As trashy as I can be, I have this habit to keep a journal with me. No, I'm not studious but this is somehow therapeutic to me. 

This is not a special day to begin with. Just us being the normal family like we are. Me disappointing my mom and dad. Them fighting how to deal with me. Me not giving a damn about them getting into a fight because of me. It gets better trust me. Once you get used to it. It's just like some normal day. 

Every people I met always ask me the same question. Why do I seem unhappy about my life? I got everything I need. Mom's a doctor and Dad is a lawyer. We got a big house, cars and all we need and don't need in life. So what seems to be the problem? Hmmm, let's see. Maybe it's the fact that they aren't always there when I need them to be. Yeah I know it's such a douche thing for me to say but my parents are hella consistent on missing dates. Do I even matter? That's the one question I always ask myself. 

_______________________

"Hey sweetie, May I come in?" my dad knocked on my door. For the nth time. He's always the one doing this. It's funny how he's the one who always cutting me some slack about I turned out to be when it should be my mom. The very person who brought me to this world. My mom is okay. I mean she's okay like she doesn't get mad or anything when I mess up but she lacks empathy. Err- you know what I mean. Well textbook says moms are usually caring, loving. You know the usual type but I guess I was gifted with a rare one.

"Yeah sure." He slowly went to the right side of my bed and smiled shyly. A lot of people says my Dad has this aura. Something that says you shouldn't mess with him but to me he is the most gentle human I could ever possibly meet in my life. 

"You do know that's your mom way of showing you she cares and loves you right?" He my hair as if I'm still the same little girl, he carries around when I stumble and hurt myself. I hummed in response. I'm not the type to be chummy with anyone, I guess that's what I get from my parents. That hard façade that no one will ever break when I'm in public.

"I'm sorry if you had to see us that way." 

"Dad it's not even new to me but can I ask you something?"

"Hmm"

"Do you guys regret having me? I mean- I know I came to your lives earlier that I should have and please it's not even a secret. You had me when you both were in your early 20s? Still trying to get hold of my life. Thinking about what choices to make." He smiled gently at me.

"Of course not. You are the best gift that was given to us. I'm pretty sure your mom will say the same thing. I know she's not the showy type but you'll understand her once you're older."

"Arasseo." I offered him a small smile after the statement he made. Before he left, he sighed and he turned to me.

"Get ready for a gala this weekend. Invite your friends." Then with that, he left. 

I was left alone. Deep in thoughts. I'm pretty sure anyone will feel lucky being with a nice family that I have. Parents who are successful enough to support me in whatever field I want in life. Dad is so caring, that I nearly forget he puts people in jail.

But that's it for today. I'm so tired and I need to sleep this off. I'm not even excited for this weekend but I guess having my friends will make it a bit better. 

This is me, Krystal Jung now signing off.