Wheein’s throat felt like sandpaper. It took her a few seconds to understand where she was. She sat down on the couch she now remembered Byulyi putting her in last night. Well, more like this morning. The sun was already shining through the window, and it gave Hyejin’s apartment a summer feel. She found a bottle of water on the coffee table and thanked quietly whoever was sober enough to think of that. Quickly going through her memory of the night before, it could only be Byulyi, again. Yongsun was passed out pretty early in the night and Hyejin, well… wasn’t practical even when she was sober. “That’s a problem for future me,” she could hear her say. Thinking of the girl’s carefree attitude gave her joy.

Drinking down the water, she frowned. Her stomach was growling. She got up slowly, testing how hungover she was. It wasn’t bad, she felt tired and foggy, but she could manage. She decided to go and peek in her friend’s room and found her sound asleep, looking peaceful. That was a sight she could look at forever, but it wasn’t her place. Not yet. With as less noise as possible, she opened the fridge to judge her breakfast options… they were not great. It was quite full of fresh food, but she wasn’t the best at improvising a recipe. “Yup, I’ll order something. I’m supposed to be hungover anyway, this is self-care, right?” she thought to herself. She went back to the couch, put back the cushions into place and put the blanket on her knees. 11:28, she saw on her phone. Brunch it is then! She opened the food delivery app and chose a few different options. In the 20 minutes needed for the delivery, she got lost in her head, thinking back on her final project presentation she had passed the previous day, how she had done anything to run away the long hours getting to it, the trance she had felt during, and the relief that had come afterwards. It took her a few hours to be able to feel proud, too busy thinking about how she could have said this and that in a better way and all the things she deemed imperfect.

Ding-dong! She jumped a little before going to answer the door. After thanking the delivery person, she began to unpack the food on Hyejin’s table in the kitchen area. The sound of a mumble made her look up. Hyejin was drinking her own bottle of water, similarly at how she did it herself, while making some approval noise.

- “You’re the best.
- I’m sorry?
- You’re the best.
- Speak up, I can’t hear you.” Wheein couldn’t help but let out a mischievous smile.
- “Shut up, you heard me. You’re not the best.
- That’s all you got? It’s a bit weak. I’m disappointed.” The other groaned, sitting down with her head in her hands. “Headache?
- From you, yes.
- That’s how you thank me?

- Is it coffee that I smell?

- Here.” Wheein let her take a long sip. “Better now, grumpy?”

- Yah, I’m grumpy because of you!” After a look at the different containers before her, Hyejin got up to take two plates. When she sat back down, she met Wheein eyes for the first time. “It smells so good. I’m I still sleeping? Is this a dream?

- You’re awake. More or less.

- Then you’re the best!” Hyejin replied, still full of toast she just too a big bite off. “Oh, I forgot to tell you. That band you recommended me, remember? I finally got to it. You were right, there are very good. I’ve binged watch their lives a few days ago.

- Onewe? They’re solid, right?”

They continued talking through their brunch and Wheein was feeling particularly joyful. With the weight of her university responsibilities lifted off her shoulders, she felt so light. And she was with an incredible woman, in a very…domestic setup. Hyejin, despite the night before, was looking beautiful. Her black hair had grown so much since she had departed for Japan, and it made her look very…womanly. y? Maybe. But when is she not? The low rays of sun made them shiny. She had gained weight as well, and like that her body was amazing. “One day, I’ll be able to be here every day,” she thought. “You just have to be patient. You asked her to wait, she has every right to do the same.” She needed to remind herself this regularly to not make any unconsidered move, but it was getting harder every time she saw her.

***

Byulyi had exceptionally come home for lunch to check on a very hungover Yongsun. She found her in bed with the curtains closed, but she was awake and definitely better than she had been during the night. After making sure her lover had everything she needed, she made soup for two and put Yongsun’s portion in the fridge. Wasting as little time as possible, she ate quickly and got back on the road. 1 p.m. She had 30 minutes to get back to work, but she needed to make a stop first. Fifteen minutes after, she was knocking on Hyejin’s door.

- “Hi!

- Hello?” Hyejin was surprised but she let her in anyway. Wheein was in the kitchen area, washing dishes. The two girls had clearly had a feast.

