as always (or most of the time), i didn't proofread this before posting. i apologize for mistakes :)

songs and lyrics that i thought of and listened to while reading this whole fic:

1. when you're gone by shawn mendes - "i dont wanna move on. i don't wanna know what it's like when you're gone for good. loving you was the happiest i've ever been"; "starting to feel like you don't need me. wanna believe it's all for the better"

2. lose you by eric nam - "I think I wanna lose you just to find my way back to you"

3. crush by david archuleta - "why do I keep running from the truth? all I ever think about is you"

---

The next day, after Mina and Joongki became official, Nayeon receives a video call notification from her bestfriend. She has just arrived home from school and was entering her room. She’s so tired and she just failed a quiz so she wasn’t really in the mood to talk but she still takes the call.

“What’s up?” She says, flopping on her bed.

“I have a big news! I mean, we have a big news.” Mina says excitedly, extending her arm so she can show Joongki through the camera.

“Hi, Nayeon.” Joongki waves at her.

“Hey.” Nayeon lazily greets back. “So what’s the big news?”

Mina looks at Joongki who's already looking at her. They smile at each other and Nayeon can already tell what she’s meaning to say. “We’re official!”

Nayeon hears a sudden buzzing in her ears. Those two words made her chest ache. She recognizes this feeling. “Oh. Congrats!” Nayeon feigns excitement and she thinks Mina didn’t notice it. “Wow. You finally have a boyfriend. Took you long enough, Joongki.” She says jokingly. “Does your parents know?”

“Yeah, we called them before we called you.” Mina smiles at her, showing the ring. “Look! He gave me a ring.”

“Oh, that’s really pretty!” Her lips start to tremble a little and her smile is fading. The pain in her chest begins to spread to other parts of her body. “Hey, uh, I’m gonna hang up. I need to go to the bathroom. Congrats again to you two. Bye!” She immediately hangs up before her tears break out of her eyes. Her heart drops and it shatters again. She looks down at her hands as if she’s holding her heart. What is she going to do with all these pieces?

 

Later that night, Mina video calls her again. Nayeon didn’t delay answering her, like she always does, even though she hurts right now and her face can’t hide it.

Mina recognizes that look on her face. She suddenly feels guilt creeping in—the one she had already swept under the rug for months that she thought she had already lost. Nayeon has this effect on her and she’s still not sure why.

“Hey.”

“You called again.”

“I’m taking a break from studying. I have two quizzes tomorrow.” Mina folds her notebooks and places them on the side of her table. “What are you doing?”

“Looking for something to watch on Netflix.” Nayeon looks at Mina through the screen. “I’ll never understand why you’re always studying.”

“Cuz I like learning.”

“I still don’t get it.” Nayeon chuckles.

“You… you didn’t look okay earlier.” Mina tries to change the subject, which is the real reason why she called.

“Well, I hope I look okay now.” Nayeon tucks strands of her hair behind her ears then looks at Mina through the screen.

“What’s wrong?”

“I failed a quiz today which I studied hard for.” Nayeon sighs and goes back to scrolling through Netflix.

“I told you to study smart, not hard.”

Nayeon tuts. “All that matters is that I studied for it.”

“You still have that temper issue huh?”

“It runs in the blood.”

“Hmm.” Mina nods. “So, how are you and Haein oppa? Is he treating you well?” She smirks.

“Yeah. You know oppa. It just that we don’t see each other enough.” Nayeon says with a straight face, not showing emotions as she clicks on something on her laptop. “Is Strangers Things really that good?” She asks, trying to avoid the topic. She wants to ask about Mina and Joongki too but she refrains because she already knows what she would hear–that they’re on cloud nine and so into each other. Knowing about their relationship being official is enough to break her.

“I don’t know. I don’t watch that show.”

“Why not? Everyone’s watching it.”

“Because everyone’s watching it. Other people’s excitement removes the excitement for me. I’ll watch it once the hype has died down.”

“Let’s watch it together. No boyfriends allowed.” Nayeon waves an index finger.

