"Even in the darkness, I shall not breed fear - For I have the sheer thought of you being near"


Within the Mind of Taemin


There he is -
There is Minho.


He is walking at a brisk pace -
Hands tucked securely in his pockets,
Chin tilted downwards to keep his eyes hidden,
Long hair falling untidily onto his face,
Expression unreadable, yet still exuding an air of pain and aggravation.


He is dressed in black so as to blend in with the friendly darkness.
I would not have noticed him had it not been for the familiar jingle of the keys that he has always worn around his neck.


Minho collects keys; he has always collected keys.
He says that when holding the keys, he feels like he has boundless power - like he can enter and control any realm, including the realm of time itself.
Minho loves to think that with his keys, he can open the door to any universe - to any dimension.


Perhaps Minho unlocked the door to this dimension -
This foreign dimension that I have not seen until this moment.

Perhaps Minho really does have the power
To live in all dimensions.

Or perhaps I am getting caught up
In the unmatchable force of his dreams.



Minho continues to walk briskly.
Why does he move so quickly without any signs of stopping?


This person...
Walking before me...
Is not Minho -

Not the Minho I have known for so long.


There is something wrong here.
There must be something wrong here.



"Minho," I call, hoping to catch his attention and make him halt.
But he just keeps walking.


"Minho! Minho!" I call out again,
But he still does not listen.

He just keeps walking.


"Minho! Can you hear me, Minho? Minho!"


But still there is no reply.
He just keeps walking.



Can he not hear me?
Am I unable to communicate with him as I observe his dream?

Of course I cannot communicate with him while I am in his dream.
After all, my words and actions could alter the course of his dreams
And possibly rearrange and change the state of his unconscious mind -
Forever.



Where is he going?
What could possibly be so urgent that he must walk at such a brisk pace?


I think it best to run after him.


I cannot lose track of him,
Lose sight of him -
Not again.


Intensely wanting to see where he is going, I begin to run.


His legs are much longer than mine, and his pace has been so quick for so long -
I run faster,
But as soon as my pace hastens,
He picks up speed.


Minho snaps his head up
And begins to run at an alarmingly fast rate.


I try my best to follow him,
But try as I might,
I cannot keep up with him.


He seems to be running...
With purpose -
With an incredibly dark, demonic purpose.


He seems to be pursuing someone.


I pick up my pace, hoping to get a possible glimpse of the man that Minho is so intent on catching,
But I cannot seem to run fast enough.


It is almost as if...
Time is slowing down for me...
But running right along side of Minho.


Maybe he really does control the realm of time.


Stop it, Taemin. You are falling victim to the world of his dreams again.



I look ahead,
Straining my eyes just to get a glimpse of Minho,
My best friend...
My...
Something more. 


Finally, I catch sight of him
And see him hastily bound a corner
Into a dimly lit alleyway.


In that moment,
I become genuinely frightened -
More frightened than I have ever been in my entire life.



I have seen enough movies and have read enough news stories to know that...
Evil is born in the alleys,
And it stays there, lying in wait,
Until an unfortunate victim of fate finds its way into the breeding ground of evilness
And finds itself bound, gagged, and dominated by the hands of the devil.


And nobody escapes -
Nobody comes back alive...
Not alive as they were, anyway.

Not alive at all. 


And after seeing Minho willingly run to the sanctuary of Satan,
I do not know if he is completely mad
Or genuinely desperate.



As I approach the entrance to the alley,
My heart begins to pound erratically in my chest.


If I go in, I must witness the sight of evil in its most innocent and most powerful state,
Tearing the flesh and tearing the essence of life from the body of my best friend.


But if I do not go in...
I will only be able to mutter that I could have saved him for the rest of my life...
And the thought of what could have been will suffocate me until the day I die.


What if he is hurt?
Who will call for an ambulance?


What if he is kidnapped?
Who will start a search party,
Inform his parents,
Publish his picture in the newspaper?


Or worse...


What if he is murdered?


Who will be there to hold his hand
And cry as the memories of the past come flooding back?

Who will be there to wipe the blood from his body
And remember the way he looked before:
So happy and carefree,
So cold yet so gentle.

Who will be there
To mourn him?
To experience the heartache of loss
And the hope of his betterment in the afterlife?


I do not want to despise myself for refusing to save my best friend -

I do not want to live with the guilt...
Knowing that...
It was all my fault
And I was to blame for everything.



