Hyukjae sighed and readjusted the strap of the duffle bag hanging off his shoulder. Still feeling warm after dance rehearsal, the chill in the air hardly fazed him. The only part he tried to keep warm were his hands balled up in the depths of his pockets.

     He fought the desire to feel confused and hurt. After rehearsal, he waited for Donghae as usual but the other man had bashfully informed him that they wouldn’t be walking back together.

     “I have to go to a friend’s house for a project… they live around here, so I’m just going straight there.”

     Hyukjae kicked a rock and watched it as it skittered off the sidewalk and into the gutter. He was upset with himself for feeling the way he did; upset that he let his face fall in front of Hae and that he was so obvious; upset about the way his stomach had clenched and he’d averted his eyes away from Donghae’s then forced a smile for his sake.

     He was, to be frank, upset at how needlessly jealous he was.

     Hyuk clenched the strap of his bag a little tighter.

     Who was this person, anyways? And what was the project? Was it going to take all night? Was he really not going to get to see the only person he wanted to see on his bir—

     Hyukjae shook his head hard and swore at himself under his breath. He tried to tell himself that it was no big deal. He tried to convince his head that it wasn’t Donghae’s fault; he didn’t know what today was.

     It’s not a big deal.

     It’s not like you really celebrated your other birthdays, anyways…

     He didn’t want to be a downer. He didn't want to feel negative. He told himself that he just needed to get a hold of his emotions and remember that Hae wasn’t anything other than his good friend and that their little kissing escapades were simple explorations of the human body… nothing with real feelings or emotions behind them. So Hae didn’t really have any sort of obligation to know his birthday or celebrate with him.

     At the thought of kissing Donghae, Hyukjae involuntarily lifted his fingers to touch his lips. He felt warmth spread through his stomach and he momentarily felt breathless.

     When they kissed, it didn’t really feel like nothing—honestly—at least, not for him. When their lips would brush and Donghae would touch his face, Hyuk would come undone and it would take hours of internal conflict and argument to convince himself that this really meant nothing for Donghae. That they were just friends who felt so comfortable with each other that they could exercise basic human passions without letting it get in the way of such a great relationship.

     Hyukjae turned a corner, narrowly missing running into a couple walking hand-in-hand. He discretely watched as they crossed the street, their fingers laced together as they shamelessly flaunted their relationship to the world.

     He wanted that.

     Hyuk continued down the road, the coffee shop coming into view though he barely took notice.

     If he had to be one hundred percent honest with himself, he knew that pursuing a romantic relationship with Donghae wouldn’t allow him the privileges of holding hands like that in public. That much was clear when the clerk at the sweater store had given them such a dirty look for just innocently touching each other.

     If they were a couple, they would have to convince everyone that it was just skinship that they were seeing.

     But given the option between having Donghae be his and not holding his hand in public or not having Donghae at all, Hyuk would gladly choose the former.

     But that’s out of the question, so stop thinking about it, Hyukjae berated himself. Hae doesn’t like you like that.

     Hyukjae felt the negativity surround him again and he found himself frowning as he pushed through the door of the café.

     He’ll never like you like that.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

     “Ta-da!!! Welcome!!!”

     Donghae smiled at Sungmin’s enthusiasm as he was ushered into the apartment.

     “Please excuse the mess—”

     “Shut up, Minnie, he knows that you spent all day cleaning.”

     As the bickering commenced, Donghae looked around the impeccably clean apartment. From what he could see, the kitchen and living room flowed into one another, making the space seem bigger than it probably was. Everything about the place oozed a homey feeling, making Hae feel instantly comfortable. Light colors were everywhere, though surprisingly not a lot of pink. Based on what Sungmin usual wore to the dance practices, Donghae was definitely expecting brighter themes.

     Kyuhyun was talking now. “We should get started. You can just put your stuff there, Hae-ya,” he instructed, motioning to an overstuffed chair that matched the overstuffed couch all facing a large screen television. Donghae did as instructed then followed the couple (who appeared to have made up after their minor argument) into an open kitchen, the space separated from the living room by an island counter that seemed to double as a table based on the high chairs pushed under it.

