“Jonghyun Jonghyun hik hik… I can’t forget you.”

Sitting on my bed, holding my knees, crying from dawn to night has become my daily life. I have no idea how to stop longing for him. Torturing myself is breaking my family’s heart but I really don’t know how to move on anymore.

* Tok Tok * (Knocking on the door)

“Chaeri, Mom is coming in.” My mom knocked on the door, informing me before entering.

I ignored. I haven’t talked to any of them many days already. I continued holding my knees heartbreakingly.

My mom opened the door then entered. I still don’t look at her.

“Chaeri, Mom has brought a doctor to see you.” My mom said. I still ignored because I’ve been seeing serval doctors already but no one can help me out from this cruel reality.

“Long time no see, Miss!” Suddenly third person voice to be heard. I feel like I used to hear it somewhere before. I slowly turned to look at him.

I startled to see a gentle man I met once inside my ex-boyfriend’s wedding many weeks ago is the doctor who my mom is bringing in.

“Hi, I’m psychiatrist doctor, Kwak Aron. Do you still remember me?” he introduced himself.

I was more surprised to know he is a doctor, especially a psychiatrist doctor. I looked at him in focus but without any word.

“Chaeri, I think general doctors won’t be able to help you so I called Dr. Kwak to meet you once again. You remember him, right? He appeared in Jonghyun’s wedding. That time the security staffs at that hotel thought you ran out from mental hospital so they called to his hospital and that is how he and his team came to Jonghyun’s wedding hall. He gave me his name card that day so I decided to ask him to check on you once.” My mom explained the story in detail.

I thought for a while then turned away from them. I held my knees tighter, faced down on them and started sobbing again.

“Miss!” that doctor called me. I ignored.

Suddenly there is a hand patting on the back of my head. “It’s ok. Everything is going to be ok. You have done great. You have left him with a good memory. Why don’t you make good memories for yourself too?” he softly added. His words made me a bit calm. I slowly raised my head up. Our eyes connected.

He softly smiled to me and slowly used the both of his thumbs to wipe my tears.

“Miss. Chaeri, red leaves season has come. Wanna have a walk together?” he suddenly changed a topic and asked for a walk with me. I was stunned with this stranger.

“There is a park near here. What would you say?” he asked me again.

I unconsciously nodded to accept his offer.

“Good! Mom will help to dress you up.” My mom excitedly grabbed my hand and pulled me to find an outfit.

That doctor went to wait outside.

My mom chose me a warm outfit as it’s a bit chilly. She did makeup for me then led me to the living room.

I walked out alone with the doctor.

.....
Autumn has really come. I feel like I’ve just come out from a jail. Yes I locked myself in a jail of pain. I can’t believe the outside world has turned to this beautiful after just a short time.

“Let’s sit there!” that doctor suggested when we arrived inside the park. We sat down.
I still remained unspoken. I just looked at here and there to see the beautiful scenery.

“I know life is hard but you’re stronger than those hardship. If you try to see things beautifully, it will become beautiful. You’re the owner of your life." He broke the silence.

"You know some people come into our life to make us strong and they leave to make us stronger.” he added an emotional life quote.

I burst into tears again to hear his quote..... “I can’t be strong without him. He is my strength, my power, my reason to live. Without him, I’m weak, I’m the weakest.” I finally spoke up.

“Yes maybe he was but he isn’t anymore. He has become your memory. You know everyone around you, everyone in your life will become just your memory one day and you too, you will become just their memory one day. But the most important thing, not to be a forgettable memory. So let’s make more good memories then you’ll be always remembered in everyone’s heart, mind and soul.” He calmly commented on my words.

I faced, looking at him after heard the meaningful advice but it somehow sounds so sad. I shed tears even more.

“Would you like to be remembered or not?” he asked while cutely pouted his lips.

“So you mean we’ll become each other memory one day too, right?” I randomly asked without realizing why I should ask him this.

“Most definitely! Let’s be each other good memory!” he replied with a bright smile. 

Doctor Kwak is such a positive person. I continued chitchatting with him and little by little, I get used with him. He told me a lot about his careers, his life experiences ,ect. I also learned that he is from American and his contract as a psychiatrist doctor is going to end soon. He said he hopes that I can be recovered before he goes back to his hometown.

As I feel so fine to be with him, I decided to get his treatment. He gave me his business name card and I will go to his hospital for check-up regularly from now on.

-----///-----

I’ve been under Dr. Kwak’s treatment for one month. I feel better a lot. I cry less, I miss my ex less and I can slowly go back to my normal life.

Until one day, I accidentally ran into Jonghyun and his big belly wife in a shopping mall. They were shopping for their soon to be born baby. They look so happy in love. This is the reality I was dreaming to have with him since our dating day. I thought I can finally face it but I failed. I ran away before they saw me. I ran to cry inside bathroom. My mental illness took action again so I took out the medicine and took them all in one go. I ended up getting worse and losing my consciousness in the bathroom.....

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