Finally, I'm allowed to discharged...

“Thank you, Dr. Kwak! Because of you, I can get better so fast.” I thanked to him again and again while walking to leave the hospital with him. Now my condition has improved a lot. Dr. Kwak is giving me a lift to go home. We’re planning to surprise my family about my discharge.

On the way, we stopped by a supermarket to buy some groceries to make dinner tonight. We accidentally ran into Jonghyun and his wife. We saw them first. The married couple didn’t realize our presence yet. I stood still, watching them from a far.

“Let’s go that way, Chaeri!” Dr. Kwak realized my mood changed so he tried to drag me to other side.

“Wait!” I called Dr. Kwak. “I want to go to say hello to Jonghyun and his wife. I’ll comeback real quick.” I said with a smile then ran to Jonghyun quickly without letting doctor could say anything out.

I friendlily went to greet the couple and asked about their soon-to-be-born baby. I even asked to touch her belly. I felt so soft for the baby. The couple warmly welcomed my greeting and we even promised to eat out together later.

After a small talk, I went back to Dr. Kwak.

“I’m back. Sorry to have kept you waiting.” I apologized with a slight bow.

Dr. Kwak was smiling proudly, looking at me. I smiled to him back.

“Have I done well?” I asked.

He nodded and hit on my left shoulder a few times. “I’m so proud of you. You’ve done well.”

“Thank you! I can finally move on. I can face them now.” I emotionally replied.

“Good job!” He patted on my head.

Every time, he pats on my head like this, I really want to hug him tight but I’m not brave enough. What I can do is to clench my fists to hold my movement. I just can’t. But to see him proudly smile at me like this, I felt like flying to the moon. I like seeing his smile. It made me proud of myself too.

…..

After shopping, we went to my house and we successfully surprised my family about my discharge. My family was very happy to see me in good mental condition back. We cooked and had dinner together. It was a fun, joyful night.

… “I’m going back to LA in 2 weeks, probably after new year.” Dr. Kwak suddenly told me about his departure while I was walking him to his car after the dinner.

I paused from walking all of a sudden. My heart ached all of a sudden too.

“So it’s only 2 weeks more.” I murmured with husky voice as I felt like crying already.

“Yes I’m going back home.” He said.

I bit my lips, grabbed the end of my t-shirt to hold my tears.

“Ah we’ve reached. I’m gonna drive home now. Please go in back! Thanks for the nice dinner.” He changed the topic and asked to go.

I nodded without looking directly to him.

I wanted to say something to him but my lips couldn’t move. He was walking to enter his car and I was just watching him behind.

“Aron-shi…” I called him all of a sudden before he entered his car. I decided to speak out.

He turned to me while tying his eyebrows curiously. “Anything I can help?” he asked.

I bit my lips again. I felt extremely hesitated again. “Err… do you think we can go out together sometimes before you leave?” I collected all my bravery to ask him out.

He widened his eyes in disbelief.

“Emm… I mean you have been so good to me and I want to treat you sometimes before you leave South Korea.” I fixed my earlier sentence.

Dr. Kwak burst into a small smile with a gentle nod. “Certainly! I’m off on weekend. Let’s meet sometimes!” he gave a positive reply.

I smiled hugely as I felt so excited to get his OK.

We said good-night then he drove home.

-----

After that day, what I do is praying the weekend would come fast so that I can call for an out with him.

Coincidently, the upcoming weekend is the same new year eve’s night. I was worried if he would come with me or not as he must have a lot of friends to hang out on countdown night with but surprisingly, he chose to come with me. We joined a Gala Dinner at a hotel for countdown night.

“10 9 8 7 6 … 3 2… 1”

“Happy New Year, Chaeri!” -Dr. Kwak-

“Happy New Year, Aron-shi… I think I love…” -Chaeri-

*Phone Ringing*

When I was confessing to him, he suddenly got a phone call.

“I’ve got a phone call. Please wait a minute.” ​He picked up his call right in front of me.

/ On Phone /

“Hi Babe! Yes it’s over mid-night in South Korea. We’re celebrating new year. Happy New Year! I miss you too… yes see you soon, my love! Have a good day! I love you.”

Dr. Kwak sweetly talked on phone in English but I can understand the conversation.

“So he has a girlfriend…” I mummed painfully.

After he flew a kiss through the phone, he put his phone in his pocket then turned to me.

“Sorry my fiancée has just called me. What were you saying?” he asked about what I was talking after saying happy new year to him.