So now that the entrance of the alley is beckoning me;
Now that I am drawing nearer and nearer;
I will believe its sweet lies and bound the corner without hesitation,
Knowing that I am right in following Minho into Lucifer's living space
And knowing that what is in store
Will be more gruesome and grotesque
Than anything that could ever be seen on television
Or on the front page of the newspaper.


And strangely...
I am alright with that,
For knowing that I could have the chance to save my friend
And give him a renewed chance at life
Is far more stimulating
Than the fear of the brutality of the forces of evil.



When I finally reach the entrance of the alley,
I bound the corner on impulse -
Impulse of the heart,
Impulse of pure love -
And enter into the home of evil itself.



But I am utterly unprepared
For the events I am about to witness.






Observing the Reality of Minho


"Easy, Minho," the doctor says in a soft voice.

His hand remains on my shoulder in an attempt to give me comfort and consolidation.

"You don't have to tell me everything this very moment. I understand that it's hard for you to..."


"No," I announce suddenly, silencing the doctor in mid-sentence.

"I...I want to tell you everything.
I'm ready...to tell you everything."


"If you're sure, Minho..." the doctor states worriedly.

It does not matter what the doctor thinks
Or what anybody else thinks -
I don't care what other people think anymore.


What I care about now...
Is ridding myself of guilt...
And finally being forgiven.



"I told you that...I ran away after the police arrested the men who... her, right?"


"Yes, Minho," the doctor assures,
"You certainly did."


"Good. I...I just wanted to make sure...
That I was speaking in words...
Not in memories."



After I say those words,
The doctor looks at my face.


He looks at me for a long time,
And all the while he is looking at me,
The silence in the room provides us with a feeling of mutuality -
A feeling of brotherhood.


After looking into my eyes for a few moments more -
To search my soul
And read my mind -
The doctor finally leans back in his chair,
Holds the golden book with the raven on the cover to his chest,
Closes his eyes to have complete concentration on the words that I am about to say,
And says under his breath:


"...Not in memories.
...Go on."


And it is at that moment
That the horrific memories of the past begin to flood my mind,
And I try my hardest to put the images that are playing themselves out so clearly before me
Into strings of words that can be heard and understood.



"There he was -
There was Taemin.


I had tired from running and was walking at a brisk pace -
Hands tucked securely in my pockets,
Chin tilted downwards to keep my eyes hidden,
Hair falling untidily onto my face,
Expression...unreadable,
Yet still exuding an air of pain and aggravation.


I did not want to see Taemin.


It's not that I didn't want to see him in particular...
I didn't want to see anyone.


I wanted to run to the farthest corners of the earth
And just stay there alone for as long as I possibly could.


I was luckily dressed in black,
Blending in with the friendly darkness -
The darkness that would hide me and protect me from the eyes of spectators.


I was trying to silently escape from Taemin's visual range...
And I'm sure that he would not have noticed me
Had it not been for the jingle of the keys that I was wearing around my neck.


I collect keys; I always have collected keys.
When holding the keys, I feel like I have...boundless power - like I can enter and control any realm, including the realm of time itself.

I love to think that with my keys...
I can open the door to any universe - to any dimension.


But in that moment...
With Taemin there...
I couldn't help but think that...
Maybe he had unlocked the door to our dimension -
The dimension in which I was so stealthily moving,
Trying so desperately to remain unseen.



I continued to walk briskly,
And Taemin continued to stand there -
Unaware and unsuspecting.


'Why does he stand so stiffly?' I thought to myself.



Taemin is a person...
Was a person...
Who never stood still.


Ever since I can remember
Taemin has always been moving -

Skipping, running, jumping, dancing...
Whatever the case, his body was moving.

And he was always the happiest when his body was in motion.


But that person...
Standing before me...
Wasn't Taemin -
Not the Taemin I had known for so long.


I knew that there was something wrong there.
There had to have been something wrong there.


But I was just...
Too caught up in my grief and in my misery...
To give my best friend a second thought.



And just as I thought I had made it past him,
I heard him cry out my name,
Hoping to catch my attention and make me halt.


But I didn't want to talk to him.

I didn't want him to see me so...distraught...
So torn...
Bruised...
Scarred and broken...


So I just kept walking.


He called out my name again and again,
But I still did not respond.

I just kept walking.


