Bora POV

Weird.

I can not gauge if it’s good weird, bad weird, or just plain weird. But this weird feeling inside my stomach is making me uncomfortable.

I have been known to be a social butterfly. So when Minji invited me to the opening of her new restaurant, I was excited to be mingling with many friends and new people. Except right now, my legs seem to have stopped working and I was standing frozen in one of the corners.

This is not what I expected to feel seeing her after a year. She looks the same but still a lot different than the last time I saw her. Well, yeah – that’s probably because she was crying like hell back then. But right now, there she stood in all her glory a few meters away from me, smiling. Glowing, even.

“Is everything okay?” I feel Minji tapping my shoulder.

“She looks… different.” I managed to say, still looking at the distant woman.

*

“Siyeon, I am tired. Let us not do this.” I sighed with annoyance. I lazily walked to our bedroom, leaving my clothes on the way, not caring about everything.

I feel so tired from work plus the alcohol I consumed earlier adds to the swirling of my vision.

“No please, Baby. I won’t be able to sleep if we keep this up till tomorrow. Let us talk right now.” Siyeon followed me trying to engage.

I jumped on the bed and stretched my body. I know, I am looking like an right now but I am really tired.

“You know that’s bull. We’ve been trying to talk for days, but it’s not working. So maybe we should just rest tonight” I said and pulled the blanket over my body.

I heard her groan as she pulled the blanket slightly.

“That’s because you’re always drunk when you get home. Seriously, Babe. Tell me what’s going on.”

I didn’t answer her, instead, I sighed.

“Baby, come on.” By now she completely pulled the blanket out of my body.

“Seriously, Siyeon, you’re starting to piss me off now.” I sat up straight and looked her straight in the eyes. I could see different emotions in her eyes all at once. She went silent for a while and just stared at me.

“What?!” I hissed.

“Why are you acting like that? What’s the problem? You know you can tell me everything that’s bothering you. Did something happen? Did I do something to upset you?” she asked me.

I closed my eyes, trying not to let my emotions get to me.

“Is there … someone else?” my eyes shoot open and I was welcomed by the fearful eyes coming from the woman I love the most.

“I don’t think this is working anymore, Siyeon” I confessed.

I have been feeling this extreme emptiness for a couple of weeks already. The problem was that I did not know what was the reason why I can’t seem to find the joy these days. I do not understand it myself as I seem to have the perfect life with my girlfriend of 8 years. I tried doing stuff that I thought would make me feel something – gym, sports, painting, hiking. In fact, just two weeks ago, Siyeon and I went to Bali to enjoy beach hopping. I tried fixing everything, but these past few days, the emptiness I have been feeling is coming in at the full expense that I have started drinking. Just the thought of coming home to Siyeon, seeing her worried and sad eyes, every ing time I step foot in this apartment, it’s tearing me apart.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry I .. I’ll be better, Baby. Just tell me what to do.” Siyeon held my hands tightly, almost feels like she was afraid I was going to disappear.

“I am not happy anymore.” I confessed.

“I’ll do everything to make you happy, baby. Don’t say that. Let’s ---”

“I don’t think you’re happy, too.” I said as I stand up and started picking up my clothes and the floor, dressing myself up again. The tiredness I felt earlier just vanished and now I just feel resigned from all of this.

“Baby… that’s not true. I’m always happy because I have you.” Siyeon hugged me from the back.

“It’s time, Siyeon. You and I both know this hasn’t been working out. Let’s… end this.” I whispered.

I felt Siyeon’s body shudder and fell to the floor.

“I’ll … pack my things tomorrow morning.” I turned around and saw her on the floor hugging her knees.

I slowly approached her but she moves back, still not looking at me.

“Just ing go, Bora. Just leave.” she whispered but those words cut deeper than any knife but I know it’s what I deserve. For the first time in a while, I felt something – Guilt. Guilty for breaking the heart of the only person I ever loved.

For a moment, I stopped in my tracks and just stared at her. I started questioning everything I did and said. For a moment, I wanted to run to her, pull her into my arms and say how much I am sorry and how much I love her.

But I can’t. Not anymore. Not after I broke her heart into pieces. And so with one last look, I stood up and silently walked out of our once shared apartment and from her life.

*

As if she knew someone is looking at her, she turns her head in my direction and flashed a smile.

My favorite smile.

She waved at me and I waved back. She then continued talking to Dami, one of our common friends. My eyes automatically land on the woman, Seola, beside her whose arm protectively wrapped around her waist.

And there it is, that weird feeling in the pit of my stomach as the woman kissed Siyeon’s blushing cheek after whispering something to her ear.

Then everything hits me like a big wave.

“She looks happier.” I whispered finally understanding the weird feeling.

It was regret. After a full year of thinking I made the right decision and thinking I was rather happy after the break-up, I just now realized how ing sad I was without Siyeon and how stupid I was for letting go of someone amazing like her.

I never knew how painful it is to have the love of my life be happier with someone else. It is at this moment, that I realize I will never be as happy as those years I’ve spent with Siyeon.

And there was no one to blame but myself.

***

Song Suggestion: Happier - Ed Sheeran