“Better?” Hyukjae asked when Donghae sniffed silently; he stopped crying already, only kept rubbing his cheeks as the skin felt a little itchy because of salty tears.

“Let me think,” the other boy drawled, his voice rather plain. “I was killed and then brought back to life, which resulted in people being weirded out because of me. My friends find me creepy and don’t want to be around, teachers think it would’ve been better if I stayed dead and my parents don’t really talk to me because they aren’t sure whether to feel guilty or happy. How does it sound?”

He looked at Hyukjae who’s been sitting on the bench beside him and looking at the sky. Surprisingly, the guy didn’t bring Donghae to some sort of secret place at school, didn’t try to hide him from others in a random classroom. They went outside and found some peace not far from the football field. Many students were playing there – the two could hear their laughs and screams caused by intense game – while others rushed to leave the school, so this area was unusually calm and with no people. Donghae never noticed it. He was passing by this road and the very same benches almost every day, yet never noticed it gets empty here once the classes are over. Perfect place to have a conversation – the walls of school in front of you and trees behind your back, hiding you from the kids on the field. Almost felt like it could be someone’s secret place. If only it wasn’t public.

Hyukjae looked so… natural here. To the point it felt unnatural how natural he looked. Yeah, such paradox. Maybe it’s because Donghae almost never saw him hanging out with others, so the guy sitting here alone with no one around (if we forget about Donghae for a second), all while looking at the cloudy sky that indicated it’ll rain soon and with his auburn hair blowing in the wind felt like the rightest thing out of all.

Donghae was losing his vocabulary. Sorry.

Noticing the guy was eyeing him, Hyukjae looked at Donghae and his hair got pushed forward, making it look like he was styling his fringe down. Auburn. It was auburn. Ah. Donghae never noticed it was auburn. Hyukjae’s hair was dark, yet not as dark as his natural hair color most likely was. Apparently, that was his little rebellious moment – to dye his hair, although it was forbidden by school rules, yet not attract too much attention. If Donghae didn’t notice it before, then probably no one did. That’s how he both managed to break the rules and didn’t get into trouble. Smart.

“It sounds like you have an eventful life,” Hyukjae said eventually, breaking the silence between them.

That’s when Donghae realized he was staring this whole time, even while the guy was looking back at him. He gulped and looked away as fast as he could.

“I’d give anything to not have a life that’d be this eventful,” he mumbled.

Thanks to his peripheral vision, the guy noticed how his classmate shrugged and said, “I’d rather focus on the fact that you have a life still. Isn’t it wonderful?”

Donghae looked at him again, only to see that Hyukjae never stopped observing him. As if it was his turn to stare now.

The guy gulped, “Should it be?”

His classmate said, “Life is a gift. No one asks for it, however, I always thought we’re lucky if we’ve got one. It’s something most of us gets just once. Getting a chance to live again is… a very special thing. Makes the one who’s got that chance special as well.”

He didn’t expect that from himself, yet Donghae chuckled, “You’re not good at choosing pretty words, aren’t you?”

“Oh, I’m absolutely terrible.” The corners of Hyukjae’s lips lifted a little as well, however, it wasn’t a proper smile – it was something that looked more like a smirk, yet not as mischievous. As if… as if the guy was restricting himself from smiling. “But I stand for what I said. Stupid are those who think you’re weird or something just because you’ve got a chance to live again after someone forcefully took it away from you. I wish everyone could get a second chance like you did. It’s wonderful that science is this advanced now. Maybe we’ll be able to fight all the diseases soon, too.”

Donghae pulled the knees up to his chest and hugged his legs, knowing perfectly well he probably looked weird doing that in a public place while sitting on the bench. But it was the pose that made him feel secure for some reason and also… he didn’t know. But there was an ‘also’.

Resting his chin on the knees, the guy felt an urge to ask whether Hyukjae lost someone and wanted them to have a second chance like Donghae. It sounded like there was such person. But it also felt inappropriate to ask something like this, that’s why he took a few seconds, spending them to enjoy a fresh wind that messed his hair too, and wondered instead, “How did you happen to be there? Beside the teacher’s room, I mean.”

“Oh, I followed you until there.”

“What?!” Donghae raised his head and looked at Hyukjae with wide eyes. “You… you did what?”

The guy gave him a sly look and asked, obviously having a little too much fun with it, “What, scared?”

“N-no…”

“You just stuttered though.”

“That’s just!..” Donghae frowned once the realization hit him. “You’re making fun of me.”

“I clearly am.”

“Unfair!” the guy dropped his head back on the knees. “I was being serious.”

“Me too. I was serious when I said I followed you there.”

Donghae sighed and felt like his head started hurting out of the blue. He wasn’t sure whether it happened because he cried not so long ago or because Hyukjae was giving him a headache.

“You confuse me,” the guy admitted.

His classmate looked at him and smiled lightly. Donghae felt like he focused on a weird thing, but now, since his angle of view changed, he was looking at Hyukjae who was smiling at him with a sky as his background. That looked beautiful.

Hyukjae was rather handsome, actually. Again, why did he never pay attention to that?

“At least you got distracted,” he said, making Donghae frown in confusion again. “I’m not good when it comes to words, so I had no idea how to comfort you. But I guess it’s okay as long as I managed to distract you.”

“You… is there a chance you actually heard a conversation between me and my friends?”

“I didn’t. Because I don’t have a habit to eavesdrop. However, I think I get what happened between you.” Hyukjae scanned Donghae’s body as if he was trying to find something. “I followed you because I saw your gloomy face when I was about to leave. Thought that it’s not my business, but… you looked really upset.”

