When Irene found out that Wendy was hit by a truck, she panicked. There was only one thing running in her mind that time, and that is to see Wendy. She has to see Wendy, she wants to make sure that the younger girl is okay. 

 

Fortunately, she managed to convince Seulgi to take her to Wendy. Irene knows that Seulgi knows that she won't be able to stop her anyway. 

 

Seulgi accompanied her to Wendy's room and it was very considerate of Seulgi to let her go alone inside. Seulgi didn't need to do that in the first place, but Irene was thankful that Seulgi did. Because what happened inside that room during her visit to Wendy shook her wholebeing. 

 

Irene felt tears welling up in her eyes the moment she entered the room and saw Wendy lying on the hospital bed. Her one leg was elevated and was in a cast, and there were bruises on her face and arms. 

 

Irene wiped her tears and reached out to hold Wendy's face. However, just as her hand was close to touching Wendy's cheek, the memories of her slapping Wendy flashed through her. 

 

No. How could I- Why would I hurt Seungwan? 

 

Irene stopped in her tracks, her hand lingering in the air, just beside Wendy's cheek. It was the same hand, the same hand she used to slap Wendy before. 

 

Irene kept staring at her shaking hand, and memories just came flashing back. 

 

She remembered slapping Wendy because she thought it was her who's secretly threatening Jennie. 

 

Jennie.. She remembered seeing her again at the hospital after her accident. 

 

The car accident on their way back home from their week-long anniversary trip. 

 

Their anniversary. Irene remembered it as one of the happiest days of her life. She remembered Wendy singing for her that day. 

 

And Wendy's voice.. She remembered the first time she heard it at the university's auditorium, and how Wendy's singing made her feel. 

 

Loved. 

 

She's in love with Wendy. 

 

Irene gasps, her eyes widened. "N-no. No." 

 

She looks at Wendy's sleeping figure and that's when she realizes that… she got her memory back. 

 

Irene's knees wobbled and she fell on the ground. Tears kept falling from her eyes as she covered to prevent her cries from being heard. 

 

She stared at her other hand once again, it was still shaking. 

 

H-how could I? 

 

How could I forget Seungwan and hurt her? 

 

No. No. Irene shook her head. This can't be happening. No. 

 

Mustering all her courage, she looked up at Wendy once more and felt her heart break into pieces. 

 

How could I hurt you, Seungwan-ah? 

 

Irene cried harder. She wanted to caress Wendy's cheek but she couldn't bring herself to do so, afraid that she'll only hurt Wendy again with her hand. So in the end, she could only reach out her hand closer to Wendy's face. 

 

I'm sorry, Seungwan-ah. I'm sorry. 

 

Unable to contain her emotions any longer, Irene knew she had to leave the room. It was obvious from the way Seulgi looked at her that the younger girl knew there was something wrong. Fortunately for Irene, Seulgi was never the type to pry. The latter even tried to cheer Irene up but her words didn't go through. All Irene could think was Wendy and their tragic story. 

 

You're so stupid, Joohyun. How could you forget Seungwan and hurt her like that? 

 

Irene found herself on the verge of crying again, so she covered her eyes, not wanting Seulgi to see her break down. The latter noticed this and took her cue to leave, giving Irene the privacy Seulgi knew the older girl needed. 

 

After Seulgi left, Irene let all her tears out. Her mind kept going back to all the hurtful things she'd done to Wendy, and how she made Wendy cry that day during Jennie's birthday party. This hurt Irene greatly. 

 

You're a fool, Bae Joohyun. Seungwan doesn't deserve you.

 

Irene was staring into space when Jennie came. 

 

"Hyun, hi." She greeted and went beside Irene. 

 

Irene nods in acknowledgement.

 

"Are you feeling okay? Does your head hurt?" 

 

Irene gave a small smile. "I'm fine." 

 

"Is there.. something wrong?" Jennie asked, noticing Irene's different mood. 

 

Irene shakes her head. "Nothing." 

 

Jennie wasn't convinced but she knows how stubborn Irene can be. "Okay. So anyway, do you want to postpone our flight tomorrow? We could go when you're already feeling better." 

