-3-

"The truth is rarely pure and never simple."

Within the mind of Taemin

My eyes are tightly shut.
I do not want to see the daylight.
My hands are folded atop my lap.
They are the only thing that can console me.

I know that she is standing in front of me.
I can feel her fingers resting on my upper arm -
I can feel her breath kiss my neck and my cheeks -
But I do not want to look at her.
I do not want to look at anything.
I just want to be alone with my thoughts and with my visions.
I only want salvational solitude.

"Alright, Taemin, I will show you everything.

Just pretend that I am not here.
Just pretend that you cannot hear me or see me.

Promise me that you will not judge Minho. Promise me that you will never tell another person on this earth about what I am going to show you now. Just try to accept it all, for you and I cannot do anything about it.
Believe in me, Taemin. I want you to know the truth."

As she speaks collectively to me, I start to hold my breath.
I tell myself that everything is alright.

I tell myself that if I witness her visions and her projections, Minho will feel better.
And I tell myself that if Minho is alright, everything will be as it was before.

I keep my eyes shut.
She does not say a word.
She knows that I need time to prepare myself for what is to come, and I am grateful that she is giving me respect I do not deserve.
As I think of him, I allow my mind to wander.

I allow myself to think back to days I never thought I would willingly visit.
I swore to myself that I would forget those days altogether -
I swore it after I heard him scream.
I swore it after I saw him cry.
I swore it after he fell and I fell; after we fell together.

The memories become sharper as I begin to feel more and more concerned for him.
I punched his face.
I ruined his heart.
I made him cry.

All he wanted was to be happy.

All he wanted was to be finally at peace.
But I could not see that.

And now, look at where we are.
He is in pain, and I am the one who caused it.

"Are you ready to see what your friend sees, Taemin?"

I cannot speak.
I am not strong enough to speak.
I can only nod my head.
I don't think that I am ready.

"Keep your eyes closed, Taemin. And if you want me to make it all stop, just say so."

I make a fist with one of my hands as I dig the nails on the other hand into my leg.
I am now ready to know what I have caused.
I am now ready to see what my best friend sees.

And with this thought, a small light shines through the darkness of my mind,

And I brace myself for the grave truths that I am about to discover.

Observing the reality of Minho

My eyes are tightly shut.
I do not want to see the sunlight.
My hands are folded atop my lap.
They are the only thing that can console me.

"Alright, Minho, tell me everything.

Just pretend that I am not here.
Just pretend that I cannot hear you or see you.

I promise that I will not judge you, Minho. I promise you that I will never tell another person on this earth about what you tell me now. Just try to remember everything, Minho. And try not to let your reminiscences get the best of you.
Believe in me, Minho. I want to help you."

As he speaks collectively to me, I start to hold my breath.
I tell myself that everything will be alright.

I tell myself that if I do this, Taemin will be alright.
I tell myself that if Taemin is alright, everything will be as it was before.

We will walk home together and laugh at all the people who will point and stare at us.
We will walk under the night sky and pause to look at the stars.
And as we look at the stars, we will tell each other our most personal thoughts and deepest desires.
And we will be happy to be with each other.
Because we are all each other needs.
Without one, there can be no other.

Without him, the Minho I once knew cannot live on.

I keep my eyes shut.
The doctor does not say a word.
He knows that I need time to think of where to begin, and I am grateful that he is giving me respect I do not deserve.

As I think of my friend, I allow my mind to wander.

I allow myself to think back to days I never thought I would willingly visit.
I swore to myself that I would forget those days altogether.
I swore it after I heard him scream.
I swore it after I saw him cry.
I swore it after he fell and I fell; after we fell together.

The memories become sharper as I begin to feel more and more guilty.

I slapped his face.
I bruised his eye.
I ruined his mind.
I made him cry.

All he wanted to do was stop me.
All he wanted to do was keep me safe.
But I could not see that.

And now, look at where we are.
He is the victim, and I am the only one to blame for his suffering.

I am the only one to blame.
I am the only one to blame.
As the thought rings through the darkness of my mind, the memories hit me one by one.
One after the other they bombard my being.

I watch them fly by quickly.
Each passing memory seems more and more real -
Each passing memory harms me more and more -
And each memory breaks me little by little.
As I watch each one, I begin to feel weak.

I begin to remember where everything began.

And when my memories stop racing and the dust they left behind clears, I know where to begin.
I am ready to be forgiven.

"I'm...I'm ready to tell you," I begin.
My throat is dry.
My hands are numb.
My mind is clouded,
And my heart is racing.
And all of these sensations enforce my decision further:
It is time for me to reveal everything.

"Excellent. Whenever you're ready, Minho."

I take a deep breath,
Close my eyes,
And prepare to tell him everything.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

I know, I know. Nothing happened in this chapter.
I realized that if I started to reveal what happened to Minho in this chapter, it would be waaaaayyy too long.
So I just had to leave you on the edge. I'm sorry about that. <3

In the next chapter, everything will start to be revealed.
So please don't give up on the story yet!
I know it's not the most exciting thing ever, but everything will become more interesting and intense soon!
At least, THAT'S THE PLAN! :D

Don't forget to comment/subscribe!
Your comments mean the world to me. ♥
Tell me what you liked, didn't like, or would like to see. I'm always open to your suggestions! :3

← Previous Chapter Next Chapter →

Comments

You must be logged in to comment

phine09 #1 Apr 10, 2014 03:39:39

Chapter 6: Your a great author your stories are so captivating, but please update this story cause I love reading your stories, also the ader that is so great so please update:-)

minracle_ #2 Jul 22, 2013 10:02:09

Really looking forward to this story! Brilliant way of writing. (:

luhannie-exo #3 Mar 29, 2013 05:55:29

Chapter 6: I can see you have stopped this story and Im really sad to see that because it seems that this could have been something special but anyway author-nim hawaiting!!!!!!!! You really are a brilliant writer keep up the good work

twomint #4 Dec 31, 2011 10:26:13

I'll be waiting^^

caline #5 Dec 30, 2011 06:49:47

I WILL WAIT FOR YOU ♥

kolmilyo #6 Jul 12, 2011 23:50:11

zeniah ditto.

caline #7 Jul 12, 2011 13:43:29

You updated! ;_;

Zeniah #8 Jul 12, 2011 11:59:43

This story seems to touch down on the base elements of the mind. I absolutely hunger for every sentence you infuse with intense symbolism and thought. You see, I have been studying the 'unconscious' and 'subconscious' for quite some time, along with theories about lucid dreaming and the like. It was truly surprising and astounding to have stumbled upon this story (a fanfic, of all things) that holds such loose restraints to conformity and blends reality and the dream world. Forgive me for this excessive comment, but I find you to be a very interesting person (from your writing, albeit), and I have fallen in love with this depiction. Update soon, and as a favor, please reply.

caline #9 Jul 10, 2011 13:22:10

Update please ;_;

kolmilyo #10 Jul 9, 2011 22:03:18

i'll try this one.<br />
who knows, we might have the same level of absurdity.