I’ve noticed lately that everyone seems to be staring at me. 

At first, I thought maybe someone was playing a prank on me, or that I was just being paranoid, but a few days have passed now and I know for sure that it’s not just my imagination. I can tell when I’m being stared at. And not only that, but now the stares are being accompanied by mumbles; girls covering the sides of their mouths to whisper into another’s ear, weirdly disturbed looks on pairs of faces. It has even gotten to the point where no one wants to partner with me in gym class. 

I have no way of knowing where all of this suddenly came from. I didn’t think I’d done anything recently? I was used to stares—because of my height, you see—but this was way more, way too recently, and getting out of hand. Surely my height wouldn’t cause this much disharmony with everyone, especially to this amount? I’ve been in this high school for the entire three years, and I’ve been bullied before, but this doesn’t seem like it's the same at all. Before I got into fashion, the girl’s qualms with me always seemed to be with my clothing. How boyish and dowdy I was. They’d always find something to comment about regarding it. Still speaking behind my back, but never going out of their way to lower their voices. At least then I knew what their problem with me was— all of which hadn’t really been my problem at all. I did initially change the way I dress because of their comments, but once I actually started pursuing fashion as a hobby, I realized that it’s all just objective! Their opinions were only minor grievances when pitted against a sea full of trillions more. I realized none of it really mattered, just what I enjoyed. 

And now, somehow, I’m back where I started. 

At the very least, Naoka still talked to me. She didn’t act differently at all when the staring started. I wasn't even sure if she noticed. She has such a bumptious spirit; no one ever seems to question her. When she comes up to me after class, there is always an instant awareness from the people around. A sudden quiet. It’s honestly kind of funny. I mean, I know she can be a handful sometimes, but was she really that scary?

Shoya coughs. 

“Are you OK?”

“Yes, no, yes. It’s just.. hard to believe she could have a friend as nice as you.”

“Haha, I guess it is sort of surprising,” I laugh and check the time. “Right, Shoya, I forgot to tell you, but Naoka can’t make it today. She’s taking care of her little brother while her dad is out for the weekend.”

He becomes strangely still. “What is he going to do when she goes off to college with you?” If I weren’t so mindful, I wouldn’t have caught the slight relief on his face. I know they had a difficult past with each other, and that Naoka had a crush on him so many years ago, but I thought they’d gotten more comfortable with each other after everything that happened. 

Although… Shoya was naturally shy. Maybe it would take longer for him to get used to her being around again. 

“I don’t know, stay home, I guess? Hey, did Shoko text you back yet?” I smooth out my skirt so that there are no creases and shift on the bench beneath us. A cold breeze blows past and I thank the Heavens for the short refuge from the awful humidity of the day. Being in the shade like this was better than being out in the sun, but sweat was still sliding down my face and any slight movement I could make on the bench would burn my leg. 

Shoya checks his phone. “No, but Kawai did. She and Satoshi had to bail for a date, apparently.”

“Then that’s three no-shows.” I sigh. “They could have just had their date together here with us..”

Shoya laughs, closing his eyes and scratching his head. “That wouldn’t really be a date, then, right?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” I look across the pavement to a boy walking with his mom’s hand in one of his and a cone of ice cream in the other. 

“Come on, how about you keep telling me your story?”

I blink. “Oh! Right!”

Yesterday I went over to Naoka’s and told her about the weird looks I’ve been getting. I always spent most of my time hanging out with her or Shoko and her friends, since I didn’t have anyone else I could talk to at school. Most weekends I spend either studying, making clothes, or being with them. I thought maybe someone at school had seen me signing with Shoko and had told everyone at school that I was friends with a deaf girl, but that wouldn’t make any sense. Why would that be a problem? It especially wouldn’t warrant any disgusted stares. Maybe it was my clothes? But that didn’t make any sense either. When I asked her about it, she gave me a raised eyebrow and bored look. 

“You’re joking, right?” She asked, sitting across from me with her legs crossed and letting her arms rest on the short table between us. 

I gave her a confused look. 

“You really don’t know?” This time she was incredulous, surprised that I couldn’t have possibly figured it out myself. “Two words: Kaede Urushibara.”

“Whose Kaede Urushibara?” Interrupts Shoya.

Just the sound of her name brought a little smile to my face. “No one. Just a girl in my class.”

