[May 25 | Thursday] 

Potentially giving up her career for the girl she cared for and loved was something Kim Dahyun never imagined she would do. In fact, Dahyun used to judge people who made such "foolish choices" back when she was a bright-eyed first-year. But there she was, a love-drunk mess, walking up to the front door of her disillusioned-with-college love, Minatozaki Sana.

Dahyun knocked on the door a few times but no one answered. Worried for Sana's safety, she went ahead and punched in the keycode (which Sana had given her a long time ago) and let herself into Sana’s apartment.

"Sana?" Dahyun called out.

She didn't get a response, but she did find a few bottles of alcohol emptied and placed haphazardly on top of the coffee table. This was bad. There was a reason Sana never drank at home and always went to the bars. To put it crudely: you don’t where you eat. Sana had never brought alcohol into her apartment because she knew it would be a terrible idea. Because she had no restraint. Because she didn’t want to bring her troubles home.

Dahyun was about to head to the stairs when the mass of pillows on the couch started to move. Those weren't pillows after all. It was Sana buried under a blanket and some cushions. Of course. She should have guessed that the one who emptied the bottles of alcohol wouldn't make it far. 

"Sana… I'm here..." Dahyun whispered as she started removing the layers of plush around her best friend. 

A faint grumble and some sniffles could be heard. 

"Hey, come on now. Let's get you up." 

"No…" Sana buried her face deeper into the couch cushions, refusing to let Dahyun spin her around. 

"Sana, you asked me to come help you so I came. Come on… don't be like this…" Dahyun placed a gentle hand on Sana's back.

Sooner or later Sana turned to face her, eyes puffy and cheeks flushed red from having cried so much. Dahyun sighed at the sight and gave Sana a soft smile before sitting on the ground beside the couch.

"Dahyun… I hate it here…" 

"Here as in your apartment or…?" 

"Just life."

"What's going on, Sana? Did you drink all of these bottles by yourself?" Dahyun gathered the four empty bottles of soju on the coffee table, lining them up side by side. 

"Mmm… not all at once…" Sana mumbled.

"Okay, so when did you start?"

Sana sat up and looked at the empty green bottles she had consumed. She let out a shaky breath and spoke, "After you left last night, I went and bought these."

"Did you drink them all last night then?" Dahyun moved to the now empty spot beside Sana on the couch.

"No, just one or two."

"And the rest?"

Sana bit her lip. "I just finished them before you came."

"Sana! Did you even eat anything today?"

She shook her head. "Nope." 

"Why would you do this to yourself?"

"I don't know…"

"I don't believe you…" 

"Well, I just think it's a really stupid thing to be upset about,” Sana admitted, covering her eyes with both her hands. 

Dahyun peeled them away slowly and made sure Sana was looking right at her. "Hey, if it hurts, it hurts. Nothing stupid about it."

"I guess…"

"So… do you want to talk about it or are we just going to sit here all afternoon?"

Dahyun wasn’t really sure where this was heading, but she was prepared to support Sana no matter what. She hoped it was something she could actually help with. She didn’t want Sana to be hurt anymore. 

"You know how my parents got separated in our first year of college, right?" Sana asked.

"Yeah, I remember you mentioning it a few times." Dahyun had never been one to pry beyond what Sana told her.

"I thought after the first year things would get better between all of us, but everything kind of just snowballed from there. I just never told you or anyone before because-- well, I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. I didn’t think it was something I should be upset about. There are worse problems to have."

"Hey, whatever it is, I'm all ears. No judgment."

"I don’t know if I ever told you, but my dad has made it very clear that he wants me to take over his business after graduation. He wants me to move in with him and his new girlfriend. And I hate it. I absolutely hate it.”

“I knew you two had some quarrels, but you never mentioned why.”

“Ah-- well-- it’s because of that. I don’t want to meet the woman he left us for. And I definitely don’t want his job. I have my own plans. Had-- I mean."

"Psych?" 

"Yes… I wanted to be a clinician. And my back up plan for a while was to move in with my mother after graduation so that I could save money and then go to graduate school for psychology." 

"So, what's wrong?"

"My mother moved back to Japan."

"What! When did she move back?"

"At the beginning of this school year…" 

"Sana you never told me! Is that why you've been so out of it this year?"

"I guess so… That, amongst other things."

"What other things?"

"Well… two months ago my mother asked me to come live with her in Japan after we graduate. She says she got me a job at her friend's clinic. I can go there and help out with administrative stuff, but I can't work with patients cause I won't have my license or anything."

"Oh… wow… Did you-- uh-- want to do that?”