“You miss watching with me don’t you?” Mina says with a smirk on her face.

“Okay, fine. I did.” Nayeon rolls her eyes then smiles.

“Well, to be fair, me too.” Mina laughs. “Find something else to watch tonight.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Mina tells Nayeon that she’s going back to studying and they end the video call.

Nayeon closes her laptop and plops on her bed. She turns the light off and decides to just sleep it off.

She normally falls asleep fast and easily but it’s been almost an hour and she still can’t sleep. She allows warm tears to gush out. In just one call with that piece of information, her world came crashing down again along with her heart.

Moving on takes time and Nayeon has already gone past that. She was healed when Haein came. For a long time, she hid her feelings for Mina with no intentions of pursuing her—she didn’t want to and didn’t need to. Loving her was enough until it wasn’t anymore—because she started wanting Mina to be hers. Her feelings only grew and she didn’t even mind if she got hurt—and she did get hurt, very badly. Her friends would ask her if she regrets letting the heartbreak happen, she told them it how it hurt but it was a privilege to be hurt by Mina.

Moving on takes time. Nayeon thinks to herself once again.

Back to zero. All her progress, gone.

She stands up, takes a small luggage and starts to fill it with some clothes. As she does, she mutters to herself, “She can’t just call and tell me she’s with someone now and break my heart and make all my hard work worthless!” Not minding the tears falling down from her eyes.

She is too heartbroken to make wise decisions right now. Out of impulse and desperation to get rid of the mess that Mina is causing inside her right now, she decides to go anywhere. Somewhere she won’t be breathing the same air as the girl who is making her do this.

She goes back to her bed to look for her phone. She books a flight that is leaving at 3am–the earliest one she could book.

It’s almost 11pm and her parents go to bed at 10, so she’s sure she won’t get caught.

The train will leave at 12 midnight so she takes a taxi instead to go to the airport in Seoul. The taxi ride only took her 2 and a half hours—less than 15-20 minutes than usual—to bring her to the airport. She steps out of the taxi and is about to enter but she reckons that she should make the call now.

She takes out her phone and calls the person whose name is saved with a red heart at the end. She still has enough time.

“Hey.”

“Meet me at the airport right now.”

“Why are you at the airport?”

“You’ll know once you come here. Please come quickly.”

/

“Why do you have a luggage? What’s going on?”

“I’m leaving and I can’t tell you where. Before I go, I need to do something.”

With that look on Nayeon’s face, eyes puffy and her cheeks still wet with tears, Haein can only hope that what he’s about to hear is not what he thinks it would be.

“We need to break up.” Nayeon sobs.

“Wha- why? Why now? Why so sudden? Did I do something or did something happen?” Haein asks these questions, trying not to break down but his voice is already trembling.

“Oppa, I’m so sorry. It’s not you-”

He cuts her. “What, it’s you? What did you do?”

“I couldn’t get over someone.” She confesses. “That’s what I did.” Haein knows what she means but he doesn’t know who.

“I’m sorry.” She hugs him, staining his shirt with her tears. “I’m so sorry.” He wraps his arms around her, hugging her tight as if it’s going to stop her from leaving him.

“Who is it?” He asks as he tries to contain his tears but fails to do so.

“Mina.” She says, closing her eyes tightly.

He doesn’t say anything. Nayeon hears him sniff and it breaks a part of her for having to break his heart. “I thought I could do it.”

“Was it all real though?” Haein finally musters to speak, asking about their relationship.

“It was. It was real. But my heart couldn’t let her go.”

They part from the break, both wiping their tears away with the back of their hands.

“I’m sorry.” Nayeon apologizes again. Too much of this is not going to be enough, she thinks.

“Thank you” Nayeon gives him a slightly confused look. “...for being with me. Those months with you were the happiest.” He smiles at her although more tears are rolling down his face.

“Thanks to you, too, oppa.” Nayeon says. They hug once last time before Haein tells her to get inside before the plane leaves without her.

 

/

 

“What?!”

Mina winces. “I know.”

“Mina!? I thought you’re smart. Now you’re acting like the stupidest girl in the world.” Tzuyu continues, frustrated.

