The night air felt cold against Donghae’s cheeks. His heavy eyes closed on their own accord and he rested the side of his face against the strong shoulder helping to hold him up. He fleetingly thought about how he’d never rode on someone’s back before; it always seemed like something you just saw on dramas or in movies.

“I’m heavy,” Donghae mumbled.

Hae felt Hyukjae’s shoulders shake a little, probably with laughter. “You are not. Where should I turn now?”

The tired student lifted his head and squinted into the night, guided only by streetlights. He eventually got his bearings together and instructed, “Turn right at the next street.”

Hyukjae stopped for as second to bounce Donghae up in order to shift the weight higher onto his back. They were quiet for a long time and the café waiter assumed his friend had gone to sleep. But shortly after Hyuk made the turn, Donghae spoke up in a half-awake, low voice. “Hyukjae?”

“Mm?”

“How long have we been friends?”

Hyukjae thought about it. Three weeks? Four? Something like that, right? “Three or four weeks, I think. Maybe a month?” He was curious about where this question was coming from.

Hyuk felt the shaggy head of his friend rubbing against his shoulder and neck, something he translated into a nod. “Mm… Longer than that.”

Hyukjae wanted to laugh but stifled it. He decided that Hae was just sleep-talking and he ought to just go along with it. “Oh yeah? How long has it really been, then?”

A sigh emitted through Donghae’s nostrils and he didn’t answer for a moment. Instead, he mumbled, “Turn left here.” and resumed their silence. It was another block before Hae spoke. “I’ve known you for a long time. Since we were kids.”

Hyukjae just smiled. Though the actual statement didn’t make sense, he understood the meaning behind it. He, too, felt like they’ve known each other for a lifetime. In fact, he’d spent a few nights laying in bed wondering if they shared an experience in a past life and have finally be brought back together in this one. It was always just a whimsical thought that he didn’t give too much credence to. But still, it was nice to know that Donghae felt the same way.

Honestly, Hyukjae had never felt this attached to another person before. No grade school friend or past girlfriend could compare to the strong bond he felt with Donghae. He realized that it wasn’t exactly “normal” to be so devoted to someone whom he’d just met and who also was the same as him… but the way it felt so natural and easy had him keeping up their heavily involved friendship. He really viewed them as being great friends.

“St.. Stop.” Donghae mumbled, noticing just in time that they were almost getting ready to pass his apartment.

“Do you want me to take you up?” Hyukjae asked, noticing the steep stairs that led to the top floor. He wasn’t exactly confident that he could make it that far up…

In response, Donghae started squirming and Hyuk let him down. “No, this is fine.” Hae composed himself, feeling the weight of sleep heavier than ever sitting on his shoulders. He offered a half-smile to Hyuk. “Thank you.”

Hyuk shrugged and smiled back. “No problem. Sleep well, Hae.”

Donghae nodded and dug a hand into his pocket to fish out his keys. He fumbled with them, taking a while to find the right one that would open up the safety gate in front of the stairwell. When he finally pushed through and headed upstairs, Hyukjae was still standing there, watching him go. In fact, he watched Donghae until he got all the way to the top and turned the corner where Hyuk could no longer see him.

At that point, Hyuk rolled his tired shoulders and set off to head home. With hands stuffed deep into his pockets, he kept his head down while he walked, his brain filled with… confusion. He was baffled about what to do with his feelings, which seemed to be growing stronger and stronger every time he saw Hae.

The waiter thought about Donghae all the time. He constantly considered what the college student was doing, what he was studying, if he was working too hard, if he was resting enough… He felt that with every level of his soul, he wanted Donghae to be happy and healthy. He’d never wanted something for someone else so much before.

But what did it mean?

Hyukjae kicked a rock and turned a corner. Hae made him feel comfortable, but it didn’t stop there. He felt comfortable, he felt wanted, he felt valued.

He felt like he mattered. Which, given his messed up family history, was particularly precious to him. In Donghae, he had a friendship that wasn’t one-sided. And plus, Donghae really didn’t seem to mind the touching that Hyukjae liked so much. It was a way for him to express his feelings that he couldn’t necessarily do with words.

He really liked Donghae. Really liked him.

And that’s where the confusion lay, waiting to swallow him up in irritation and grief. Though Donghae didn’t know it, this was a thought that tormented Hyukjae at night, making it difficult for him to sleep without dreaming about what could possibly be with Donghae. Hyuk just wished he could get things figured out so they could continue on with their friendship in peace; at least for him.

The idea that he could just talk to Donghae about this occurred to him before. But he quickly shot it down, not wanting to do anything that would compromise their relationship. But maybe if he could talk about it out loud to a person, he could work it out in his head.

Hyukjae stopped in front of the coffee shop and lifted up his head. The idea came suddenly and seemingly with a light bulb attached to it, and it was now burning brightly. He had an idea.

As Hyukjae ascended the stairs to the apartment, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through his contacts. When he found the person he wanted, he prepared a text message that was ready to be sent by the time he got to the top of the stairs.

“Come by the café tomorrow sometime. Bring Kyuhyun if you want. See you!”

AN: My last chapter was lost into the abyss of the internet :P But here it is again!