 

"I'm okay. Let's continue with the original plan. The sooner it's done, the better." 

 

"But you're still recovering." 

 

"I'm fine." 

 

Seeing that Irene is already decided, Jennie nodded. "Are you sure?" 

 

Irene nods absentmindedly. "Yeah." 

 

Jennie noticed this too. "Okay. We'll go tomorrow." 

 

Irene didn't answer after that and Jennie was more convinced that something was off. But for the meantime, Jennie decided to let Irene rest first. 

 

 

**

 

Irene knew she should be sleeping but she just can't fall asleep. 

 

Ugh. I need to see Seungwan. 

 

And so Irene went to Wendy's room. Her mind was debating with herself though. She was worried that if she saw Wendy, she wouldn't be able to stop herself and crumble in front of the younger girl. Wendy may then realize that she got her memory back and Irene is not yet ready for that. But on the other hand, it drives her crazy not to see Wendy because she just keeps worrying over the younger girl. 

 

Irene didn't expect to bump into Joy just outside Wendy's room. 

 

When Joy asked her if she would still go with Jennie to the US, she felt the younger girl's protectiveness kicking in. 

 

"Will you break up with her?" Joy asked. 

 

What?? Why would I even-

 

"Sooyoung-" 

 

"Yes, I know that it already seemed that the two of you have already broken up from the moment you have forgotten about her-" 

 

Irene grits her teeth. The reminder of what happened was like a piercing in her heart. The guilt came back. However, Joy unknowingly gave another blow.

 

"Wendy unnie has been hurt a lot already, unnie. I just want to know what are you gonna do because I don't want her to get hurt anymore, unnie." 

 

Irene knows that. She knew very well how much she had hurt Wendy. Though the majority of it was because of her memory loss that no one can blame her about, it wouldn't change the fact that Wendy was hurting because of her. And that's what hurts Irene more. 

 

"W-what.." She cleared , trying so hard to control her tears. "What are you gonna do then?" 

 

"I love you, unnie. You know that. And that will never change." Joy answered with a gentle smile on her face but it wasn't enough to make Irene feel better now. "But now I will do my best to protect Wendy unnie from getting hurt," 

 

And then, Joy said it. 

 

"-even from you, unnie."

 

Ah. The final blow. 

 

How did it even come to this? 

 

I'm the one who's supposed to be protecting Seungwan, and yet instead, I ended up being someone whom Seungwan needs to be protected from. 

 

How ironic. 

 

Irene could feel tears welling in the corner of her eyes. She knew Joy had no other meaning for saying that, but it hurt her a lot. She felt so undeserving of Wendy, and that thought hurt so much. 

 

All I do is hurt her. Irene thought bitterly to herself, trying her best not to let her tears fall. Sooyoung is right. She should protect Seungwan from me. 

 

"Unnie…" 

 

Irene heard Joy's tone. It was apologetic. 

 

"Do that, Sooyoung-ah." Irene managed to say. Do something that I failed to do. 

 

"Take care of Seungwan. Hm?" 

 

Irene can sense that Joy is feeling guilty, so she forces a smile and ruffles the latter's hair. 

 

I should be the one feeling sorry. 

 

 

**

 

Irene was discharged from the hospital the next morning. Her parents came and accompanied her home to prepare her things. It was obvious from the old ex-couple though that something big is bothering Irene. Mr. Bae gave a knowing smile to his ex-wife, to which Mrs. Bae nodded. Mr. Bae then left the room silently, leaving Irene with her mother. 

 

"So, uh. Hyun." Mrs. Bae cleared , hoping to catch the Queen's attention. "How is Wendy?" 

 

The way Irene immediately turned her head to her mother after that confirms Mrs. Bae's thoughts. Irene was thinking of Wendy. 

 

"Her uh, her legs still need to be healed. But other than that, she's okay." 

 

Mrs. Bae nods at the answer. "So have you.. managed to tell her about your plans? With the engagement with Jennie, I mean." 

 

It took a few minutes before Irene could answer. "No." 

 

"Oh, so you're planning to tell her once you come back?" 

 

"I-" Irene clenched her fist. "I don't know." 

 

Mrs. Bae raised her brow. "What do you mean? I thought you-" 

 

"She doesn't deserve someone like me." 

