Astro members, minus one Park Minhyuk, sitting at the round table in the meeting room, with the CEO at the head and Manager Noh at his left side. Moonbin sits in the middle of Manager Noh and Eunwoo. At CEO’s right side are Jinwoo, Sanha and Myungjun respectively.

 

Silent.

 

They have been in the meeting room for almost ten minutes but no one said a word. Weird. The usual abnormal Astro keeping their mouth closed for the first time in ten minutes. They were not scolded. Not yet. But no one can open their mouth to say anything. Not Astro, not Manager Noh, not CEO.

 

Astro members were too shocked. Their faces blank and lifeless.

 

CEO healed a breath. “Kids…” he started, earning himself looks from the idols. “I assume you already know.”

 

He got the still expressionless looks from the members as an answer.

 

Jinwoo gulps his saliva. Being the leader for years, he was the first to break the lost look on his face and force himself to open his mouth. “Know about what?”

 

CEO turns to look at Manager Noh. The man shakes his head. For the first time since they step their feet in the room, sit at the meeting table, holding a freeze and blank expression, finally a look of colours adorning the Astro members’ faces. They look at each other with fear and worry.

 

“Know about what?” Moonbin repeated the leader’s question with a shaky voice.

 

CEO healed a breath. “About Rocky.”

 

Ba-dump.

 

“What…what about Rocky?” Myungjun hate how he was so afraid with whatever will come out from the CEO’s lips. He can’t prepare his heart. He refuses to prepare for any bad news, or good news. If there was any.

 

“Kids…” CEO calls, earning himself full attention from the idols. “Starting from today, your sign will change to a five-pointed star.”

 

The idols gasp loudly, from the leader, the eldest and the strongest. The visual turn his head from the CEO to hide the tears. The youngest look at each one at the table, from the CEO to his older members to the manager, to shake the arm of the member beside him.

 

“Hyung. Hyung what was that mean? Why five-pointed star? MJ hyung…” Sanha cries.

 

“Sanha…” Myungjun put his hand on top of Sanha, looking at the other. He lift his hand to brush the tears flowing down the youngest’s cheeks. “Sanha-ya…”

 

“No…no…no…” Sanha looks at the CEO. “We were six-pointed. We will always be six-pointed.”

 

Jinwoo healed his breath and control his tears. “What happen to Rocky?”

 

CEO look at the men in front of him one by one. Manager Noh was calm and quiet. Moonbin had his fingers lock on top of the table and his head low as if he was praying. Eunwoo buried his face in his hand and his body shaking. Sanha was crying and Myungjun comfort him even though he was in the same state himself. Jinwoo’s eyes red as he tries to be the strong pillar for his group.

 

He feels sorry for the idols. Even though he was new, not raising them since they were trainees but seeing them when they had grown, he still feels attached to them, still seeing them as his own children. If his kids got into an argument, as a father, he had to step in and be a mediator.

 

Minhyuk had his first downfall out of six of them. He had come to him and request to give some time to personally tell the news to s. CEO thought the members had known. He waits for a week to give them some time and use the break properly. That’s why he says nothing to any of them since last Sunday. They will only talk after the end of the break.

 

But judging from their lost look and now bawling eyes, he guess Minhyuk didn’t say it yet. So it falls on his shoulder to deliver the news himself, and discuss the future of Astro, as a five members group.

 

--------------

 

It was absurd. It was a bad dream. A nightmare. Astro members still can’t believe what was presented to them. They were quiet when the CEO told them, they cried silent tears when they were told why. They didn’t have any energy in them to demand why it’s so easy for the company to let Minhyuk go. Why no one told them before he even had the thought of leaving. Why Minhyuk was so coward and not telling them himself if he thinks they believe in him.

 

No.

 

They really can’t find a voice to ask a word except to listen to what was being said. They were too shocked and frozen.

 

In other word, they still can’t believe what the old man had told them.

 

It was a nightmare and they will wake up soon.

 

Except, of course. It was not a cruel dream and Astro members, now five, had no other choice than to embrace the truth.

 

“Astro Rocky leaving the entertainment industry because of health problem. Astro will work as five following Rocky leaving the group because of some health issue. The agency announces Rocky’s departure from Astro to focus on his health. Fans pray for Rocky’s health and wishing he will come back to Astro when he is better…” Moonbin throw his handphone to the side, thankfully it landed on Sanha’s laps.