     As they walked, Donghae caught sight of a wall full of framed photos, the photos themselves seeming to be from family events. Hae saw picnics, beaches, birthday parties… and then one that sat off to the side, the stars of the picture undoubtedly Kyuhyun and Sungmin.

     Donghae drew closer, taking in the photograph. They were both dressed in white shorts and striped shirts, the colors of the stripes being the only difference; Kyuhyun wore green and Sungmin wore yellow. They were sitting on a bench with a beautiful ocean backdrop and Kyuhyun had his arm wrapped loosely around Sungmin’s shoulders, a happy smile lighting up his face. Sungmin looked equally as happy, one hand between his knees and the other resting comfortably on Kyuhyun’s thigh.

     “I don’t really like that picture,” Sungmin’s voice cut through Donghae’s trance, snapping him back to the apartment. When he turned his head, Min was standing just behind him, head tilted and lips pursed as he too looked at the photo.

     “You just don’t like it because your eyes are closed,” Kyuhyun called from the kitchen.

     “Why you would want to frame the only picture where I’m blinking is still beyond me.” Sungmin changed his face to smile brightly at Donghae, wrapping his arm around Hae’s shoulders and guiding him over to the kitchen at last. “If you want to see the good pictures, I have an entire photo album that I can show you.”

     Donghae finally found his voice to ask, “Where were they taken?”

     Sungmin reached into a drawer in the kitchen and pulled out an apron, tossing it to Hae. “Spain. Hyunnie and I took a vacation there last summer.”

     Kyuhyun didn’t say anything, just nodded in agreement and handed an apron to Sungmin. When they were all dressed appropriately, Kyuhyun set about explaining the procedure.

     “So Sungmin is going to work on the seaweed soup because I have no idea how to make it and you probably don’t know how to make it—am I right Donghae?”

     “You are right.”

     “—Good, so while he’s busy with that, you and I—” Kyu motioned between himself and Hae, “—will be working on the cake and cookies. Sound good?”

     “Yes,” Sungmin and Donghae chimed together. Hae felt pleased at how easy it was to feel like he belonged in that apartment with these two rather than like he was intruding in their home.

     Not too long into the cooking and baking process, Kyuhyun and Donghae were confused.

     “It says to fold it. How are you supposed to fold this?” Kyu asked, scooping up some of the batter and watching it dribble thickly back into the bowl.

     Donghae smiled, amused. He didn’t have a clue either and was the one to go over and fetch Sungmin from the stove for help.

     “What the—Hyunnie, I’ve shown you this before!”

     “Well, I forget.”

     Rolling his eyes, Sungmin grabbed up the spatula and proceeded to show the amateur bakers exactly what “folding” the batter meant. Rather than hand everything back to Kyuhyun, Sungmin turned towards Donghae instead. “Here, you do it. Kyuhyun is inept.”

     Following the argument that predictably ensued, Donghae began to feel bold enough to start asking questions.

     “How long have you two been together?” He wondered aloud to Kyuhyun, catching Sungmin turning his head just slightly as he eavesdropped on the conversation.

     Kyuhyun seemed to think for a second, twisting his mouth around as he searched for an answer. “Mmm, since high school I guess. It’s hard to put an actual date on it because we were friends for a while before we became more than friends.”

     Donghae thought he caught Sungmin blushing a little, but didn’t stare for long enough to be sure.

     “Did you meet at school?” Donghae asked, becoming more and more curious.

     “No, we actually met over the summer. His family moved into my neighborhood and my mom arranged for me to play with him since he didn’t know anyone.”

     “Oh, play? How old were you?”

     “Jr. High. So thirteen, I guess.” Kyuhyun shook off the spatula and motioned to a bottom cupboard. “Will you get the pan out? Minnie, did you turn on the oven? I forgot.”

     “Yeah, I turned it on,” Sungmin replied, never removing his eyes from the soup cooking in front of him on the stove. The way these two seemed to know everything about each other made Donghae feel strangely warm. It was certainly something to be envied…

     “So…” Donghae asked after sticking the cake pans in the oven. He was still not sure if it was ok to ask this question even though he had already started doing so. “Has it been… tough?”

