The Music Video I've been hired on takes place in an old Palace in a rural village about an hour outside of Seoul. I thought it was a really old place but I've been told it's actually a recreation used for people to connect with the Korea's past. It feels very immersive once you are inside, and it's easy to feel out of place carrying modern equipment and technology. 

I'm one of the Camera Assistants on the production and the only English person in an entirely Korean crew. My Korean language skills have been steadily improving since I moved to Seoul with a boyfriend last year, and I can converse and read well enough to get by, but it can feel very lonely at times not having a chance to speak English and to feel like you can't be properly understood.  I always feel a little like an outsider.

Due to the long days of the MV shoot, we are staying over at a small hotel in the village nearby with few amenities  but few distractions. I don't know any of the crew, but I was hired on by a friend I worked with last year who called me out of the blue because she knew I was in the area, trying to get out of Seoul to focus on work and not my now ex boyfriend,  and the production needed a good camera assistant. It seemed a match of fate, or perhaps destiny.  

I've never heard of the rap artist, Agust D, or heard any music that I know of, but I've been trying to learn more about Korean culture in my time in the country. 

Our first day on set begins early, I have enough time to drop my things at the small hotel and take the bumpy bus ride to the set. The heat is blistering and I'm relieved to see large air fans near the set as we pull up, knowing the day will only get hotter and more humid in the sweltering summer. The fans, however hard they're working, seem to just be pushing sticky air around.  

An hour later, I have the camera truck equipment unloaded into the Palace set upstairs, and I've been working to get each lens in the heavy cases to the same set temperature to prevent them from fogging up. It's been a chore, not knowing which one will be needed first, but knowing that any delay on my end makes me look bad to this crew of new people and potential contacts.  

I'm silently struggling to put a long zoom lens onto the camera as it sits on the dolly. I'm crouching in front of the camera with the heavy weight. My fingers feel moist and are slipping on the barrel of the lens. I'm distracted by hushed whispers behind me, I can't make out what they're saying, but naturally I think someone might have noticed I'm struggling so I try harder to fit the lens and prove myself. I grip down tightly and turn the lock ring over the lens finally seating it properly. Relieved, I stand up way too fast and I feel my head spin, then everything goes black for a split second.

"Whoa! Are you alright?" I hear a deep voice and I feel a strong arm around my waist, holding me up. 

The feel of his arm makes me go limp against the man next to me.  I try to steady myself as the room comes back into view...the throne, the crimson panels of fabric, the saffron cushions, the light coming through slats in the window. I spin around awkwardly and my eyes struggle to focus on the face peering back at me curiously. I can make out a lean figure with pure white hair halfway down his chest, a dark headband and large earrings dangling...his eyes are dark and stare hard back into mine behind a scar running from his forehead down his soft cheek, his lips, soft and pink, curl into a half smile. 

"Are, are you speaking English to me?" I ask in Korean, confused by his long old fashioned robes and modern shoes.  "Am I dreaming?" I ask switching back to English. His face bursts into a large gummy smile as he laughs at me. He mops my brow with his palm.

"You're burning up," he says again in English, his arm still wrapped around me supporting my weight. "Here, sit down." He ushers me to a seat near an open window and the slight breeze begins to revive me.  I look closer at his face and realize he's wearing makeup and in that moment I'm reminded that I'm actually still on set, not traveling, not dreaming, and that this vision in Emperors' robes is just an actor. I blink hard as the rest of the set and equipment comes into view and I can't help but laugh at myself as I look back at the young man still holding my hand and looking straight into my eyes. 

"I'm so sorry," I say in Korean. He smiles back at me. "I- I don't know what happened." I apologize leaning away from him.

"Are you feeling better?" he asks again in English. 

"How did you know I spoke English?" I ask confused. He stands up in front of me as he laughs.

"Apart from me, you're the only blonde in this village." I nod, knowing this makes complete sense but still struggling to get my bearings.

"Are you local?" I ask, not even sure why I'm making casual small talk with an actor I nearly fainted in front of. He stares back at me as though he's trying to work out a puzzle. I wonder if he's understood me. "Are you from around here?" I ask again awkwardly.

He laughs, "Not far away," he says smirking. 

"Well, it will be nice to have someone to speak English to," I say stupidly, and he shakes his head laughing at me. How quickly can I end this embarrassment? "Thank you for your help, I think I'll be fine now and I should get back to work."

"Me too," he says and he holds out his hand to mine. I take his warm hand, making a slight bow to him.  "Agust D," He introduces himself and I feel like a total idiot thinking he was just an actor when it's his video. 

"I'm Emma, and I've just now realized it's your video. Damn- Sorry I just didn't know who you were." I continue my awkward introduction. Why won't my mouth just seal shut already!

Agust D returns to the throne, takes a seat, flipping his robes behind him, and a woman immediately begins touching up his make up. 

"Well Emma, just for that I'm going to make it extra hard on you today. I hope you're ready to work," he chuckles. I retreat back to the camera, feeling more foolish than I usually do and sure everyone can see my pale skin is flushed with embarrassment.  

I try to focus on the markings I've placed on the lens to get focus, and I adjust the monitor trying not to worry about whether I've insulted the person whose essentially paying my wages. 

We haven't even rolled the first shot of the day because he's been on the phone, posed for pictures, and been interrupted many times to speak to the Director, or an assistant or the cinematographer. I guess he must be a pretty big deal by the amount of people catering to him, but there is no one I know on set well enough to even ask about him.  He does seem to be making us wait and this heat isn't helping me feel better about the day. He gets his make up touched up once again before we are finally ready for the first shot. 

