“So you didn’t remember their faces or anything?” Hyukjae asked when both of them were heading towards Donghae’s house.

The older guy insisted on walking the other home, although he didn’t bother to give his reasons.

“I want to make sure you’ll get home just fine. Do you not want me to go?” was everything he replied to the boy’s weak attempt to protest.

It’s not like Donghae didn’t want him to go. It’s just that he wasn’t sure when their relationship progressed to the level of Hyukjae wanting to make sure he was fine. To the level when his classmate was checking out his chin and knees to see how badly injured they were.

To the level… when Donghae hugged him in his moment of vulnerability.

They didn’t discuss this awkward and absolutely unnecessary exchange of affection that ended very fast and abruptly. Probably because the two were too young and inexperienced – they simply didn’t know how to deal with it, with the feelings that brought. They weren’t even sure what those feelings they had were. Especially when the realization they were still at school and everyone could see that clumsy hug hit them and the rest became insignificant.

So, they acted as most of clueless teenagers would. They just ignored everything that happened, although Donghae’s heart that was beating faster whenever he was looking at Hyukjae kind of demanded to talk about it. Yet it was the fact that the other guy seemed to not pay much attention to this that made the boy choose to not do it.

That’s how they happened on the road, passing the small buildings with cafes and little shops located nearby Donghae’s house. They already were close to it when the boy finished his part of the story, when he told everything he managed to recall.

But sadly, that wasn’t enough.

“No,” he shook his head. “I only remember their voices… I’m sure I’d be able to recognize them if I heard them speaking once again, yet not like it’s something useful, right?”

The boy didn’t look at Hyukjae. Not only because his heart was doing those weird bim-bam-booms whenever their eyes met, but also because he felt somewhat pathetic because of this whole situation.

Donghae was sensitive indeed, yet never had he ever considered himself as someone who needs to be taken care of 24/7. He needed love and affection, but he could give it away too. But recently, he felt like everything he’s been doing was demanding the said care and being dramatic. That kind of made him feel very weak and pathetic. Especially now when he had a whole mental breakdown because of a small piece of memories that wasn’t even worth anything. It made him feel… so low.

And somehow, he didn’t want Hyukjae to see him this way. He didn’t mind at first and kept enjoying their interactions (when the guy wasn’t making fun of him and calling him dramatic, of course), yet now… he kind of wanted the older to see the best sides of his.

Like, he had good sides for sure, right? He probably was likeable and…

And why did it even bother him at a moment like this?

“It’s useful anyway,” Hyukjae spoke, saving the boy from his miserable thoughts. “I mean, it’s the first step, isn’t it? You couldn’t remember anything at first, but now that’s… something. Maybe you’ll remember their faces soon and hopefully they’ll get punished accordingly to what they’ve done.”

Donghae looked at his own shoes and mumbled, “Not sure I want to experience this memory throwback once again.”

Hyukjae looked at him attentively. Although Donghae wasn’t looking at him, he still noticed that. It was hard to guess what kind of look his classmate gave him, but he soon spoke, “I’m sure I said this at some point, but I’m really sorry it happened to you, Donghae.”

The boy smiled wryly, “Yeah, everyone is. Everyone pities this poor little thing I am.”

Pause. Donghae looked at the other side of the road, not too sure he’d be able to see Hyukjae’s face as the guy probably had no words to deny it. People either were afraid of him or pitied Donghae, no in between. Even the guy’s parents kept giving him the looks that kept reminding him that some nasty thing did happen to him and he wasn’t an ordinary boy anymore. When everything he wanted was just to… forget.

Out of all the ways people viewed him right now – zombie boy, poor little thing, brutally killed kid – he only wanted to be Donghae.

Surprisingly enough, Hyukjae didn’t stay silent. And his words were even more surprising.

“I don’t pity you,” he said, and the younger boy couldn’t help but looked at him. “In fact, I… admire you? In a way. I guess?”

Donghae blinked, not sure he really heard all those words and that wasn’t just his imagination, “You guess?”

Hyukjae scratched his nape and looked right in front of him, “I’m not sure how to voice it out, to be honest. I mean, I’m sorry it happened to you and I’m angry that bad guys like those can walk around freely, risking to kill more people, and not get punished. But I don’t think I ‘pity’ you. You pity someone who can’t handle situation they’re in and dwell in misery.”