     Hae saw Sungmin and Kyuhyun exchange similar looks. Their eyes didn’t reflect anger that the question was asked, but rather the gazes were filled with sympathy and affection. Sungmin was the one to answer the question this time, turning away from the pot of seaweed soup to look at Donghae directly. “Maybe at first it wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies like we would have liked… But once our families got used to idea, they came around.”

     As Kyuhyun offered Donghae a drink and Hae took a seat at the island table on one of the stools, the university student started to think about his own family. They weren’t close, so he really didn’t know how they would react to news that their only son was in a relationship with another man…

     At best, Hae thought his sister wouldn’t mind. She was always the type to get into romance that faced adversity. At the very worst, he rationalized, he would be disowned and would have to take up a job to support himself rather than living off of the monthly allowance automatically transferred to his bank account.

     At the thought of earning money, another question entered his mind. “Er... Kyuhyun-ah... what is it that you do exactly?”

     Kyuhyun returned to the counter and pushed a class of orange juice across the space between them for Donghae to enjoy, holding his own mixture of orange and cranberry juice in his hand. “I work in the information technology department of an investment company.”

     Donghae’s face must have reflected something akin to shock because both Kyu and Min started grinning and laughing softly. “He graduated early from high school and passed all the technological certification tests in one year. Isn’t that amazing?” Sungmin said.

     Perhaps for the first time, Donghae was able to visually see just how in love these two young men were. The way Sungmin seemed so proud of Kyuhyun and the way he was looking at the taller man now screamed nothing besides complete adoration. Donghae had always assumed that underneath the teasing and arguing, there lay affection, but this was the first time he’d personally witnessed it.

     Donghae took a sip from the orange juice, his focus now on the glowing man. “What do you do, Min-ah?”

     “I teach preschool. Kids love me.”

     The next couple hours consisted of testing seaweed soup until it was “perfect” and frosting the cake. Since Kyuhyun and Donghae were in charge of the cake and neither had much culinary experience to speak of, the end result would have been less than impressive to a professional.

     But Kyuhyun and Donghae thought it was the coolest thing ever.

     “Tilt it up a bit more,” Kyuhyun instructed, standing back with a digital camera between his hands as he tried to capture Donghae and the cake. Hae smiled brightly, flashing a thumbs-up and thinking about how he would show this to Hyukjae later.

     The thought made him smile even more.

     “Ok, my turn!” Kyuhyun said, quickly handing off the camera and replacing Donghae to smile happily and pretend to the frosting.

     “Someone needs to text Hyukie,” Sungmin said, having just poured his “perfect” soup into a holding container. He began stirring the various other foods simmering on the stove. In the time it took both Kyuhyun and Donghae to make the cake, Sungmin had prepared an entire feast for all of them.

     “I’ll do it,” Kyu volunteered. He instantly pulled his phone out of his pocket and began typing the message.

     Donghae began to feel apprehensive. When he’d basically lied to Hyuk about what he was doing that afternoon, he’d wanted to punch himself. Hyukjae had looked pretty upset about it and it took everything inside of Donghae not to completely blow the secret right then.

     And when Hyukjae had forced him that smile… Donghae thought he would never like himself again. He never wanted to see Hyuk force a smile because of him… He only ever wanted to see those genuine grins that just Hyukjae could give him.

     “He says he’ll be here in half an hour,” Kyuhyun reported, stuffing his phone into his pocket. At this point, Hae and Kyu had virtually nothing to do since Sungmin had made it clear during their time there that they were not welcome to help him.

     “Do you want to see where you’ll be staying tonight?” Kyuhyun asked Donghae.

     Donghae, almost forgetting that he was spending the night at all, nodded and followed Kyuhyun to the opposite side of the apartment, grabbing up his duffle bag along the way. He’d learned through the past hours that this was a two-bedroom apartment and the rooms happened to be on opposite sides, the bathroom being close to the kitchen and comfortably in the middle.

     “Here you go. The bed should be big enough for both of you, so don’t worry.”

