Beijing, China

                                                                                                                      October, 2017

Yu Yan's POV.

 

"But Keni... I don't regret it."

These were the last words I said to her before I went inside the apartment, leaving her there to think it over. As I washed my body from the tiresome day at the café, I went inside my room to release some stress. It wasn't only Keni who was on my mind, there was also school, future and other usual things.

After I changed to my pajama, I sat on a stool in front of a bare canvas and began to paint. Doing an art with only my hand and lonely brush was very comforting, nothing bothersome was affecting me in this time. Combining lots of kinds of colors and putting them together to create something original was helping me get my inner peace. When the night ocean with an orange fireworks were almost completed, someone knocked on my door.

"Come in." I just answered, not stopping my movements with my hand.

The door opened and the tall girl entered my room, looking at me with an unrecognizable expression on her normally smiley face. "Yan, we need to talk."

"Then, talk." Was the only thing I said as I put my brush on the side and gave her my full attention.

Keni sat on my bed across from me as she began what she needed to say, "When you said that you don't regret it, does it mean that you like me?"

Huffing some air off my lungs as I thought what to answer at her question, I looked straight to her eyes, wanting to let her know that I was sincere. "I know that I don't love you, but I also feel more affection towards you that to my other friends. I think you could say that I like you."

"But I don't like you Yan... Not in that way."

Already knowing what to expect now, I just smiled. "Then don't like me, there is nothing I can do about it right now."

"...But isn't it painful? I know that it's selfish, but I don't want you to be sad because of me." Said Keni as she played with her fingers, avoiding my eyes from time to time.

Chuckling a little at her innocent words my head nodded a bit, "It is painful, but still I can get over it. So don't mind me."

"Will it be awkward between us now?" She asked, probably thinking about not wanting to break our good friendship.

I just laughed it off, "If you won't let it affect you, then we can be like always."

"...Yanzi. Thank you and I'm sorry."

Standing up from my stool and going to kneel before her to wipe a single tear that was running down her face as her eyes were watering, I joked to lighten up the mood a bit, "Why are you crying when I should be the one to cry right now?"

"I don't know... Anyway what are you painting?"

I turned the canvas to her direction to show her my almost finished work, "When I was about 16 year old, me and my parents went to a summer festival near my grandma's house. The weather wasn't that good, but these fireworks looked even more beautiful on the dark and cloudy sky with a moon in the background than normally."

"It is really pretty, you are really talented Yanzi. Come to think of it, do your parents live in Beijing?" Asked Keni and waited for my answer.

"My mom died in a car accident a few years ago and my dad lives in Hong-Kong."

The landlord gave me a sad look which I expected, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay now, I go to see dad sometimes."

I looked at my phone and saw the time, it was already a midnight, "We should go to sleep now, tomorrow is Monday."

Nodding her head, Keni gave me a goodnight hug before she left to go to sleep to her own room. "Good night Yan."

"Good night."

After she closed the door, my body fell down on the bed. I expected this, but still there was some hope left. Deciding to let it go and get over it, I tucked myself into my blankets and drifted to sleep.

Opening my eyes the next day and starting to get ready for school I got a message from Sharon, saying that she would like to have a dinner with me tonight. Agreeing with her, I send her a reply as I begun to prepare my coffee. Keni was at the work as almost every morning of the week and the mess she made in the kitchen didn't surprise me one bit. Going outside for a quick smoke I changed my clothes, finished my hot drink and rode my motorbike to the university.

'Yan! Hello my friend." Called Jiagi as she waved at me from the other side of the cafeteria.

"Hi princess, how was your weekend?" I asked her as I got the salad on my plate.

After we sat across each other and continued our conversation, our other two friends joined us, "It was pretty good. Hi Sunrui and Daimeng."

I just chuckled at them as I was putting some lettuce into my mouth.

"Hey Yan, are you going to accept the invitation for the photoshoot from that girl?" Asked Sunrui, stuffing with some nuggies."Cause I think that it's a good opportunity to earn some more money..."

Daimeng just nodded along with our stupid friend. "Yea, I think it's suitable."

I only nodded my head at their opinion, because I was already decided to give it a try. "I have already called that girl and she agreed to meet tomorrow to talk out some details.

"Yu Yan, you should tell them about me... I could expand their business right away." Joked Xu Jiagi as she probably meant it.

When the school was finally over and I came home, Keni was not here as always. I was already determined to give up on her, because even if I would be persistent, I thought that I'm not what Keni needs. It's not that I have a low self-esteem, but I thought that I could get everyone I put my head into. Having my afternoon jog and finishing it up with a hot shower after not eating anything except for a salad for my lunch, I got ready to meet the younger girl. Waiting in front of her house and finally seeing her opening the front door, I greeted her, "Hi Sharon, how are you today?"¨

"Good evening jiejie, shall we go?"

I nodded my head and followed her to the place that she wanted to go, "Where are we going to eat today?"

"Do you still crave a hotpot? You said last time that you would kill for it jiejie."

Smiling at her, I agreed and thanked her for remembering my tastes.

Entering the restaurant, choosing our seats and picking up the things we like to eat, I actually felt happy. Maybe because Keni already knew that I had a thing for her or it could be because of Sharon. I don't know why, but when I was with her she made me smile all the time. 

As I cooked some meat for the young girl and she did the same for me with vegetables, her cute cheeks were stuffed with a food which made her look like an adorable hamster.

"Here, eat more." I said to her as I put a piece of broccoli into .

As she saw the chopstick in front of her, she opened widely and waited for me to feed her. "Thank you Yu Yan jiejie."

The evening came to an end quickly as we had lots of fun together and I ended up walking Sharon to her house as always. "I should have a photoshoot tomorrow for the first time, wish me a good luck." I said to her when we arrived in front of the building that she lived in.

"Good luck jiejie. I know that you would do awesome as you do every time. You are amazing, so don't feel pressured." The young girl encouraged me as she gave me thumbs up. "By the way jiejie, thank you for the date today."

This took me by surprise, because I thought that we had just a friendly dinner, "A date?"

Giggling like a kid, Sharon gave me a peck on my right cheek before she turned around and went to the door. "Yes, a date. I actually like you jiejie, so I hope that you can see me as a girl and not just a kid anymore. Have a good night."

I stood there dumbfounded for a few minutes before realizing that she actually meant that she liked me. As I was walking back to my apartment, I was thinking it over. Sharon was always cheering for me and she is very cute, which I really like in girls. I knew that Keni had a boyfriend, so was there an obstacle in me dating Sharon? I didn't think so. Then I could let myself fall for the young girl and be happy.

I fished my phone from the pocked and dialed Sharon's number. "Yes jiejie?"

"Sharon, I may not like you in the same way yet, but I want to give us a chance... So if you can be patient with me, it would make me happy." I said to her as I was finally standing in front of my house.

A soft laugh was heard from the young girl before she answered, "I know Yu Yan jiejie, you like Keni right? I could see it at the party. Don't worry, I will make you fall for me."

Smiling sheepishly at these words, I nodded my head even if she couldn't see me. "I should take you for another date then. Good night Sharon."

"Good night Yan."

Finally stepping inside the apartment after we hung up our call, I could see Keni sleeping on the couch. I went to her and put my blanket over her body before I turned off the TV. "Good night Keni." I said to her, pecked her forehead lightly and went to my room to get ready for sleep.