 

Irene delivered it with such resignation in her voice that Mrs. Bae had to frown. 

 

"What? Hyun, what are you talking about?" 

 

Mrs. Bae studies Irene's expression. The latter was gritting her teeth, as if holding back her emotions, and there was pain and sadness in her eyes. But Irene's words didn't make sense, unless.. 

 

Something clicked in Mrs. Bae's mind. Her eyes widened. 

 

"You finally remembered everything?" 

 

Irene didn't answer, but she doesn't need to. For the way her eyes flickered, Mrs. Bae already knew. 

 

"W-when?" 

 

"I think I already got my memories back when I woke up yesterday from the accident, mom." Irene answered, eyes on her hands. "I didn't realize it though until I saw Seungwan's face." 

 

Mrs. Bae was momentarily speechless. "W-well, have you talked with her then? Does she already know?" 

 

Irene shakes her head. 

 

"Why? Don't tell me you're leaving without telling her that."

 

Irene remained silent. 

 

"Talk it out with her, Hyun. I'm sure Wendy would be so happy." 

 

"But I've already hurt her a lot. How could I deserve someone like her?"

 

"So, what now?" Mrs. Bae's voice was firm. "Are you giving her up? You want her to be with someone who's deserving of her instead. Is that what you're saying?" 

 

Irene grits her teeth. The thought of Wendy being with someone else didn't sit right with her. 

 

"Is that what you want, Hyun?" Mrs. Bae prodded. "Because if that's the case, I think Wendy and Sooyoung are quite compatible. They would make a good-" 

 

"No." Irene is clenching her fist hard. "Seungwan is- she's.. She's mine." 

 

"Well, then what are you doing?"

 

Irene bits her lip. 

 

"You feel like you don't deserve her? Then be someone who's deserving of her." Mrs. Bae speaks gently. "Why are you running away instead? This is not the Joohyun who defended Wendy from me before." 

 

Tears escaped Irene's eyes. 

 

"I know you're feeling bad. Maybe you even feel like you couldn't forgive yourself for hurting her. But you could choose to make things right again. You can still try and make her happy." 

 

"What if-" Irene's voice cracked. "What if she doesn't want to anymore, mom?" 

 

Mrs. Bae pursed her lips. "Then, it's still up to you, Hyun." The older woman gave a playful wink. "You're Bae Joohyun."

 

It's up to me. 

 

Irene repeated those words in her head. 

 

It's up to me. 

 

Irene chuckled to herself. 

 

I'm really a fool, aren't I? To think that I even thought of letting her go? 

 

Seeing this, Mrs. Bae smiled. "So I guess you already decided what you would do?" 

 

Irene returned the smile and nodded. 

 

 

**

 

Irene had to take a few deep breaths before she entered Wendy's room. She didn't expect she would be this nervous but then again, it's Seungwan we're talking about here. 

 

Seeing Wendy eye to eye after remembering her past took a lot of courage from Irene. If she still hasn't regained her memories, she would already be barging towards Wendy and engulfing her in a tight, secured hug and maybe even pouring out all her feelings for the younger girl. 

 

But now that she can already remember everything, it's a different story. Irene knows she couldn't just greet Wendy and pretend like nothing happened. In fact, the moment she met Wendy's eyes, Irene almost crumbled. Almost, because luckily, she had already prepared herself for this. 

 

What Irene didn't prepare herself for, however, was Wendy's words. 

 

"I'm letting you go, unnie." 

 

W-what? 

 

Irene was momentarily frozen in place, but she could feel her whole body shaking. She's shaking in fear. The thought of losing Wendy brings more than just fear. It comes with immense pain and heartache. 

 

No. Please don't. Let's fix this. I swear I'll make it up to you. 

 

Irene wanted to say. She would do anything to make Wendy change her mind. 

 

"Seungwan, n-" 

 

However, the moment Irene would say the lines rehearsed in her mind, her eyes met with Wendy's. And her words stopped. Her world stopped. 