     Donghae looked around approvingly. The room was an intimate size with a very large window on the far side. Some bookcases were pushed against the wall opposite the bed and a modest sized closet was tucked away in the corner. The super soft carpet seemed to absorb all the sound, making the room feel quiet and inviting.

  “Thanks for letting me stay here,” Donghae said as they retreated from the room and back into the common living space.

  “No problem,” Kyuhyun responded nonchalantly, shrugging a shoulder and grinning. “Sungmin loves having guests. He likes having something to take care of. So you should expect the biggest breakfast of your life tomorrow morning.”

  Donghae nodded happily. As Kyuhyun took up a spot on the couch and flipped on the television, Hae settled down in the matching fluffy chair. Though he wasn’t sure before if he could be comfortable hanging out with Sungmin and Kyuhyun alone for so long, this afternoon had dispelled any of his doubts that they were all, indeed, friends.

  After ten minutes, Sungmin walked into the living room with a few sacks full of party supplies and set them on the coffee table in front of the couch. “Put this up, will you?”

  “Geeze, Minnie, how much did you need to buy?”

  Sungmin jerked on the washcloth laying over his shoulder and lightly smacked Kyuhyun with it, receiving a laugh in return. Kyuhyun stood to his feet and started rifling through the sacks, hiking up an eyebrow. “What, no helium filled balloons?”

  Donghae grinned when Sungmin rolled his eyes, walking back into the kitchen and talking over his shoulder. “After last time? No, you’ll just have to fill them with air.” Sungmin lifted the lid off a steaming pot and stirred the contents before finally looking back at the duo in the living room. “What are you waiting for? Hurry! He’s going to be here soon!”

  Kyu and Hae made quick work of finding places to hang the various decorations. Streamers were pinned to the ceiling; balloons were taped to the walls and on furniture; and finally ended with stringing a “Happy Birthday” banner on the archway to the kitchen.

  “So Donghae-ya,” Kyuhyun said, standing up on a chair and testing to see if the sides were even on the banner. “What did you get Hyuk?”

  “Er,” Hae began quite ungracefully, keeping his corner of the sign in place. A slight blush began to seep into his cheeks and he desperately hoped Kyuhyun wouldn’t see it. “I got him a book.”

  “I got him additional memory for his iPod,” Kyu said nonchalantly, finally satisfied with the position of the banner. He started layering the tape on. “Sungmin got him cosmetic stuff, but I definitely think mine was a better idea.”

  “Hyuk cares about his appearance, too!” They heard Min yell from the kitchen.

  Donghae laughed and got off his own chair to admire their banner-hanging job. “They sound like great gifts,” he said.

  Kyuhyun got off the chair as well and walked into the kitchen. Donghae overheard their low tones and suddenly felt like he was intruding on something private.

  “Do you want us to start bringing the food to the table?”

  “Mm, that would be great, thank you.”

  Donghae heard a pause but didn’t look in, feeling embarrassed all of a sudden. He thought he heard the very distinctive sound of a kiss…

  “Take that one first.”

  “This one?”

  “Mhmm,” Sungmin hummed in confirmation.

  Donghae made it look like he’d been examining the banner’s evenness when Kyuhyun walked back out with a steaming pot between two gloved hands. “Minnie says to start bringing stuff out.”

  Soon, the island table was set, the decorations were all in place, and the three men were chatting excitedly in the living room. When the entrance bell buzzed, Sungmin audibly squealed and Donghae felt his heart speed up.

  Quickly the men found places to hide, Sungmin walking over to the intercom and pressing the unlock button, hitting the lights, and ducking into the guest room hallway.

  In the moments it took Hyukjae to climb the stairs, Donghae could feel every heartbeat harder than he’d ever felt it before. He’d never been a part of something like this before, and the fact that it was for the very person he cared about the most… it was doing things to make him smile like nothing ever had before.

  The three men heard the front door open and Donghae had to squeeze a hand over his mouth to keep himself from responding when Hyukjae said tentatively to the dark room, “… Hello?”

Hae could see Kyuhyun from his vantage point behind a closet door and saw him start to give the cue, holding up one finger, then two, then three—

  “SURPRISE!”