The younger couldn’t help himself but let out a sarcastic chuckle, “Do I look like someone who handles this situation and isn’t in misery? I had a whole panic attack in front of you earlier.”

“Because you remembered about your death, Donghae.” Both shivered when Hyukjae said it. If they remembered it right, that was the first time the guy used that word towards Donghae. “I might not be the best when it comes to understanding people, but even I can tell that’s a traumatic event. It’s natural you’re traumatized, and that’s okay to feel that way too. It’s really okay to not feel so great especially after something like this, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. But, although it’s hard for you, you still find strength to keep living your life. To smile, laugh and just… go on. You’re very strong, actually. That’s what I think. Not every strong person had to fight for the chance to live normally, but everyone who fought for this right is a strong person.”

Again.

Hyukjae was saying right what Donghae wanted to hear again. He just had this moment of insecurity and thought that he’s quite burdensome and that guy just… said he isn’t. And said it’s okay to not feel great all the time.

Such a simple thing. But it was so important to hear.

“I… thank you,” was everything Donghae managed to utter, yet it felt so lame. That’s why he added, “I kind of… admire you, too.”

That was Hyukjae’s time to not believe him as the guy quirked an eyebrow and, sending a weird look to the youngster, asked, “Oh, really?”

“Yes. I wouldn’t lie to you just because you praised me.”

“Huh,” was everything the guy let out and looked away.

“Hyukjae, I admire you for real!”

“Yes. Whatever you say.”

He started walking faster, so Donghae couldn’t see the guy’s face anymore. That made the latter widen his eyes in fear. Did Hyukjae not believe him?

Walking faster, so that he could catch up, Donghae spoke – and rather loudly – to the other, “I’m sincere! Do you know how cool you actually are?”

“Okay.”

“You don’t mind people around you at all and just keep behaving however you want and loving everything you love… I mean, could never be me. Not like I’d stop loving what I love, but I’d just do it quietly, so that no one would know. But you don’t care. And that’s so cool!”

“Okay.”

“And also, you’re very… very kind, although it’s obvious life wasn’t always nice to you as well. You… you always know the right words to say, despite claiming that you’re not good at it, and you’ve been such a good…”

Donghae stopped himself because he was about to say friend.

He didn’t stop due to the realization that somehow, between them bickering and having some quality time together, he started considering the guy his friend, although he had doubts about it not too long ago. He stopped because he didn’t want to make Hyukjae awkward, just in case the latter didn’t feel the same way yet.

“Okay,” the other repeated, making the youngster frown.

“Hey, Hyukjae!” he tried and grabbed the guy’s shoulder, making him stop and turning him around to face Donghae.

As always, Hyukjae’s face didn’t express much. And maybe if Donghae knew him a little worse, he’d not even notice what he noticed, but… Now, once they’ve got a little closer, he could see it. A light tint of pink on Hyukjae’s cheeks. Barely visible. Yet it was there.

As the younger among the two was a little too stunned to find that out, so Hyukjae took that opportunity to say, “Yeah, I got it. We both admire each other – cool. Could you not be loud about it, please? And I didn’t ask for compliments, so no need to come up with whatever nonsense just to please me. I don’t need it.”

Donghae blinked. He was still a little shocked, so he couldn’t speak about what he saw, that’s why he said, “I didn’t come up with anything I said. I do think so.”

“Yeah, amazing. Let’s move on?”

The boy gulped as his mouth went dry all of a sudden. He… he was sure that, even if his guess was true, Hyukjae would never admit it. And on top of that, he himself didn’t think his guess was right, so there was no need to voice it out.

But he couldn’t help himself.

“Could it be… Hyukjae, could it be that you’re shy because of this?”

If looks could kill, Donghae would probably be dead for the second time already. Hyukjae looked so furious that he almost growled, “Your house is right here. Let’s go, so that you’d stop being so dramatic and let me go.”

That was what he said. But Donghae only heard ‘Yes’ and, letting the guy go, asked, “But why? Because of you admitting you admire me? Or because of me saying the same thing? Or because of both? Was it too much for your heart or?..”