“At that moment, it felt right. Then while I was talking to Nayeon earlier, I started feeling it again.”

“Started feeling what?”

“The guilt.”

“That you left in high school.” Tzuyu adds to her sentence. “From how you described him to me, he seems like the sweetest and most perfect guy and you’ll exchange him for someone who’s so imperfect?”

“Hey, a person doesn’t have to be perfect.”

“Alright, I’m sorry.” She hears her friend sigh heavily. “Mina, what you did was very, very wrong.”

Mina covers her face with a pillow.

“When the heart chooses to love someone, you don’t really have a choice huh?”

Mina stays quiet. “Funny how you consider him your ideal partner but your heart didn’t choose him.” Tzuyu says.

“Yeah. It’s so funny.” Mina says sarcastically.

“Well, just because he’s all that doesn’t make him your soulmate. Tzuyu says, trying to comfort her friend. They stay quiet for a moment and then,“So what now? Are you going to break up with Joongki?”

“I don’t know, Tzuyu. This is so messed up.” Mina whimpers. She lifts the pillow from her face and Tzuyu sees the tears on her face. “What do you think I should do?”

“Tell him the truth. And maybe tell Nayeon, too, so you can have her back.”

“Nayeon? No. What if she doesn’t take me back? And if she does, it will hurt Haein oppa very badly.”

“Oh, okay. Then, just try to move on? But I know you don’t want to do that.”

“What else can I do?”

“I don’t know Mina. I only know those two choices.”

“Tzuyu help me!” Mina whines.

“Mina, I need to go. I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be.” She wipes her tears. “Let me know if you think of another alternative.” She says half-jokingly.

“Alright. Take care of yourself. Bye.”

“You too. Bye.”

/

Nayeon knows what she wants, Mina doesn't. Nayeon can stand for what she believes in, Mina can’t. Nayeon can decide on big things on her own, Mina needs other people’s advice and guidance. When Nayeon chooses something (or someone), she embraces it even when she figures it was a mistake for choosing it, but Mina is not like that. She’s indecisive and sometimes, she’s just holding back what she wants to do because she’s scared of taking risks. She likes playing it safe.

/

The next morning, Mrs. Im calls Mina asking her if Nayeon is with her.

“She wasn’t in her room and we already asked everyone, but no one has seen her. Her phone to seems to be turned off too. We can’t contact her.”

“Have you talked to Haein oppa?”

A sigh from Mrs. Im. “We did. But he said they broke up last night.”

“What?” Mina’s mouth drops in surprise.

“We’re just as surprised.”

“Do you know any place she could have gone to?” Mina asks.

“We thought she ran away once but she was just spending her weekend off with Jackson at his grandparents’ place.”

“Is Jackson perhaps with her?”

“We’re not sure. He took a leave and he’ll be back to work next week.”

“Have you tried calling him?”

“We did but he said Nayeon’s not there.”

“Can you send me his number?”

“Sure. I’ll send it to you now.”

“Thanks auntie. Don’t worry, Nayeon can’t go away that long.” Mina tries to reassure her. “You know how she hates being away from you. She gets homesick easily.”

/

“She was at the airport and she had a luggage. She didn’t tell me where she was going.” Haein tells Mina who’s sitting beside him on the couch in the living room.

“Do you think we should just let her be? I mean she won’t do anything stupid right?”

“I believe she won’t.” Haein responds and then, “Remember when I asked you who her type was?”

Mina doesn’t answer and just looks at him. Somehow it’s making her nervous.

“You didn’t say it was you.” Haein chuckles.

Her heart pounds inside her chest and her eyes widen. “She told you?”

He nods, a hint of smile on his face. “She told me she couldn’t get over you.”

, Mina thinks to herself. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know-”

“It’s okay.” He cuts her. “I knew she was still moving on from someone when we started dating. I accepted her with that baggage, I knew there was a possible damage that would happen.”

“I don’t know what to say, oppa, except that I’m sorry that I’m the cause of this . I understand if you’re mad at me and if you hate me right now.” She says, looking at him. Tears start rolling down her face.

