"Be strong, Little One. You will be forgiven soon."

Observing the reality of Minho


"It all started two years ago," I announce abruptly. "It started with me. And it started with her.

I saw a girl as I walked aimlessly through an empty field on the coldest day of the year.
I was alone.
She was alone.

She was tall and thin and seemed very vulnerable.
She looked so innocent and so scared.
Her eyes were opened wide as she moved swiftly through the tall, dark green grass.
She walked rhythmically with her face to the sky and her hands at her sides.
Her hair trailed lazily behind her as her legs continued to carry her forward.

I wanted to know where she was going.
I began to wonder if she was walking around without a purpose.
Her bodily movements were enticing.
They made it seem like her only intent was to escape from the world.

She excited me greatly.
I wanted to know more about her.
I wanted to know her story.

I proceeded to walk behind her, but soon she began to disappear from my sight.
I ran to catch up to her, but I could not find her.
I looked for her for only a few minutes, but those minutes seemed to pass like years.

Soon I realized that I had lost the girl and that I had been left alone in the field once again.

I sat down in the grass and stared blankly ahead at the sun frozen in the middle of the sky.


'Are you waiting for someone?' called a voice I did not recognize.


I whipped my head around to find the girl sitting above me in a tall tree.
The tree was very old.
It's trunk was wide and it's branches were twisted in every direction.
All the leaves that were once on the tree had been blown away.

She sat in the highest branch, holding the hem of her dress as she placed the tree's last purple leaves into her hair.


'No, I'm here alone,' I yelled back up to her. 'I come here to think. The quiet does me good.'


The girl started to climb down the tree.
She moved with ease and balance.
The sunlight shone through her hair.

I stood up as she reached the last branch.
She jumped down from the tree and landed effortlessly on the soles of her shoes.


'I come here to be quiet too,' she said without looking at me.

She took a step closer to me and, finally, looked into my eyes.

'I need the quiet. Without it, I become anxious and shaky.'


'I know what you mean,' I replied earnestly. 'And the quiet doesn't judge me. The quiet doesn't threaten to hurt me. The quiet is the only thing in this world I can count on.'


She agreed with me and began to tell me about stories that the quiet had shared with her.

She told me that when she was sad, she would come to the field so the quiet could comfort her.
When her mind was racing and she was confused about life and all of its challenges, she would ask the quiet to whisper the answers to all of her questions and the solutions to all of her problems.
When she wanted to let her imagination run free, she would come to the quiet so she could concentrate on only what was going on in her mind and nothing else.

We spoke of our dreams, our desires, and everything else in between.
I could never do that with a person before.
The only person I was ever able to do that with was Taemin.

Meeting someone like me was refreshing.
Every word she said seemed to come with minimal effort.
Her presence was hypnotizing.
And after she told me that she had to go,
I told her that I wanted to see her again.


And, much to my delight, I did see her again.

We took each other to places that made us feel peaceful.

I took her to the shining blue pond where Taemin and I made wishes on pebbles and lily pads when we were young.

She took me to art exhibits so she could tell me what she saw when she looked at the paintings.
Everything she saw, I saw.

We spent a lot of time sitting under the stars.

We would tell each other everything we were feeling.
Not once did she judge me,
And not once did I judge her.
We were just happy together.

I had never known a feeling like the one I felt when I was with her,
And I never wanted that feeling to go away.


We were together for two years.
On the night before her birthday, I decided that I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life.

I had been dropped out of high school early.
I never liked being in school - I never felt like myself when I was seated in a classroom.
I had sustained a job and had managed to save enough money for us to leave Seoul and start our lives together, in a place we both could call our own.

I bought her ring two days after her birthday,
And that night, I went to her house to ask her to be my only life, my only love, forever.

But when I knocked on her door, there was no answer.

When I rang her doorbell, there was no answer.

When I called her name, there was no answer.

Everything was quiet.

This time, the quiet did not make me feel comfortable.
The quiet mocked me.
The quiet teased me.
The quiet told me that bad things were to come for me,
But even worse things were to come for her.


I ran onto the street and started to shout her name.

I rushed around frantically, calling into the night for her and asking people I did not know if they had seen her.

Nobody knew me.
Nobody knew her.
Nobody worried.
Nobody cared.