He didn’t add anything. As if the fact that Donghae looked upset was enough of a reason to follow him. It made the guy’s heart skip a beat, his eyes sparkled when he asked, “You… followed me because you didn’t want me to be upset?”

His classmate scowled, “You’re making it sound worse than it actually is.”

“Why? It’s very sweet of you!”

“I’m not sweet, don’t call me like that.”

“B-but you helped me! A few times! You brightened my mood a little when Seoyeon got scared, defended me when our classmates called me zombie and even followed me when you noticed I’m upset! That’s sweet!”

“That literally isn’t a big deal.”

“Well, it is for me!” Donghae raised his head and changed his pose just to move closer. Hyukjae didn’t even flinch, yet one could tell his frame tensed the moment the guy leaned closer, putting his weight on his left arm for support, and added, “You’re the only person who’s been treating me as usual ever since it all happened. Even better than usual if we take into account the fact we actually didn’t talk before… That’s why it means a lot to me! You basically are… you’re like… like…” Donghae’s eyes sparkled again when he came to something that looked like a brilliant conclusion in his mind and announced, “You’re like my knight in shining armor! Always defending me from injustice!”

Hyukjae scrunched his nose in annoyance and asked, “Are we manhwa characters now? Don’t be so dramatic.”

Donghae chuckled, yet winced in pain the very next second when his stitches reminded they actually were there still. Covering his cheek with a free palm – for some reason the guy refused to change his pose; his face was a little too close to Hyukjae’s shoulder, yet he found himself weirdly comfortable being that way – he looked down and whined, “It hurts.”

His classmate said nothing, just kept observing him as he probably noticed how Donghae’s facial expression changed. That’s why it wasn’t a surprise to hear, “Everything hurts. I don’t understand why everyone’s like this with me when I didn’t even ask for it. Not like I begged those guys to kill me or something.”

It was silent for a while. Donghae wasn’t looking at him, so he couldn’t see Hyukjae’s expression, but the guy’s voice was rather soft when he asked, “Will it be too much to ask how it happened?”

The other pursed his lips and replied, “It won’t be. But I don’t remember much. Guess… guess it was a traumatizing experience.”

“Indeed. What did the doctors say?”

He shrugged, “Advised me to not dwell into it too much. They said it might make me feel even worse than I already feel and that might affect my healing.”

Hyukjae let out that weird sound again, something like ‘Hmmpf’, and said, “Sounds like a complete bull to me. As if learning you were killed and brought back to life isn’t enough of a trauma already.” Donghae looked up at him only to see the guy’s been looking at the school building in front of them while speaking. “Suppressing your feelings caused by trauma won’t help you heal sooner; it’ll make things more painful later instead. You need to live through it and move on. Nothing good will come out if you’ll keep running from your memories instead of facing them. I’m not a doctor but it’s better to be ready when your memories come back.”

“You think they’ll come back to me?”

“They might. Or might not. Still, it’s better to accept the fact you were dead once and learn how to live with it instead of running from it and trying to pretend everything’s back to normal. It isn’t. It won’t be. You’re a different person now, whether you like it or not. Everything that happened to you changed you already, so accept it and move on.”

Donghae looked down at his own palm and whispered, “Easier said than done.”

“Definitely. But running from this fact won’t help you either.”

“Yeah. It definitely won’t.”

It didn’t already. The guy tried his best to pretend nothing happened, kept deluding himself with hopes that things can go back to normal, yet that didn’t happen. He only hurt himself even more while being hopeful and wishing for things to become like they used to be. If he accepted the fact that his life will never be the same… maybe he’d not end up here today.

But then…

Donghae looked at Hyukjae again, scanning his face for the umpteenth time that day, and wondered… If he accepted everything right from the start, would he be here today? Sitting in this place with Hyukjae, chatting casually for the first time ever since he was back to life and feeling utterly relieved. Would he end up like this today if he accepted it right from the start?

The guy smiled all of a sudden. Only with one corner of his lips. Somehow, Hyukjae noticed it and looked at him with a frown, as if he wasn’t sure what Donghae’s smile meant and how to react. He asked, “Why are you smiling?”

The guy shrugged, “Just because I’ve been making nothing but wrong decisions this whole time, yet somehow, these wrong decisions led to me being here with you today. And I like it, I guess. Being here with you, I man. Maybe… maybe those decisions weren’t oh so wrong, after all.”

Hyukjae’s face was expressionless for a while. It took him almost ten seconds to speak, and when he did, Donghae almost choked.

“Is it a confession?” his classmate asked, making the guy lose an ability to breathe.

“Wh-what?!” was all Donghae managed to utter, his eyes wide and heart beating faster. “I… I didn’t mean anything like that!”

“You said you like being with me.”

“I… didn’t mean it that way, I!..” the guy frowned the very next second. “You’re making fun of me again!”

“Oops. Caught me.”

“You’re such a dork, I swear,” Donghae snorted. “As if I’d want to date you even.”

Hyukjae shrugged, “Too bad. You’re very handsome.”

The guy gave him a suspicious look, “Making fun of me again?”

“Definitely not. You really are handsome and, in my humble opinion, that alone makes you quite a catch. Besides, you don’t look like a complete moron, so I’d say that gives you some extra points.”

Donghae frowned, “So… you think you could… Like, of course it won’t happen, but you could date me?”

“Well, it definitely won’t happen,” Hyukjae imitated Donghae’s tone even, making the other’s frown deepen, “but I could. If something.”

“Something like what?”

“I don’t know. If something absolutely unusual happened. You know, if the Sun rose in the west, if Earth was proven to be of square form or if someone rose back from dead. Just an example.”

Donghae’s eyes widened again, “B-but…”

“See. There’s nothing impossible, Donghae. So don’t say we def