“Jonghyun!”

“Chaeri!!!”

“What is this?”

“I’m… I’m sorry.”

“I can’t believe this.”
 

Someone I’ve loved so much, so much, even much more than my life, he cheated on me with his boss. It’s just one month to our wedding, how could he?.....

“Kim Jonghyun, you’d better kill me.”

-----

After the night I caught my fiancé cheating in a hotel room with him, I ran away. I disconnected with him, my family and everyone. I ran away to a different city just to hide and cry miserably alone.

After like a week, I’ve made a decision. Yes I love my fiancé so much and I’ve been dreaming to make a family with him so I decided to give him a chance. I went back to Seoul and went to meet him at his apartment. Who knows it would be my another pain. That girl was there and I also learned about their another story.

“Sorry Chaeri, I can’t get back together with you nor continue the marriage. Because… because she is pregnant our baby now. We’ll get married at the end of this month.” Replied the merciless fiancé after I begged him for a makeup.

“Jonghyun-ah, I love you so much. Tell her to abort the baby and come back to me, I will forgive you everything. I beg you. I love you so much. I want to be your bride.” I hugged him while begging him.

He slowly released me from hugging him.

“Chaeri, I’m really sorry but I really love her and I treasure our baby. Please move on from me! Again, I’m sorry for everything. Good-luck!” He lastly said then closed the door since before I left.

I stood still in front of his apartment, crying loudly like a mental minded person but no one bothered to care. I cried, cried and cried until I had no more tears. I still shouted to beg him under freezing night but he wouldn’t appear at all. I gave up and walked soullessly back home.

-----

I told my family about our breakup and the unhappened marriage. My family tried to console me but my mental condition became worse and worse day by day. I totally lose my appetite. I refuse to eat and go out. I don’t talk with anybody sometimes. I lock myself in my bedroom, spending most of the time, looking at the wedding dress hanging inside my cloth selves and cry painfully alone. He was too good boyfriend that I still couldn’t believe he would cheat so this pain is just too much to handle.

On the date of our wedding day, I wore the wedding dress and left home at dawn. I went to our booked church and waited for him or for nothing I would say, stupidly alone. I waited for him from early morning to late night until the new day started…

“How I wish everything was just a nightmare. I’m too hurt, god, I’m too hurt.”

-----///-----

I don’t know what happened to me last night but when I woke up, I saw myself inside a ward surrounded by my family. They rushed to me when I opened my eyes.

“Chaeri, you woke up now? I’m so worried about you.” My mom hugged me tight while crying so hard.

“Mom, what happened to me?” I asked cluelessly.

“You fainted for one week already. You fainted inside a church.” My mom replied.

I tried to recall my memory.

After a while… “One week? So it should be the end of August now. Jonghyun is marrying. I’ve to go and stop him.” I became panic. I fought to get out from bed.

“No Chaeri, no! Let him go! You have to move on.” Everyone shouted in harmony.

“No, we love each other so much. I’ll go and beg him to not marrying other girl. He loves me. He will choose me.” I protested with everyone and finally managed to get rid of them.

Once I was freed, I ran quickly in patient uniform inside the hospital to find the way out. Everyone ran following me behind but I didn’t care. I ran until reached the exit gate.

I grabbed a taxi and went randomly to find Jonghyun. I was clueless how to know about his ceremony place but coincidentally his girlfriend is a chairman of a big company so news on their wedding day went viral in the whole Korea. I knew hotel they’re celebrating their wedding. I told taxi driver to drive there.

When I arrived at the hotel, I tried to break in but security wouldn’t let me in.

“Are you running from mental hospital? You can’t be a guest of these high ranked people’s wedding. Leave!” security staffs chased me mercilessly.

I cried, I begged but they didn’t listen at all. They even called to mental hospital if there is any patient ran out.

I ran out of idea to make them let me in. I sat down for a while then I came up with an idea to steal their gun and threaten them.

“AHHHH!” I pretended to walk out but soon turned back and ran to squeeze a gun from one security successfully.

“Don’t come!” I shouted to warn them from coming close to me while aiming the gun to them.

They stepped backwards away from me.

“Get out of my way! I’m going to get my groom.” I told them.

They made way. I quickly ran in. I ran fast to enter an elevator and pressed to the floor the wedding taken place.
I finally arrived outside the hall. I cried so hard again to see a large wedding photo of them putting at the entrance.

“Oh who is that?”
“Omo she has a gun with her.”
“God, do something.”
Guests who were still outside became scared seeing me. I tried to hold my tears and raised the gun to scare them.

