I hadn't thought about you for a while. Not really the type to use social media, which was one of the things I admire about you. You didn't care about whatever the people thought of you, or the amount of likes you've gotten, a carefree soul. You always inspired me to be like that, but despite my constant stoic expression, I'd hate to admit it but those types of stupid things get to my head. My eyes strain at the lonely light coming from my phone, as I stare at the photo even longer. You were wearing a simple black dress I recognize, you wore it too on our first date. Memories that have long been suppressed start bubbling up again with no restraint. I know I should put my phone down or just scroll to the next post but I can't seem to do it. Your light makeup perfectly accentuated all of your features, and it hurts me to say but you looked as beautiful as the day we met. I go to the next photo, and beside you sat another girl. I would call her a raging troll out of spite, but she was wearing a wide grin on her face that seemed so genuine, and I'd never seen anybody look so good in bangs. And I'm friends with Yuri. She was wearing a cute purple top under a black blazer, her style was cute. They sat in a way that indicated that they were definitely more than friends. I sigh as I finally put away my phone, laying down and staring at the ceiling. It's been about 2 months, and if you could move on, I don't know why I couldn't. It shouldn't be this hard, right? 

I remember those nights where we would just drive with no end in sight, blasting all our favourite sing along songs, smoking like there was no tomorrow. That might just be the thing I missed the most. I know I could still do it with my other friends but we always had different music tastes and I don't know. I know that's just an excuse because something in me believes that that activity was something that was just reserved for us. I wanna preserve those memories of us, of the harsh wind carrying us away from reality, with your warm hand resting on mine. But I knew there was not even a chance of getting over you if my thought process stayed that way. I just wanna hold on to those happy memories a bit longer, maybe until I can't stand it, but until I'm forced to let go. Maybe your post was a sign, you've always been a private person, you've posted pictures of us before but I knew that was only when you knew you had fallen in love with me. I know what your post means, the subtle proclivities it carries, and I think it finally is time to let you go. It's as if you've bewitched me to only remember our good times, even though everyone's quite sure those didn't outweigh the bad times. It just makes it so much more stupid that I'm the one that broke up with you, but now all I feel is regret. We were like 2 puzzle pieces that didn't click, but perhaps I didn't try hard enough. I know it was the right thing to do, but I didn't imagine myself missing you this much. I knew it was the logical thing to do, even though I spent days trying to rationalize staying with you. Everyone has their first love, and even if our relationship was rocky at best, I still want to remember you as the warm beautiful girl you are because I know you aren't a bad person. I just know we weren't meant to be. You were a chapter in my book that was bound to end, and maybe I'm okay with that. I'm happy that you've found someone that'll be able to make you smile in a way that I wasn't able to, no matter my effort. If there was something to regret, it would be how ugly things ended between us. Maybe I'd be content if we’d just stay friends, because you were something to me no one else was and maybe no one else can replace that. But I miss your presence, your advice, our conversations. I just miss you in general, you had been in my life for so long I'd have forgotten how it was without you. 

On second thought maybe I have moved on, I'm just realizing that we were much better as friends than we ever were together. And now we’re not even friends. And I know, I know, that's my fault but that also means it's up to me to fix it. I pick up my phone and squint as my eyes readjust to the bright light. It's 4 am but I don't care, I really don't, my 8am class can be dealt with when it's 8am. I look at their picture again, I look at their grins, raw and real, not holding back as it hangs from cheek to cheek. And that's when it hits me, I was no longer looking at the picture in contempt, but with lightheartedness. Good for you, Minju.