— “How on earth did you think this was ok?

— I don’t know, I-

— That has always been your problem, you know that? You never freaking think!

— Ho now is that what you think of me?

— I’m tired of your antics Hyejinah! What about the consequences?

— Who cares about the consequences? Can you just have fun for a second? FUN? For ’s sakes!

— FUN? Are you kidding me? I had plans tonight, you could be considerate of others for once, of me! I don’t want to be here but I am because of you!

— Ho I’m sorry to disturb your plans Yongsunnim, but I never asked you to! Go on then, go the away!”

Hyejin was very well aware that she was being unfair, but she was so, so in pain that she couldn’t see past herself at this moment. As many nights before, she had gone to party. It wasn’t her fault, she couldn’t stay still these days. But tonight, she had made a mistake. Well, several if she was honest with herself: the alcohol had flooded her way and she might have danced with people she wasn’t supposed to. And she might have taken that little white pill with a smile on it. And maybe, maybe she wasn’t against a little action to end her evening, and this person was offering her a few green bills for it. What’s the harm in this? She had the right to live a little, right?

____

Yongsun could see that all of those mistakes could be blamed on a previous one and had restrained her friend to take actions she would have regretted too much the next day. What she could not accept, however, was the nonchalance of it all, and even more, the frequency. Hyejin would make a good figure most days of the weeks, but as soon as Thursday night arrived, it was … inglorious. Inadequate for a woman of her quality and talent. Out of character. Tonight, it was just too much, she had been the good friend for too long, time for tough love. Had she been a good friend, though? Do good friends let the other get completely ruined and react when it might be too late? On that thought, she turned back and went to get the younger one.

— “I swear to god, shut up and follow me. I’m taking you back to mine, I don’t trust you like this. For ’s sake why on earth do I love you that much?”

____

Without another word being said, they slowly made their way to Yongsun’s apartment. Hyejin was terrified: her unnie cursed at her. But she said she loved her, so that negates itself, right? But she cursed… Ho god, she never does. She’s mad. Mad mad mad. But Hyejin was having fun! Not anymore! All of this was really confusing. And tiring. And her head was spinning.

— “I love you too!” Did she shout this? Did she even say it out loud? Were they in front of a McDonald? “And I looove French fries.

— God Hyejin, I’m so pissed at you right now.

— Fries?

— Yeah, sure … fries.”

And so they had French fries together, sitting down on the edge of the sidewalk. As Hyejin ate, she at least did not speak nonsense, or tripped over her own legs. With the food and the cold air of the autumn night, she was beginning to feel a bit better. Well, better was not the right word. Clear-headed was more accurate. Cause the more she sobered up, the worst she felt.

— “What happened tonight, Hyejinah?” The girl only shrugged. “I know you are tired, to put it lightly, and I won’t push you too far today. But we need to          talk, like really. And we are doing it tomorrow.”

This time, Hyejin looked at her feet. They seemed to be waving a little. They were actually hurting a bit.

***

— “Yeah, she will be ok. I’m worried, though, I can’t think of what could have happened. Anyway, I guess I’ll get something for breakfast. Maybe I’ll cook something… Come on don’t make fun of me! No thank you babe, I got it … yeah I’m sure, I’ll call you if we need anything. But, you know, I want to have a real conversation with her… Alright, love you. Talk to you soon."

After hanging out her phone and having a quick look in the kitchen, Yongsun had to give it to her girlfriend: she wouldn’t cook breakfast. Not that she lacked the skills, no, more that … well she never had ingredients to try it, so therefore she could not improve her skills. Yeah that was why. Anyway, coffee, cornflakes and fruits it will be. As she finished setting up the table, a creature with long, dirty black hair emerged from her bedroom.

— “Hello, you look awful.

— Hm.

— Coffee?

— Hmmm…” Hyejin took a good sip and finally answered: “Hello, I feel awful.”

Yongsun knew her friend needed a bit of time to be functional in the morning – well, it was 2 p.m. but who cared? -, and she needed her to be on her best mood for the chat she wanted to have, so she let her friend eat in peace, and after she pushed her in the shower. When a closer version of the y woman she knew her Hyejin to be reappeared, she sat them down on her couch.

— “Hyejinah.

— Thank you, unnie.

— You ed up.

— I know. I’m sorry.

— You can’t do that anymore.

— I won’t.

— I don’t mean the partying Hyejin, I mean all of it. You are putting yourself in danger, I am actually really worried about you. You need to take care of yourself. What is happening?

— I… I just…”

Yongsun was used to Hyejin taking time formulating her feelings. So she waited.

— “I’m … lost. I’m so lost that… I can’t stand to think. I need constant noise. I’m sorry if I scared you last night. And thank you for being there. I love you.

— I love you too." She gestured her friend to come cuddle. "You can’t have for money Hyejinah, that’s not ok, not like that. It was a random man in a random club, he could have had bad intention. That wasn’t safe. Don’t do that ever again.

— I’m so sorry." Those words were whispered, as if she took in the gravity of her situation just at that moment.

—"Listen, I know you and I know you like to party, but you are not partying to have a good time anymore, hun. What are you looking for?”

— After a while, Hyejin replied. “To feel alive.

— You don’t feel alive?

— No. I feel stuck. My life isn’t moving unnie, but everyone else’s life is. What if I never get past this? What if I never find a job that I enjoy, what if … what if I stay in the same exact position forever?”

Yongsun noticed that the young woman had begun to breathe with difficulty. She knew she had worries, but she didn’t realise they were this big. It was quite rare for Hyejin to talk about her issues, and she seemed to be swallowed by them at this moment. And that broke her heart. Yongsun straighten her on the couch and instructed her to take deep breaths.

— “Jinie, I will always be there to look after you. And even if I hate it, I’ll stop you before you make stupid and harmful decision as much as I can. But… I think it’s time you go and see a therapist.”