The room fans are cut to prevent them from interfering with the fog machine giving substance to the thick air. I instantly feel the heat return and I take the moment left before we roll camera to put my long hair up in a messy bun, securing it with a pencil. Our eyes meet as I'm finishing the move and he gives me a sly smile. I turn back to the lens and the business of keeping him in focus for the shot. 

I watch him on my small monitor as he stares down the barrel of the lens  and appears to be looking right at me with such intensity that it catches me off guard and I shiver a little. I see him smile to himself as the music play back begins.  

Loud rap music blares from the speakers and he ignites with energy as he stands up from the throne and moves toward the camera just as it's pulled back on the dolly. He approaches faster, ignoring his marks on the floor and skipping over them too quickly. I nearly miss the focus mark which would force another take, but I recover quickly and manage to keep him in focus throughout. He's moving backward and the dolly grip struggles to push back in to keep the same distance and I can't help but shoot him a look of disapproval. 

The Director yells 'Cut', and I frown. He laughs as he comes closer to me and the camera and I'm annoyed because it feels intentional.

"How was that?" he asks me in English, aware no one else likely knows what he's saying. I use the opportunity to scold him.

"You nearly tricked me and made me lose the focus, but I didn't," I say proudly, smirking at him.

He grins from ear to ear, "Oh, I won't make it that easy on you again," he warns. "Be ready."

The next take is, as promised, worse. He bounds forward and backward with the music, lunging closer to the lens with his body. I'm use to watching performers feet to see when they shift their weight forward or backward before they lean, but amazingly, he seems to have caught on to this trick and his feet stay planted as his upper body s forward, or he bounces in place up and down. I know the camera operator is struggling too and I feel sorry for him. Once again, the Director calls for 'Cut' and I'm so happy to exhale and shake it off.

"How was that?" he asks me, still laughing. I know he's doing this on purpose and I'm angry, but I won't rise to the challenge and let him see.

"Good. It's all good," I say a little sarcastically. 

He follows after the Director to watch the shots on playback at the monitors and I pretend to write notes while I secretly watch his reaction, praying I got everything in focus the whole time. He studies the playback closely then looks up at me curiously as he sees that every beat, every pounce, is in perfect focus. He speaks quietly with the Director and then follows a group of people off set. The Assistant Director calls for the crew to reset down in the courtyard for the next scene. 

The scene downstairs is with a different camera and a new operator on a steadicam.  At least the operator and dolly grip get a break from Agust D, but I have to go with the camera to pull focus for more agonizing moving shots of him trying to ruin my focus and make me look bad. 

I don't have to be close to the camera for this and I set up my wireless monitor off to the side, under a large umbrella to hide from the full sun shining down on us. I imagine it's hot for Agust D as well in those robes but he probably has an air conditioned trailer to hang out in while he keeps us waiting in the heat.  I sit down to wait, trying not to think too much about him, or how nice he seemed to be before I must have insulted him.  'Oh well, it's only a two day job, it will be over soon' I tell myself.

Another hour goes by before his 'Highness' finally comes to set. I groan a little, thinking about how hard it is to pull the focus on a music video let alone one in this heat and add to that a prima donna rapper who wants to get me fired and this is definitely the worst job I've had in a long time. And it's only the first day! I can't help but shake my head as I stare down at my feet. 

"Having a hard time?" I hear a rough voice call out and I know it's him. 

"Just fine your Highness," I say sarcastically and it surprises him a little. 

He walks toward me, looking me up and down but I stand tall, staring back at him bravely.  He moves closer, and reaches up behind my head, I try not to flinch. His hand pulls out the pencil from my messy bun letting my hair tumble down around my shoulders. He laughs.

"...Just like in the movies," he says as he slowly walks back to his spot in the courtyard in front of the camera. He's definitely got me rattled. I think I'm doing a good job of pretending like I'm not intimidated by him, but that only seems to make him work harder to get to me.

From the distance, I can watch him swivel and sway back and forth toward the camera and the drone camera swoops around capturing his every move. I have a good sense of the focus on the small handheld monitor. He's still very animated, miming along to the playback track. 

Maybe, there is a chance, he's just like this and he wasn't trying as hard as I thought he might be to make me mess up. Maybe I was taking it too personally.  He's very fast, naturally...My mind starts to drift off thinking about his moves when it happens; I'm distracted when he leans very close to the lens and I pull the focus in the wrong direction sending the shot soft.  

The Director yells 'Cut,' loudly and I know it's my fault. The entire take has to be redone because I lost focus. Everyone has to start all over again. I look up at Agust D and dammit if he isn't smiling at me!  I look at the ground and scrunch up my face in a frown. We start the move over and it doesn't matter that I only messed up once, I messed up.

I ignore him for the rest of the sequence and just concentrate hard on getting the focus right. Luckily it's gotten dark and the last shot of the day finishes and I am so happy when I hear the Assistant Director call out, "That's a wrap on the King" and several people clap as he walks off toward his trailer. 

I'm so relieved I won't have to deal with him tomorrow. I don't think I could take another day of him trying to make me look bad and feel foolish all day long. I spend the next hour packing up gear and sorting paperwork and I'm glad to get on the bus back to the village and get to the hotel. Some of the women from the make up crew lean forward over the bus seat.

"There's a bar next to the hotel do you want to come for a drink Emma?" Sang Hee asks. I shake my head 'no'.

"I just want to get in a shower and get to bed," I tell them. 

"Come meet us out for one after your shower? I heard there might be some cute guys there." One of them laughs teasing. I smile, its nice to be invited anyway.

"Ok, sure. I'll see you in a little bit." I could definitely use a drink to wash away the struggle of the day and to forget Agust D.