i stood around as a handful of other fans mingled with each other waiting for them. so many feelings washed through my body and i couldn't help the anxiety rearing it's head in my mind. i was slowly losing myself to an anxiety attack when all of a sudden screams erupted and i looked up and felt all the oxygen leave my lungs. 

 

Rap Monster entered the room first bowing and waving while fans attempted to get closer. Jin was right behind him slightly bumping into them but not seeming phased in the slightest. as the others filed in they greeted the fans and explained how this little fansign would go on. as everyone lined up the other fans started to fight for my place as last, but i insisted on staying where i am. 

 

everything seemed to go by in a blur, it felt like a surreal fever dream, a dream where you'd wake up gasping for breathe for you had been choking in your mind. i was 2 away from them and i could see V staring intently at me, as i shook i forced myself to take deep breaths as i prepared for my turn. "Next" was called out once again and we moved forward. 

 

"Next!" i realized i wasn't breathing and tried to shove air into my lungs, tears burning my eyes. 

 

"Next!" it shook my teetering base as the man yelled louder at me, and i had to do something. 

 

next. my turn huh? i forced my head up and pushed back all the fears i had, making eye contact with Rap Monster. in person he didn't look the same, in person he was more beautiful. ethereal even. of course in photos, he looked amazing but they couldn't prepare you for meeting him in person. he didn't look the same but he looked all too familiar at the same time. he was a wave as you swept through the sea on your boat, the rays of a sunset sliding over your body. breathtaking wasn't a good word either it was hard to describe his visage and my brain struggled to fully process it. 

 

"you okay?" i blinked harshly, flustered as i fumbled with my bag straps again. it was Jimin that had asked the question, he had an easygoing grin on his face erasing my concerns in a matter of seconds. 

 

i smiled hesitantly but i knew it looked more like a grimace than anything. 

 

"um." i pressed my fingertips together pushing out my bottom lip, turning my knees inward, automatically just going for my default shy motions. Jimin put his hand over his mouth, eyes creating as he smiled. 

 

"just introduce yourself." Rap Monster gestured with his hand and his smile expressed tenderness clearly able to see that i was quite a ball of emotions at the moment. 

 

"i'm Zhu Lei and i don't know how i got here." they all chuckled as i soared because i had made them laugh! but instantly felt down again realizing that they had probably laughed for all the other fans too. 

 

"well Zhu Lei who doesn't know how they got here, you already know who i am. Worldwide Handsome." he struck a pose with his hand under his chin and cackled to himself as the other members groaned. 

 

"now what would you like us to sign?" i grew excited grinning but that's when i realized i didn't have anything for them sign. my heart dropped into my stomach and i pouted again as they stared at me confused. 

 

"well um since i didn't know i was coming here idonthaveanythingforyou." they looked so confused at my jumbled words. 

 

"could you repeat that?" i was beyond embarrassed in fact downright humiliated at this point and i was so happy only security was there watching. 

 

"i don't have anything for you to sign." i played around with my fingers as i looked down frowning. 

 

"oh. um well that's okay do you have maybe a notebook or something?" i nodded and trifled through my bag locating my notebook and pulling it out. 

 

honestly, i was extremely happy that they'd sign this. i valued this notebook more than life itself it had all my drawings and writings in it from over the years. i placed it on the table and flipped to one of the drawings i had of them. it was the one i was the proudest of because the blending of colors and the harsh lines in the background really brought them in drawing form better. 

 

"woah daebak" i felt my face burn as Jungkook commented on my art they all had a look of awe on their faces. it felt like it went on forever before Rap Monster cleared his throat. 

 

"let's get to the signing. anything specific?" he pulled the cap of the marker off with his teeth placing it on the backside of the marker. i instantly thought of how good he looked and how good he'd look doing-

 

"n-no whatever you want i don't really care." i finally registered his words and responded while forcing myself to look away from his lips embarrassed at my own thoughts. 

 

as they slid my notebook to each other complimenting my artwork i stood there awkwardly. when the notebook landed in front of me once again Rap Monster closed it gently and gave it to me. i delicately placed it into my bed not wanting to damage the no doubt inspiring message on the inside. 

 

"well, Zhu Lei it was nice to meet you and keep up the good work with your art." Rap Monster held onto my hands gazing into my eyes and grinning, eyes crinkling and dimples showing. 

 

"yeah, fighting!" V lifted his hand above his head boxy grin on full show as i nodded along. 

 

i stepped back and bowed before turning around allowing myself to be escorted by security out. i couldn't fathom that i had just met BTS in the flesh. 

 

as i walked out of the venue —officially— into the parking lot i unlocked my car and slid into the driver's seat. i was about to place my bag into the backseat when curiosity came poking at my brain. i had wanted to wait until i got home to read their message but i knew if i didn't look i'd think about it the whole ride home. 

 

i ped my bag holding it open pulling out my notebook, gulping i flipped through the pages to the drawing. i audibly gasped as i read what was written there my heart raced faster as i slammed the notebook shut and shoved it into my bag throwing said bag into the backseat. i started the car in a hurry breathing heavily as i pulled out of the parking lot. i drove home in a daze and as i parked in my spot in the lot of my apartment building it all hit me. 

 

BTS had given me their personal phone numbers! i held my hands in front of my face and screamed.