(2005)

Taeyeon deliberately showed up late to school on her own graduation day.  There was supposed to be this grand ceremony for the graduating seniors, where everyone gathered in the school auditorium for a farewell speech by the principal, some award presentations, and more speeches by the valedictorian and other notable students.  But Taeyeon just couldn't bring herself to go.  She wanted to be there, but the thought of being seated in a hall full of students packed closely together, among her own classmates who hadn't exactly made her high school life the best, was an absolute no-go.

Taeyeon did go to the campus eventually, though, once the whole ceremony was technically over.  Most of the students had emptied out of the building already, probably to eat or celebrate with their friends and make some final memories.

Taeyeon went in, heading straight to the school administration office to collect her graduation certificate.  She found herself unwilling to leave just yet; although she’d spent most of her three years here as an outcast, she couldn't deny that they’d come to form a significant part of her life.

Without really thinking about it, Taeyeon found herself roaming the empty hallways, visiting her old classrooms and her senior homeroom one last time.  She wouldn't really say she’d miss this place, but now that she was going to leave for good, she felt a little lost, like a lone island out at sea.

Taeyeon’s eyes landed on Jessica’s desk, on which lay her signature pink handkerchief which she’d probably forgotten to take with her on the last day of school.  Taeyeon looked around (she didn't know why; there was nobody there) before darting into the classroom quickly and taking the handkerchief, for some reason.

It reminded her of Jessica, and Jessica reminded her of the cheer team.  Although Taeyeon hadn't actually participated in many of their club’s routines, her steps took her towards the school gymnasium where they had their after-school practices.

The gym was empty when Taeyeon arrived, obviously, and she suddenly felt a little silly for being so sentimental about the place.  She told herself she was just going to allow herself one last ‘goodbye' to the storage room at the back of the gym, where she usually reported after every practice session to clean up, before leaving the school compound for good.

But of course when Taeyeon got there, she stumbled upon an all-too familiar silhouette, with her back turned towards her.

“J- Jessica…”

“Wh- Oh, it's you.  Where were you just now?  Not that I care,” Jessica immediately added, looking like she regretted opening to speak.

Taeyeon was too confused to even think.  She lied, “I, um, overslept.”

Jessica ignored this, turning back to what she’d been doing earlier, digging around in a cardboard box.

“Wh- What are you looking for?” Taeyeon asked, nervous as hell.

“My shoes.  I left them here somewhere,” Jessica mumbled.  She finally pulled a dusty shoebag out from under some other things in the box.  “Aha, found them.”

Taeyeon suddenly realised why she was so nervous, why her hands were so clammy and her heart was practically in .  She didn't want this to be the last time she saw Jessica.  She didn't want this to be goodbye, not like this.  Taeyeon immediately thought of herself as the most doomed person in the world, and as the most incredibly lucky, to be able to run into Jessica here and now.

“Um… d- do you know which university you're going to yet?” Taeyeon asked, unable to even look at Jessica now.

“It depends on my CSAT grades.  I might go to America, but I'm not sure yet.”  Jessica suddenly squinted at Taeyeon.  “Why do you want to know?”

“N- I’m just curious…” Taeyeon mumbled.  Her heart sank when Jessica mentioned an American university.  A tiny part of her hoped that they'd end up in the same university and be able to continue their little story, just in a different setting.  But that was silly, wishful thinking.  Taeyeon kind of wished Jessica would ask her too.

Jessica smirked suddenly, and not very kindly either.  “What, do you expect me to kiss you again?”

Taeyeon fell silent.  She had no answer.

At this, Jessica lowered her voice to barely a whisper, which didn't make any sense because, again, they were alone.  “Listen, Taeyeon.  It was a mistake so forget it, alright?  I'm telling you to forget it.  Just leave me alone and get on with your life.  And good luck, or whatever.”

Taeyeon felt herself holding back tears, suddenly.  It was like a dam behind her eyes had abruptly and violently ruptured, letting all her pent-up frustrations spill out in tears.  It was embarrassing.  She had to bite the inside of her lip, hard, to prevent them from falling.

All Taeyeon could manage was a subtle nod; she didn't trust her voice anymore.  She left without sparing Jessica another glance, the cheerleading captain’s pink handkerchief still tucked away safely in her pocket.

Taeyeon never saw Jessica’s expression that day as she left; in fact, she’d never know that Jessica was the one who let herself cry, alone, in the dusty storage cabinet of the school gym, sitting in the middle of the wooden floor in the dark.  She cried for many minutes, tears flowing freely down her face where no one could see or hear her, self-hatred bubbling up inside her like a deathly poison.  She could see texts from Siwon lighting up her phone screen, asking her where she was, but she flipped her phone over, ignoring them.  Their relationship was an utter joke, a facade, and she knew it.  He probably knew it too, deep down, if he wasn't so busy deluding himself.  Jessica’s heart ached for Taeyeon and Taeyeon alone; how could she have left just like that?  To be fair, that was exactly what Jessica asked of her, but still.  Jessica beat herself up for it, over and over, wishing things could've gone differently between them.  Wishing things could be different.  Wishing she could be different.  She really thought that was the last time she was going to see Taeyeon…

(2021)

...Until now.

A year ago, Taeyeon stepped into SM for the first time and challenged Jessica’s conception of self-development to its limit.

It was about a week before Christmas and everyone at the company was in a relaxed and jovial mood.  Everyone was wrapping up their projects for the year and the workflow in general was slowing down.  Taeyeon, too, had little to do as she sat at her desk answering emails as they came in, reading the news when there was no other work to occupy her time.

In the middle of the day, Jessica suddenly stopped by the employee’s workroom to announce: “Sorry to bother you guys, but I just wanted to remind you that everyone has the next week off for Christmas!  So remember to pack whatever you need for the holidays because the office will be closed for deep cleaning.  That's all.”

Taeyeon was stunned.  An entire week off from work?  She leaned over the plastic partition separating her desk from Seohyun’s opposite hers, asking the younger, “How come Jessica’s giving us the week off?”

Seohyun looked up at Taeyeon and blinked.  “Didn't you know?  Unnie gives us Christmas week off every year and doesn't deduct it from our annual leave.  It's company policy.  Isn't she the best?”

“Yeah… yeah, she really is.”

Taeyeon sat back down.  Without even speaking to her about anything consequential, Taeyeon knew that this Jessica was drastically different from before.  Taeyeon could've never imagined such a wonderful boss actually existed, before Jessica came along.  From Day One, even though it was too awkward for them to be in the same room together (it had gotten significantly better now), Jessica had always made Taeyeon feel included at the office.  She valued Taeyeon’s opinions.  She never spoke over her or interrupted her.  And when Taeyeon needed guidance and encouragement, Jessica provided it.  Working with her and with everyone else in the company was a genuine joy, and it made Taeyeon want to better herself every day without even realising it.  It might've just been Jessica's way of making up for the past, of alleviating her guilt, but when Taeyeon saw how fairly she treated the others as well, she had no doubts about it.  Jessica had changed for sure.

On the last official day of work, the office was visibly emptying out as people were packing up and leaving for the holidays.  Taeyeon was busy packing her things too.  She’d brought some spare cardboard boxes from her apartment to do so, which she could load into her car later.

“Yo, Taeyeon.”

Taeyeon tur