Kaede was the captain of the volleyball team. She had long light brown hair that she kept in a tight ponytail, and honeycomb eyes matching the small freckles on her face and arms. She often ran the track outside of our classroom in the mornings, and she had one deep dimple that poked out when she grinned. She was nice to everyone and so she got along with everyone, and the boys always found it hard not to stare at her when she passed by. 

She was a beauty. Everyone thought so. Inside and out. We’d only talked a couple of times, but she was always a delight every time. Admirable, even. It was hard not to like her. 

“What about her?” I asked Naoka, hands in my lap as I sat seiza. 

“Well, the other day she started telling everyone that you said some stuff to her that was pretty ambiguous.”

“Ambiguous?”

She raised her eyebrow again, tilting her head forward as if waiting for me to get it. 

“Ambiguous?” Shoya echoes questioningly. He is sweating too, but he seems way too invested in my explanation to mind the heat. 

“I had actually talked to her earlier this week, before everything.” I told them both. “We were the last ones left in the classroom and she congratulated me on getting into my dream school. I told her I thought she’d be a great model and that we should hang out sometime. And that was it. I left after that.”

I’d hung back after the bell rang to pack up my stuff. I’d wanted to finish working on a design I had and it kept me busy awhile. I heard the sound of the door opening, looked up, and saw Kaede stride in, eyes on her desk and all the things she’d left inside. Realizing I’d been staring, I turned back to my own things and gathered the rest of them up and into my bag. 

Just as I was about to walk past her, she said, “Oh! Sahara,” And turned to me, a smile on her face. “I heard you got into that fashion school. Good job, I’m so happy for you!”

I was caught off guard so I was probably silent for too long, but I got up the will to finally say, “Oh, thanks, Kaede. I didn’t know you knew about that.” I could feel the blush on my cheeks and tried to force it away. 

She smiled wider, somehow. “Of course! After that show you put on before, everyone is talking about it.”

“Well, honestly, I didn’t think you knew my name.”

“We’ve been in the same class all year, of course I remembered your name.” She had a nice voice. It was sweet and smooth, like icing. She finished grabbing all the things she’d forgotten and looked up at me. She was shorter than me by a considerable amount, but she was thicker than me all around. Curvier. She wore thigh-highs that were a bit too tight and accentuated them an almost insane amount. She had a bit of a tan from being outside so much. 

I gulped, and met her eyes again. 

“I’m sad I won’t be able to see any more of your designs from across the room anymore. They were really good.”

I could feel another blush coming on. She’d been paying attention to me? All this time? My voice trembled slightly as I asked, “Wow, really? Well, I could always send you some of them, sometimes. With a look like yours, you’d probably look good in anything..”

“You think so?” She shifted the bag on her shoulder, her dark brows raised. 

“Yeah. To be honest, seeing you from across the room, I always wondered what you’d look like modeling one of my clothes.”

“Huh,” she said, eyebrows knitted together, a soft smile on her face silhouetted by the orange evening sky behind her. “That’s.. I see.” She looked at the board in the front of the room and then back at me. “I should really go. But thanks! For the talk, and all the compliments.”

“Yeah, of course,” I said, turning around before I could humiliate myself even more, giving her a small smile and wave, before promptly leaving the room. 

I didn’t tell Shoya or Naoka about this. 

“You asked her out.” Naoka pointed at me with one manicured finger. 

“What? I didn’t ask her out…! At least, not on a date!” I defended, placing my hand over my heart. 

“That’s not what she got from it.” Naoka said monotonously. Her eyes strayed down to the side, the boredom of the conversation obviously taking a toll on her. “I mean, you like her don’t you?”

“Wha—“ Heat rose to my face instantly, my entire body going into flight mode. The look she gave me, the small smirk on her face, showed me that my overreaction had only proved her point. “How did.. how did you know that?”

“I hang out with you all the time. I notice. Don’t worry,” she sat up, grabbed a magazine off the floor. It rested next to the bookcase against the wall by her bed, lying in wait for her to sift through idly. She started flipping through it. “I doubt anyone had realized until she’d said something. You’re good at keeping it under lock. Not that good, though.” She sighed. 

“You don’t mind?” 