  The completely terrified look on Hyukjae’s face was priceless. Donghae made a mental note to never forget it and rushed to the panicked looking man with the other two men in the room.

  “Happy birthday, Hyukie!” Sungmin yelled, bouncing up and down and throwing his arms around Hyukjae’s neck. Hyukjae looked completely stunned, his mouth hanging open and apparently unable to say anything

  “You didn’t know this was coming, right?” Kyuhyun asked with a grin before moving forward and pushing Sungmin out of the way to embrace Hyuk as well.

  “W-What… how long have you been planning this?” Hyukjae finally managed to say, eyes still wide. Kyuhyun released him and his eyes started roaming the decorated apartment before finally landing on Donghae.

  It was as if someone hit the mute button in the room. Donghae could suddenly only hear the sound of his breathing, slow and shallow, and his heartbeat in his ears. Hyukjae’s eyes were penetrating him and it was as if Donghae could see every emotion floating in circles around those dark brown eyes.

  You were sad, weren’t you?

  Yes…

  I’m sorry for deceiving you…

  Hyukjae’s gaping mouth finally found its nerves again and his lips turned up into a happy smile. He shook his head and took three steps towards Donghae, opening his arms and pulling the man to him.

  They clung to each other tightly, Hyukjae burying his face into Donghae’s neck and breathing in deep. Hae could practically feel the forgiveness rolling off of Hyuk’s body and could only squeeze him hard to remind him that he was there.

  All too soon, the volume lifted in the room again and they could hear Sungmin and Kyuhyun talking about how the food was getting cold and they should quickly go and eat.

  “Seriously, guys, how long have you been planning this?” Hyukjae asked again when they were all settled around the island table and taking food from the plates in the middle. Kyuhyun and Sungmin were settled comfortably on one side while Donghae and Hyuk sat close together on the other, feeling relaxed and natural in this position.

  “I’m pretty sure Sungmin’s been planning this since he found out when your birthday was,” Kyuhyun said before stuffing a large amount of meat in his mouth followed by mounds of rice.

  “Really?” Donghae asked, grinning and selecting some vegetables from a plate. “I didn’t get a call till a few days ago.”

  “So this is the ‘friend’s house’ and ‘project’ you were talking about?” Hyukjae asked, turning to look Donghae straight in the face.

  Donghae just smiled and nudged Hyukjae’s shoulder before grabbing a piece of meat and setting it on top of Hyuk’s rice. “Of course. Really, who else would I be hanging out with on a weekend?”

  Hae thought he saw a rush of relief sweep over Hyukjae’s face. He watched as the birthday boy scooped up the meat and stuffed it into his mouth happily, followed by a complement to Sungmin for making such wonderful food.

  After Hyukjae finished the last of his seaweed soup, the games began. Charades and Pictionary were first on the list followed by Kyuhyun dragging out a Dance Dance Revolution mat and Sungmin bringing out bottles of flavored alcohol to help loosen them up.

  Naturally, Donghae and Hyukjae dominated at the game, playing first as a team against Min and Kyu, but fast becoming opponents as the apartment owners demanded to become teammates with them.

  “I want Donghae on my team!” Sungmin yelled, setting his empty bottle down and standing officially.

  “That’s fine. Hyukjae is better!” Kyuhyun retaliated, pulling Hyuk close to his side and guiding them to the dance pad to begin another game.

  Several games and a few rounds of drinks later, and it was time for the cake to be brought out. The group congregated back at the island table, doing their part to bring plates to the sink for more room.

  “Close your eyes, Hyuk!” Sungmin demanded, making sure Hyukjae’s eyes were properly covered by his hands before he started lighting the candles on the cake. Kyuhyun rushed over to turn down the lights to make the flames more visible.

  Donghae had an unstoppable grin on his face, standing close to Hyukjae who was seated up on the stool at the table. Without even thinking about it, he touched Hyuk’s lower back with his palm and then gradually slid it up until he was gripping the other man’s shoulder tightly. He looked at Hyuk’s concealed face and swallowed hard.

  With the lights off and the flames flickering off his face, it was hard to not think back to that night when they’d kissed for the second time… And it was hard to resist the desire to do it again.