- “You look like you have recovered quite well girls!” Wheein made an OK sign with her hand and emphasised it with a nod, a silly smile and her signature fake laugh. Hyejin chuckled at the scene. “I’m sorry to barge in like that Hyejin-ah, but I forgot my computer here yesterday, and I really need it.

- Oh right, I put it in my room when Yongsun arrived. Let me get it.

- You didn’t arrive with Yongsun-unnie?” Wheein asked while drying her hands, not looking at Byulyi.

- “No, I came here in the afternoon, Hyejin asked me to help-

- Here you are!

- Oh, great! Thank you.” She took the laptop Hyejin was handing her and looked at the time. “I have to get back to work. See you both soon?”

When she said her goodbyes, she noticed that Wheein’s energy had changed. The blonde seemed… annoyed? Maybe it was just the way the light was setting on her face. She had no time to figure it out now.

In the afternoon, in between two clients, the scene resurfaced in her mind. She remembered how Wheein had reacted on Saturday, when Hyejin left for her session. She couldn’t pinpoint exactly what, but something bothered her.

***

Thanks for the soup babe, you’re my saviour.

Around 3 p.m., Yongsun stomach had settled and it was worth trying filling it up with something gentle. She had spent long minutes in the shower before, bothered by her own smell, and she was now feeling somewhat decent.

<3

She smiled at her phone and took her bowl off the microwave. Her apartment was a mess: the majority of Byulyi’s belongings were still boxed, and if the latter didn’t have much, the amount of clothes she owned was very impressive. Yongsun did not complain; Byulyi always looked good. Very good.

Yong, something is bothering me a little

?

I went by Hyejin’s to pick my laptop up. Wheein was there. She seemed upset when I left

Ah, did she tell you anything?

Nope, I may be wrong. I feel guilty, we could have done a better job with her

I guess, but you know how she is.

I’m worried… Remember Saturday?

I’ll check on her. I’m calling her now

Thanks. Love you

Love you too

Byulyi could be a lot of things: corky, cute, childish, annoying… But the amount of love the woman was ready to give was something Yongsun had not suspected when they first met. It was probably the thing she loved the most about her, now. Wheein wasn’t picking up and she almost hung up.

- “Unnie?

- Hi Wheein! I hope your night was better than mine?” She grimaced at the memory. The bathroom floor was definitely a place she wanted to avoid in the near future.

- “I slept alright. Were you sick? You are such a lightweight, it’s insane.

- I know… what can I say?” she sighted exaggeratedly, expecting to make Wheein laugh. When she heard nothing from the blonde, she thought Byulyi must have been onto something. Wheein always laughed at her. “So… how have you been, Wheeinie? It’s been a while since we talked.

- Euh… we talked yesterday? And we saw each other during the weekend?” Yongsun didn’t answer. “I’m good, I’m glad I’m done with uni. It was stressful, I feel like I can slow down a bit, it’s great.

- Hum.

- Unnie? Why are you being weird?

- If it’s going great, why don’t you sound like it is? What’s going on?

- Nothing? I have no reasons to feel bad!

- Wheein-ah, you don’t need a good reason to feel things.” She sipped on her soup, proud of her sentence. It sounded philosophical. “Is it about Hyejin?”

- Wheein made a noise, seemingly surprised. “I… god I feel stupid.

- Why? Did you two fight?

- No, no. I just… I feel like she doesn’t want my help and I don’t understand why. I told her several times I was there for her but… yeah, she’s keeping me away.

- Ah, I see. Did you ask her?

- What? No, I-

- Wheein, if the two of you are going to date, maybe a little communication would be useful.

- … I did not know you knew. Did she tell you?

- Tell me what? We are not blind.

- Oh. Well, I guess I can tell you. Before I left for Japan, we… talked about us. She didn’t care about the distance, but I wanted to wait until I came back. I promised that if she was still single then, I would ask her out, and I did.

- Yongsun was listening carefully, still eating. “Wow. I did not know that! What did she say?

- She said she was not ready.

- Oh.

- She said she needed time to get better. Then she told me about the depression. I felt so dumb, unnie.