“Honey, I’m bi. If I had any reservations about my best friend being a butch lesbian, I’d be sunk to the bottom of a bridge with my hands tied to an anchor.”

“I’m your best friend—? Wait, you’re bi?” I exclaimed, clapping my hands over my mouth soon after and looking towards the door to where her parents room was just on the other side. 

“They’re not here, and duh. But don’t make a big deal out of it. I don’t really care who knows but I’d rather not get bombarded with this or that questions, you know?”

This or that questions?

I shook my head. “It’s just kind of hard to believe. I mean, you’re always talking about wanting a boyfriend and.. I don’t know.. all that stuff with Shoya—“

She cut me off. “See, this is what I mean by this or that questions..!” She rubbed her face with one hand. “I can kiss a girl if I want to, whether I have feelings for Shoya or not.”

“Kiss?” I squeaked. The image of kissing Kaede— no, no, let’s not go there. My heart was racing already. 

“Gosh, you’re such a prude. You can’t even think about kissing a girl without becoming a tomato.”

“Well sor~ry I haven’t had much experience talking about this kind of thing, or kissing girls. And like you have, either!”

She raised an eyebrow. 

“…Oh my gosh, you’ve kissed a girl before? Who?” I exclaimed, honestly shocked. I thought I’d known everything about Naoka by now. 

“You don’t know her. She was a coworker at the shop, but she doesn’t work there now. Anyway, what are you getting all prissy about? It’s just a kiss.”

“It’s not just a kiss! It’s… I don’t know. It’s special..”

She rolled her eyes, and, quick as a flash, leaned over the table, grabbed me by the back of the neck, and pressed her lips to mine for a good, long three seconds, right before pulling away and sitting back down, cheek in the palm of her hand. “See? Just a kiss.”

I couldn’t speak for the longest time, completely flabbergasted. “Naoka!” I finally yelped. 

“Huh?”

“That was my first kiss!”

“No it wasn’t. I know it wasn’t.”

“It was my first kiss with a girl!” Hashi, seventh grade. Don’t want to think about it. 

“So? Just don’t count it and it’s fine. First kisses are just a social construct anyway.”

I dropped my head on the table, making a loud thunk. 

“…What are you even doing..?”

I didn’t tell Shoya about that, either. 

“Hey, there’s an ice cream truck. You want to get one real quick while we wait for the others?” He asks. 

“Yes!” I groan in relief. 

Walking out into the sun was hell, but the ice cream was worth it. It’s icy goodness melts in my mouth and I hum in delight. Shoya pulls his phone out of his pocket and reads what I presume is a text. 

“Looks like Shoko’s not gonna make it either. Yuzuru is sick.”

“Oh no!”

He slides his phone back into his pocket, a strange expression on his face. He doesn’t look mad, but his eyebrows are tightly knit and his mouth is screwed up like he’s eaten a lemon. He is understandably disappointed. This must’ve been the biggest let down out of everyone, seeing as he was especially close with the Nishimiya family. He sadly at his ice cream cone. “Another one bites the dust.”

“Looks like it’s just going to be us.”

“There’s still Nagatsuka.”

“Oh! He’s usually always by your side that I hadn’t even noticed he was coming. I mean, you’d think he’d get here with you.”

He laughs, closing his eyes. “I guess that’s what happens when you get here early.”

“I guess we both were too excited,” I laugh back. “I wonder why he’s so late..”

“He had to run some errands this morning, but he’s coming in about an hour or so.” He a strand of cream that has slid down his hand from the cone as we walk back to our spot, only to see that it’d been taken by the child and mom from earlier. We sigh in unison and turn around to look for a new place to hide from the heat. “So, what happened with you and Naoka?”

I pray that Shoya would mistake the blush on my face to be from the heat of the day and not from me thinking about yesterday. “Nothing much. She just told me to get over it, since the school year is almost over anyway.” I mouth off a large dollop of ice cream, hoping it would somehow cool my face. 

“Well, Sahara, if you’re getting bullied, I’d like you to be able to come to me about it. If something happens, promise you’ll tell me? No matter what.” 

I wasn’t expecting Shoya to have such a manly side. The seriousness in his expression.. It breeds recognition, understanding. It catches me off guard, but it makes sense. He’d known how it went, being the bully, and after spending so much time making up for his actions, he’d gotten to know what it was like inside the heads of the victims. It was Shoya’s whole… thing! 