 

Wendy was looking at her with so much pain in her eyes. Wendy was calm, in fact, Irene could tell that the younger girl was trying her best not to falter. There was sadness yet determination in her voice. Irene knew Wendy was trying to be strong. And though Irene thought she's doing a good job at hiding her pain, still, Wendy looks so vulnerable in front of her right now. And it hurts Irene to see the younger girl that way. 

 

I'm the one who caused this. 

 

I'm the reason she's hurting right now. 

 

Irene chuckled bitterly to herself. 

 

How can I be so selfish? 

 

"Unnie." Wendy called out to her worriedly. 

 

To dismiss Wendy's worry, Irene forced herself to smile and sat beside the latter. 

 

"Always take care of yourself, okay?" Irene told her. Though I know I don't have the right to tell you that, considering how I failed to take care of you. 

 

"Take care of yourself too, unnie." 

 

Oh, Seungwan. Irene felt herself tearing up. The ever kind and selfless Seungwan. 

 

Unable to contain herself anymore, Irene leans forward and hugs Wendy tight. 

 

"I'm sorry, Seungwan-ah. I'm really sorry." Oh God, I'm really sorry. 

 

Irene was trying her best not to let her tears fall. 

 

"Please don't get hurt again because of me. Please be happy, Seungwan-ah."

 

With a last, chaste kiss on Wendy's forehead, Irene drags her feet outside of the room. It was at the right timing though, for the moment she closed the door, her tears fell nonstop. 

 

I'll give you all the time you need to be healed from all the pain I've caused you. 

 

Irene said to herself as she looked tearfully at Wendy's door. 

 

And after that, I'll come back to you and I'll never let you go again, Seungwan-ah. 

 

 

 

***

 

For the first month that Irene has been in America, she did what her original plan was: to apologize to Jennie's family about her decision to cancel the wedding and together with Jennie, they explained the situation to all the important guests that were originally invited to their wedding. While they were still in Korea, Jennie told Irene that she didn't need to do that. Still, Irene felt that she had to take responsibility for her decisions, and that was why she decided on coming to the US with Jennie. 

 

It was the original plan but since Irene unexpectedly regained her memory, her plan changed. Instead of staying in the US for only a month after settling everything with Jennie's family, Irene prolonged her stay. It's to give Wendy the space and time that Irene knows the younger girl needs. 

 

It's been six months since Irene left Korea, but for her it feels like it has been years already. To make herself productive, she decided to manage their US business branch for the time being that she's there. She would always find time to talk to the rest of the Queens though. Irene would make sure that she is updated about them and of course, about Wendy. 

 

Irene decided not to tell the Queens yet that she already remembered everything. She was sure that if her friends knew, then Wendy would know too. Irene doesn't know how Wendy would react with the news, but she doesn't want to give Wendy anymore pain or problems. And so, until she can be sure that Wendy is okay again, that's the time when Irene will be back in Korea. 

 

But once again, Irene's plan had to change. She already knew that Wendy got an offer from a drama production to do an OST. She was thrilled when she heard the news from Seulgi. In fact, she even watched the said korean drama for the very first time just to hear Wendy's voice being played in the background. Irene had the biggest smile after that. 

 

However, one morning, she received a call from Seulgi telling her that due to the positive feedback to Wendy's OST, the upcoming singer was invited by a TV network to sing the OST live for the first time. Of course, Irene was beyond happy for Wendy. 

 

This is the start of your dream, Seungwan-ah. Irene thought happily upon hearing the news. It was an event that Irene knew she couldn't and wouldn't miss in the world. 

 

And that's why after six months, Irene was back in Korea. 

 

Irene didn't want to be selfish. Her only aim was to watch Wendy's first ever live performance as an artist. She even told the Queens not to tell Wendy, for Irene was planning to leave again after the event. However, Irene didn't expect to meet Wendy eye to eye at the start of the latter's performance. Irene held her breath the moment Wendy's eyes met hers. It was like time stopped and there were only her and Wendy. Her heart was overflowing with emotions by how much she missed the younger girl. 

 

Irene knew she had to focus on Wendy first though, because she could tell that the latter is nervous. Irene gave her an encouraging smile. 

 

I'm just here, Seungwan-ah. I believe in you. 

 

As if Wendy heard her thoughts, the singer smiled back at her before delivering a jaw dropping performance.