 

“The news all said Rocky was leaving because of some health issue.” Myungjun rubs his head frustrated.

 

“Is Rocky hyung sick? That’s why he was leaving?” Sanha asks, looking at Myungjun at his side. “But CEO-nim said Rocky hyung quit because of some personal thing,”

 

“I don’t know, Sanha…” Jinwoo who sits beside Moonbin replies. “It may be because of something personal. But they had to announce it as something related with health, to not make fans worried,”

 

“But don’t you think it will make everyone worry?” Moonbin asks. “Whatever health issue he was facing, or personal things, why would he leave?”

 

“Bin.” Myungjun’s voice strain as a warning. “You had a hiatus yourself. You take a break to focus on your health treatment. You should know better,”

 

“But hyung…” Moonbin duck his head to apologize, realizing he was being insensitive. “But I was on a break. Rocky quit. It’s two different things,”

 

“It’s no different, Bin-ah. When you were on break, you were this close to quit.” Myungjun lift his hand, his thumb and index finger slightly apart to show a small gap. “We were worried you will end up leaving. Yes, we believe you and we support you. But it didn’t mean there’s not a thought of you leaving.”

 

Moonbin gulp his saliva. “And Rocky? Were there any thoughts of him leaving? This is our dream. This is his passion. Rocky was the last person I thought would quit. Whatever his reason is.” He lowered his head. “Rocky was strong. He was our rock. What was bothering him that he choose to quit, all of a sudden without telling anyone of us?”

 

Jinwoo looks at Sanha and Myungjun. The youngest didn’t stop crying since the news break. Myungjun was quiet, he was comforting everyone like a true eldest he is, while comforting his own broken heart. Jinwoo turns to the silence Eunwoo and Manager Noh opposite of him. After Sanha, Eunwoo was shedding tears the most and keep quiet. The only times he opens his mouth was to blame himself.

 

“Do you think Rocky would really leave without telling you?” Manager Noh asks.

 

This is the first time, after the meeting with the CEO yesterday, this is the first time Manager Noh Taeyoon say a word to them. After telling them the news, the CEO told them they had two to three days of additional break to collect themselves before they will start showing themselves to public. Manager Noh leave the meeting room not long after and send another manager to drive them home. Jinwoo wants to stop the manager to ask more about Minhyuk but one look at the manager’s face, he knows they had mess up, Manager Noh was disappointed in them.

 

“Rocky was quiet and keeping it on himself this comeback. Were you thinking it was just because of his concept this time?” Manager Noh asks.

 

Jinwoo and Myungjun look at each other. Moonbin lift his head to look at the manager. He can see Eunwoo still had his head low, eyeing the CD in his hands.

 

“Weren’t he?” Myungjun asks back.

 

“I admit, that was what we thought,” Jinwoo says.

 

“I ask Rocky to talk more, why was he so quiet. He said it was his concept.” Moonbin hiss, silently blaming himself for believing the lie.

 

Manager Noh shakes his head. “Rocky came to me and CEO, not long after your album released. He told us his issue, the options there is and the possibility of him to quit.”

 

Eunwoo lift his head to looks at the man beside him. Sanha leaned his body forward to listen carefully, brushing his cheeks for the nth time.

 

“Not long after the album was released?” Jinwoo whispers.

 

“He thought of leaving that early?” Myungjun asks.

 

“Rocky told you and CEO he will quit, but he didn’t tell us?” Moonbin asks, hurt that his best friend of ten years didn’t tell him, or drop any hint at least.

 

Jinwoo put his hand on Moonbin’s lap.

 

Too late.

 

“Do you think Rocky would really quit without telling you?” Manager Noh repeated.

 

“Hyung…” Moonbin cries. “I really can’t think now. Why would Rocky leave? Why didn’t Rocky tell me?”

 

Jinwoo runs his hand on Moonbin’s lap to comfort him. One second, Moobin will break down and be the third after Eunwoo to cry a river.