“Yeah, I will. But Shoya, I’m a big girl, you know? And it’s not even a big deal.” I stretch my arm over my head, making sure not to tilt the cone. “None of these things in high school matter anyway, especially when we get to college.”

“I know, but… I’m serious. I want you to be able to talk to me about it, like today.” He says, stopping in his tracks just to look me in the eye. 

I lower my arm and, honestly a bit astonished, tell him, “Really. It doesn’t bother me that much. I just found it quite odd, you know?”

He smiles shyly, seemingly satisfied, and nods. “I know. Some people just aren’t with the times, I guess.”

“Your ice cream is melting—“

“Oh! Jeez!” He hurriedly starts wiping his hand off with the napkin he’d been holding between his hand and the cone. 

“And, uh, also.. what did you just say?”

 

We meet Nagatsuka at the entrance to the aquarium. He runs at us, waving his arm and grinning. “Hey, you guys!” Sweat is already pouring down from his afro, but he wipes it off with a towel he has wrapped around his shoulders. Despite his panting, he looks absolutely elated to see us. I don’t understand why, since he’d definitely seen Shoya at school yesterday. “Where is everyone?”

“They all bailed on us,” I say, smiling awkwardly. 

“It’s just us today.”

“What? Are you kidding? What happened to Yuzuru— That brat! I’m so gonna make h—“

“She’s sick, dude.” Shoya interrupts before Nagatsuka could get himself into any trouble. 

“…Oh.”

“Yeah…”

There is a long moment of silence between the three of us. Nagatsuka soon breaks it, asking, “Well, have you guys done anything yet?”

We start walking back towards the aquarium, making small talk and stopping to get some snacks at the vendor. Nagatsuka talks about getting supplies for film school, and how his mom won’t stop pestering him about this and that. We sit at a table that is shaded by a large tree and eat lunch, which ends up being breakfast for Nagatsuka. 

“Seriously, mom had me out all morning!” He points a ketchup covered fry at me. 

“I believe you.”

“She’s just worried about you.” Shoya says, taking a sip from his cold beverage. 

“I wish she’d worry less.”

“Well, at least she’s not my parents. They really wanted me to go to a regular college, even though they’re afraid to just come out and say it.” I admit. “I hate that they tiptoe around it with me, saying things like it’s not too late to change your mind and leave your options open. Stuff like that.”

“Isn’t that just what it means to be a parent? Worrying about your kids,” Shoya takes a bite of his shrimp chips, looking between me and Nagatsuka. “Wondering if they’re making the right decisions?”

I bump his shoulder playfully. “I don’t think you can compare our parents to yours, Mr. Son-Of-A-Hairdresser.”

He lets out a small laugh, looking off to his side with a smile. 

“Whoa, when it’s just you two, it almost looks like you’re on a date!” Nagatsuka says out of nowhere, looking back and forth between the two of us with wide eyes. 

I try and fail to hide the sudden shiver of revulsion at that statement, glancing at Shoya who also, to my surprise, looks awfully discomforted. There is a crease between his short eyebrows and his teeth lightly bare between his parted mouth. He quickly shuts his lips tightly and looks off to his right again, a distant look in his eyes. 

There was a moment of silence, then Nagatsuka says, “Whoa, what was that all about?”

I have no idea. I mean, I know what my reaction was all about, but Shoya’s? Should I be offended? 

Shoya doesn’t answer. 

“What’s with all the sad faces? Did you miss me that much?” A voice asks from my left, scaring me half to death. I flinch, looking up to see a middle schooler with dark hair and hands on her hips staring down at us, a wide smile on her face. 

“Oh, it’s you.” Nagatsuka says monotonously, returning to eating his brunch. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Yuzuru glares over at him, leaning forward threateningly and causing the red cap over her head to cast a shadow over her eyes and cheekbones. She’s wearing her favorite jacket and a white shirt with some English text on it, along with a dark blue skirt and red running shoes. 

Oh! If Yuzuru is here, that must mean…

Just as Yuzuru stands to her full height, I see an older, lighter-haired version of her walking up slightly behind her. Shoko Nishimiya wears a shy smile and has something wrapped in her hands. She stands all dressed up beside her— not sick— younger sister in a knee-length light pink dress and white boots. 