“Too bad I can’t.” He looks back at her, trying to contain the tears in his eyes.

“Why did you break her heart?”

“I was stupid and confused but I also knew that I had feelings for her. I was just scared that I might be wrong about it and end up hurting her. But I still ended up hurting her. I only realized that I was in love with her for real when it was too late because she was already into you.” Mina confesses with a trembling voice, afraid of what Haein’s reaction would be. “And, she didn’t say it but I could see in her face last night that I hurt her again when I told her about me and Joongki.”

“Are you still in love with her?”

“I am.”

This breaks Haein’s heart but tries to be strong enough to not fall apart.

“And Joongki?”

“I do like him.”

“But you don’t love him?” Haein leans his back to the couch, sighing, trying to let everything sink in. After a moment, he holds her wrist and says, “You have to make things right. Break up with Joongki and find Nayeon.”

 

//

“The earliest flight I could book was heading here so I thought of coming to you.” Nayeon says, walking alongside Jackson who picked her up from the airport and who’s carrying her luggage for her. She had already told him why she suddenly flew there. “And I’m sorry I couldn’t book a hotel room. I don’t have enough money”

“It’s okay. I just hoped you gave me an earlier warning. The house is a mess.”

“Don’t worry about that.” She smiles. “Your grandparents enjoying the cruise?”

He chuckles. “They just called last night. They said they’re loving it.”

“It’s so sweet of you to spend all your savings for that.”

“I love making the people I love happy.”

“You’re so sweet, Jackson.”

“Wanna go on a cruise with me?” He jokes.

“Nah.” Nayeon laughs. “Save your money and do something nice for yourself.”

 

//

Nayeon met up with Joongki and told him she’s in love with Nayeon and that they need to break up. She apologized and Joongki, as considerate as he is, understands her and doesn’t force what he wants—her to stay with him. It made Mina ask “why is he so perfect?” again. She thinks he’s too perfect for her. That’s what every girl wants—to find the perfect person for them. But Mina finds the right person in Nayeon.

After settling things with Joongki, she goes home and calls Jackson.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Jackson. It’s Mina.”

“Oh, why are you calling?” Jacksons asks.

“I know Mrs. Im already called and asked you this question but do you know where Nayeon is?”

“Um, I really don’t know where she is. We haven’t talked to each other ever since I got her a few days ago.” Just as Jackson says this, Nayeon comes into the room he’s in and asks if she could borrow a towel. Mina heard the familiar voice.

“Was that–” She cuts herself. She figured if she asks if it was her, Jackson would still deny and Nayeon might move to another place.

“Hmm?” He asks.

“Nothing. I’m sorry for bothering you.”

“It’s nothing. Tell me when you find her? I also want to know if she's okay.”

“Will do. Bye.”

They hung up.

“Oppa, I swear I just heard her voice in the background.”

“What?”

“She’s at Jackson’s grandparents’ house in Jeju.”

“Okay. Do you want me to go with you?”

“I think I should go alone.”

“Okay. She probably don’t want to see me anyway.”

“Oppa.” Mina comes close to hug him. “I’m sorry.”

“Baby cousin, it’s fine and I’m going to be fine.”

 

//

 

Mina books the earliest available flight to Jeju that day, willing to take the rejection she might get from Nayeon if she tries to take her back—even though she never did.

She got Jackson’s address from Nayeon’s parents. They know since Jackson has talked about it many times and Nayeon has already been there and she texted the address to her parents to make sure they stopped worrying about her.

Mina is scared of flying and it’s her first time being in a plane without her parents or friends. She closes her eyes as the plane starts to take off. This is the scariest part for her. Once they’re stable in the air, Mina can untighten her hold on the arm rest.

During the one-hour flight, Mina can’t stop thinking of the things she wants to tell Nayeon. Her mind feels like it’s going a hundred kilometers per hour.

She remembers her conversation with her dad when he visited her after running some errands in Seoul. She insisted that he stay overnight and offered Haein’s room. It was the day when she said yes to Joongki.