I was stuck. I didn’t know what I should say anymore. She isn’t just his girlfriend but his fiancée. I became so complicated. I was painful and couldn’t accept this truth yet. My lips were shaking as it’s too shocking too.

“Chaeri, are you feeling cold? Wear this!” He became worried if I’m cold. He took off his jacket and covered my body.

I couldn’t hold myself anymore. I rushed to embrace him for the first time.

“Ops!!!” He startled.

“Chaeri…”

“Aron-shi, I think I like you.” I confessed.

Dr. Kwak remained silent not a single word nor action.

Without having any reaction from him like this, I know I have just put him in pressure. I released the hug and made a little space from him. I looked at his face in fear. He looked a bit upset.

I shed tears in sorrow to make him this upset.

“I didn’t know you have a fiancée. I’m sorry. I won’t ask anything from you. I only wanted to confess before you leave. I do like you.” I told him.

“Hmm!” he gave himself a big, long sigh.

“Thank you for loving me but I’m sorry that I couldn’t meet your expectation. I’m going to marry my fiancée when I arrive LA. I hope you will not be too hurt with this response.” He gave me a polite rejection but it's still hurtful for me.

I cried harder but I tried to nod in understanding. “I understand. I won’t be hurt too long.” I replied with my shaking voice.

Dr. Kwak became tearing up too as he must feel so guilty for making me this hurt. He cupped my face and wiped my tears then pulled me into his embrace. I cried louder while diving my face on his chest.

“Aron-shi, I’m sorry for falling in love with you. I know I shouldn’t. hik hik I’m sorry.” I apologized while bawling out so hard.

He kept patting on my head to calm me. “I’m sorry for being able to be only your memory. I’m leaving soon. Please make me as your good memory and remember me forever. I’ll do the same.” He said with his shaking voice. I could guess he was crying too.

I hugged him tighter. “I won’t forget you. Finally, the day that we will become each other memory is coming. I’ll treasure every memory preciously. Thanks for coming into my life. You once told me some people come to our life to make us strong and they leave to make us stronger. Now I feel so strong. Thanks for making me this strong.” I heartbreaking but sincerely thanked to him.

“Thanks for becoming strong. Please live well!” He thanked me back then landed his noses on the top of my head to give me the first or can be called last soft, warm kiss.

We continued in this position, crying while hugging each other to celebrate the painful new year as well as our last meeting.

"I promise to live well, my happy memory." I positively promised him to live well.

Dr. Kwak gave me a very huge, pretty smile then left.

"Good-bye!" -Aron/Chaeri-

-----///-----

~ 5 Years Later ~

“Little Hyunnie, hello! Look, what auntie has brought to you today. It's ice-cream. Eat it when you're sad.” I went to visit Jonghyun’s son at his house again.

These past years, Jonghyun, his wife and I have become close friends. I often come to visit their son. Now his wife is expecting their second baby. They're living in happiness. I’m so happy for them.

"I heard you have refused someone again. When will you open your heart again? You deserve happiness, Chaeri." Jonghyun started to lecture me agian.

"Yes I saw many good men are chasing after you, please consider!" His wife helped to speak.

I sighed. "Maybe I need a little more time... Alright, I gotta go. See you all next time!" I made excuse to leave as I don't want to talk about that reopening my heart topic.
 

I’m still single for these 5 years as after two failures in love, I don’t feel like to think of having a relationship anymore. But I’m not sad nor upset with life anymore. I can live so fine as I really learnt a lot of life lectures from my personal psychologist doctor in the past, Dr. Kwak Aron.

Well, thinking about him, it has been 5 years already since he has left South Korea and we’ve not met after that new year night. I wonder how he is doing. Maybe he has married his fiancée and having one or two babies now. Yes, good people must be living in good life like this.

“I’m so happy for them…” 

After leaving Jonghyun’s house, I went back home but since it’s not dark yet, I decided to stop by a public garden near home as it’s autumn now. Every year, I would come to this garden and sit on the bench where Dr. Kwak and I used to sit once 5 years ago. Everything remains the same, the bench, the beautiful scenery and the smell of red leaves but what has changed is there is no Dr. Kwak’s presence besides me anymore. However, instead of shedding tears to think of this moment, I cheered myself to smile up.

"You know good memories will be remembered forever." He once said so..... So I decided to become his good memory. I want at least to be remembered by him even I'm no longer exist in his life.....

“You're just my memory and I hope I'm your memory too, hopefully.” -Chaeri-

***** The End *****