As if on instinct, I glance at Shoya, just to see if my hunch is correct. Again, Shoya is a shy person, but he also is always the one to invite us out. He is the glue of our group. If it weren’t for him, we wouldn’t have met up again at all. But he was explicit about this all being about Shoko… at least at first. I feel like he’s gotten closer with all of us after the accident. He never likes talking about it directly, but it changed everything. After the festival, all of us got really busy preparing for college, so we can all barely meet up now. It’s rare for us to have days with even this many people, but it always seems like Shoya and Shoko make time to be with each other. Sometimes I wonder how Shoya never seems to take all the hints Shoko is giving out. He isn’t stupid. It is hard to tell with him, though, if he is actually into her too or not. I mean, from the outside it seems pretty obvious, but I’ve spent a lot of time with him the past year and he just seems to be a nervous person by nature. He’s always watching what he says, trying to figure out when to make eye contact and when to not. He seems like a normal boy; he gets angry sometimes, especially around Naoka, and he worries about his friends almost obsessively. Yet I can’t really tell how he feels about Shoko. Even now, staring at Shoko the way he is, I can’t tell what he’s thinking just by his expression. Alarmed, maybe? Happy?

Shoko, on the other hand, only has eyes for, and on, him. The way she smiles shows it all. It is the same way I smile at Kaede. 

“Hey, Shoko,” I catch her attention with a small wave and scoot over to make space for her between me and Shoya. This time the smile gracing her face is pointed at me and Nagatsuka as she uncrosses her arms to reveal a black bag with red paper sticking out of it. She sits between us and places the bag on the table in front of Shoya. 

Yuzuru sits beside Nagatsuka, taking one of his fries casually and eating it, to his chagrin. “Surprise! We got you a gift.”

Shoya stares at it as if it were a genie in a lamp, talking and signing at the same time, “What for? It’s not my birthday or anything..”

Shoko signs, ‘We just wanted to get you something. Open it.’

He touches the bag tentatively, like something is going to jump out at him. And with Yuzuru sitting across from him making that mischievous face of hers, something might. 

“It’s not a dead animal, right?” Nagatsuka and I have similar minds, apparently. 

“No!” Yuzuru looks offended. “I don’t do that anymore…and also Shoko wouldn’t let me.”

Shoya pulls out a phone strap of a plush orange kitty snuggling what looked like a loaf of bread, it’s eyes closed and a small cat-lipped smile on its face. 

“Oh, that’s so cute!” I grin as Shoya turns it around to look at the three dark stripes on its back. 

Shoko signs, ‘I thought it was perfect for you since you got me that cat purse, and also all the bread to feed the fish.’

“I can’t possibly accept this, it must’ve been expensive!” Shoya holds it tightly in his arms as he signs to her, his eyes bright for what seems like the first time all day. 

“That’s exactly why you should take it,” Yuzuru steals another fry. This time Nagatsuka says nothing. “Hey, we already bought it!”

I can’t see Shoko’s face with her head turned from me, but whatever it is, it makes Shoya crack instantly. “Thank you.. it’s great, I’ll take great care of it.” His smile is polite, but his eyes suddenly… I don’t know. They look a bit..sad? Maybe? “Did you guys want to order anything?” He changes the subject, looking between Yuzuru and Shoko. 

“We’re fine, we ate before we got here.” Yuzuru stands back up to her feet, taking her camera out of her jacket pocket and walking away towards the entrance to the aquarium. 

“Hey! Then why were you taking my food?” Nagatsuka glares at her back as she walks away. 

 

Once again, Shoya and I are on our own as everyone parts ways. Nagatsuka left early after getting a call from his mom telling him he needed to be back to help finish what they’d started that morning. He waved as he ran off, green hair bouncing in the wind. Yuzuru and Shoko left together, Yuzuru wanting to quickly develop her photos, getting shy after I asked to see them, and Shoko and Shoya signing to themselves before she left. 

‘Didn’t you say you wanted to tell us something today?’

‘No, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.’ He was smiling with his eyes closed, his mouth a bit crooked. 

‘You sure everything is ok?’

‘Everything is fine. Get home safe, now,’ He signed, moving his new plush cat to again show it off. ‘And thank you again for the cat.’