That night, he was having a hard time to sleep because of the new environment. He goes out of the room and sees Mina in the couch with a box of tissue in one hand and her other hand is wiping tears on her face.

“Why are you crying? What's the matter?” He gently says, trying not to surprise his daughter.

Mina turns around to look at him, a little surprised. He goes to sit beside her.

Mina gives him a short glance and gives him a nod, wiping her tears.

He caresses her back. “Are you happy?”

“I am.” Mina sniffs. “But nayeon…”

“What about her?”

“I think it’s going to hurt her.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Because I got hurt when she and Haein oppa started being together—even before that.”

He nods. He’s not sure what his daughter is really meaning to say but he’s thinking he might be right about the assumption that’s forming in his mind right now. “You know, when I made that mistake, I felt so guilty but I kept doing it because I couldn't help myself. But when you found out—-and then your mom, eventually—i realized i was just making an excuse when i said i couldn't help it. It was my choice and I had control over what I chose to do. i chose the wrong thing and now i'm choosing your mother over and over, everyday so i wont get on the wrong path again.

“Dad, i feel like i'm in the right and wrong path at the same time.”

“Well, what do you really want?”

Her.

/

Jackson hears the doorbell ring. He was going out of his room when he saw Nayeon already opening the door.

“Mina?” They simultaneously says in surprise.

Nayeon turns to Jackson. “Did you tell her I was here?”

“No. I swear I didn’t!”

“He didn’t. I just figured you were here.” Mina responds. “Nayeon, everyone has been looking for you. Why did you leave without tell anyone?”

“Because I want to be alone! And you should go right now, Mina. I don’t want you here.”

“Nayeon we need to talk.”

“No.” Nayeon closes the door but Mina stops her.

‘Nayeon, please.”

Nayeon still tries to close the door but stops when she hears Mina say, “I love you.” Time seemed to freeze for a few seconds between the two of them (and Jackson who leaves to give the two some privacy).

“I love you and I’m sorry that I had to say it now when I could have told you a long time ago.”

“Why didn’t you tell me then?”

“I was afraid that I didn’t love you enough back then but now I do.”

 

“Are you sure this time?”

 

“I am. I know I am.”

 

“What about Joongki?”

 

“I broke up with him before I flew here to Jeju.”

 

“How did he take it?”

 

“Not so good but he’ll be fine.” Mina shakes her head, wanting to go back to talking about just them. “Nayeon, do you still love me?” The girl gives her a faint smile and doesn’t say anything for a minute. Mina’s head is already making assumptions that she will say now and preparing her heart for the rejection. “Please give me a chance and I’ll make it all up to you.”

 

If Nayeon ever saw this event happening, she would have thought that she would be angry at Mina but she isn’t.

 

“How can I let go when you're the one whose grip is tight around my heart?” Nayeon finally says. “Of course I love you, you idiot.” She giggles as tears start rolling down her face which she quickly dries with her sleeves.

 

A tear falls down Mina’s face after hearing this.

 

“Nayeon, I’m so sorry for everything you went through because of me.” Mina says and Nayeon leans in and kisses her.

 

Feelings have come out under the rag and she realizes that those feelings were love. She's been in love with her bestfriend and she could have been happy with her but she denied herself from that happiness for so long because she was afraid of its reality. But now, finally. They kiss slowly and passionately. These kisses are for all those years that they couldn’t kiss each other. Back in high school, Nayeon was writing a paper about how she wanted her first kiss would go and with whom. This is so much better than she had imagined and planned. Although she already gave her first kiss to Haein and Mina gave hers to Joongki, this is their first kiss with each other and it’s perfect—although a little salty.

 

//

 

Mina booked a condo unit before she left for Jeju and Nayeon stayed there with her.

 

It’s the next day and Nayeon is sitting on the couch, doing something on her computer, finishing an essay after booking their flights back to Seoul. Mina is making breakfast in the kitchen. (Nayeon requested for soybean paste stew. They went to the grocery the night before to buy the ingredients). Mina takes her phone to set a timer. While she lets it simmer, she goes to sit on the couch beside Nayeon, wrapping her arms around her neck. She rests the side of her head on Nayeon’s shoulder. Her breathing steadies, inhaling the scent of nayeon's hair, as her body relaxes.

