“Why are you so happy? Did something nice happen?”

Stopping his humming, Taemin looked up at Wonshik who looked at him curiously. Taemin just shook his head as he took the schedule Wonshik handed out to him.

“Just…the weather is very good today.”

After a long stare, Wonshik left though he sent Taemin a suspicious look for the last time, but Taemin didn’t mind him. He went back to continue humming. Once in a while, he tried hard to bit back his smile when the memories from last night rushed back. He wondered if he was dreaming, but the burnt feelings he felt when he sat basically told him that it was real. Despite fighting with his sleepiness a bit because he had spent talking to Minho all night until eventually falling asleep in his arms, Taemin’s mood didn’t go down even once since morning. Actually, he was convinced it wouldn’t go down anytime soon.

Or not.

It was around his lunch time. Taemin was just finish eating his lunch, when the phone rang.

“Taemin-ssi, there’s someone looking for you,” Mrs. Park, the kind receptionist who always shared her snacks with Taemin, informed him.

Taemin frowned. He didn’t have any appointments with anyone. “Who is it?” Taemin asked, wondering if it was Minho.

Minho kept checking his phone. He had texted Taemin the moment he found out Taemin hadn’t come home, when it was Minho who was supposed to be home late because he had late meeting, the reason he couldn’t pick Taemin up. However, almost half an hour passed and Taemin hadn’t even seen his chat. Taemin used to inform him if he worked overtime or he went out with his colleagues. Growing worried, Minho decided to just call him. But before he could, the knocked on the door stopped him.

Thinking it was Taemin, Minho quickly rushed to the door, ready to welcome his boyfriend with big smile. But his smile fell when he saw the guest.

“You even don’t feel happy anymore seeing me like this?” Song Yi asked, hurt was seen in her eyes.

Minho quickly felt bad. “No, it’s just—”

“You’re waiting for someone else?”

“Kind of.”

Song Yi sighed. “Will you invite me in?”

“Of course,” Minho stepped aside to let Song Yi in. He led her to the couch, gesturing her to sit as he took seat on the opposite side.

There was a short silence, before Minho broke it.

“How’s your fever?”

Shrugging, Song Yi answered nonchalantly, “It went away in the morning. As usual.”

“That’s what you get for walking in the rain like that. You’ve got bad immune, you gotta take care of yourself,” Minho low-key scolded her, but he couldn’t help it. It didn’t take long for him to find Song Yi yesterday, but she was drenched badly and already shivering. He took her to a hotel nearby, because she strongly rejected his suggestion to go to hospital. Only after making sure she took her medicine and fell asleep Minho finally left.

Song Yi looked at Minho for a quiet long time, made Minho confused, before she spoke, “You’re always like this, since we were child. You’re always this caring. You knew me the best. You always knew when I was sick, when I was sad, when I was hurt, even when I didn’t tell you. Min Jae never knew if I didn’t tell him.”

“Song Yi-ah…” Minho had an idea where this conversation was going, and he didn’t like it.

“Minho, can you just—” Song Yi stopped, her eyes pleading. “Can you just hear me a bit?”

Minho didn’t say anything, but it was the answer Song Yi needed. She took a deep breath, before started to speak, “When you confessed to me ten years ago, I was so scared and confused. At that time, I just found out that my father had been cheating on my mother for years and he asked for a divorce despite how Mom begging him not to leave us. That made me think that love of a couple wasn’t lasting. I looked back and saw how all of my past boyfriend became my ex, left me, and moved on. While you, as my best friend, was always here, right at my side. So I conclude that friendship was better, it was everlasting. That’s why I always refused to think of you as more than friend. That’s why I rejected you.”

Song Yi paused, eyes searching for Minho’s reaction, but Minho just sat there, looked at her with those eyes. She hated those eyes. The eyes that held care, worry, and guilt. But none of those were what Song Yi looked for.

“I regret it now. I know I have been taking you for granted. Everything. I am content just by you beside me. But slowly, we grew apart. When Kibum told me you wish Min Jae to take your place, to be the one who stay beside me, to be the first one whom I should turn to, I realized it then. Friendship isn’t enough for me. Friendship doesn’t make us spend the rest of our life together. That’s why, I just…I just want to grab this last chance. I want to be honest for once.”

