sadness. “I am the worst. I know something was wrong yet I do so little to make him talk. I should keep asking until he told me his issue,”

 

“We are the worst, hyung,” Moonbin whispers, his eyes starting to red. “I’m ashamed to admit I am Rocky’s best friend when I didn’t know what was bothering him that he choose to quit.”

 

Silence.

 

Jinwoo sniffled and Moonbin’s shoulder shakes with tears.

 

“Jinjin hyung, will we see Rocky again?”

 

“We will. I know we will. Let’s keep praying and not stop sending the video messages.”

 

Moonbin’s eyes downcast.

 

“Rocky will come back, Bin-ah. Always keep the faith.”