 

*

 

"Unnie, Wendy unnie already saw you. What's the point of keeping this a secret and not showing yourself to her?" Yeri asked Irene when she was about to leave the venue. 

 

"B-but.." What if she's not yet ready to see me? What if all her pain would come back after meeting me? 

 

"Yes, I'm sure Wendy will look for you, unnie." Seulgi added in. 

 

Irene silently looks towards Joy, as if asking for permission. Before she left six months ago, Joy told Irene that she would protect Wendy even from her. So if Joy thinks that it's better for Wendy not to see her, then Irene would do that even though it would hurt her a lot. She knows Joy has Wendy's best interest at heart. 

 

Joy understood Irene's look and had to hide a chuckle. Irene is the fearless leader of the Queens and yet, right now she looks like a kid who is being deprived of something that she wants. 

 

"Come on, unnie." Joy clings to Irene's arm. "Wendy unnie will be happy to see you." 

 

Irene had a big, shy smile after hearing that. I hope so too. 

 

Irene couldn't tell though if Joy was right, for Wendy was only staring at her with wide eyes. There's an obvious blush on her cheeks though which made Irene a bit hopeful. 

 

The first couple of minutes with Wendy were kind of awkward. If it's only for Irene, she would have already engulfed the younger girl in her arms tightly and even kissed her fully on the lips. But of course, Irene knows she couldn't just do that. Aside from the fact that they have broken up, there were still lots of things to talk about. But one thing that Irene realized upon spending time with Wendy again was that she couldn't be far from Wendy again. Now that she saw Wendy again, Irene couldn't manage to hide anymore how she missed her terribly that she felt she'd go crazy not to have Wendy in her life. That's why later that night, when all of them were in their own rooms, Irene decided that it's time for her to make a move and win Wendy back. She just hopes that Wendy is already ready to take her back again. 

 

 

*

 

Irene knew that Wendy was avoiding her. It has been a couple of days since she had driven Wendy to RV entertainment, and after that, Wendy had been avoiding her. Irene could only blame herself for that. 

 

I shouldn't have hugged her. I should have controlled myself. Irene cursed herself. She thought that Wendy became uncomfortable with her actions. 

 

When Irene invited the Queens and Wendy to have lunch, she had already expected that the latter wouldn't go. Still, she has to try. So when Joy excused herself to look for Wendy, Irene decided to follow the younger girl and look for Wendy as well. 

 

She found Wendy and Joy at the cafeteria but her heart dropped as she heard Wendy's words. 

 

"I thought of telling her to stop. To stop being kind to me and to stop taking care of me. To stop showing her smile and to just-  and to just go away. But I can't. Because as much as it hurts me to be near her, it hurts even more when she's far away. I couldn't tell her to go away because in my heart, I know that I don't want her to go. And.. it still hurts."

 

Irene balled her fist. Why do I keep on hurting her? 

 

With a dejected heart, Irene turned away from the scene and went back to where she left their friends. 

 

On the way back, Irene kept blaming herself for Wendy's pain and tears. 

 

"I was really selfish." Irene chuckled bitterly to herself. "I shouldn't have come back here."

 

That's why Irene decided to go back to the US instead, much to the surprise of the rest of the Queens. 

 

As expected, the violent reaction came from Joy. 

 

"You know Joohyun unnie, you used to be honest and straightforward. Why couldn't you do that now?" 

 

Irene didn't answer her. If it would just hurt Seungwan more, I'd rather not do that. 

 

That was what Irene always thought of. She doesn't want to hurt Wendy more than she already had, and since she's the cause of Wendy's pain, it would be better if she would leave instead. She was about to leave when Joy spoke. 

 

"The Joohyun unnie in front of us, is a coward." 

 

That hurt her. But Joy didn't need to say it. Irene knows that already. She's a coward for choosing to run away but if it means Wendy will forget all the hurt and pain, then so be it. 

 

Joy was confusing for Irene too. 

 

"You said you'll protect her from getting hurt, even from me. Why aren't you doing that?" 

 

Joy's silence was Irene's cue to leave. 

 

Seungwan doesn't deserve someone like me. Irene thought to herself, and left the scene. 