 

“Rocky want to tell you,” Manager Noh says, looking at Astro members one by one. “But he needs time. CEO and I, we told Rocky that you guys need to know. But Rocky wants to wait because you were in the middle of a promotion. He didn’t want to ruin the momentum. If you know sooner, it will affect your promotion and Aroha would sense something was wrong. He refuses to have both Astro and Aroha in that situation,”

 

“But at the end…Rocky hyung tell us nothing.” Sanha sniffed.

 

“At the end of the promotion,” Manager Noh says. “He promises me you guys will know.”

 

At the end of the promotion?

 

Jinwoo gasp, the hand on Moonbin’s lap fly to his own mouth.

 

No way.

 

The members look at their leader, then back at the manager. No one grasp it. Not yet. Except Jinwoo.

 

“That day when you guys were going back home,” Manager Noh says. “Aren’t Rocky tries to say something?”

 

Did he?

 

Myungjun and Moonbin gasp. New tears threatening to fall from Sanha’s eyes. Eunwoo pulls his face away from the manager, eyeing the lone cold CD in his hands.

 

He didn’t.

 

He didn’t get the chance to tell them.

 

Why?

 

Astro members have the answer.

 

“Rocky want to tell us that day…?” Myungjun whispers.

 

“Hyung…” Sanha wraps his fingers around Myungjun’s arm, head falling on Myungjun’s shoulder. “Rocky hyung…”

 

“Rocky promise us he will tell you before you guys going home. But when I came here to fetch him to drive him to Jinju, I know instantly he didn’t tell any of you,” Manager Noh says.

 

Jinwoo lowered his hand, holding the elder man’s eyes. “Because we were not here…”

 

“Because no one was home and Rocky was alone.” Manager Noh snort. “If you know, you wouldn’t left him by himself,”

 

“But why?” Myungjun let Sanha’s tears wet his shoulder. “If you know, why you say nothing?” He looks at Jinwoo for brief second. “Why didn’t you tell Jin? He is the leader. At least he should know.”

 

Manager Noh shakes his head. “This is something neither I nor CEO should tell. You have to hear it from Rocky himself,”

 

“Taeyoon hyung,” Jinwoo plead. “As a leader, wouldn’t I have the right to know? Even if you think Rocky have to tell us himself, as a manager, you should tell me, as a leader. Then maybe I can think of how to break the news to the members,”

 

“Then we can work out how to stop Rocky from leaving,” Moonbin added.

 

The older man shakes his head once again. “It’s not as easy as you think.”

 

The members gulp their saliva. Sanha lifts his head from Myungjun’s shoulder, his hand still around Myungjun’s arm. Eunwoo look at the manager from the corner of his eyes.

 

“The reason Rocky left was not as simple as you think. It’s something you should hear it from Rocky himself, not from me, not from CEO,”

 

“Why…did he leave?” Moonbin asks. “Rocky was our strong dependable rock. No matter what his problem is, we believe Rocky was not that weak to give up that easily,”

 

“Even a strong rock would break, Bin,” Manager Noh says.

 

“Why…” Myungjun’s voice vibrate with tears he forced to control.

 

Sanha wipes the new drop rolling on his cheek. “Where was Rocky hyung now? How should we know if hyung didn’t reply to our messages and pick up our calls?”

 

Again, the manager shakes his head. “I won’t tell you,”

 

“Hyung!” Astro members, minus Eunwoo, cries at Manager Noh.

 

“Rocky didn’t tell you because he was waiting for the right time. But when the time comes, no one willing to listen. He may be quiet this comeback but if you care enough, you can see how broken he was.” Manager Noh’s voice vibrate with half sad and half anger.

 

“But we care,” Myungjun half shouts. “We care about him. We love him,”

 

“Did you at least show how you care?”

 

Myungjun open his mouth, but no sound come out.

 

“If you care, MJ, you can see how distracted he was. Even before the promotion end, he was at the edge of telling you guys. If you saw, Rocky might tell you.” Manager Noh gulp his saliva. “But Rocky’s stubbornness win, and here you are wondering why he left without saying anything,”

 

“Taeyoon hyung,” Jinwoo calls. “I’m sorry for being ignorance. I’m sorry for not leading my members well enough. I’m sorry for my incompetence of not realizing Rocky’s trouble. But please, tell us where Rocky is.”

