Dear, Irene

When you're happy, all is good in my world.

“Didn’t you say you’d get your AC fixed when you first moved in here, unnie? It’s almost finals, and it’s still not fixed.” Wendy sighed in relief as she leaned back against Irene’s frame, who was on her laptop. They were on the couch, and Irene was currently studying. Wendy took a peak and saw the concise, neat notes that was plastered on Irene’s screen. Irene had always been the tech-andy between them. If there was something that confused Wendy, she could just show it to her girlfriend, and she’d somehow fix it.

Wendy sighed once again, giddiness striking her as she thought of it. It’s hard to swallow that it’d been months since they had first set foot on this campus, when Wendy had made a mistake and she’d cried her eyes out to Irene, before asking her out. In the end, everything seemed to fix itself.

“Ugh,” The younger suddenly groaned under her breath, her eyebrows furrowing together as her chest suddenly ached.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” Irene asked, though she didn’t look away from her laptop. Wendy forced on a smile, before she got up, making the older look at her, wondering at  the loss of warmth. 

“I need to use the bathroom. I’m getting a stomach ache.” Wendy doesn’t look back as she said that, but Irene’s stare lingered. Irene let her thoughts run wild for a very split second, before turning back to her laptop. 

Grabbing the small container from her bag, she rushed to the bathroom. Wendy eagerly gulped down her pill, almost collapsing against the sink. She rest her weight on it for about five minutes, before she slowly got up, weakly splashing her face with cold water, trying to get herself to snap out of it, to find the strength to get her senses back together. She panted out short and quick breaths, raising her gaze, meeting eyes with her reflection. 

You know those moments when everything is happy, but you can’t trust it; because you know something is coming? This was the wake up call, unnie. For the years we knew each other up until then, I could forget it all. I could forget the rough visits at the hospital at 3AM at night, the pleading for help as the pain didn’t subside, all of it. But I knew it was catching up to me. I wasn’t ready to face it again though, so like always, I buried it deep inside, wishing that I’d buried it deep enough so that it would never arise again.

After a few more minutes, Wendy came back. However, Irene was packing up her stuff. “Where are you going?”

“Gotta run to the library real quick. I’ll see you later?” 

Disappointed, Wendy nodded. She was pale, and her back was damp from her sweat. But she didn’t think Irene noticed as she kissed Wendy, before she departed. Now Wendy was all alone in Irene’s dorm, huffing as it was incredibly hot. Why didn’t Irene get her AC fixed months ago? How could she bear with this heat?

Fanning herself, Wendy groaned again, before burying her face against the sofa. Sulking, Wendy cuddled one of the pillows tight against her chest, sniffing it and finding the lightest of comfort as it smelled of Irene.

Even when we were together, you disappeared again. Your habit didn’t change at all. I knew I couldn’t get mad, afterall, you were conscious about your grades. So I tried not to be, but it was hard not to be salty. I think at one point I thought you loved your grades more than me. In which case, how dare you, unnie? >:(

Irene had been a golden child for as long as she could remember. Athletic, smarts, and beauty. She had it all. Every guy who met her wanted her, and every girl who saw her envied her. With every praise she got, the more meaning lost whenever she received one. Irene used to always feel extremely happy for getting a compliment, but there was a moment when it all lost its meaning. It all felt robotnik, planned. The compliments, the smiles, everything. 

She knew that, but even then, she couldn’t stand the idea of letting people down. It had turned from trying to please herself to always trying to please others, thinking that her entire value depended on what grades she could produce. Irene kept repeating it in her head that she should always be number one, that she wasn’t boastful and proud, just honest.

“You’re pretty cocky, aren’t you, unnie?” 

Irene remembered hearing that for the first time. The perpetrator then followed up with a:

"You don't look too happy either."

A shorter girl than her, which was a surprise. It was freshman year of highschool when she had met Wendy for the first time. It was a rainy day, so she was in a bad mood. The icky feeling of wet socks dampened her mood already, so this cheerful, beagle like girl looking like a ray of sunshine wasn’t really making her happier either. Irene couldn’t get her words out of her head. 

Irene’s mom, Irene’s dad, Irene’s childhood friends, Irene’s teachers - they had nothing but good things to say about her. So who was this… midget suddenly calling her cocky?

When Irene confronted her about it again, the girl looked like a deer in the headlights, and Irene couldn’t believe her ears when Wendy asked who she was. It took a little reminding before Wendy clapped her hands.

“Ah! You’re that cocky pretty girl!”

Irene felt like a vein was about to pop when she said that. Since then, she’d made a violent effort to avoid running into Wendy at all costs, but it got to the point when even Wendy had noticed, and decided instead of getting the hint, to just pretend like it doesn’t exist at all, Wendy suddenly stuck to her like glue every day, always saying unnie this, unnie that, and finding all the mundanities of their boring high school interesting for reasons Irene couldn't understand. 

One time, post-class, in the science lab, the two of them were left alone after being assigned by the teacher to clean up. It was the first time Irene had ever gotten punished; maybe if Wendy wasn't poking her with annoying stories and questions, she might've been able to go with the class without her snapping at Wendy. But alas, here they were.

"You look y working, unnie."

"False. That's just your brain making it obvious that it's stupid again."

"Did you see yourself wearing that labcoat? Damn, coming for my heart."

"That's a lie. Nothing is coming for your heart. Why would someone steal something so useless?"

Wendy laughed, enjoying Irene's reactions as the latter tried to focus on cleaning the lab as quickly as possible, trying to leave Wendy as soon as she can. Irene was number 1, above everyone else. Why is she hanging around with this bimbo?

"Can you explain my feelings too? How about the ones about you? How do you keep making my heart feel things?"

Irene's eyes flinched. "Are you mocking me?" 

"No." Wendy replied quickly. "Just want to know what your big brain would come up with."

Irene turned away, her stomach jumping in surprise. She thought Wendy was confessing just then. But that's stupid, they've (Irene's) literally been at each other's throats since they'