“Chaeri, you woke up now?”

I opened my eyes and saw a familiar figure. It was Dr. Kwak. He was looking at me closely to where I’m lying. I turned around to see where I am. I have no idea where it is. I frowned then turned to look at him.

“Where am I, Dr. Kwak?” I asked him.

“You’re inside my hospital. You fainted then your family took you here. Why did you take so much medicine? Were you trying to commit suicide again?” He asked with a bit upset tone.

I struggled to get up to sit. I faced palm stressfully. “I saw them accidentally in a shopping mall. I couldn’t control myself so I tried taking all of your medicines.” I replied.

“Hmm… I see.” He gave a big sigh.

I put down my both palms from my face and turned to him. “I’m sorry.” I apologized with a bow.

He looked at me for a while.

“I want you to stay in hospital for a while. I want to personally look after you. You need a strict treatment. Will you stay?” he suddenly asked.

I was stunned at first. I remained silent thinking for a while.

“Your family also wants you to stay. Your mental isn’t stable yet. We’re worried.” He added.

I slightly nodded. “I think it’s the best way. Please do treatment for me. It’s good to stay away from society for a while. I’d love to stay in your hospital.” I agreed.

After all, it’s the best way and choice for me and everyone. I’m still unable to face with reality yet. I’m such a weak, hopeless girl.

-----///-----

From the beginning of my admission, Dr. Kwak is my personal psychologist. He personally gives treatment to me and rarely let other doctors or nurses to give treatment to me. Perhaps, he knows I find it’s hard to get used with new people. My family often comes to visit me too. I don’t know if I’m getting better or what… I just know if I don’t hear or see anything related to Jonghyun, I’m feeling fine. But if I happen to see anything related to him, I will cry immediately.

…..

“It’s snowing again. It’s absolutely winter now. Winter is our favorite season… me and Jonghyun…”

I murmured and sobbed again to see sudden drop of snow while I was jogging inside the garden of the hospital.

“Dr. Kwak was right. Good memories are not forgettable. Now I’m living in the pain of good memories all alone.” I spent a long moment crying sadly alone.

“Want some ice-cream?”

Suddenly a voice to be heard. I quickly turned back. “Dr. Kwak!” I exclaimed.

I saw Dr. Kwak was holding two ice-cream and he was handing one to me. He was smiling while handing me the ice-cream. I quickly wiped my tears, not wanting to upset him to see me crying again.

He walked in and sat down on the ground next to me.

“I really like eating ice-cream when it’s snowing like this. Sadly, there is no snow in LA. I can’t have such moment after I go back.” He said and sighed then he started eating his ice-cream. I kept looking at him curiously. He looked so happy eating ice-cream without showing his disappointment to see me crying like every other time.

“Try it!” He handed another ice-cream to me again.

I hesitantly received it from him. “Thank you, Doctor.”

I decided to give a bite.

“How was it?” he asked me after my first bite.

I nodded with a smile. “So delicious.” I said then had another bite.

Then we both happily ate our ice-cream till the last bite.

“Why do you eat ice-cream when it’s too cold like this?” I decided to ask.

“Because it’s delicious.” He quickly replied.

I burst into laughter with his quick, confident, easy reply.

“Mmm by the way, I’m sorry for crying again.” I suddenly remembered to apologize to him for hiding and crying again.

He pouted while softly looking at me. “You know you’re going to be fine.” without blaming me, he just sadly said so. 

I became emotional again. I’ve promised him many times that I wouldn’t cry over my ex but I always end up crying and hurting myself.

“I’m sorry. I’m really useless I’m really sorry.” I burst out crying as I couldn’t hold my tears anymore.

“NO!” He cupped my face all of a sudden.

I was lost. We were looking at each other deeply eyes to eyes. 

“You can cry 100 times but you have to smile 1000 times.” He said with a huge smile.

I still felt lost and couldn’t react anything yet.

“Wait!” He suddenly took off his scarf and wore over my neck for me then he stood up and ran to find something. I was watching him cluelessly. After a moment, he came back with a stick. He started writing something on the fallen snow on the ground. I was giggling at what he wrote. When I realized there is my name on what he is writing, I rushed to get up and went to see it closely. 

“My wish is to see Chaeri get recovered soon.”

This is what he wrote. I felt so excited and automatically smiled. I took out my phone and took a few pictures of what he wrote.

“Thank you so much, Aron-shi.” I called him by name for the first time.

He looked stunned after being called by me like that. We were smiling looking at each other for a while.

“I learnt two things from you today. First is to eat ice-cream under cold weather to cold down our pain. Second is to write down our wish on fallen snow. Thank you for your lecture today, Teacher.” I broke the happy stare.

Dr. Kwak laughed out loud then gave me a thumb up. “You’ve learnt well today.” He praised me.

So, tonight I’ve learnt some ways to calm down my pain when I’m sad.

----

After staying in hospital for a few weeks with getting personal treatment from Dr. Kwak, I get better a lot. I almost don’t cry anymore. Even sometimes I think of Jonghyun, I don’t feel like crying anymore. I can slowly move on this time, hopefully.

25 December, Christmas night has come. The hospital has decorated to celebrate Christmas. There is a small party for staffs and patients to enjoy the night together. I helped with the food and serving. Dr. Kwak went on stage to sing a few songs. Everyone including old age patients really enjoyed his stage. He is so friendly and easy going. Everyone really likes him. Maybe it’s what psychologist has from nature.

When I finished my duty in the party, I separated myself from the crowd. As the night sky is clear, I went to garden to enjoy hot tea under night sky.

“Jonghyun always gives me gift on Christmas but I’m glad I’m not crying.” I proudly said to myself.

In such a moment I should be crying but I’m not crying so I feel like I’ve moved on from my ex a lot now.

“Wow… it’s snowing again.” Suddenly snow dropped again. I became so delighted to see the beautiful snow under such clear, night sky.

“I wish I had an ice-cream now.” I murmured.

“Here you go!” suddenly a familiar voice to be heard.

I startled as I clearly knew who this voice belongs to. I quickly turned back.

“Dr. Kwak…” I exclaimed in shock as I wasn't expecting he would be here.

“Here you go!” Dr. Kwak handed me an ice cream.

I felt so amazed. I burst into laughter then received the ice-cream from him.

“But I’m not sad.” I complained while unpacking the ice cream to eat.

“Well, you can eat it even though you’re not sad. Make this a good memory to remember about me. A weird guy who would eat ice-cream when it snows.” He said then laughed.

He didn’t know this sentence poke on my heart deeply. I mean when he mentioned about becoming my good memory, it hurts me for no reason. 

“If possible, I don’t want you to become my memory. I want you to be my present forever, Aron-shi.” I heartbreakingly whispered to my heart. And this moment, I realized I’m having good feeling for him.

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