 

Manager Noh eyed the leader opposite of him. Jinwoo is the cry baby in the team. He would be the first to weep even a tear of joy. Aside from Sanha and Eunwoo, Manager Noh didn’t see Jinwoo cry yet since the news of Minhyuk left. But his red and puffy eyes are clear evidence he had his fare share of mourning. Maybe he had his howling behind the manager’s back. Maybe he was forcing himself to be strong for the sake of s. Maybe the guilt was stronger than the grieved.

 

“I can’t tell you,” Manager Noh says.

 

“Hyung…” For the first time ever, Cha Eunwoo’s voice could be heard in the living room of Astro’s dorm. “Taeyoon hyung, please, tell us where Rocky is.”

 

The elder man shakes his head. “I can’t tell you, I’m sorry.”

 

Sanha plops his body on the backrest, his hand fall to the side, his head tilt back, forcing his tears to get back inside his eyes. Myungjun put his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands, weeping a silent cry. Moonbin’s eyes blank and he was at a loss of words. Jinwoo tilted his head back and sniffled his nose.

 

“Are you…” Eunwoo gulp his saliva. “Are you mad at us, hyung?”

 

“Rather than mad, I am mostly disappointed in you.” Manager Noh didn’t bother to lie. “You said you are family, you are brothers, you love each other. But why…”

 

Eunwoo lowered his head, too ashamed to look at the manager. No one of the Astro members look at Manager Noh. They want to deny. They do care and love every member of Astro. Minhyuk too. They do love Minhyuk like their own life. But they were too ashamed to say they love him when they failed to protect him.

 

Protect him from leaving Astro and crashing his dream.

 

“There’s a reason why Rocky quit.” Manager Noh wonders if the idols listen as they didn’t look at him still. “But I can’t tell you why and where he is. Rocky needs time. He didn’t want anyone of you near him.”

 

Moonbin’s eyes coming back to live and look at the manager. Myungjun lowered his hands and look at the manager. Jinwoo positioned his head to look at the manager. Save for Eunwoo and Sanha frozen still, but their ears listened to every word whatever the manager want to say.

 

“He won’t reply to your messages and pick up your calls. You can stop now,”

 

“But…” Jinwoo tries to argue.

 

“Maybe you can try sending video messages, don’t video call him, he won’t pick up either,”

 

“But he left our messages unread. Will he watch if we send video messages?” Myungjun asks.

 

Manager Noh was quiet for a few seconds before answering. “I won’t promise but you can try.”

 

Jinwoo and Myungjun look at each other, a new wave of hope flash before their eyes.

 

“But.” Manager Noh had to burst their bubble. “Don’t expect him to reply.”

 

Myungjun’s shoulder fell. “What’s the point if Rocky won’t reply either?”

 

“But we can try,” Jinwoo says. “Maybe Rocky will loosen up and ready to see us,”

 

“If you really care, please give him time. That was what Rocky needed right now,” Manager Noh says.

 

“But Taeyoon hyung, shouldn’t we show Rocky that we really care? That no matter what, he is still our brother. We love him,” Moonbin says.

 

“If you love him and care for him, don’t force him. Give him time until he is ready,” Manager Noh warns.

 

Jinwoo put a hand on Moonbin’s lap to stop him from arguing further. “I understand. We won’t call him. We won’t go looking for him. We will give him time, until he is ready.”

 

Manager Noh nods his head, satisfied. “Rocky love you too, you know that.” He looks at the members one by one. Sanha had turns to look at him but his head still on the headrest. “Do things slowly. Respect his pace. If you force him, he will go on hide deeper, I’m afraid even I can’t find him.”

 

This put the members on alarm.

 

Sanha lift his head. He had stop crying but his eyes red and puffy and his cheeks wet. “No. No. You are our only saviour. What should we do if Rocky hyung hide from you too?”

 

“That’s why, Sanha-ya, don’t force him. Time is what Rocky needed the most now,”

 

“Will it be okay if I send video messages every day?”

 

“Don’t…” The elder members, minus Eunwoo, warn the youngest.

 

“But I miss Rocky hyung already,” Sanha cries. “I want Rocky hyung to reply to me. I want to see his face and hear his voice.”

 

Myungjun wrap his arm around the youngest’s shoulder. “We miss Rocky too, Sanha-ya.”