"No-- I don't know. But she called me last night saying she already booked a plane ticket for me. I just--" Sana heaved a sigh, "Everyone wants something from me, Dahyun. What about what I want? I can't be what they want me to be or do what they want me to do.” Sana ran her fingers through her hair and puffed out her cheeks. “You know... you're the only person who's never asked me for anything."

"Well, I-- umm…" 

"It's what I love about you." 

"Oh--” Dahyun laughed awkwardly. 

It wasn’t that she never wanted anything from Sana. There were a lot of things she could have asked for, she just never had the guts to voice it out. Her feelings, for example, were one of the things she’d never mentioned to Sana. Would she have wanted to ask Sana out on many dates? Yes. A thousand times, yes.  

Dahyun cleared before changing the subject. “So, I’m guessing you won’t be going back to Japan then?” 

Sana shook her head. "I don't want to. I grew up here in California and San Diego was where I wanted to build my own life. I mean, back when I had a plan at least." Sana let out another defeated sigh. "But I guess, if I do want to stay here, I would be forced to do what my father wants." 

"What's stopping you from doing what you want?"

"Money."

"Ah… right…"

Dahyun understood Sana’s struggle. Her parents weren’t well-off by any means, so everything she ever got, they had to work hard for. Money was tight and her securing a good future for herself meant her parents could take a break and stop working. She wanted to pay them back, but she also knew that her chosen field was a bit of a risk. 

Luckily for her, her parents were still supportive. The same couldn’t be said for Sana.

"I would need to go to grad school if I want to be a clinician, and it’s really expensive.” Sana leaned back and sank further into the couch. Her voice got quieter. “I'm scared I won't be able to support myself. My dad won't give me a dime if I refuse to move back with him and take over his job. It's really stupid, but I don't know how to help myself."

"No, it's not stupid.” 

It wasn’t something taught in schools. Dahyun had to learn how to navigate the world on her own to help her parents out. That was how she learned.

 “You just need to take it one step at a time," Dahyun reminded, "First, graduate, then you take on any job and get some money. And when you’ve saved a good amount, go to graduate school with the help of student loans. And then you pay off the loans eventually." 

"I don't even think I can graduate right now. This year was pretty bad and this quarter especially was a bust. I'm on academic probation." 

"Sana…" It’s not like Dahyun didn’t figure that out. With all those skipped lectures, it was bound to happen. But Dahyun still felt somewhat responsible for not intervening when she could have. “Are they going to dismiss you?”

"No, not yet. I can probably talk to my advisor or my professors and work out a deal-- maybe. But you know, if I do get dismissed, I could just take the job with my dad. That's fine."

"And be miserable for the rest of your life?"

"Life is already miserable, Dahyun. At least I'll have some money."

"Right… I guess so…"

Sana bit her lip. "See, I told you it was stupid."

Dahyun’s eyes widened. She immediately waved both her hands, not meaning to sound condescending towards Sana. 

"No, it's really not stupid, Sana. I understand you.” She flashed Sana a crooked smile. “I want to live comfortably too. It’s not wrong for you to want that. Whatever you decide to do, it's okay. If you want to move back to Japan with your mom, or if you go back to your dad's, or if you were to rough it out on your own, I will support you."

"You're the best, Dahyun!” Sana said as she enveloped Dahyun in a hug. “I still have a month to decide what I'll be doing after graduation, and I’m not in a rush, but it was nice to talk through everything for a change. Thank you for being here whenever I need you and never asking for anything in return. I really appreciate it." 

"Yeah… of course." Dahyun hugged her back just as tight. But in the back of her mind, she couldn’t help but feel like somewhat of a liar. "I'm always here to help."

Sana was the first to pull away. But she didn't let go of Dahyun just yet, choosing to hold onto Dahyun’s hands while taking a deep breath in. Neither of them spoke and in that silence, time stood frozen and they both found momentary peace. 

But that peace was quickly interrupted by the grumble of an empty stomach (Sana's), earning a laugh from both girls. 

"Come on," Dahyun said, "Let's go make some food. I am also very hungry." She pulled Sana up from the couch and they both walked over to the kitchen. 

Dahyun spent the rest of her Thursday with Sana. They were in the kitchen frying up some chicken wings and baking cookies most of the afternoon. And once they were done feasting, they moved back to the couch and put on some of their favorite movies from when they were kids. Nothing quite like a few good nostalgic films and butter popcorn to get rid of the blues.

On the downside of all that, Dahyun never did get around to checking back on her presentation slides. It made her a little nervous, but she was a fairly decent public speaker, and to be fair, she could still vividly remember what she had put on her slides. Plus, Chaeyoung would be up there with her and she was certain that Chaeyoung would do a good job. Not that she would ever take advantage of her friend like that. They'd both put in equal work from the start. It was just reassuring to have someone who was very reliable beside her.

The sun had long set by the time they finished their third