Shoko waves at us as she walks away, and Yuzuru’s ears are still red as she keeps her eyes down to her camera, sifting through the photos on the roll and seeming to be purposefully ignoring me saying goodbye to her as well. 

“Hey, about what you said earlier..” I start as we walk out of the park and onto the sidewalk towards the train station. Most of the sky is already dark blue, with us facing the last of the orange sunset as it slowly is overcome by the night. 

“Yes?” So polite. 

I smile, let out a laugh. “You don’t have to be so formal with me, Shoya. We’re friends!”

He blushes at that and faces the ground. “My bad. What’s up?”

“Well, I just wanna say I appreciate you letting me vent to you today.” I say, skipping a bit on my platforms. He looks back up. “It’s not a big deal or anything, but it’s nice having someone to talk to. With the year ending and everyone saying goodbye to each other, it just seems like all our relationships are coming to a close, you know? People are showing their true colors and everyone’s all stressed out about everything already.. I guess it was inevitable that I’d get my first heartbreak. I guess it had to happen at some point during my high school career, huh? The girl I liked rejected me, and now the entire  senior class knows about it… I suppose they just need something to stave them off for the rest of the year. There’s enough to worry about this time of year; I should have thought of that when I said that to Kaede.”

“People being jerks isn’t your fault,” Shoya defends, once again all business. We turn a corner, the last of the sunset now blocked out by buildings and trees. 

“Oh, I know that,” I assure, giving him a knowing look. “Still, maybe if I’d gotten the timing right, this all would have been avoided. Either way, thanks for listening to me. You’re a great friend.”

He nods, smiling sincerely. His eyes stay open this time, so I know it’s real. 

“Oh, by the way, can you keep this little conversation to yourself? I don’t really care if people know, but I’d like to be the one to say it, if that makes sense?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Great.” I stop and turn around to face him. He almost slams into me but stops right on time and looks up at me. I grab his hands in mine. “Also, you know you can talk to me too, right? If someone, or something, is bothering you?”

He is blushing again, but it was easily rather from embarrassment than attraction. It makes me wonder whether or not he really likes women, or if he is just not used to being touched. “I-.. yeah…thanks.”

I lean forward and he steps back. “Seriously. Tell me, alright?”

“Yes! I will!” 

I squeeze his hands. “You were going to tell us something today, weren’t you? What was it..?”

His eyes went wide, and he starts looking everywhere but at me. “Oh, that! I—“ he pauses, sighes, and looks at me. His cheeks are clear and his brows are stern, but his eyes are gentle. “…I’m not ready.”

I let go, walk back a few steps. “Ok.”

Whatever it was, it must’ve been serious, and he must’ve wanted all of us there, which would get progressively harder as the school year got closer to ending. 

He murmurs, “Sorry…”

“It’s nothing, right?” I turn my back on him and give him a gentle side smile. “Come on. Let’s go.”

We walk the rest of the way in silence, all the way to the terminal. The lights are furious but the air conditioning is heavenly. I bask in it, sighing and closing my eyes for a moment. It has been hot and humid all day, no matter where we go, and I am just about ready to collapse. How could Kaede do this all day?

“We should get moving.” Shoya’s voice says from somewhere on my left. 

I keep my eyes closed and lift my arm. “Guide me.”

To my surprise, he does. He takes my hand and walks me forward, making sure I don’t run into anyone or trip on something as I walk. I didn’t actually think he’d do it. If he’d look back just once he would see that my eyes are open, but he doesn’t. He promptly lets go after he guides me to a bench where we continue to sit until my train arrives. 

I wave to him, as is tradition, before boarding the train. He waves back using his new phone strap. I laugh, because it really was a girly and very cute toy for him to be holding, and sit down a equal amount of space between both passengers beside me in the train car.  As it takes off, I turn around and watch Shoya as he sits alone on the bench, happily staring at his phone. Soon, the car disappears into the tunnel, and all that can be seen through the window is blackness.

---

Happy Arospec Awareness Week! Here’s chapter two! I didn’t mean for it to take a full year but.. it happens. I promise it won’t take me this long to upload the next chapter! Thanks for being patient with me!

Actually! I’ll post the next chapter next week! But after that you’ll have to wait for awhile. In the mean time, leave a nice comment! Please enjoy! ☺️