Hyukjae rolled his eyes as if asking the universe why in the world out of all people he could possibly hang out with it sent him Donghae, but only mumbled in exhaustion, “Didn’t I tell you I don’t like when you’re being dramatic?”

“You did. But you know what you didn’t? You didn’t even bother to deny everything that I just said.”

“Because it would make me dramatic if I tried to deny the obvious.”

Wait. The obvious?

“So…” Donghae his lips as he wasn’t sure for how long he could keep testing the guy’s patience. “You’re… shy?”

“And you were shy when our faces appeared close to each other when we were talking on the swings. Are we stating facts now?”

The younger didn’t expect to be attacked like that. His cheeks reddened immediately and he looked away, coughing, “I… Not that I felt shy, it’s just that…” He sighed. “Any excuse would sound too lame.”

“That’s why I don’t bother to do that.”

Donghae looked at him. “So… you noticed.”

“You being obviously smitten and checking out my lips? I’d be dumb if I didn’t.”

The boy wanted to curl in a ball of misery all of a sudden.

“And…” he took a deep breath. “And you didn’t say anything?”

The guy sighed, “No. Because it’d make you feel uncomfortable. That’s what they call tact, you know? Seems like you need to study this subject because an A+ student seems to not understand when it’s better to stop asking.”

If Donghae was a puppy, his tail and ears would’ve lowered at these words. He didn’t mean to…

“I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable,” he mumbled. “I only… only wanted to understand you better. I’m sorry if it made you feel unpleasant.”

Suddenly, Hyukjae could see the puppy in Donghae. The kicked puppy. And he felt as bad as if he kicked him himself.

And that’s why the guy said, “No, I’m… I’m sorry too. It’s kind of my toxic trait. I get too defensive when people try to understand me and their words affect me, that’s why it’s so hard to get what’s on my mind. I know you didn’t mean anything bad, I’m just… I feel weird when people are nice to me. And even weirder when I like that they’re so nice to me.”

Donghae pursed his lips and tried to tell his heat to freaking stop beating so fast just because Hyukjae said he likes it when the boy is nice to him.

“Hyukjae,” he said instead and chuckled softly. “That makes you a tsundere.”

“Took you long enough to realize that.”

“So you know? Wow! Usually tsunderes are very defensive about this too.”

“I’m a tsundere, not an idiot. There’s no reason to deny the obvious.”

The obvious.

The fact that he was shy due to the fact he and Donghae admired each other was among the obvious things, too.

And the boy felt so proud of it for no reason at all.

While they were talking, the two reached Donghae’s house. They stopped beside it, and Hyukjae looked there in uncertainty, as if he wasn’t sure whether it’s time to say goodbye or not yet.

“Want to come in?” Donghae offered; gladly, it wasn’t one of the topics he was inexperienced in. He used to have guests often. When he still had more than one friend.

Hyukjae looked at him; that was a look of a person who, unlike the other party, wasn’t as experienced in this.

“Do you need my help?” he asked. “With treating your wounds or stuff.”

Frankly speaking, Donghae forgot about the fact he had wounds. As weird as it was, memories about such a traumatic event drowned and were forgotten thanks to that silly bickering the two had.

Hyukjae was the only person who managed to make Donghae forget about the fact he wasn’t oh so alive anymore.

“No,” the boy said. “I just… offered you to come in because… Because I offered.”

That was such a bad sentence.

The guy didn’t comment on it though. It took him a few good seconds to consider the options and, judging by the look on his face, Donghae could tell he was about to decline the offer, but that’s when they heard the boy’s mom screaming, “Donghae, hi! Are you here with a friend? Is he coming in?”

The youngster looked right into Hyukjae’s eyes and said, “But maybe… maybe I simply want to spend some more time with you as well.”

The guy gave him a long look and replied, “I’ll come in, then.”

Donghae smiled in gratitude and rushed to see his mother, blabbering about how clumsy he was to fall from the stairs and get injured like that. How silly of him it was. How Hyukjae could confirm it was nothing but an accident. He did it to make it look like nothing simply because the boy knew his mom would panic even if he convinced her it wasn’t bullying or anything.

Simply because Donghae was advised to not get an