 

Manager Noh pointed to the CD in Eunwoo’s hands with his chin. “This is Rocky’s gift for you, the song he manages to finish before the break. We will put this song on your next album.”

 

Eunwoo hug the CD close to his chest.

 

“You need to calm down and stop crying. Everyone had schedules Thursday morning. Eunwoo, you start tomorrow. Make sure your eyes not swollen from crying too much. In the meantime, another manager will take care of you,” Manager Noh says, getting ready to leave.

 

“Huh? Why, hyung?” Jinwoo asks.

 

“I am really disappointed with you guys. It’s hard for me to see your faces because I will get mad. But I have to, today, to say what I have to say.” Manager Noh stands up. “Rocky was so sad when he left this dorm last Sunday. He was upset he can’t say goodbye properly. He was hurt because he thinks you guys will not understand him.”

 

Myungjun gulp his saliva. “We’re sorry, Taeyoon hyung.”

 

Manager Noh smiles sadly. “I will still be Astro’s manager, just give me time until I am not mad anymore.”

 

With that, the old manager paddled out of the living room. Only Jinwoo and Myungjun had the energy to stand up and bows to him, the other three were exhausted to think properly. They just send the manager off with their eyes. Jinwoo and Myungjun plop back down on their seat.

 

Quiet.

 

There’s a lot in their mind but no one want to open their mouth to say anything.

 

“It’s all my fault,” Eunwoo break the silence, again, blaming himself.

 

“Eunwoo-ah, stop,” Jinwoo says. “This is not the time to find fault,”

 

“It’s everyone fault,” Myungjun says. “All of us were to be blamed.”

 

Moonbin buried his face in his palms. “Rocky-ah…why?”

 

Sanha lift his legs to hug his knees, Moonbin’s handphone fall beside him. “I miss Rocky hyung.”

 

Myungjun pats Sanha’s arm. “We miss him too, Sanha-ya,”

 

“I…I promise to come back early to spend some time with Rocky hyung. If…if I come back on Thursday, I will caught Rocky hyung cleaned his room,”

 

“That’s not possible, Sanha-ya. Taeyoon hyung said he was the one who cleaned Rocky’s room and send them to wherever Rocky is at,” Jinwoo reminded him what Manager Noh had told them earlier.

 

“Or I can see Taeyoon hyung cleaned up Rocky hyung’s room and interrogate him,” Sanha says.

 

Moonbin lowered his hands, eyes lost in front of him. “There’s no point to ask what if anymore, Sanha-ya. Rocky had left and we didn’t know why and where he is.”

 

The youngest buried his face in his knees, going back to crying. His tears resonated in the quiet of Astro dorm. Making his older members sealed their mouth shut and mourning in depression.

 

Yoon Sanha was the last in Astro to cry. He would never shed tears, ever. It’s hard for the hyungs to see him cry even though they about it. He was strong-willed and stubborn with his feeling. But since yesterday, Sanha was the first to cry and can’t stop his tears. Minhyuk leaving taking a huge toll in him. He still can’t believe his ears. A part of him refused to believe his Rocky hyung had leave them. He still wish this is all a cruel prank. Minhyuk will come barging through the door and announce his victory to finally see the youngest cry. And the other hyungs will jump in joy and shout at his face that he was not that strong like he thought he was.

 

No.

 

It was not a cruel joke.

 

No matter how much he looks at the door and how hard he pray for Minhyuk to be here in front of his eyes, that hyung won’t come back.

 

And Sanha hate himself for having a happy thought of leaving Minhyuk on the break. He was ecstatic to be apart and not seeing Minhyuk’s clinginess for a week, only to be separated forever.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Rocky hyung…” Sanha’s cries muffled by his knees but the older members can hear him clear.

 

Myungjun was the first to wrap his arms around him, being seated beside him. Eunwoo stands up and paddled to the couch, sitting beside Sanha’s other side and throw his arms around Sanha and Myungjun. Jinwoo and Moonbin followed after, hugging the remaining of Astro members and crying their heart out, chanting for forgiveness and begging Minhyuk to come back.

 

----------------------------

 

How is it?

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I’m crying a river writing this chapter. Guys, please show the person you love how you really love them, before it was too late.