- Because she rejected you?

- No, because I didn’t know. Remember our holiday dinner? I was oblivious. On the way home, Byulyi told me that she had been down, but I had no idea of how bad it was. The next day, when Hyejin told me, I felt so guilty.

- It was not your fault, Wheein-ah. Depression is complex and to be honest, I made a mistake by not reacting before. But it’s no one’s fault. She did a good job hiding it.

- I know. But I wasn’t there. And I feel like I’m still not, but I want to.

- You really should talk to her. I’m sure she’s not keeping you away because she wants to.

- Yeah…

- Where are you?

- Home, with Ggomo.

- Did you run away?

- No I-wait. How… Did Byulyi tell you I was there?

- Yes, she was worried about you. And you always run away Wheeinie… Go see her.

- Now?

- Why not? You’re free, she’s free. Go figure it out.

- Wheein groaned. “Yes, I guess.

- One last thing. Send a pic.

- Of me?

- No! why would I…? Of Ggomo. Make sure it shows his ears.

- You are so weird.”

We talked, she will be fine. I’ll explain tonight.

Knowing she would see her partner every day made her feel warm. She finished eating and took one of the boxes with the clothes label. She opened her closet and began to move her clothes around to make space for Byulyi’s.

***

- “So, Ggomo is alright.”

Wheein was awkwardly standing before Hyejin. The look on the other’s face did nothing to ease her nerves: she had a single eyebrow raised, and her gaze was intense. Wheein knew she had been rude when she left earlier, but social interaction was not her forte, especially those ones. Yongsun had been right on the phone; after Byulyi left for work, she had run away, leaving a dumbfounded Hyejin with no explanation. Hyejin scoffed.

- “Of course he is. What are you doing here? You clearly did not want to be here a few hours ago.” The tone was cold and it took Wheein everything she had to stay.

- “I’m sorry”, she murmured.

- Hyejin signalled her to come in and made herself comfortable on the couch. “You used Ggomo. You always use him when you want to get out of a situation. I never thought you would use it on me, though.”- Wheein couldn’t deny. “I’m sorry.

- Stop saying sorry, just tell me why.” She gestured Wheein to sit down as well.

- “You are not letting me in.” , she didn’t take enough time to think about it. Now she sounded accusatory and Hyejin’s face just showed confusion.

- “Where does this come from? The brunch was amazing and I was having a good time, what-

- I know, I know!” Wheein became agitated.

- “Then why did you-

- Byulyi-unnie!” Not being able to sit still, she jumped up and became to walk around. She wasn’t sure why she had half shouted their friend’s name.

- “Byulyi? Wheein-ah! What are you talking about?”

- “Why don’t you ask ME for help?” Wheein managed to squeak. There was no going back now, so she let everything out. Well, if she was honest, she was not really controlling what came out anymore. “I don’t get you, Hyejin-ah. I’m right there! I told you, I want to be there. But… but you clearly don’t want me around, and I don’t understand why? I don’t know what you are going through, I don’t know how you are feeling, I just… I don’t know!”

Hyejin was looking at her, showing no emotions. They kept eyes contact for a few minutes before Hyejin got up and disappeared in her room. She came back out and slowly sat down in the same spot she was before. Wheein had not moved, anxious. She watched as Hyejin put down two things on the small table.

- “Sit down.” Her voice was calm and warm. She extended her hand out to Wheein and she absentmindedly accepted it. “You have a point, Wheeinie.” Wheein waited, still affected by what she heard herself say. “I’m sorry that I hurt you. The first reason I have not told you much about what was going on is because when I see you, when I talk to you, I don’t want to think about it. You are a happy pill, for anyone. I’m not saying that I feel happy when you are around and that I don’t when you are not. It’s obviously much more complex. But when you’re here, I just want to enjoy it.” Wheein nodded and looked at their hands. “The second reason is that I don’t want to burden you.” Wheein eyes went up quickly, and she was ready to object. “I know, I know, you don’t mind, but still. You had a lot on your plate too. And to be honest… I don’t want you to look at me like I’m someone who needs to be helped.

- I don’t see you as weak if it is what you mean. I just want to support you.