 

The next day, Irene was fixing her luggage when she received a call from Yeri. 

 

"Unnie," came Yeri's panicked voice from the other line. "Are you with Wendy unnie?" 

 

Irene raised a brow. "No. Why?" 

 

"Then have you seen her or talked with her this morning?" Yeri asked, ignoring her question. 

 

"I haven't. Why? What's wrong?" 

 

"W-well, we haven't seen her yet since this morning. We tried calling her but her phone's off. Sooyoung unnie even went to check at her apartment but her neighbor said she saw Wendy unnie leave the apartment earlier for school. So, she should be at the school but the point is, she's not."

 

"What??" Irene left her things and immediately went to her car. She finds it odd that Wendy would skip her class, and this worried her. "Who was with her last? Did something happen?" 

 

"She watched a musical with Seulgi unnie last night." Yeri answered. "But Seulgi unnie said everything seemed normal." 

 

"Well, then Where's Seungwan??" 

 

"That's why I'm calling you, unnie. I thought you might have an idea." Irene could see Yeri rolling her eyes from the other line. She couldn't blame the younger girl though. It's obvious that Yeri doesn't know that's why she called her. But Irene was too worried to think properly. 

 

"I don't." Irene hit the steering wheel, suddenly feeling frustrated at having no idea where Wendy was. Damn. Did I really become this useless? 

 

"It's fine, unnie." Yeri answered, aware of Irene's frustration. "We'll continue looking for-" a beep was heard from Yeri's phone. "-oh wait, unnie. Sooyoung unnie is calling me."

 

"Update me." Irene replied before the other line went silent. She started driving around to look for Wendy. After a minute, Yeri's voice was heard on the other line again. 

 

"Unnie, we- we think we already know where Wendy unnie is?" 

 

Irene has to raise her brow at Yeri's restrained voice. The younger girl seems to be holding back her anger. 

 

"What did Sooyoung say? Where's Seungwan?" 

 

"Someone at the school saw her getting dragged by a couple of girls. Your fangirls, to be exact." 

 

Irene could feel her blood boiling. She gripped the steering wheel tight and drove faster towards the university. 

 

Irene wasted no time. Seulgi was saying something about how fast she got here but Irene heeds no attention to it and runs straight to the old gym, with the rest of the Queens following her. 

 

What Irene witnessed made her heart flip. Wendy was tied to a chair and she was about to get hit by a baseball bat. 

 

"YAH!" Her vision darkened as she clenched her fist tight and marched towards where Wendy is. 

 

Irene became even more angry when she saw who the culprit was. 

 

"It's you again." Irene can feel herself shaking in anger. She didn't even hear it when Wendy called out to her. 

 

"I told you, didn't I?! Hurt Seungwan again and I'll make sure you'll never be able to walk again!" 

 

Irene was ready to throw the first punch when she heard Wendy gasp behind her. It was so loud and noticeable that Irene had to check on her. She was surprised to see Wendy in tears. Worried, Irene held Wendy's shoulder. 

 

"Seungwan? Are you okay?" 

 

But Wendy's tears became more prominent. Irene was about to hug Wendy when she heard it- Wendy's shaky voice. "Unnie.. You remembered that?" 

 

Irene opened to ask what Wendy was talking about when she realized her slip. Damn. 

 

Unable to answer back, Irene saw Wendy searching her eyes. Then, the younger girl realized it. Irene knows that Wendy already knew. 

 

"You finally remembered everything." 

 

Irene looked away, unsure of how to answer. It didn't help that Wendy's tea rs finally fell from her eyes, making Irene feel guilty. 

 

Irene couldn't figure out exactly the look on Wendy's eyes after she admitted the truth. It was like a mixture of surprise, disbelief, confusion, and hurt. 

 

Wiping her tears, Wendy let out a soft "okay", before she moved past Irene and ran towards the door, leaving the building. 

 

Irene didn't think twice and ran after Wendy. 

 

No more cowardice, Joohyun. It's my turn to fight for us. 

 

 

 

--

A/N: Sorry if the story seems rush these last few updates. Anyway, we're down to the last two chapters next week. Thank you for all the comments.