  “Ha-a-a-appy birthday to you!” Sungmin began signing, quickly being joined by Kyuhyun and Donghae.

  “Happy birthday to you!

  Happy birthday Lee Hyukjae…”

  At that line, Hyuk turned his eyes up to look at Donghae, orbs wide and glossy and b with emotion.

  Donghae’s voice trailed off and he could feel the breath slowly escaping his lungs as Hyukjae’s hand came out to hold on to Hae’s fingers.

  “Happy birthday to yo-o-o-ou!”

  On that last note, Hyukjae tore his eyes from Donghae and did his best to blow out the candles littering the cake.

  Wine was opened, the cake was cut, and a healthy mixture of nonsense and humor filled them for the next two hours. Donghae was slightly concerned about becoming too drunk to function later, so he made sure to moderate how much wine he consumed. He noted that Hyukjae seemed to be doing the same, refusing any more after his second glass.

  Sungmin and Kyuhyun, on the other hand, seemed to have no filter on how much they would drink.

  “Ohmgod ohmgod ohmgod,” Sunmgin slurred, his face red with intoxication. “Do.. Do that voice thing again! Do it!”

  Kyuhyun giggled, rocking back and forth on the ground in front of Sungmin and shaking his head bashfully (though any blush was easily disguised with how obviously drunk he was).  “Noooo, Minnie, come ooonnn.”

  Donghae and Hyukjae sat on the couch watching. Hyuk’s legs were folded up under him and he was leaning heavily into Donghae, his hands resting unpretentiously in his lap. Hae, at some point he couldn’t remember, put his arm around Hyuk’s shoulders, pulling the birthday boy into his side as they continued to be entertained by the madness happening on the floor.

  “Do iiiiitttt!”

  Kyuhyun snickered, “Ok ok ok ok…” He puffed up his chest and started to speak in a ridiculous voice. “Are you talkin’ to me?”

  Though Hyuk and Hae couldn’t really see the humor in it, Sungmin completely lost it. He fell back on the floor, tears streaming out of his eyes as he laughed and laughed as if Kyuhyun had just did the single funniest thing he’d ever seen.

  Kyuhyun crawled over to his partner and leaned over him, grinning lopsidedly and poking him in the stomach. “Minnie, you are so drunk. You should go… go to bed.”

  Looking towards the wall clock, Donghae was shocked to see that it was already one o’clock in the morning. Glancing over at Hyukjae, he was surprised to see that the other man’s eyes seemed to be drooping a bit, clearly from fatigue.

  Waiting until Kyuhyun had pulled Sungmin to his feet and they mumbled their goodnights, Donghae turned to Hyuk and asked in a low voice, “Are you tired? Do you want to go to bed?”

  Hyukjae closed his eyes and took a deep breath before nodding. He stirred himself, climbing to his feet and waiting until Donghae was also standing before taking Hae’s hand in his and resting his head on Hae’s shoulder.

  Donghae smiled and felt his heart start beating harder at the idea that they were now walking to their very own room together. They’d never stayed anywhere together except his bedroom in his apartment… It was almost as if they were a real couple.

  Hae tugged Hyukjae along, swallowing hard as they neared the room. He’d been thinking about this moment all night, the moment where they would be alone and he could finally say the things the wanted to say.

  All the affection was going to mean something different after tonight. All their kisses would be even more significant. Everything they said would have a bigger impact when the other heard. When they would see each other, it wouldn’t be that as a couple of friends meeting up after a day of working separately…

  Donghae laid his hand on the doorknob and paused for half a heartbeat, the full weight of what was about to happen sitting on his chest and causing him to be nervous. Giving Hyukjae’s hand a final squeeze, he twisted the knob and pushed through the door because he wasn’t going to chicken out and he wasn’t going to hide the truth any longer. Tonight was it.

  He was going to confess to Hyuk.

AN: Do you like... totally hate me right now?

Please look forward to the next chapter!!!! It may or may not cause this story to be nudged in the "M" zone............... but we'll see. 

TUMBLR! Check it out! I think I might be starting a Christmas project soon, and I'll most likely announce it there ^^