'Minho!' he cried into the darkness,
'Can you hear me, Minho? Minho!'


But still I did not reply
And just kept walking.


I was hoping that he would just turn around
And leave me to walk in the silence of the nighttime alone in my sorrow.

But Taemin was too good a friend to just ignore me
And let me have what I wished for.



Taemin ran after me.


My legs were much longer than his, and my pace had been so quick for so long -
He ran faster,
But as soon he hastened his pace,
I implored my legs to pick up speed.


In a final attempt to lose Taemin and find comfort in solitude,
I snapped my head my head up
And ran at an alarmingly fast rate. 


I knew that Taemin was trying his best to follow me,
And as I looked behind me to see if he was succeeding in his attempt to keep up with me,
I noticed that the road behind me was empty...

And so was the road ahead of me.



As I stared at the winding road before me,
I thought back to what I had witnessed earlier.


The faces of the men who had her,
Smiling so smugly after having received their selfish satisfaction -

Smiling as they pulled the trigger
And stole her life,

Right before my eyes.



As the road continued to span itself out before me,
I still thought of the men and their smiles -
The smiles that were surely given to them
By the devil himself.


And it was then that I realized...
That grieving would get me nowhere.


If I continued to live in the past...
And only think about what I shared with her -
What I had done with her and what I wished I could do with her...

I would never be able to avenge her.


I couldn't have some...bastards steal her ity and then steal her life!

What kind of a person would I be...if I just sat back and did nothing?


How could I let such foul people get away with killing something so pure,
So innocent,
So undeserving as she was?


I was so caught up in these thoughts
That my sorrow slowly turned to rage,
And the only thing on my mind was vengeance.


I wanted to...
I genuinely wanted to...
To break into the prison
And kill those men myself.


And the thought of how...satisfying it would be to kill those men...
Drove me to insanity.



As I ran,
I lost sight of what was morally correct -

I didn't care about anything anymore.


I only cared about releasing my anger so that maybe...
Just maybe...
I could feel like I had done something...
To show her how much I was longing for her. How much I had always cared for her.


So I continued running with purpose -
With an incredibly dark, demonic purpose.



As I entered the city limits again,
I saw a young man across the side of the road.


He was running too -
Running with a purpose almost as dark as my own.


At least, that's what I believed...
At the time.


As I looked at the man,
I was reminded of the men who murdered her...


And that man -
That man who wanted nothing more than to go for a run under the night sky -
Instantly became my target of aggression.



I pursued the man,
And it was almost as if...

Time was running right along side me.


As the keys clamored violently against my chest,
I couldn't help but think that maybe...
I really did control the realm of time,
Just as I had always wanted to believe.



The man kept running,
Completely oblivious,
Unaware of my presence.


In an instant,
The man bound around a corner
Into a dimly lit alleyway.


And in that moment,
I became genuinely excited -
More excited than I had ever been in my entire life.



I knew it was the perfect place to be because...
I had seen enough movies and read enough news stories to know that...
Evil was born in the alleys.

And on my mind at that very moment...
Were thoughts so sinful and so awful...
That Satan himself would pat me on the back in congratulatory contentment.



I was ready for the things I was about to do.

I was ready to answer to the call of insanity
And the call of frustrated anger -

But I wasn't ready
For Taemin to do the same.



I...I didn't know that he was following me.


I didn't want him to see what I was about to do.


I didn't want to despise myself for transforming into a monster.
 
I didn't want to live with the guilt...

Knowing that...

I stole Taemin's innocence of mind,
Ruined his view of the world...

And of his best friend.



It was all my fault
And I was to blame for everything.


And...it was because of the events of that night...
That I am telling you this story
While he is lying comatose on a hard hospital bed.



Because of what I did that night...
I lost his support,
I lost his trust,
And worst of all...
I lost his friendship.



And that is what I regret the most."

________________________________________________________________________________

Sorry about updating this so late! (Months late...damn.) D:
I began writing this story a long time ago, so the first 3 chapters were just copied and pasted. I haven't updated in so long because I honestly forgot what I wanted to do with this story.
That is why this chapter may seem a bit out of place. I'm trying to get the story back on track to a point where I can finish it.
This chapter was just a way for me to get back up on my feet again. I promise that the chapters will be better from here! :D

Thank you for not giving up on this!(:

Comments/opinions/suggestions/criticisms are always welcome! <3