 

Nayeon turns her head to look at Mina. "Tired?"

 

Mina hums, giving a vibration against Nayeon's skin. "Just a little sleepy".

 

"Take a nap. I’ll finish the cooking."

 

Mina takes a few seconds to respond, sliding her arms to Nayeon's waist. "No, I'll do it. This sleepiness will disappear if I move around a lot.

 

"Okay"

 

After another few minutes, Mina turns her head to the other side, her eyes slowly opening and she looks at Naeon. "I love you." She says, happy that she can finally admit it without hesitancy, which makes the other girl smile and she turns toward Mina and leans in. They share lingering kisses until they hear the timer on Mina's phone go off.

 

/

 

After breakfast, they wash the dishes together and then after, decided to watch a movie, just like how they always do when they’re at home.

 

The movie has a love scene and it’s happening, Nayeon starts laughing, remembering what happened in bed last night. It was their first time and they didn’t know how to do it. "What did you learn from those videos you watch?"

 

“Hey, I don’t watch those videos anymore.” Mina responds, removing her hand from Nayeon’s but the latter quickly takes it back and intertwines their fingers.

 

*

Side story about the “videos”: After they finished watching the movie called “Gifted”, Mina goes to sit down on the floor, at the foot of Nayeon’s bed. Nayeon asked what she’s doing and she said she’s watching .

 

“You watch ?” Nayeon laughs.

 

“And you don’t?”

 

“Well…” Nayeon shrugs. Then she hears Mina sniff.

 

“Hey, you’re crying.”

 

“I’m not.” Mina denies although it’s already obvious to Nayeon that she is crying.

Since then, ‘watching ’ has become their secret code for ‘crying’.

 

*

 

As they continued watching the movie, Nayeon thought Mina was going to kiss her when she felt Mina's fingers on her chin and turned her head towards her. "What?" Her eyes flicked on Mina's lips.

 

"Stop using your phone and focus on the movie.” It’s the part where Frank was leaving Mary to her foster parents. “I think this is the saddest part." Mina says, not noticing the slight disappointment in Nayeon’s face.

 

Nayeon can wait, she has a lifetime of opportunities to show her affection and love towards Mina—the love of her life. Their story hasn’t ended yet. Their “happy ever after'' has only begun and they know it’s not all going to be happy. But they know they will be happy in facing anything and everything together.

 

//////////

 

Epilogue

 

Nayeon moved in with Mina in Seoul to a new apartment. She’s there for her final internship.

 

Mina is studying for her finals and after the exams, she has to finish workking on her thesis.

 

Nayeon notices the frown on Mina’s face. She knows her girlfriend is tired and hasn’t been sleeping property. She walks to her and starts massaging her temples.

 

Mina moans, feeling her girlfriend’s soft hands massaging her and relieving her heacache.

 

“You’re working too hard.”

 

“I need to. There’s so much coverage to review.”

 

“You should take a break.”

 

“I m taking one now.”

 

“I meant a longer break to rest our eyes and your mind.”

 

“Mmkay.”

 

Nayeon smiles, glad that her girlfriend listened to her this time, because she usually doesn’t take long breaks in between academic tasks. Mina likes to make schedules and deadlines for when she should start and stop studying; and when she should take a break and for how long. She always sticks to her plan.

 

“Can you massage my lips too?” Mina asks, smiling up at her.

 

“Oh you want a massage there too?” Nayeon says, looking at her girlfriend and then she pulls her by the chin “Come here.”

---

 

thank you for reading this story! im glad it's finally over. i started writing this last year and i think I will miss these characters (can't believe im saying this lol). i enjoyed writing this fic  (although hindi ko nasulat ng maayos) especially the last chapter and i will be very happy to know if at least one person enjoyed reading this too.

send me your thoughts in the comments??

- @namyoim :)))