Minho sighed heavily. He looked down, feeling bad. “I’m sorry, but the last chance you talk about…it doesn’t exist.”

“I know,” Song Yi raised her voice a little without realizing it, “I know you’re with Taemin right now. I just…I feel so frustrated. I feel so stupid. You loved me before, but I foolishly ignored that. At that time you confessed…at that time I should have just—“

“Song Yi-ah, what I’m about to say, this might hurt you, but—“

“Then don’t say it.”

Despite the denial, Minho still talked, because, he had to tell her. He had to straighten this, to let her know and move on.

“I’m sorry. I confessed to you not because I want to have a chance for our relationship. I confessed to you because I looked for a closure, to be the first step of me moving on from the love I held for years. I had known you for 10 years at that time, I was completely aware of your situation, and I knew you would never say yes. I’m sorry. You shouldn’t blame yourself. You shouldn’t regret this. I am sorry.”

“No! You don’t understand, Minho!” Song Yi said frustratedly, “I had loved you from the start. I am just so stupid not realizing it. If only I was a little braver, if only I just, for once, ignored all those stupid thoughts and tried to be with you, this could be different. It could be you and me preparing for our wedding right now!”

“Song Yi-ah, listen,” Minho spoke gently, trying to calm her down. “Have you ever wondered why we never take a step forward in our relationship, despite all the chances we had all these times?”

“Because of my stupidity?”

Minho shook his head lightly, “No, because, maybe, we didn’t love each other enough to be willing to take the risk of sacrificing our friendship. The moment we thought we would definitely give up our long friendship when we became a couple, it became the prove that we didn’t believe our love would last forever.”

“How long have you been thinking like this?” Song Yi looked at him unbelievingly.

“At that time…” Minho didn’t elaborate, but he didn’t need to because Song Yi understood completely, “I contemplated a lot. I decided to confess to you the moment I came to this answer.”

“But now I’m willing to try! Don’t you see I am sacrificing our friendship right now?”

“No. There is nothing to be sacrificed. I will always be your best friend, Song Yi-ah. But that’s the best I could do. Because right now, I have the love I’m willing to give up everything for.”

“Did you even ever really love me, Minho?” Song Yi’s voice was just above the whisper, but it sounded so hurt and her eyes were teary. It hurt Minho as well, no matter how, she was his best friend. She was still an important person for him, regardless his love for her had changed.

“You are my first love. You will always be.”

“But I’m not your last, am I?”

“I’m sorry,” was the only thing Minho could say.

“Ten years ago…the time you confessed, you already had a change of heart, didn’t you?”

“I loved you at that time. I really did. But…honestly, this thought always came across me. If at that time, I held onto Taemin, if at that time, we continued our relationship, would I be able to move on from you and love him sincerely? I didn’t know. I didn’t found out the answer, even until today. But then I realized, it didn’t matter. Because right now, I love him. The only one I love right now is him, and the only thing I care right now is his happiness.”

“That’s the strong love you said we didn’t have between us?” Song Yi sighed, but she smiled. She had lost this battle, she knew. No, she actually knew from the start that there was no battle at all.

“Kinda,” Minho smiled sheepishly.

Song Yi got up, earning a confuse look from Minho. “Thank you. This is the closure for me. I’m going back to French tomorrow.”

Minho got up as well. “I’m sorry.”

He quietly followed Song Yi to the door. Song Yi opened the door, but Minho’s words stopped her.

“Are we still best friends?”

She turned around, faced Minho with sincere smile, although there was a hint of sadness in it.

“Can we?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you. But I…need time to move on, because I’m not as good as you who could move on despite me still hanging around you. I wish, I can face you again in the future, congratulating you and Taemin sincerely and with light heart.”

With a little bit of hesitance, Minho patted Song Yi’s arm in comfort, smiled at her softly. “I’ll wait for it.”

This time, Song Yi smiled a little brighter. “Ah, Taemin was right.”

Minho’s smile fell, “I’m sorry?”

“Actually, I feel bad if I just come to you and confess while he is still your boyfriend, but I just wanted this to get off my chest. So, I met Taemin and asked for his permission to do this. He told me to just go ahead and confess to you. He said that you wouldn’t accept my feeling.”