I ran to the place where we first met.
I pushed back every blade of grass and yelled her name.

I searched for the tree where I first met her.

I found it lying in the grass, defeated and decaying, yet still as majestic as it was two years earlier.

It had been cut down.

It's branches were broken.
It's bark was scattered all about the grass.

It seemed to be crying in the silence of the night.

The quiet surrounding me continued to criticize my efforts.
After I cursed the malevolent voices of the emptiness, I ran back to the city.


I searched the streets for what seemed like hours.
After searching every part of her town, I began to worry immensely.

'What if she has been taken to the bad part of town?

What if she is in danger?

I've never been down there before.

I don't know how to handle myself down there.

What if she's there?

What if I never see her again?

I have to go look for her there.

It's the only other place she could be.'


As I hurried to the place where accomplished criminals have their fun, I hung my head in prayer.

I prayed for her safety.
I prayed for her to be back at her home,
Sitting in the good quiet,
Listening intently to secrets of life and love.

I prayed for myself last.

In that moment, I didn't care about myself.
In that moment, I didn't even exist -
Only she existed and only she was important.


As I entered the other part of the city, I heard her voice.

It was faint and far away, but I knew it all the same.


I followed her voice to an abandoned alley.

I followed her voice to a door hidden in its walls.

I opened the unlocked door and followed her voice to a seemingly empty room.


The lights were off.

I could barely make out the muffled sound of her breathing.


An unfamiliar voice harshly roared, 'Thanks for the action, toots."


And with those words, a loud sound filled the room.

It was a shrill, empty sound that melted my bones and left me paralyzed in fear.

It robbed me of all hope and all faith.


It was a distinct, cruel sound.

It was the cry of a gunshot.


I screamed into the darkness.

Black figures around me began to search for sources of light.

I dodged the others and called her name.

She did not answer me.
Nobody answered me.


When the lights came on, I saw her.

She was lying on the floor.

She was undressed.

She was covered in blood.


She was dead.


I ran to her side and sobbed into her hair.
My tears mixed with her blood -
But the people around me didn't care that I was in pain.
They didn't care that they stole her innocence and then stole her life.
They never cared about her,
And they certainly didn't care about me.


They came at me all at once.

In their hands were weapons of various sorts.

One after the other they lunged at me.
I dodged every one of them.

Eventually, they had me surrounded.

I was huddled in a corner.

They were approaching slowly, laughing maniacally with every step they took.

As they came closer, I began to pray.
I didn't know what else to do.


I spoke from my heart.

I didn't ask God to help me.
I didn't ask God to save me.
I only asked that my death be not painful
And that it be over quickly.

Because without her, I wanted to be dead.
I just wanted everything to be over with.


Suddenly, like clockwork, the police knocked down the doors.

All of the men were taken away,
And I was lifted out of the corner.

I tore myself from the hands of my saviors and ran out the door.
As I ran, I cried,
And as I cried, I yelled damnations up to the Lord who saved me.


He was mocking me.

He was laughing as my sweat mixed with my tears.

He wanted me to suffer.

He wanted me to suffer in the most painful way He could think of:

Letting me live."

________________________________________________________________________________


I start to sob.

I try to catch my breath, but, no matter how hard I try, I just can't.

Before I know it, my face is in my hands and my body starts to collapse.

I feel weaker than I have ever felt before.

The doctor puts his hand on my shoulder and tells me that everything will be alright -
But I can't believe him.
I don't want to believe him.
I know that after that night, nothing can ever be fine again.

My best friend is slowly dying,

My sanity is slipping quickly away from me,

And my heart has been torn in the same places it was before.


Even though I know that nothing can ever be fine again, I want to finish the story.
I want to tell the doctor everything that happened.

I just want to be free of guilt.
I just want the quiet to stop torturing me.


I sit up again and allow my tears to fall.
As my tears continue to fall, a new sense of strength rises within me.


I am ready to be rid of my demons.

I am ready to finally be forgiven.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

I'm sorry I haven't updated for so long!
I came to the realization that I am unable to update two fanfictions at once.

So, I'm not going on complete hiatus with this story, but it will not be updated as often as my other story (Angel in Disguise). D:

Anywho, you think this is all there is to the story?
OH NO, MY FRIEND.
This is only just the beginning.

Comments/Subscriptions are always loved and appreciated! <3