- And I appreciate that, really.” Hyejin squeaked Wheein’s hand. “I’ve been better, for real. You don’t have to worry.

- Of course I worry, I… I care. I feel helpless, I don’t even know how long it’s been. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.

- I don’t know exactly either, but I can tell you a bit what happened, if it helps?

As Wheein nodded, Hyejin began to explain as well as she could how everything unfolded. She explained how she had no idea of what day it was at one point, then she told her about the few weeks leading up to the party in November. She relived the fight she had with Yongsun that night, even if the memories were fuzzy. She smiled when she recalled how Yongsun had bothered everyone she knew to find her the best, yet affordable, therapist.

- “The psychologist diagnosed me pretty quickly. A month or so later, you were in my apartment.

- OK…” Wheein tried to take all of it in. “Thank you, for telling me all of this.

- I’m not done. I asked Byulyi for help yesterday for this.” She reached out and took the black notebook she had put on the table a few minutes before. Finding the page, she showed it to Wheein. “The psychologist told me to write things down to help me take action. So I made this list.”

Wheein took the time to read it. It was short, the handwriting was elegant.

1. Find a part-time job. Food money honey!
   • Make a decent resume
   • Make a good enough motivation letter
   • Search for jobs
   • Apply.

- “Oh.

- Byulyi had to hire a few people during the past couple of years, so I asked her advice on job hunting. And she kept me going, I would have stopped way sooner if she wasn’t there. Anyway. I’m sorry I left you out of this.

- Is it too much to ask what’s the point number 2? You didn’t write anything else.

- I was going to show you. Here.” This time, Hyejin grabbed the tear-away pad of paper.

- Wheein hadn’t noticed it was drawing paper, but when she did, she became excited. Accepting it, she looked at Hyejin: “Have you been drawing again?

- Take a look.”

And so she did. A dozen sheets of drawing paper were detached. On each of them were detailed sketches of clothes designs, in different perspectives, worn by faceless figures. Wheein kneeled on the floor and putting the pad aside, she spread the designs all over, to have a good look at the different pieces at once.

- “Ahn Hyejin. You’re good.

- You doubted that?” Hyejin laughed sincerely. “The part-time job is for getting money. I want to open a store, with my clothes.

- So that’s the plan?

- Yep.

- It’s an amazing plan.

- Thank you. I still have to figure a few things out. I might have to take a business class.” Hyejin made a disgusted face, and it was Wheein’s turn to cackle.

- “A store, hum? You did mention it once, when you were still studying, now that I think about it.

- Yes, it’s something I’ve been wanting for a long time. I want to make and sell custom clothes as well, from thrifted pieces.

- Hum, you’re good at it, it’s a good idea.” Wheein started to pile up the drawings to put them back in the pad. “I’m proud of you, Jinie. When was the last- oh, there are more?” Wheein had missed some drawings that were tucked between the last page of the pad and the cardboard.

- “Ah… those… it’s nothing, really!” Hyejin voice was smaller, almost hesitant.

Without giving it a second thought, Wheein took them out. The first one looked familiar. It took her a few seconds before looking at Hyejin, confused. The latter was looking shy, scratching her neck with one hand, but she maintained eye contact. Wheein focus went back to the sketch, and she inspected the next one. And the next one.

- “It’s… It’s me.” Wheein whispered. She wasn’t sure how she was feeling, but she could feel every beat of her heart.

Her traits weren’t really defined, but it couldn’t have been anyone else. In the first drawing, she was dressed in a warm knitted sweater, with a scarf, a pair of jeans and comfy boots. It was the outfit she was wearing at the café back in December, when she asked Hyejin out. In the second, she wore sweatpants, a baggy t-shirt and a cap. This was from this weekend, when she helped to pack Byulyi’s stuff. In the last one, she saw herself in the suit she wore for her presentation. She looked at Hyejin, looking for an answer.

- “You’ve helped, Wheein. You’ve helped. You still do.”

- Without breaking eye contact, Wheein slowly nod. She felt herself getting emotional and blinked a few times. “Ok,” she hoped her voice wasn’t shaking too much. Thankfully, Hyejin broke the tension.

- So, jealous of Byulyi, hum?

- Shut up.”