Minho couldn’t really hear anything after that, the farewell from Song Yi, the wish of happiness before she left. Anything. He couldn’t hear anything.

The fear engulfed him. His heart hammered and it started to hurt so badly.

Taemin knows.

He knows.

The memories from eleven years ago started to suffocate Minho. The moment Taemin broke up with him. The moment Taemin finally showed how he felt betrayed. The moment Taemin urged him to grab the chance to be with Song Yi despite having been cheated on by Minho’s feeling. The moment Taemin cried and left. The moment Minho saw Taemin for the last time.

“Go home already.”

Wonshik sighed when Taemin shook his head, just like he did for the past few hours everytime Wonshik urged him to go home. The moment Taemin dragged him for a drink, Wonshik knew something was wrong. He complied, though he prevented Taemin to drink alcohol even a gulp—drunk Taemin is a big no—because he felt extremely worried especially when Taemin’s happy mood changed 180 degrees after his lunch break. Knowing Taemin since junior high, the only times he had seen Taemin this sad was when Taemin injured his leg which forced him to retire, and when Taemin broke up with Minho. So, he instantly knew it had something to do with Minho. His suspicion was confirmed when Taemin told him the talk he had with Song Yi that afternoon.

“Taemin-ah,” Wonshik tried once again. “You can’t be like this. Just go home.”

“I don’t think I can,” Taemin refused to look at Wonshik. He kept playing with the rim of his glass.

Feeling a little frustrated, Wonshik said, “You can’t avoid him like this. Even the seventeen years old you are more responsible than this. At least you had a gut to face him before you left.”

“Because,” Taemin paused, his heart clenched with pain from the old wound that bled again. “I had enough time to prepare myself at that time.”

“This time,” Taemin continued, “It’s like my alarm suddenly rings to wake me up from my sweet dream.”

“Taemin-ah,” Wonshik squeezed his shoulder in comfort, “It’s still not sure that he will break up with you.”

Taemin stared at his phone that he purposely switched off. “I know he won’t.”

“And then why do you still avoid him like this?” Wonshik looked at him, confused as hell.

“He won’t break up with me because he has too much guilt towards me. Despite his real feeling are for her, he won’t break up with me.”

“If that so, can’t you just forget this? Both of you were so happy before this, weren’t you?”

“Can I really?” Taemin whispered. “Can I be happy again with him? When I knew it’s all fake. The ‘I love you’, the kiss, the touch, it’s all fake.”

“Are you sure? It can be the truth, Taemin-ah,” Wonshik said. “Why is it so hard for you to believe that he might actually love you?”

Taemin buried his face on his palm, felt tears he held back so hard finally fell. He didn’t answer, because he honestly didn’t know.

It was a little past 1 in the morning already. Taemin tiredly walked towards his unit, finally going home after Wonshik’s persistent nag. Taemin actually knew he had to go home eventually, but he just prolonged it because he was too scared. The confession from Song Yi was like a reality check for him that Minho was with him only because Song Yi rejected him before. But right now, his feeling was reciprocated, and he didn’t have any reason to be with Taemin anymore except his guilt.

Taemin had cried long enough, but his tears threatened to fall again the moment his eyes caught the figure he knew well sitting in front of his house, with his back leant against his door, his face buried on his arms which he rested on top of his knees. Taemin quickly rubbed his eyes, before approaching the man. He bent down and touched the man’s shoulder gently.

“Minho, what are you doing here?”

Surprise hit Taemin when he caught Minho’s eyes the moment he looked up. It didn’t make sense for Taemin. He expected guilt, but right now Minho’s eyes were just full of fear.

Minho held Taemin’s hand as he got up. He quickly engulfed Taemin’s slender body with tight hug. “I thought—“ Minho’s voice cracked, “I thought you wouldn’t go home.”

It still didn’t make sense for Taemin, but despite his confusion, Taemin hugged Minho back and rubbed his back softly without much thinking. He felt Minho’s tears on his shoulder where Minho had buried his face. Just like eleven years ago, Minho’s tears hurt Taemin so much. That was why despite his bleeding heart and his own pain, Taemin still tried hard to comfort Minho in any way he could.

