kindly excuse me if there are some typos or smth - i did my best while proofreading but i'm a bit sick~ hope you'll enjoy still^^

____________

It was really easy to get lost in the games and forget about time, especially when one of you happened to be a gamer encountering one of his favorite games.

Apparently, that’s why Donghae and Hyukjae were surprised when the boy’s mom came in to announce that Donghae’s dad arrived home, so they could eat together.

“Coming!” the younger among the two students chirped and jumped off the bed, a smile on his face.

He felt so excited for many reasons. First, his dad came, and he simply loved when the whole family was gathering. Second, there were high chances this gathering won’t be as awkward as it used to be.

To think Donghae was the only one going through hard times in his family was wrong. There also were his parents who lost their son that day. Saved later or not, he was announced to be dead at first, and it would be too cruel to expect them to not react at all and be okay. They were broken, they were lost as well. But, being parents, they had to act like two tough cookies in front of their child to keep his spirit up.

They were failing at times. That was a lame excuse, but they were humans too, after all. You don’t learn how to deal with kids who were dead and then brought back to life, especially if those kids are yours, at school. Maybe they didn’t know the right words to say every time their child was looking at them and there was nothing but pure sadness in his eyes. Maybe they couldn’t provide him the comfort he needed when he was coming back from school after a terrible day.

But they never wanted him to be hurt. It was their precious son; a baby boy who, although wasn’t as tiny as the day he was born anymore, still was the most precious little thing to them. They were his parents. And they only wished him well.

That was part of the reason they were so awkward when they tried to talk to him. How to talk to your child who obviously doesn’t want to talk about everything he’s been going through without making him uncomfortable? How to show him they didn’t see him differently when their life changed so drastically that they couldn’t see each other and even their own reflections in the mirror the same way?

They were awkward together. This whole time. But they really wanted their kid to feel better, that’s why both mom and dad were so happy when Donghae said he brought a friend home.

A friend. They were so afraid he’ll struggle to find one from now on. But asking about Wheesung and Jaechan seemed like opening his wounds again. They knew what happened without even asking. It’d be cruel to remind him about it.

Deep inside, Donghae understood everything. Despite being so young and not getting all the depths of the parents’ love, he really knew it wasn’t easy for them. But he also didn’t know how to break the ice that surrounded them most of the time they were together.

That’s why he hoped Hyukjae’s presence could make it easier for them. Maybe, after seeing him happy, the boy’s parents could carry normal conversations? Just like they used to? Without heavy sighs and concerned looks that filled each and every day of their life since that horrible thing happened to Donghae. The latter really hoped that having someone else with them could give some fresh air to that family.

What was Donghae’s surprise when he saw that Hyukjae looked a little… off.

Tilting his head, the boy asked, “Is something wrong?”

A single muscle moved in Hyukjae’s jaw before he asked, “Are we going to eat with your parents?”

“How did you think we’re going to eat?”

“I don’t know. Here?”

Donghae blinked, “Eating paella… in my room? But that’s a whole meal, not a snack! You don’t eat it in the bedroom.”

“Well, I do. I eat everything in my room; that’s way more convenient for me.”

“And your mom’s not against it?” the younger frowned, suddenly feeling like his family was too strict because he never could eat anything outside of the kitchen or the living room at least.

“Well, we don’t really eat together. Told you she’s not a cooking type – I order food and eat whenever and wherever I want. Sometimes we do eat together when watching movies, for example. But it… it never looks like those family gatherings in movies where you place dishes on the table and everyone eats and talks and everything.”

“Wow,” Donghae was genuinely amazed and smiled. “That’s cool! Sometimes I’m so lazy to go and eat there with everyone and I just want to chill in my bed with pizza or anything, but mom never allows me to do it.”

“Surely eating with everyone has its own perks an introvert like me doesn’t see most of the time,” Hyukjae sighed. “But that’s not the point. That means we have a problem.” Their eyes met. “I literally have no idea how to behave during… such events.”

The younger tried really hard to suppress a wide smile forming on his lips, but failed miserably and definitely looked like a fool.

“That’s not a problem at all!” he tried to reassure the other. “It’s not like you were invited to eat with a president or something… just be yourself.”

“Ah, yeah, I almost forgot I’m a well-known sweetheart whom everyone adores and I’m oh so chatty with strangers, amazing me.” The younger chuckled. “Are you sure me being myself is exactly how you want me to behave in front of your parents?” Hyukjae quirked an eyebrow.

Donghae chuckled again.

“Well… be yourself, but remember that they might want to hear more than one word as a reply if they ask you a question. Could you do that?”

“Okay.” That was everything Hyukjae said and Donghae chuckled once more when the guy frowned, realizing he used only one word for a reply. That’s not going to be easy. He got used to talking with Donghae freely, but it didn’t mean he was going to be like that with just anyone. “I mean… I will try my best to add more words to my replies.”

“So far so good!” the boy gave him a reassuring smile. “But seriously, just… relax. My parents are cool. Not as cool as your mom obviously, since we have to eat altogether, but… You might like them.”

“That’s not what I’m afraid of.” The guy sighed and got up, placing the controller on the bed and looking at the abandoned game with some sort of pity. Yeah, he surely was a dedicated gamer. “Whether it’ll be mutual – that is the question.”

“Well, my parents tend to love everything I love as long as it makes me happy, so I’d not question that since I love…”

Donghae’s eyes widened when he realized what exactly he almost said.

