Hyejin struggled to unlock her phone with her gloves on. December came and the weather had significantly dropped. She was on her way back home after her third therapy session. She had received a message from her mum, asking if she needed anything. The smell of coffee distracted her and she thought she deserved to indulge in some hot chocolate and maybe … cupcake? They were small, though … a muffin instead? She made her way inside the café and sat down with her order. Her mind went briefly back to her session:

– “Are you feeling more motivated these days?

– I guess so. I manage to go out of my house a bit more often.

– That’s really good. And what do you do when you stay inside?

– Nothing much. I watch dramas or YouTube videos. I cook. I do the chores that needs to be done.

– And how does that make you feel?

– It makes me feel like .” As the therapist stay quiet, she continued: “It makes me feel like I’m wasting days of my life. I don’t see them go by, it’s morning then it’s night again, just like that.

– And the days where you go out, do you feel better? What do you do?

– I go on walks, I go grocery shopping. I keep it simple. It does help, those days I can usually fall asleep easier.

– Can you tell me about your social life before?

– Before? Well, I had classes, so I had classmates. I made a few good friends at university, but I always found it hard to make meaningful connections. It was good, balanced I would say. Always needed my alone time as well, you know.

– Sure. Do you miss it, though? Seeing people, having activities together…

– Yes and no. It would be nice, but I would have a hard time hearing how successful they became, or what their plans are… And I could not bare the fact that I have been … stagnant.

– Have you told people about your depression?

– Yeah, Yongsun knows.

– Yongsun … she is the girl who came with you during our first session, right?

– Yup. And Byulyi as well. It’s her girlfriend, she is checking up on me too.

– I see, what about your parents?

– I haven’t told them.

– Why is that?

– We just don’t talk about those things.

– Those things?

– Yes, those things. Meaningful things. They are great, I love them and they love me. But I never talked to them about important struggles, I’ve never learned how to.”

Right, her parents. She had to answer her mum. Hey mum, I’m good, thank you. Plans for Christmas?

***

A week later, on Friday, Yongsun was in her apartment. She wanted to have a friendly dinner for the holiday season, before they each went to their families.

– “I can’t work with her anymore, Jinie. This woman is a pain in my you-know-where. Each time that I come up with a fun idea or something a bit out of our comfort zone, she wants to crush it. It’s not even that ambitious!

– What did your boss say? Is he on board? Seems like a good plan to me, it would attract a younger consumer base.

– That’s exactly what I’m trying to do. He approved the idea, the next step is to budget it. I’ll have to research a little on graphic designers nearby. It’s so exciting! If only my colleague was not an as … an antic dinosaur… I’ll do what I want to in the end, but you know, a bit of support – or even, help! – wouldn’t be bad.”

This statement made Hyejin amused; of course, her friend would do what she wanted. That woman was extremely will-driven, once she settled on a goal, nothing could stop her. It was probably what she admired the most about her, even if that strong mindset made the pair clash often.

– “Unnie, why are you setting up the table for four? Is Byulyi bringing a friend over?

– … I told you that we invited Wheein?” Her tone told Hyejin she wasn't really asking if she did or not, rather why she had to remind her of it . “Byul is going to pick her up on her way over.

– Ho… Right, right.

– Hyejin-ah. Did you forget? The two of you have kept contact, right?

– I must have been distracted when you told me unnie, that’s all. And yeah, we exchanged a few times, I knew she was back. It will be good to see her again.

– So it’s good?

– Yes, of course it’s good.”

As they finished setting up the place for the evening. Yongsun had continued to talk about her unmotivated colleague and Hyejin was distractedly listening, answering here and there. Once the dinner was cooking, they each opened a beer, hoping that it would make the others arrive. It worked; a few minutes later the doorbell rang, and Hyejin let the girls in. Before they could make a move, Yongsun had jumped on Wheein and gave her a big kiss on the cheek. The latter whined, but Hyejin could see how happy she was. She waited for her turn to welcome her friend. As soon as everyone settled down around the small living room table with a drink to sip on, the questions started to fly, Yongsun being the first to shoot:

– “Wheeinie, how was Japan?”

– Byulyi immediately followed. “Did you have fun? Did you make friends? Did you meet … someone special?

– Did you have a nice trip back? Do you need any help to settle back down? Grocery shopping maybe?” Hyejin added.

– “Wowowow! Why so many questions!” Wheein protested but she seemed to be loving the attention. “It was great. My classes were amazing. And you know, it was hard at first with the others, but it got better. And my Japanese is quite good now! It was such a fun experience. And… I didn’t meet anyone special, Byulyi-unnie.” She looked briefly at Hyejin before adding, “The trip back was ok, nothing special. My mum made sure I had anything I need before I arrived, so I’m good. But thank you.”

Wheein continued her tale about her semester abroad during dinner, the three others listening attentively and requesting details when they deemed necessary. For Hyejin, it seemed like it was slightly easier to breathe than it was before. It felt good to be around those three absolute goofballs and she let herself go a little. She laughed and she enjoyed the moment. She enjoyed the company of Yongsun and Byulyi, who always made her feel loved. And she enjoyed being able to look at Wheein, who looked so good with her new short blond hair. They had a blast with the karaoke machine that Byul had brought, and she didn’t even think once about the noise complaint she would have in the morning.

The moment for the others to go home came too soon. Byulyi hugged her and said she would call her often during the holidays. When Hyejin told her that it wasn’t necessary as she would be with her parents, she just ruffled her hair, and she went to kiss her girlfriend. As always, the two were quickly lost in their own world.

– “Why don’t they live together yet?

