(2005)

Finals were approaching and Taeyeon found herself spending more and more time in the school library, studying after her day’s classes.  She liked the atmosphere because barely any students used the library, and she could focus and study in peace.

Taeyeon was determined to achieve a high score on her university entrance exams.  If she really tried her hardest, perhaps she would make it into one of Seoul’s elite universities.  Somewhere far away.  It was a chance to start over, where no one knew her.

Just as Taeyeon was thinking these thoughts, who else but Jessica rushed into the otherwise empty library, looking rather frantic and agitated.  Her eyes scanned the scene before locking right onto Taeyeon, her target.  She marched over.  Taeyeon’s pencil fell from her slackened hand, blood draining from her face once she realised that Jessica was looking specifically for her.

Once Jessica was close enough, she gestured with her fingers for Taeyeon to stand up and follow her, silently but assertively.  Taeyeon stood up immediately, clumsy and panic-stricken, following Jessica to a row of bookshelves at the very back of the library where they were completely out of sight and earshot, because what other choice did she have?  Taeyeon, fully under Jessica’s control, like a magnetic pull, genuinely thought something horrific was about to happen to her, and was making the appropriate mental preparations.

Jessica cornered Taeyeon against the bookshelves with her body, just like last time in the gym locker rooms.  But it was worse this time, so much worse, because Jessica was visibly angry.

And Taeyeon’s instincts were right, because not long after, she was met with a sharp jab to her stomach that knocked all the wind out of her.  Jessica’s fist.  Taeyeon doubled over in pain, but she forced herself to remain quiet so that they wouldn't attract any attention.  Until this day, Taeyeon still didn't know why she bothered.  Before she crumpled to the floor, Jessica held her body up with her surprising strength.

Taeyeon weakly looked towards the direction of the ceiling, but there was nothing there.  It was 2005, cameras didn't line every crevice.

“Why have you been trying to out me to my friends, huh?  I specifically told you not to,” Jessica whispered sharply, the sinister weight of her threat contrasting ironically with the citrusy fragrance of her perfume.

“I- I’m sorry…” Taeyeon stammered pathetically.  Her mind was in overdrive.  All she could think about was her plan to have her phone recording their conversation, if ever Jessica confronted her again, so that she could show it to someone, anyone, and they would finally believe her.  But now Jessica had caught her like this, vulnerable and unprepared, and it seemed as though she would never have the upper hand.

“Do you know what I had to do to get rid of the mess you made?  They were all asking me about it, why you said something so strange.  I had to come up with all sorts of reasons and excuses about how I messed with you on purpose as some sort of joke-”

Jessica suddenly stopped talking, as if something had occurred to her.  She took a deep breath.  The pain in Taeyeon’s stomach finally subsided enough for her to stand on her own.  

“I don't even know why I’m trying to explain this to you,” Jessica said, in a more measured tone.  She looked genuinely upset, whether at Taeyeon or at herself, Taeyeon couldn't tell, and this was somehow even scarier than the Jessica from before.  Taeyeon would've much preferred if Jessica just hit her again.

“*cough* U- Um, m- may I ask why you, um, kissed me in the first place?  I- If you're s- scared or confused it’s okay!  I understand… I won't tell-”

“Shut up!  Shut up, shut up…” Jessica seemed to be genuinely struggling now, both with what Taeyeon was saying and her internal dialogue.  She wanted to retaliate against Taeyeon’s words, give her a brief and sharp comeback, but nothing came.  Taeyeon felt a pang of sympathy for Jessica in that moment, because she’d been there before.  Denial.  Taeyeon just happened to be Jessica’s unwitting target; could she really fault her?

“J- Jessica… wh-”

Before Taeyeon could finish, and before she could even process what was happening, Jessica’s lips were on hers again in another kiss, this time urgent, frustrated.  Repressed.  Taeyeon remained annoyed with herself for days because of how she reacted, but her body melted against Jessica’s, dizziness overcoming her in a sensory overload.  The way Jessica occupied her thoughts, day and night, was completely and utterly irrational.  Ridiculous, even.  Taeyeon knew as much, but even after deliberately reminding herself to be sensible countless times, her body still craved what it wanted.  Touch.  Jessica’s body was close, too close.  Taeyeon felt hot.  Dangerous.  Any more and her face would go completely red, or worse, she’d make some sort of embarrassing sound.  Why was Jessica still going?  Taeyeon could feel Jessica’s soft skin, flush against hers.  She could even feel Jessica’s heartbeat, pounding fast, strong, unabashed.  Taeyeon was sure hers was the same.

“I- I…”

“I said shut up,” Jessica whispered, breathing hard.