Since I love you and you make me happy.

He really didn’t think much before saying that. He… he was having a conversation; the one where he forgot the topic and was having so much fun watching Hyukjae’s reactions that he forgot about everything and… almost blurted out something that could change everything between them.

And Hyukjae noticed. Of course he did; he was introverted, not deaf. The guy froze on his spot and looked at Donghae with an unreadable expression on his face. The two kept eyeing each other (and the younger was genuinely surprised he could still be looking in the other’s eyes despite what just happened between them) for a good minute before Hyukjae found some strength to speak.

“Do you… want to be dramatic and dwell in what just happened?”

Donghae’s mouth felt dry.

Yes. No.

He didn’t know. The mood changed so drastically, his heart simply wasn’t ready for that. He… he didn’t think that it was wise to not talk about it, but also had no idea what to say, so…

“No, please. I’d like to not discuss it.”

Hyukjae nodded, however, his words didn’t sound like he was agreeing when he said, “Too bad though. Because I don’t think it will affect our relationship positively if I don’t ask you what you meant when you almost said that you love me. And I make you happy? Not sure about that part.”

Donghae’s cheeks reddened immediately, “Weren’t you the one who said you can’t be sure about things that include talking to others and stuff like that?”

“I was. But I also played enough games with such tropes and, before we started dwelling in insecurities of me wondering whether you meant what you meant and you feeling upset because I didn’t react, I guess it’s better to discuss everything properly.”

The boy almost whined when he realized that him being upset over the fact Hyukjae didn’t react and – what was the most terrifying thing out of all – didn’t say it back was very likely to happen.

He was afraid. Afraid to find himself attached to people too much, getting strong feelings towards them because…

Because, although he kind of let them go, it was so painful to get disappointed in his friends, it hurt so much to be left alone by them when he needed the two the most. And it’s not like he thought Hyukjae was going to do the very same thing to him; he simply was afraid their energy won’t match.

You see. Donghae didn’t use the word ‘like’ that could be explained by literally anything and everything. He used the word ‘love’.

And that was quite a strong word, to say the least. Definitely too strong for the two who have been talking for a few weeks only. That’s why it’s gotten so frustrating all of a sudden. Donghae never thought about it himself, and now what? He had to explain it to someone? Way to go when you yourself don’t understand anything.

“Well, that’s… that’s a smart decision.” The boy spoke and chuckled nervously. Damn, he really felt all over the place at the moment. “I’m sure you want to know about what I meant when I almost said I love you and – yes – that you make me happy. And, considering all the things others said about us, it probably sounds bad and…”

“I literally don’t care what others have to say about it, Donghae. It’s about me and you only, isn’t it?”

He wished it was about the two of them only, but there were so many things that were making this situation more complicated than it had to be for two teenagers. Maybe he was dramatic. Maybe he was thinking too much, but how could he not when there was no single day when people could let him forget about how oh so dead he was once? This situation wouldn’t have been a problem if Donghae had just one day, one whole day when he could breathe freely and not feel like his life was miserable and it wasn’t going to get better anytime soon. Not when so many people around were this narrow-minded.

And Hyukjae was his only source of happiness. Pretty much. Because, just like it was said, even the boy’s parents, although unwillingly, kept reminding him about how something was wrong with him.

When Hyukjae only made him feel right. And if there were situations – complicated situations – when he couldn’t feel right, the guy made their wrong look as if everyone who was right was mistaken. And…

“I didn’t mean anything… uncomfortable when I almost said that,” the boy ended up saying.

It would’ve been so painful to lose that only person who made all his wrongs seem right. He couldn’t let that happen.

Hyukjae frowned, “Uncomfortable?”

“Yeah. I mean, I know it definitely puts some pressure on you. Me saying I love you and how you make me happy. But… I mean, you’re so kind and my heart isn’t made of stone, how can I… How did you expect me to feel?”

“I didn’t expect anything from you, Donghae.” The guy sighed. “That sounded quite wrong.”

“Yeah. You’re terrible at words.” The other chuckled. “So am I, apparently.”

“No, I mean… Actually, it’s not your feelings that make me want to discuss everything. It’s your reaction to your own words.” Donghae’s eyes widened. “Why did you stop yourself from saying that? And why do you call your feelings uncomfortable? That’s what makes me confused. I mean, those are your feelings. You can’t change them and I’d never ask you to.”

The younger his lips, “Even when you don’t feel the same?”

Oh no.

Oh no.

Asking that question definitely was a mistake. Donghae knew Hyukjae was unable to return such feelings, he didn’t even ask for it, but it was one thing to know it and another one to hear it. He…

Hyukjae sighed and said, “Donghae, I’m not the type to say the ‘I love yous’ here and there. I don’t even tell it my mom as often as she’d like to hear it, although we’ve come to a mutual understanding that it’s better to act like you love someone and say it from time to time, rather than vice versa.”

Donghae sighed, “I know.”

“And I do think that the word ‘love’ is quite a strong word and it was dramatic of you to use it out of all.”

The boy gulped, looking away, “I know.”

He couldn’t keep watching the guy while he was saying that. However, that probably was a mistake because if he was looking at the guy in front of him, he’d notice how his serious gaze softened.

And then Hyukjae said, “But probably it suits the best to describe everything we have.”

Donghae