– I’m not sure,” replied Hyejin. “They have been really good the past few months, that I know of anyways. Maybe they want to take it slow?

– Hm.” The blonde was unconvinced. “I’ll ask Byulyi-unnie on the way home. Good night, Hyejin-ah.”

And like that, she grabbed Byulyi and they left.

– “Yongsun?

– Yes?

– Thank you for tonight. I had fun, it was really nice. We should do that more often.

– I’m glad you had a good time. It was nice to see you happy. When are you going to your parents? Will you be alright until then?

– The day after tomorrow. Don’t worry about me unnie, I’m getting better. For real. It’s slow, but I’m getting there. Enjoy spending time with your family.

– About that...”

___

Wheein popped the million-dollar question as soon as they were settled in Byulyi’s car.

– “Why aren’t you living with Yongsun-unnie?”

Byulyi was focused on driving and didn’t answer right away.

– “I asked her to. A few weeks ago. She said we had to wait a little more.

– Why? You have been together for a while now, right? And you both have a good job. I don’t understand.

– She wants me to meet her whole family before. She told me they drop by her place randomly, and she couldn’t hide it from them. She wants to make it in the right order, she says. So, I guess it’s positive, right? She wants me to meet her parents…

– Hmmm, it does sound like a good thing. Are you nervous?”

– Byulyi let out a whimper. "I’ll spend Christmas with them.

– They’ll love you; everybody loves you. Don’t worry. Just … dress nicely.”

A comfortable silence settled around them after the older of the two had mumbled a “shut up”. Wheein was lost in the landscape of the city, one that she didn’t realise she had missed while being away. She was never one to be attached to places, though, even less cities. Maybe it was something else she had missed, something in the air. Or maybe it was this particular route, the one between Hyejin’s flat and hers.

– “It’s nice to have you back Wheein-ah, we’ve missed you,” Byulyi interrupted her thoughts. “Did you have fun? You must be tired.

– I’ve missed you too. I’m exhausted but I had a blast! How come Yongsun-unnie still have that much energy? She’s getting old!” Both of them laughed. “No, it was really nice. But I feel like I’ve only talked about myself, that’s not very cool.

– Don’t worry Wheein, we wanted to know. And it was a nice thing to talk about, I think it helped Hyejin to get out of her own head. She seemed like she was really enjoying our company tonight.”

– Wheein paused for a second. “What do you mean?

– She didn’t tell you?

– Tell me what?

– She’s been having a hard time lately. Yong and I have been looking out for her, but … yeah. I thought you knew.

– No, I didn’t. We have texted, though.” She was getting frustrated. “Did something happen?

– Not really. I think she had too much on her plate at one point. But … you know, I’m not the one to ask.

– God, now I really feel like a douchebag for talking about myself all night long.

– It’s fine Wheeinie, like I said, she had fun. It was good to see, really. Now get out of my car and go to bed, you’ll soon look like a raisin that’s been left in the sun for too long. Yellow and wrinkly.

– YAH!”

***

Hey Hyejin-ah, are you free? Can I come over?

Depends. You treating me coffee?

Do you want me to bring it or should we meet at the coffee shop?

First one there takes a table! Give me 30 min to get ready.

Hyejin dropped her phone beside her and got off her bed before making her way to the bathroom. She groaned when she saw her reflection. Not good enough. She pushed the thought away and quickly washed off. She did not have the time to wash her long hair, so … that will be that.

She soon found herself at the café, where Wheein was already seated with their orders.

– “That smells good.

– Sure does. Hot chocolate?

– You know me.” She sat down and took in the pretty girl in front of her. “Hello.

– Hi.

– That hair cut looks very good on you. You are pretty, Wheein.

– Haaagh have you been spending too much time around Byulyi-unnie?” She laughed at her own joke and Hyejin couldn’t help but join her. “Thank you.” she paused. “How are you doing?

– I’m doing alright.”

– The girl in front of her slightly frowned and wrapped her hands around her coffee. She seemed agitated. “It was good to see you again yesterday. I’ve missed you. Hum, I guess I was wondering if … if you were, you know, single?”

– Hyejin couldn’t help but smile. “I am single.” The other let out a breath. “I know we said that, if we were both available when you came back, we would try dating… But I need a little more time.

– Oh.” Wheein eyes dropped and she stared at her hands.

– “Because I haven’t been feeling that well recently.

– Yeah, I heard you that you are having a rough time.

– Oh… Who?

– Byulyi. But she didn’t tell me more than that. Do… Do you want to talk about it?

– I … am … depressed, and I have anxiety.

– Did something happen?” Without looking like giving it a thought, she took Hyejin’s hand.

– “Not really. I’ve applied to a lot of jobs and… I haven’t had one offer. Time flies Wheeinie, it’s been a year already. And it’s becoming really stressful. It got a bit out of control for a moment.

– Hmm. Why didn’t you tell me?” Her tone was harsh, but she didn’t withdraw her hand.

– “I’m sorry, I didn’t tell anyone. I couldn’t. It would have made everything real.”

– Wheein sighed. “I’m not sure I understand. I feel a little hurt. Are you getting help?

– Yes. Yongsun-unnie basically dragged my to see a therapist, and if i’m honest it’s been really helpful.” The other nodded. “Wheein-ah.” They looked at each other. “I like you a lot, it has not changed. I thought about it when you all left yesterday. My conclusion is that I need to get better first, that way I can be fully invested in us when the time comes. I don’t want to mess it up.

– I get it, and I appreciate it. I like you too, a lot. And I understand that you need time, but I still want to be there for you. I want to be around, helping. Can I?

– I would love that, yes.

– Great. So, is there something I can do today?”