“This wedding will never be happened. You all should leave.” I tried to be mean, telling them then shot a bullet randomly.

*PANG*

The crowd went chaotic. Many people ran from the wedding. I bravely walked into the hall and saw the couple was exchanging rings to each other.

I cried out loud again. “It should be me, the one whom you’re wearing the ring for…” I lost my balance and cried behind the crowd.

As everyone was focusing on the couple, no one realized my presence yet. Until I shot the second bullet up to the roof.

*PANG*

Everyone yelled in fear and now everyone paid attention to me.

“Chaeri, what are you doing? Are you losing your mind now?” Jonghyun shouted from the stage while grabbing his bride to hold tight. He looks so worried about her since before I did anything to them. I feel so upset and this moment made me realize that he truly loves her and I have no more place inside his heart.

I wiped my tears then stood up. I raised up the gun but this time I put it on my head on right side.

“Jonghyun-ah, I can see how much you love and want to protect her. But for me, I don’t think I can forget you unless I disappear from this world. So let me use my blood to congratulate on your wedding. This is the gift I would like to give to the man I’ve been loving wholeheartedly.” I said then slowly closed my eyes ready to press the trigger.

“Stop!” Jonghyun shouted. I opened my eyes. “You don’t deserve this. Though I betrayed you, I never wanted to see you end up like this. Please continue living with a better life. You’re so precious for many people. You shouldn’t give up on your life because of me. Please put down the gun.” He tried to explain to me.

I shed tears continuingly without saying anything.

A moment later, my family appeared.

“Chaeri, my dear, daughter. Please put down the gun! Don’t do anything stupid! I beg you.” My mom begged me.

I turned to look at my family. “Mom, I’m sorry. I’ve to disappear. This way will make him remember me forever. I want at least live in his memory.” I told my mom.

“No, he will forget you anyway.”

Suddenly, an unfamiliar voice to be heard. I turned to the voice owner. There were a few people in doctor or nurse uniform coming in the wedding hall.

“Everyone tries to forget about bad memory so you will disappear from his memory one day if you choose to die today. To be forever remembered by him, you have to leave him with good memory, Miss.” One man among those people in white uniform added.

I frowned as I didn’t get what he meant.

“How about saying congratulation and wish him a happy family and promise him you will live well? You can do it, Miss.” The gentle man added with a soft smile.

I dropped the gun from my hand and sat down crying.

Everyone sighed in relief to see I’m letting go of the gun. My mom ran to hug me.

“My dear, you’re gonna be okay.” She consoled me.

I spent a long moment crying then I stood up, turning to Jonghyun and his bride.

“Please live well with your family, the man I have been loving wholeheartedly. I love you so much but I’m not lucky enough to be your bride. Be happy, Jonghyun-shi. Congratulation!” I wished him while sobbing so hard.

Jonghyun also cried to receive my painful wish. He held his bride’s hand then walked to me. He patted my head while looking at me guiltily.

“Sorry and thank you!” He gave a deep bow to me.

I nodded in understanding then turned to leave the hall. Before leave the hall, I turned to the gentle man and gave him a slight bow as a thank. The gentle man gave me a cheer up smile with whispering "You've done great." I finished my interaction with him then completedly left.

I walked slowly and soullessly. Now even my family is talking to me, I couldn’t understand at all. My heart, eyes and ears went blind. Everything became colorless. I feel empty. I don’t even feel like breathing. I feel nothing, nothing, just nothing at all. Isn’t it the same like dying? I wish I could disappear without hurting anyone.

-----///-----

~One month later~

This pain is just too serious that first I did try my best to fight with it but unluckily I got defeated by the happy memories. Maybe that guy in white uniform was right. Good memories will be remembered forever. Now I don’t think I can move on from Jonghyun anymore. I miss him so much. I keep thinking about our good memories and end up hurting myself all over again.

Day by day, I don’t manage to control my mental. I severally cut myself and take overdose medicine. I attempt to kill myself when my family isn’t around but I was saved every time. Sometimes, my brain creates Jonghyun’s image in front of me and I can’t even realize it’s just my imagination. I even brag my family that Jonghyun has come back to me. Only when my mom cries, telling me I imagine by myself then I realize I was cheated by my own mental illness. I started to feel scared of myself too. I have come to the condition of not daring to see myself in the mirror. I couldn’t manage myself anymore. I’m losing myself totally…..

-----