October 23, 2021 | The Ritz-Carlton Hotel de la Paix

Marriage is quite different from what Seungwan imagined it to be. It’s not exactly bad, it’s just that she didn’t expect that adulting could get way more “adult”. Yet, she still considers it the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to her life, after all, she’s been married to the most wonderful person she’s ever known.

Two years in and she’s still finding something new about their relationship as wives. Like how Joohyun gradually turns into mush whenever she comes home to whatever Seungwan is making in their kitchen. The way they find themselves all wrapped up in front of the television on a lazy Sunday morning and still considers it one of the most productive days of their week. Or when she found out Joohyun’s habit of leaving the light of their bedroom purposely open even as she sleeps whenever Seungwan runs late from work. There are thousands of big and little things that they learn about each other even when she was sure when she knelt down on one knee that she knows Joohyun very well.

But alas, it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. There are two sides of the coin and so there are two sides of knowing people. One that leaves you with a whole conservatory of butterflies in your insides and the other just makes you wanna pull each other’s hair. But even then, after every fight, every argument that has ever to grace their relationship, she is still met with warmth and love. She doesn’t really know nor quite understand how Joohyun makes her feel loved even in the middle of a fight or a heated argument, when all emotions are high. Even when she herself gets frustrated over her own dramatic , she knows she’s quite to handle when she gets all the feeling swirling over her. Was it in the way Joohyun looks at her? The way her eyes soften whenever she sees Seungwan on the brink of tears? Or was it the way she sighs, to reign over her own emotions just so Seungwan can be the one who crumbles and loses it? Maybe it was the way she looks at Seungwan as she attentively listens to everything she says whether it’s words of spite, worry, or her own set of overthinking. She will catch Joohyun looking directly at her, as if she’s all that there is to look at, as if the latter is taking everything in, every single thing she’s saying and storing it in her mind to study and learn from it and Joohyun always does.

Though not four days ago, “not tonight, Wan” she heard Joohyun say and she quickly looks at her wife but she’s met with a pair of eyes that she does not recognize. Confusion, guilt, and so much more that she never associated with her wife until tonight. “Joo, babe, it’s not that you know it’s never about that.” she tried to reason, struggling to let the words out without sounding too lost as if she’s not in complete shock with the way her wife’s eyes look. “Then what? Please tell me... because I don’t get it, Seungwan and I’ve been racking my head for weeks already and I still don’t get why” She hears her voice crack, resigned, with a lace of desperation and defeat who knows they are the most perfect recipe for her heart break. She wanted to answer her wife but all she’s found is a tight lip pressed together in a thin line, teeth biting her lower lip almost too hard she’s quite sure it’ll leave a bruise. She wanted to talk, but she doesn't know what words she will say because will there ever be a good explanation for it, and if there’s one, will it be good enough to be deemed acceptable? “Really? Nothing? Fine.” She watches Joohyun stand up from the couch opposite to her making her way to the luggage near the door. “Gosh, I hope it’s not because there’s not enough love for me, Seungwan. I hope not.” She hears Joohyun loud and clear despite it being a soft mumble followed by the doors closing in. There she is left in a big house, alone, and lost.

It’s been four days ever since that night, fifth if the clock strikes twelve. Joohyun stares at the clock in her suite’s wall clock. 11:29 it reads. They both have not contacted each other ever since the big fight, she assumes her wife doesn’t simply wants to talk about it.

To say that she’s been a wreck the past few days would be an abomination to the reality of the mess that she’s in. Wine bottles piled up from last night's drinking, “just to take me off the edge” she says but in reality it’s just her wallowing in her own mind, letting it go wherever it leads her. She’s not one to overthink, everyone knows that’s her wife’s job but times like this where it’s her biggest fear being nudged, she can’t help but surrender to her own thoughts. It’s been a month ever since they had their first talk about kids and she’s shocked about her wife’s reaction. From then, she gave her time to think things through about having a baby. She’s been patient, has kept mum about it even when there are days or moments that the longing was a bit too heavy for her to handle because she loves her wife more than anything else. But everyone has their own limit, especially when one can’t understand the reason for things and her wife is not helping, not telling her what’s going on in her head.

Joohyun’s about to pour her second glass when the doorbell of her hotel suite rang, “Hyun, it’s me. Open up or I’m telling your wife you’ve been drinking away.” She immediately got up and headed for the