“I thought you left,” Minho said, his voice hoarse from crying.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Taemin kept rubbing Minho’s back.

They stayed like that for awhile without saying anything. They eventually let go of their embrace, but Minho’s hand moved to enveloped Taemin’s. Taemin squeezed Minho’s hand lightly, before brought his free hand to wipe the remnants of Minho’s tears.

“It’s cold here,” Taemin noticed the coldness from Minho’s hand, pondering how long Minho had sat in front of his house. “It’s late too. Let’s rest, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good night, Minho,” Taemin said as he was about to enter his house, but Minho suddenly stopped him by grabbing his hand once again. Taemin looked at him, puzzled.

“Tomorrow…” Minho started. “I’ll cook breakfast tomorrow.”

“It’s okay,” Taemin shook his head. “Just sleep in more.”

“No,” Minho refused strongly. “No,” Minho repeated. “I just—I want to meet you as soon as I can tomorrow.”

 Taken aback, Taemin finally agreed. “Okay.”

“Good night, Min.”

Taemin took a deep breath before he knocked on Minho’s door. He felt so damn tired because he wasn’t able to sleep all night, which he spent thinking. He actually just wanted to stay on his bed, forgetting everything and avoiding anyone.

“You’re here,” Minho greeted him. He looked as tired as Taemin.

“Yes, I’m here.”

The usual cheerful atmosphere everytime they had breakfast together was heavy now. Taemin didn’t touch his food. He just kept staring at it. Minho didn’t eat as well. None of them clearly had any appetites.

“Minho,” Taemin finally broke the silence, earning Minho’s gaze on him.

“Let’s break up.”

“What?” Minho whispered.

“I heard that Song Yi confessed to you yesterday.”

“Yes. And I had rejected her,” Minho raised his voice. “So there’s no reason for us to break up.”

Taemin felt like a coward, because right now Minho was staring at him, demanding for an explanation, but Taemin didn’t dare to look up at him.

“Why, Tae?”

“Because one day you will hate me when you realize that the one you love is her, but you’re stuck with me instead of her.”

Minho gaped at him unbelievingly. “What? No, Tae, I love you!”

“You said so eleven years ago. But both of us knew that it’s all a lie,” Taemin finally looked at Minho, to witness how his words sent daggers to Minho, igniting the pain in Minho’s eyes.

“It’s not the same,” Minho shook his head, tears already fell. “It’s different now. I love you. You’re the only one I love right now. Why can’t you believe me?”

“Right,” Taemin nodded. He cried as well. “I asked myself the same thing, too. Why is it so hard for me to accept that you really love me? I have told myself over and over again, that you really love me. But the doubt is always there. I can’t trust you. Deep down, I never believe that you love me.”

“You can’t trust me?”

Taemin bit his lips hard to control his sobs. “I can’t trust you, Minho. I tried. I swear I tried. But it’s like a crumpled paper, my trust for you. There’s no way to smooth a crumpled paper. I try to not care, I stubbornly held onto it. But no matter how hard I try to paint the beautiful scenery on it, it looks ugly.”

Blank.

Minho just stared at him blankly.

Taemin never saw Minho like this, that it scared him. But the fear was drown by blood poured out from his reopened old wound.

So, Taemin did the most cowardice thing he could do.

He ran away.

He fell on his knees as soon as he closed his house’s door, cried his heart out as the reality slapped him hard on the face.

Sometimes, only love isn’t enough.

Honestly, I kind of dissappointed with this chapter because why it's so full of dialogues?

I realize that I just keep thinking their dialogues when making the storyline (which I mostly forget because I had thought about it since long time ago).

It don't come out pretty when I write it out because the lack of narration TT

P.S. Don't kill me!

Let me justify Taemin's action. Taemin trusted Minho's words when he said 'I love you' eleven years ago (it has been eleven years, not ten anymore). But it turned out to be a lie. So, for Taemin, there's no guarantee that the 'I love you' Minho said eleven years later isn't a lie as well. Worse, Minho didn't realize his real feeling eleven years ago. He might not realize his real feeling again eleven years later. So, yeah. This is one loophole in their relationship. Taemin realizes that no matter he loves Minho, if he doesn't trust him, there's no meaning in their relationship, because only love will never be enough.

One chap left!

XOXO